Capital Reviews

 Bottoms [movie] YOU NOW WHAT? IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I LIKE THIS MOVIE OR NOT. IT'S CLEARLY EXTREMELY MADE FOR A SPECIFIC DEMOGRAPHIC AND SOMEONE IN THAT DEMOGRAPHIC IS GOING TO LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH AND THAT RULES.  PS.  MUCH LIKE GOING TO A PUNKIE JOHNSON SHOW

Trolls: Band Together [movie] OKAY, SO WHAT ARE THE VILLIANS SUPPOSED TO BE? IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.  THEY ANIMATE LIKE WEIRD STOP MOTION AND ARE VERY 90S, BUT *WHAT* ARE THEY.  THEY FEEL LIKE SOMETHING LIKE THE ABC "AFTER THESE MESSAGES" BUMPERS BUT I DON'T THINK THAT IS QUITE IT.  PS. AT AROUND 8PM I REALLY WANTED TO FALL ASLEEP BUT COULDN'T JUSTIFY IT SO I WATCHED A MOVIE I WOULDN'T MIND FALLING ASLEEP AND MISSING.  

 Our Drawings - Princess Movie [movie, amazing] THIS MOVIE IS ONE STEP TOO BORING TO RECOMMEND YOU NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING AND WATCH IT BUT MAN, THIS MOVIE IS SO TERRIBLE IT RULES. IT'S GOT SOME EXTREME MS MAVILDA ENERGY. YOU CAN TELL AT SOME LEVEL THEY ARE MAKING IT BAD ON PURPOSE TO BE A MEME, BUT MOSTLY IT COMES TO BEING GARBAGE HONESTLY.  IT HONESTLY ALMOST FELT LIKE IT HAD THE BONES TO HAVE A REAL MESSAGE, LIKE, A META MESSAGE ABOUT ART BEING DEVALUED AND THAT IS WHY IT SUCKS SO BAD. BUT LITERALLY NOTHING THAT HAPPENS IS ANY WAY COMPREHENSIBLE SO THE MESSAGE ISN'T THAT AND ISN'T ANYTHING.  PS. "OH, BEFORE I GO, I LOST MY COOL ACCENT, IT'S CRAZY MATE, JUST CRAZY!" / "THAT'S COOL AS HELL! LET'S ALL DRINK TO THIS GLORIOUS DAY WHERE A DAMN ANIMAL CAN TALK."

 Strays [movie] I TRIED TO CANCEL PRIME BYJUST NOT UPDATING MY CREDIT CARD THEN AMAZON CHARGED A DIFFERENT CARD THAT MADE MY DEBIT CARD DEACTIVATE. SOI WATCHED A MOVIE I KNEW ID HATE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT. PS. I FEEL LIKE THEYJUST HIRED ALL THE ACTORS FROM BIG MOUTH AND MADE THE EXACT SAME JOKES 

 Q-in-Law [book, audiobook] EVERY STAR TREK BOOK SUCKS SO MUCH AND IT RULES. THIS IS A VERY VALENTINE'S DAY APPROPRIATE STAR TREK STORY OF THE ENTERPRISE HAVING TO BE A WEDDING VENUE FOR SOME ALIENS AND Q SHOWING UP AND DATING TROI'S MOM AND LEARNING ABOUT LOVE. IT'S JUST SO INCREDIBLY STUPID IN SUCH A DELIGHTFUL WAY. IT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAPPEN IN A REAL EPISODE IF SOMEONE DECLARED THE SHOW HAD TO BE 10 TIMES STUPIDER.   PS. I DON'T HATE AUDIOBOOKS, BUT TRY TO NOT ONLY DO AUDIOBOOKS AND READ SOME BOOKS FOR REAL. I HAVE A SECOND RULE THAT IF AN AUDIO BOOK HAS SOUND EFFECTS IT'S TOO MUCH INTO JUST BEING A RADIO DRAMA AND I CAN'T COUNT IT. THIS HAD HEAVY AUDIO DRAMA PRODUCTION. BUT JOHN DE LANCIE DOING ALL THE VOICES RULED. HE DID SUCH A GOOD JOB MAKING IT SO YOU COULD TELL WHEN HE WAS BEING PICARD WITHOUT DOING A VOICE MIMICRY. ALSO THE AUDIO BOOK IS ABRIDGED AND CUTS OUT A SUB PLOT WHERE WESTLY .... OWNS A SLAVE? AND HAS TO AS ALL THE ADULTS ON THE

 Hazbin Hotel: Season 1 [television]  I DON'T NOW QUITE HOW TO DESCRIBE IT BUT THIS JUST FEELS 'OVERCOOKED'. LIKE THERE WAS AN INTERVIEW SAYING SOME CHARACTER WAS TOO MUCH LIKE THE BAD GUY FROM PRINCESS AND THE FROG AND THE CREATOR POINTED OUT THIS PREDATES THAT. LIKE THIS JUST HAS BEEN COMING OUT FOR DECADES AND STEWED IN TUMBLR FOR AS LONG AS TUMBLR EXISTED AND IT JUST FEELS LIKE EVERYTHING IS OVERDEVELOPED. LIKE IT'S NOT CONFUSING OR OVER COMPLICATED. BUT LIKE, A TETERAY CHARACTER HAVING EGG MINIONS AND THE EGGS HAVING SEPARATE PERSONALITIES DOESN'T FEEL LIKE A THING YOU WRITE UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN WRITING A SERIES FOR LIKE 20 YEARS.  BUT IT KINDA DOESN'T FEEL LIKE DEPTH AS MUCH AS IT FEELS LIKE OVERCOMPLICATION. LIKE EVERYONE HAS LIKE 30 THINGS GOING ON IN THEIR DESIGN AND WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE INTERESTING IF THEY JUST HAD ONE THING EACH.  PS. I FEEL BAD FOR THIS BECAUSE ANGEL DUST SEEMS LIKE HE WAS MEANT TO BE THE BIG EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR THE SERIES AND IT

 Project Hail Mary [book, audiobook] I FEEL LIKE I PRE-DECIDED I WASN'T GOING TO LIKE THIS BOOK. AMAZON JUST ADVERTISED IT TO ME SO HARD IT TURNED ME OFF, AND ANDY WEIR IS THE SORT OF AUTHOR WHERE I DO LIKE THEM BUT I CAN JUST TELL SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO READ ONE TOO MANY BOOKS BY HIM AND JUST GET SO ANNOYED IT TURNS ME OFF IT FOREVER. BUT NO, THIS BOOK WAS GOOD. IT DOES KINDA FEEL LIKE SEVERAL BOOKS MASHED TOGETHER, IT FEELS LIKE HE WAS WRITING A PRETTY HARD SCI-FI BOOK AND COULDN'T HANDLE KEEPING THAT UP AND WENT BACK TO I F*CKIN LOVE SCIENCE ADVENTURE STUFF (WHICH SEEMS LIKE IT LITERALLY IS WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE THIS APPARENTLY STARTED AS A DIFFERENT BOOK) BUT I LIKED IT.  PS. I READ THIS AND WAS GOING TO MASH IT INTO WHATEVER LIBRARY CATEGORY BUT I LOVE HOW IT ENDED UP SO CLEANLY FALLING INTO "BOOK ABOUT FRIENDSHIP" WITHOUT ANY STRETCHING THE CATGORY. 

 Necro Files 3000 [movie] UGG, THIS HAD A LOT OF POTENTIAL FOR SOME SO BAD IT'S GOOD NONSENSE BUT IT WAS JUST SO BORING. IT IS A PUPPET BASED HORROR MOVIE WHERE "PUPPET" JUST MEANS "HOLDING A DOLL BY IT'S FEET OFF THE BOTTOM OF THE CAMERA THEN SORT OF SHAKING IT TO MAKE IT TALK" THEN ALL THE DIALOG IS AD LIBBING IN THE STYLE OF THAT THING WHERE WILL FERRAL HAD A BABY FOR A LANDLORD. IT WAS OUTRAGIOUS ENOUGH IN CONCEPT THAT COULD HAVE BEEN REALLY FUNNY, BUT IT JUST WASN'T. PS. ALSO UGG, BEING A RAPE SKELETON IS LAME. LIKE, RAPE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY BUT IT BEING SO ABSTRACT OF WHAT DOLL SEX IS I GET THAT BEING THE THING BUT THEY HAD TO USE REALLY GROSS AUDIO THAT MADE IT NOT FUNNY AT ALL. SAME WITH THE RACIST STUFF, RACIST JOKES AREN'T GOING TO BE FUNNY BUT THEY CAN BE 'YEAH WHATEVER' IN A MOVIE LIKE THIS AND IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH