Capital Reviews

OH HEY, THE TITLE REALLY IS SPELLED LIKE THAT. ALSO LOOKING THAT UP I LOOKED UP HOW TRUE THE STORY WAS AND WELP, HE WAS HOMELESS BUT HE WAS ALSO A DUDE THAT WAS PUBLISHED IN MEDICAL JOURNALS AND MAKING 2000 DOLLARS A MONTH AT THAT INTERNSHIP, ALSO IT'S REAL WEIRD THEY MADE UP THE BONE DENSITY SCANNER SALESMAN THING BECAUSE THAT WAS SOMETHING I WAS GOING TO COMMENT ON HOW MOVIES BASED ON TRUE STORIES SOMETIMES HAVE WEIRD STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY HAPPENED, AND NOT SOMETHING THEY GET TO PICK FOR RESONANCE, I GUESS HE WAS A LAB ASSISTANT AND SOLD MEDICAL EQUIPMENT? SO MAYBE HE HAD TO SELL A BONE DENSITY SCANNER AT SOME POINT? PS. WHY WAS THERE SO MANY BONE DENSITY SCANNER CHASE SCENES? THERE WAS SERIOUSLY LIKE 4, IF YOU COUNT THE CAB THING WHICH WASN'T REALLY ONE BUT WAS A CALLBACK TO ONE AND ENDED WITH HIM LOSING THE BONE DENSITY SCANNER TO THE TIME MACHINE DUDE.

IT TOOK ME LIKE 90% OF THE MOVIE TO FIGURE OUT IT WAS SET IN THE MID 1970S AND NOT THE 1930S OR SOMETHING BUT I GUESS IF YOU WANT BACKWARDS TREATMENT OF WOMEN THE TWO PLACES TO LOOK ARE AMONG ATHLETES AND AMONG THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, SO WELP! PS. IT WAS WEIRD THAT THEY SHOWED ACTUAL FOOTAGE AT THE END BECAUSE THEY CLEARLY WERE WEARING GOOFY BUT FAR LESS GOOFY COSTUMES AND THAT WAS A MAJOR POINT IN THE MOVIE, HOW GOOFY THEY LOOKED. IT DOESN'T WORK IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOW IT.

THIS MOVIE AND THE BOOK IT'S BASED ON ARE SHAMELESS HARRY POTTER RIP OFFS AND I LOVE THAT HARRY ANALOG IS A DEMIGOD, HERMIONIE ANALOG IS A GODDESS OF WISDOM AND THEN RON ANALOG IS A SASSY GOAT. PS. I KNOW IT TURNED OUT IT WAS THE KINDA MINOTAUR THAT JUST TELEPORTS YOU BUT PERCY SEEMED TO GET OVER HIS MOM BEING MURDERED PRETTY FAST AND WAS READY TO GO TO A SEXY NYMPH PARTY LIKE THE NEXT DAY AFTER ALREADY GETTING A CRUSH ON A GIRL AND BEING ALL EXCITED ABOUT WINNING CAPTURE THE FLAG.

I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE DID A GOOD JOB COMMUNICATING THAT A MAGNETIC TORNADO WOULD BE BAD, BUT IT KINDA NEVER GOT ACROSS THAT IT WAS IN ANY WAY ACTUALLY WORSE THAN A REGULAR TORNADO, IT REALLY JUST SEEMED LIKE MAYBE 75% AS BAD AS A REGULAR TORNADO BECAUSE IT ONLY BLEW AROUND METAL THINGS INSTEAD OF BLOWING AROUND EVERYTHING. I GUESS IT MADE A CHAIN SAW COME TO LIFE BUT THAT ONLY CUT HATS. PS. THE WHOLE PARIS SUB PLOT WAS SO OBVIOUSLY BASED ON MAKING THE EFFIL TOWER COME APART THAT IT WAS WEIRD THAT THAT HAPPENED IN SUCH A MINOR SCENE THEN AT THE END THEY WERE KINDA LIKE 'WELP, EVERYONE IN PARIS DIED OFF SCREEN' AND NO ONE REALLY CARED.

DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A ROBOCOP 6? PS. IT IS EXACTLY AS GOOD AS ROBOCOP 6 SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD BE.

I REMEMBER I FOUND SOME SLIME MOLD WHEN I WAS LIKE IN 1ST GRADE AND THEN WENT AND READ THE ENTIRE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT WAS, I HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE THAT WAS THE ANDREW ORIGIN STORY. I LIKE ANYTHING THAT TALKS ABOUT SLIME MOLD FOR THAT REASON. PS. I KNOW IT WAS A DEMONSTRATION NOT A REAL EXPERIMENT BUT IT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY HOW MUCH HE WAS MESSING WITH THINGS! I BIT MY SHIRT IT WAS BUGGING ME SO MUCH!

I GOTTA SAY THAT THE ADVERTISING OF THIS MOVIE WAS FAIRLY VAGUE ABOUT THE CENTRAL PREMISE OF THIS MOVIE, IS THERE A REASON THEY WANTED TO BURY THIS BEING MOSTLY BEAR BASED DRAMA? ALSO LOL AT THE ENDING BEING 'TOMBOY SAVES DAY VIA THE POWER OF LEARNING TO SEW' PS. OH MAN THE WILL O WISPS AND THE WITCH WERE THE MOST MIYAZAKI THING!