Capital Reviews

THERE IS A LOT TO LIKE ABOUT THIS MOVIE BUT THE THING TO LIKE THE MOST IS THE CONCEPT OF 'BIG ICECREAM' BEING A THING, THAT IS THE BEST. PS. THE BEST IS THE TOTALLY NONSENSICAL GLOSSED OVER WAY THEY SAVED THE DAY OFF CAMERA AND THEN NARRATED ABOUT IT.

THIS MOVIE BECOMES WAY BETTER IF YOU JUST READ IT AS BEING THE STORY OF THE FIRST NECRON AT THE START OF TIME AND 'THE WIZARDS' AS THE STORY OF THE REDEMPTION OF THE FINAL NECRON AT THE END OF TIME. I GUESS, OR SOMETHING. PS. IS THIS THE ONLY MOVIE IN HISTORY WHERE THE GOOD GUYS LIVE IN A VOLCANO FORTRESS?

THIS IS A FILM FROM INDIA THAT IS MEANT TO BE A MOCKBUSTER FOR 'BRAVE' THAT HAS A REPUTATION OF BEING TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE. THIS MOVIE BASICALLY READS LIKE A LITTLE KID WROTE IT THEN HAD A STROKE AND A BUNCH OF STUFF HAVE NAMES THAT MAKE NO SENSE. PS. THE MAIN CHARACTER IS NAMED "SUPER CLOUD", THERE IS TWO DRAGONS NAMED "THE BLACK HOLE"(BOTH OF THEM), AND THE FUTURE SHOWS UP AS A PERSON AND BARFS FLOWERS ON PEOPLE.

OH MAN THIS MOVIE WAS EXACTLY AS TERRIBLE AS IT SEEMED LIKE IT WOULD BE. THE ALIEN SHIPS SHOOT BATTLESHIP PEGS AS WEAPONS AND THAT IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED. PS. ALL THE OLD PEOPLE WENT TO THE RICHARD DUNN SCHOOL OF FILM ACTING, THAT WAS THE BEST PART.

I JUST WATCHED THIS MOVIE BECAUSE I FEEL THE NEED TO WATCH EVERY POST APOCALYPTIC MOVIE THERE IS AND ALSO BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY 77 MINUTES LONG. IT WAS PRETTY BORING AND HAD SOME AWFUL OPINIONS ABOUT RAPE, WHICH MAKES SENSE BECAUSE I FOUND IT ON A 'YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE' THING FROM 'A BOY AND HIS DOG'. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND EDGER ALEN POE DRIVING UP ON A MOTERCYCLE MIDWAY THROUGH THE MOVIE WAS PRETTY MUCH THE BEST THING EVER PUT ON FILM.

SOMEONE SHOULD WIN AN AWARD FOR THIS MOVIE. I MEAN, IT WAS JUST OKAY, BUT THE FACT SOMEONE MADE A MOVIE WITH THIS PLOT AND PLAYED IT SERIOUS AND NOT A JOKE, AND MANAGED TO PULL OFF A REASONABLE MOVIE WITH SOME SCARES IS PRETTY OUT OF THIS WORLD. PS. THE PLOT IS A MUTANT COW THAT KILLS PEOPLE.

THIS MOVIE WAS A MOVIE ABOUT WWII FIGHTER PILOTS BEING STUCK ON AN ISLAND AND HAVING TO FIGHT CGI PTERODACTYLS AND THE BEST PART WAS THAT IT WAS CLEARLY TOO HARD TO ANIMATE THEM BEING SHOT BECAUSE THEY SHOOT AT THEM ABOUT A TRILLION TIMES WITHOUT EVER HITTING, JUST SCARING THEM OFF, BUT IT WASN'T A RATING THING BECAUSE THEY SHOOT PEOPLE JUST FINE. ALSO THEY EVENTUALLY DO SHOOT ONE AND IT BLOWS UP IN A FIREBALL AND THAT WAS GREAT. PS. THEY TRIED TO THROW IN SOME MORAL AMBIGUITY TOO BUT I LOVE THAT THEY PLAYED UP THE JAPANESE AS BAD GUYS FOR TRYING TO ESCAPE AT POINTS EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE PRISONER OF WAR THAT THE AMERICANS PLANNED TO EXECUTE AND THE AMERICAN PLANE WAS CARRYING A NUCLEAR BOMB TO BOMB JAPAN.

THIS IS A CHRISTIAN PROPAGANDA SCI-FI HORROR MOVIE, IT HAS EXACTLY AS MANY HILARIOUS EYE ROLLING TERRIBLE NONSENSE MOMENTS AS I EXPECTED IN MY WATCHING THIS IRONICALLY, BUT IT ACTUALLY SHOCKED ME BECAUSE THIS MANAGED TO BE A DECENT MOVIE OTHERWISE, IT WAS REALLY FRIGGING INSANE TO THE POINT IT COULD MANAGE SEVERAL REALLY NUTSO PLOT TWISTS THAT I DIDN'T SEE COMING AT ALL AND SOME LEGITIMATELY CREEPY MOMENTS. PS. NONE OF THE KIDS COULD ACT SO IT PROBABLY WASN'T DELIBERATE CASTING BUT HAVING DAVID BE A TERRIBLE ACTOR HELPED THIS MOVIE A TON.

I MOSTLY JUST ASSUMED THIS WAS GONNA BE " TOYNBEE TILES EXIST, ISN'T THAT WEIRD?" BUT THIS ACTUALLY MANAGED TO DIG UP INTERESTING INFORMATION ABOUT THE ORIGIN OF THE NONSENSE (A PLAY) AND STUFF ABOUT THE CRAZY PERSON THAT DID IT (RADIO JAMMERS). PS. IT'S A REAL LETDOWN THAT THE LONG TILE IS ANTI-JEW, IT'S LESS FUN WHEN COOL STUFF TURNS OUT TO BE RACIST.

I LIKE HOW THIS MOVIE ONLY HAS THOR HAVE ANY POWERS FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES BECAUSE I MEAN, THOR IS A REALLY DULL HERO AND THEY WERE REALLY TRANSPARENT IN REALIZING THAT A DUMB FISH OUT OF WATER STORY WAS MORE INTERESTING THAN ACTUALLY HAVING THOR BE A MOVIE. PS. I WATCHED THIS MOVIE BECAUSE I NEEDED TO WATCH SOMETHING SUPER BLAND AND SAFE THAT WOULDN'T GET ME FIRED IF I WATCHED IT AT WORK WHILE WORKING ON SOME LAPTOPS AND WELP, BLAND IT WAS!

I DID ENJOY THIS BOOK, IT WAS SHORT AND FUN BUT IT WAS ALSO A DISAPPOINTMENT AND EVERYTHING WRONG WITH SCI-FI. LIKE IT SET UP A REALLY NEAT FUTURE WHERE TRANSHUMANISM WAS JUST STARTING AND QUICKLY BECAME A MARGINALIZED MINORITY AND THEN STRIPPED OF RIGHTS. IT STARTED WITH A GUY NOT AUGMENTED WHO WAS CAUGHT IN THE TIDE WHEN HIS STUDENT KILLED THEMSELVES. THAT WOULD HAVE MADE A COOL BOOK, BUT WELP, TURNS OUT HE SECRETLY HAD A SECRET BRAIN THAT LET HIM GO SUPER SAYAIN, AND THEN AN EVEN MORE SUPER SECRET BRAIN THAT LET HIM GO SUPER DUPER SAYAIN AT THE END BECAUSE HURRRR PUNCHING. PS. ALSO IT HAD THAT THING WHITE PEOPLE LOVE TO WRITE WHEN IT TURNS OUT THE BAD GUYS OPPRESSING THE OPPRESSED PEOPLE WAS A MEMBER OF THE OPPRESSED ALL ALONG!

OH MAN I ADORE THIS MOVIE, SOMEONE RECOMMENDED IT AS "IT'S BULL FROM NIGHT COURT AS AN EVIL WIZARD, THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW" AND GOOD LORD THIS MOVIE IS WONDERFUL, EARLY 80S 'COMPUTERS CAN DO ANYTHING', WEIRD GIMMICK WHERE EVERY SCENE HAD A DIFFERENT WRITER, EVIL EINSTEIN, NONSENSE WASP APPEARANCE. PS. I DON'T WANNA MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE I'D START JUST WATCHING THINGS TRYING TO KEEP IT GOING BUT BULL TOTALLY SAID HE WAS BEDIAL

HEY THIS COULDA BEEN A GOOD ENOUGH MOVIE/ I EVEN COULD HAVE ACCEPTED THE MOTION COMIC LIMITED ANIMATION UNTIL THEY STARTED SLIDING PEOPLE AROUND LIKE IT WAS SOUTH PARK. PS. I COULD NEVER HAVE ACCEPTED A SEX WIZARD, MOVIE YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE A SEX WIZARD IN ANYTHING BUT A COMEDY OR A PORNO.

I LOVE THAT CLIVE BARKER CAN MAKE A INTERESTING AND ENGAGING STORY OUT OF SOMETHING THAT WAS CLEARLY JUST "HURR, DEVIL'S ADVOCATE, THAT IS A FUNNY PHRASE! WHAT IF THAT WAS A THING!? HURR". PS. YOU KNOW THAT THING WHERE YOU HEAR A WORD THEN HEAR IT OVER AND OVER ALL OF A SUDDEN? THAT, BEDIAL 

GAMES DON'T NORMALLY HAVE VERY GOOD WRITING, IT'S WEIRD WHEN A GAME DOES BECAUSE YOU REALIZE HOW BAD THEY USUALLY ARE AND HOW MUCH BETTER THEY COULD BE. PS. THE DECISION AT THE END, I LITERALLY SPENT 10 MINUTES THINKING ABOUT IT, I TOOK A SHOWER THEN SPENT A FEW MINUTES LOOKING AT THE FRIGGIN SKY BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE IT WAS A DECISION THAT *MEANT* SOMETHING, EVEN IF IT REALLY DIDN'T.

EH. I AM A PRETTY BIG FAN OF TIM AND ERIC BUT THIS WAS A PRETTY MEH MOVIE, I GUESS THEY REALLY CAN'T FUNCTION BEYOND THE 20 SECOND LONG SKETCH FORMAT, BUT I KINDA KNEW THAT BECAUSE THE WORD CHRIMBUS WAS ALREADY THE FUNNIEST PART OF THE CHRIMBUS SPECIAL. PS. I FEEL LIKE I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY NO ONE WOULD WANT TO READ ABOUT HOW THE STRENGTH OF THE SHOW WAS USING SHOCKINGLY REAL PEOPLE YET THIS WAS A REALLY OVERLY STAR STUDDED MOVIE WITH MOST ROLES GOING TO A RELATIVELY FAMOUS PERSON INSTEAD OF A POSSIBLY MENTALLY ILL STREET PERSON.

I LIKED THIS MOVIE BUT MAN DID IT FEEL LIKE IT WAS SHACKLED TO BEING AN ALIEN MOVIE, LIKE IT TOTALLY FELT FORCED THAT IT NEEDED A BASKETBALL SHOT AND AN ELEPHANT NOSE AND AN ANDROID AND FLAME THROWERS AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER STORY IF IT WAS ALLOWED TO BE IT'S OWN THING, STILL GOOD THOUGH. PS. THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE WAS WHEN THEY ASKED THE MEAN BOSS LADY IF SHE WAS A ROBOT BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL IF THEY HIRED HER TO MAKE HER LOOK LIKE A ROBOT OR IF HALF WAY THROUGH THEY WERE LIKE 'OH CRAP SHE SEEMS LIKE A ROBOT, LAMPSHADE THAT QUICK!"

MAN, THIS WAS A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE BUT MAN DO THE LAST 10 SECONDS TOTALLY RUIN EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT THE THEMES OF THIS FILM, WHO THE HECK THOUGH THAT WAS A GOOD ENDING? LIKE ALL THE LIVE ACTION PARTS WERE PRETTY MEH BUT IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE REALLY DUMB DECIDED THAT SORT OF HAPPY ENDING MADE SENSE IN THE CONTEXT OF A MOVIE LIKE THIS AND THREW AWAY ANY OF THE MEANING THE PREVIOUS HOUR AND A HALF HAD. PS. I FEEL MAKING AN ANIMATED MOVIE CALLED 'PRINCESS' LIKE THIS WAS A GENIUS PLAN TO CATCH BAD PARENTS ON NETFLIX.

THIS MOVIE REALLY COULDA BEEN REALLY DUMB BUT IT ACTUALLY STUCK TO OLD SCHOOL GHOST STORY RULES ENOUGH TO MANAGE TO BE MOSTLY CREEPY RIGHT UP TO THE VERY END (WHICH WAS DUMB AND DIDN'T MAKE A TON OF SENSE). PS. I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IF I WAS WATCHING A BABY AND A FLY WENT IN IT'S NOSE AND DIDN'T COME OUT.

I ALWAYS SAY I HATE DC AND LIKE MARVEL BUT ACTUALLY I HATE EVERY SINGLE THING MARVEL MAKES AND OFTEN LIKE THINGS DC MAKES A TON, BUT SOMEHOW I NEVER WILL ACCEPT THAT FACT AS ANYTHING BUT A SERIES OF FLUKES. PS. AT LEAST THIS HAD DEADPOOL IN IT

GOOD FREAKING LORD I DID NOT EXPECT TO LOVE THIS MOVIE NEARLY AS MUCH AS I DID. I DID NOT EXPECT IN ANY WAY TO WATCH ANY MOVIE THAT CONTAINED THE LINE "MR AND MS PRESIDENT FRANKENSTEIN" AND I LOVE HOW EVERYONE BEING SUPER FRAGILE HELPED EXPLAIN EVERYONE'S HEADS FALLING OFF IN THE REMAKE. PS. I REALLY LOVED THE NAZI STUFF BECAUSE I MEAN, I TOTALLY CAN SEE THAT REALLY HAPPENING, WITH SPORTS, WELL, I GUESS IT BASICALLY HAS ALREADY WITH CONFEDERATE FLAGS.