Capital Reviews

HOLY CRAP I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH. IT'S LIKE SOMEONE WANTED TO MAKE CRANK 3 BUT DECIDED TO MAKE IT AS A SEGA CD GAME FOR SOME REASON. HE FOUGHT A TANK WITH A SWORD, SOMEONE YELLED AT A CAT, THERE WAS A HORSE AND A MUSICAL NUMBER THAT FELT LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN RED DWARF.   PS. WHY WAS THE BAD GUY AN ANIME MAN? THEY KEPT HAVING FLASHBACKS AND EVERY TIME I FIGURED THEY'D EXPLAIN WHY HE WAS FIGHTING FRENCH ANIME, BUT NOPE, NEVER EXPLAINED! I GUESS HIS PLAN WAS JUST SO ANIME HE TURNED INTO A DEVIL MAY CRY BOSS?

THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE WAS THE PART THEY MADE THAT WEIRD SCENE IN THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS COMIC WHERE NUCLEAR BOMBS MAKE SUPERMAN ALL CHEEKBONY CANNON. PS. THE WORST PART OF THIS MOVIE WAS THE NIGHT MARE PUN AND IF THAT WAS ANYTHING BUT A TOTAL ACCIDENT I WILL THROW THIS MOVIE RIGHT INTO THE SUN.

I LIKE THAT THIS SEEMED LIKE IT'D BE A GENERIC SLICE OF LIFE/MAGICAL GIRL ANIME THEN IT BECAME SUPER CLEAR IT WAS GOING TO BE MAGICAL MADOKA, THEN LIKE, IT DECIDED IT WAS GOING TO BE A FAIRLY REASONABLE AND POSITIVE PORTRAYAL OF TEENAGERS DEALING WITH SUDDEN DISABILITY AND FELT LIKE IT WENT OUT OF IT'S WAY TO DRAW LIKE, REALISTIC WHEEL CHAIR RAMPS? THEN IT'S LIKE "NO WAIT, THIS WAS MAGICAL MADOKA ALL ALONG, GOT YA!" PS. I LIKE THAT THEY SET UP A LEVEL UP SYSTEM THEN I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF ANYONE EVER ACTUALLY EVEN LEVELED UP EVER. LIKE MAYBE YUKI WAS LEVEL 2 AND THAT IS WHY SHE COULD DO A FIRE KICK SUDDENLY IN LITERALLY ONE EPISODE?

I DON'T KNOW, THE BIG TAKE AWAY OF THIS BOOK IS BASICALLY THAT YOU SHOULD BE LESS PICKY BUT I MEAN, INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO HARD FOR ME AND I'M SO GOOD AT BEING SINGLE THAT I'LL PROBABLY JUST BE PICKY FOREVER UNTIL I DIE ALONE OR IT ACTUALLY PAYS OFF SO I GUESS WHATEVER?     PS. THIS BOOK WAS WEIRD BECAUSE IT HAD A BUNCH OF WEIRD TONE SNAPS WHERE IT WAS MOSTLY AZIZ BEING SILLY THEN LIKE SUDDENLY IT'D BE WHINING ABOUT MILLENNIALS LIKE A GRANDPA WROTE IT AND ALSO THEY MADE THE LBGT/BLT JOKE THAT SEEMS LIKE IT WAS A PLAYED OUT JOKE IN LIKE 1998 OR SOMETHING?