Capital Reviews

I LIKE THESE AND FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING CAUGHT UP ON IMPORTANT COMIC BOOK HISTORY BY WATCHING THEM BUT GOD I JUST WANT TO HAVE WATCHED THEM ALL SO I DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THESE ANYMORE FFFFFFF. PS. I AM SURE IT'S CANNON BUT I HATE COMMISSIONER GORDEN BEING A FIGHTER TOO. I CAN LIVE WITH ALFRED BEING EX JAMES BOND OR WHATEVER DUMB THING HE IS BUT DOES LITERALLY EVERYONE NEED TO BE?

I HATE LAZARUS PITS, THEY ARE THE WORST STORY TELLING ELEMENT EVER, I KNOW THIS STORY WAFFLED ON IF IT TURNED HIM EVIL OR NOT BUT EVEN THE IMPLICATION THAT WAS IT IS TERRIBLE. ON THE UPSIDE, EVEN IF THIS WAS ANOTHER BATMAN MOVIE WITH A BAD VOICED JOKER THAT KILLS SOMEONE WITH A CUP I THINK I AM MAYBE A GIANT FAN OF SUICIDE JOKER, HIM PUNCHING BATMAN SO HE COULD GET BLOWN UP BY A BOMB IS GREAT. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, THAT IS A REALLY GOOD JOKER CHARACTERIZATION. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND GOOD LORD BEATING ROBIN WAS UNCOMFORTABLE, NOT EVEN "UNCOMFORTABLE FOR A CARTOON", IT WAS JUST FLAT OUT UP THERE WITH 'IRREVERSIBLE' FOR SOMETHING BEING GRAPHICALLY HORRIFYING ON SCREEN. ROBIN IS A LITTLE KID!

THIS MOVIE IS REALLY WEIRD, THE GOOD ENDING STILL ENDS WITH THE GUY FUNCTIONALLY MEMORY WIPED AND IN THE SOURCE CODE PROGRAM EXACTLY LIKE THE BAD ENDING. ALSO SEAN IS DEAD AND CAPTAIN STOLE HIS GIRLFRIEND I GUESS. PS. IS THIS THE FIRST MOVIE I CAN THINK OF WHERE PEOPLE ADMIT THAT CELL PHONES HAVE INTERNET AND THAT THAT CAN SOLVE PROBLEMS CHARACTERS HAVE?

I FEEL LIKE IT'S REALLY RARE FOR A VIDEOGAME TO BE 'IT'S SO BAD IT'S GOOD BUT THIS GAME WAS KINDA THAT. IT'S LIKE SOMEONE PLAYED AN ELDER SCROLLS GAME AND SAID "I COULD DO BETTER' AND MADE THEIR OWN SORTA CRAPPY KNOCK OFF BUT PUT SO MUCH HEART INTO IT THAT IT WAS CHARMING. ALSO I BEAT VIRTUALLY EVERY SINGLE BATTLE BY EITHER EXPLOITING THE PHYSICS AND CAUSING THINGS TO WIG OUT OR EXPLOITING THE AI AND CAUSING THINGS TO WIG OUT BUT IT FELT LIKE THERE WAS ENOUGH WAYS TO BREAK THE GAME THAT OVER THE COURSE OF THE GAME I WAS CONSTANTLY SHIFTING ON TO NEW NONSENSE SO IT NEVER GOT OLD. PS. I ATE A FISH BRAIN THEN RAN THROUGH THE LAST THIRD OF THE GAME IN LIKE 15 MINUTES BECAUSE I THINK THEY DESIGNED THE MAP AS IF YOU COULD NOT CROSS WATER.

IT'S A KOREAN MOVIE WITH THREE SHORT SEGMENTS ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD.  ALSO ALL OF THEM HAD AN ENDING THAT SEEMED LIKE IT MEANS SOMETHING WHERE I COULDN'T REALLY TELL YOU WHAT THEY MEAN. APPLE OF KNOWLEDGE? ROBOT ARM DOG? ALIEN CONFIRMATION? WHAT? PS. I FEEL LIKE 1999 WOULD LIKE TO WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT A ROBOT WHO BECOME BUDDHA SO DAMN MUCH.

I PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS HEARD THIS MOVIE IN THE CONTEXT OF IT BEING A TERRIBLE FAILURE OF A MOVIE BUT MORE RECENTLY PEOPLE SEEM LIKE RETROSPECTIVELY THEY LIKE IT SO I WATCHED IT. IT SEEMED PRETTY OKAY. THE PLOT WAS REALLY FRAGMENTED BUT IT WASN'T TERRIBLE AT ALL AND IT SHOWED STING LEVITATING WHICH IS HILARIOUS. (THE TIVO/HIVEO JOKE ALSO SEEMED FUNNY ENOUGH TO ME I AM STILL LAUGHING IT SEVERAL HOURS LATER, AS WELL AS BE-JESUS) PS. ON THE OTHER HAND THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY WEIRD WITH THE FACT THE BEES REALLY WERE IN LABOR CAMPS AND THE MOVIE ACTS LIKE BENSON WAS A BAD GUY AND MADE A MISTAKE FOR ENDING IT.

THIS WAS REALLY BAD, LIKE, REALLY REALLY BAD, LIKE SOMEONE TRIED TO MAKE A SATERDAY MORNING CARTOON BUT DIDN'T GET FUNDING SO THEY JUST MADE IT AN HOUR AND A HALF LONG AND SAID HELL AND CRAP A FEW TIMES TO MAKE IT A MOVIE. IT'S REALLY NOT GOOD AT ALL! PS. IT'S GOT RON PERLMAN IN IT AT LEAST.

OH MAN NOBORU IGUCHI MADE A HORROR FILM INSTEAD OF A HORROR COMEDY AND OH MAN, IT'S LIKE, THE ACTUAL HORROR ELEMENTS ARE SO WACKY AND BIZARRE THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE SCARY BUT THEN THE FACT THE MOVIE IS SO WEIRD AND DISJOINTED STARTS TO MAKE IT ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY CREEPY TO THE POINT I FEEL PRETTY SURE  I'M GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THIS. PS. I GUESS THERE IS LIKE A DOZEN OTHER MOVIES IN THIS SERIES BUT I ONLY CARE ABOUT NOBORU MOVIES, I FEEL LIKE EVEN STUFF I LIKE MOSTLY DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY BUT WATCHING AWFUL CRAZY PERSON IGUCHI MOVIES DOES MAKE ME HAPPY.

THIS WAS A GOOD CREEPY MOVIE BUT MAN CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW AWESOME THIS MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN IF THEY HAD MADE THE EXACT SAME MOVIE BUT NOT SHOW 'MAMA' EVER? BECAUSE MAN, EVERY SECOND MAMA WAS ON SCREEN YOU COULD FEEL THIS MOVIE GETTING WORSE. PS. THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE MOVIE IS THE LITTLE PICTURE STORY IN THE OPENING CREDITS, PARTICULARLY THE PART WITH THE RACOON FIGHT AND THE PART WITH THE RAT(?) THAT WAS TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE.

I UNDERSTAND 100% WHY PEOPLE LIKE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH. I UNDERSTAND 100% WHY THIS WOULD BE A MOVIE I'D LIKE VERY MUCH. I THINK MAYBE EVERYONE HYPED UP THAT I HAD TO LIKE IT A LITTLE TOO MUCH THOUGH AND IT MADE ME ALL DEFENSIVE SO IT WAS HARD TO WATCH IT IN AN HONEST WAY.  I WILL HAVE TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AT SOME POINT WITH SOMEONE. PS. THIS MOVIE HAD A BUNCH OF REPEATED MOTIFS AND I FEEL SAD I'M LIKE A DECADE TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT WHY.

THIS MOVIE SEEMED WAY MORE COMIC BOOKISH THAN THE OTHER MOVIE BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH SUPERMAN'S POWERS IN THIS!? A NUCLEAR BOMB MADE HIM A SCARY SKELETON THEN HE FIXED HIMSELF BY DRAINING LIFE OUT OF SUNFLOWERS AND GRASS? SINCE WHEN IS THAT HOW SUPERMAN WORKS? SINCE WHEN IS THAT HOW *ANYTHING* WORKS!? PS. THIS ALSO HAD THE WORST JOKER VOICE I THINK ANYTHING HAS EVER HAD EVER BUT I GUESS HE HAD A PRETTY GREAT DEATH SCENE SO THERE IS THAT. ALSO THE FAKE GANG LINGO CONTINUED TO BE CRINGE INDUCING. 

I REALLY LIKED THIS GAME A TON BUT MAYBE I FEEL THE FIRST GAME IS ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT GAMES IN HISTORY AND SO THIS GAME COULDN'T LIVE UP TO THAT BUT MAYBE THIS WAS STILL A REALLY GREAT GAME EVEN IF RA IS MY LEAST FAVORITE BATMAN THING. PS/ THE BEST PART WAS WHEN HARLIE SAID THAT JOKER WASN'T FEELING HIMSELF BECAUSE THAT SEEMS LIKE A SUPER OBVIOUS JOKE THAT I HONESTLY DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER HEARD ANYONE SAY EVER IN ANYTHING. ALSO THE BEST PART WAS HOW BAD CATWOMAN'S CROUCH ANIMATION WAS AND HOW MUCH I MADE HER DO IT BECAUSE IT LOOKED SO WONKY.

DESPITE THE SORT OF UNFORTUNATE AWKWARD AND MOCK-BUSTER SEEMING TITLE THIS MOVIE IS PRETTY AMAZING. ALTHOUGH THE COMIC CAME OUT IN 1986 AND IT WAS REALLY FAITHFUL TO THE COMIC WHICH RESULTS IN CERTAIN THINGS BEING REALLY FRIGGING 80S AS HELL. PS. THE BAD GUY HAS NIPPLE ARMOR, SPIKED NIPPLE ARMOR. NOT A CHESTPLATE. JUST SHIRTLESS WITH SPIKES FOR NIPPLES.

I REALLY LIKED THIS MOVIE, I REALLY REALLY LIKED THIS MOVIE. I AM PRETTY SURE THIS IS AN OBJECTIVELY BAD MOVIE AND I LIKED IT WAY TOO MUCH BUT THIS MOVIE WAS GREAT AND I WON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT THE REASONS I LIKED IT SO MUCH. PS. THE ROMEO AND JULIET PARTS SEEMED WEIRD, LIKE THEY DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE, LIKE IT WAS WEIRD THAT THEY MADE THE GUY'S NAME BEING SORTA BUT NOT QUITE MERCUTIO A REVEAL BECAUSE IT DIDN'T REALLY SEEM TO HAVE ANY SYMBOLISM. ALSO THEY TALKED ABOUT HOW HE SMELLED NEAR THE BALCONY SCENE BUT DIDN'T SEEM TO BOTHER TO MAKE THAT A REFERENCE EITHER?

BY FAR THE BEST PART OF THIS OR ANY MOVIE WAS THE PART WHERE THE CAT WAS DYING AND TO INDICATE THAT THEY HAD THE CAT WITH AN ACE BANDAGE LOOSELY AND SLOPPILY WRAPPED AROUND IT'S HEAD WHILE THE CAT ACTED PERFECTLY FINE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO INDICATION IT WAS DYING. (NO THE BEST PART WAS THE PART THEY WERE USING A LASER TO DIRECT THE CAT FROM OFF CAMERA AND MAKING IN ATTEMPT WHAT SO EVER TO HIDE THE LASER ON SCREEN.) PS. THIS MOVIE IS ACTUALLY MORE LAME AND DOOFY THAN LEGENDARILY BAD AND THE WHOLE REASON IT'S GOING AROUND THE "IT'S SO BAD IT'S GOOD' CIRCLE IS THE NAME AND IT'S PUNCTUATION, BUT HOLY HELL THAT IS A REALLY GREAT NAME FOR A MOVIE.

COMICS ARE AWFUL BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE HUNDREDS OF STORIES EVERY SINGLE STORY THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS IN EVERY CONTINUITY WAS LAID DOWN BY LIKE 1985 AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENS DOESN'T MATTER. PS. I ALWAYS WATCH THESE COMIC BOOK MOVIES AT NIGHT WHEN I MIGHT FALL ASLEEP AND I HAD TO START AND RESTART THIS ONE 3 TIMES TO GET THROUGH IT ALL. 

THIS IS A KOREAN CHILDREN'S MOVIE THAT IS A PHILOSOPHICAL MEDITATION ON THE NATURE OF DEATH THAT ALSO STARS A DOG POOP AS THE MAIN CHARACTER. ALSO I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TELL WHAT THE MESSAGE ACTUALLY IS AND I CAN'T TELL IF THAT IS BECAUSE I AM MISSING KOREAN CULTURAL CONTEXT OR IF IT JUST HAD AN IFFY MESSAGE. PS.SERIOUSLY I FEEL LIKE THE MESSAGE IS SOMETHING I KINDA GET BUT IF I HAD TO EXPLAIN IT I'D FALL APART TOTALLY. THE DIRT WAS A SINNER THAT GOT ANOTHER CHANCE? THE LEAF... WAS RESTLESS? THE CHICKENS WERE ARROGANT SO.... THEY COULDN'T EAT HIM? BUT THE PLANT WAS KIND AND OFFERED HIM A BEAUTIFUL DEATH SO HE DID THAT? SOMETHING?

THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD BUT I FEEL SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE STEVEN STORY ARC. LIKE, IT FELT LIKE HE GOT THE MOST COMEUPPANCE AT THE END AND THAT FELT WEIRD, LIKE, I GUESS HAVING THE HEAD HOUSE SLAVE BE A BAD GUY TRAITOR IS A THING BUT IT FELT WEIRD THEY HAD TO STICK HIM IN AS 'NO HE WAS THE WORST' AND GIVE HIM THE CLIMATIC DEATH. IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE SAID 'OH MAN WE CAN'T HAVE A WHITE GUY TAKE THE FALL AT THE END OF THIS SLAVERY MOVIE!~" PS. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS UP WITH THE JONNA HILL THING? IT FELT LIKE A BAD MONTY PYTHON SKETCH FOR LIKE 4 MINUTES. NO OTHER PART OF THE MOVIE WAS LIKE THAT!

THIS MOVIE WAS FRUSTRATING BECAUSE YOU COULD TELL THAT THEY ALMOST GOT IT RIGHT, LIKE, YOU COULD TELL THE SCENES HAD IT RIGHT, THE BACKGROUNDS, THE COSTUMES, THE CONCEPTS ALL WERE RIGHT, THEN IT WAS ALL JUST RUINED BY THINGS LIKE SOUND EFFECTS OR THE CAMERA WORK AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER FELT THAT SO MUCH ABOUT ANY OTHER MOVIE. PS. UNTIL LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO I HAD IT IN MY HEAD THIS WASN'T A REAL MOVIE AND WAS JUST A 3D RE-RELEASE OF THE ORIGINAL MOVIE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I KNEW THEY WERE MAKING A SECOND SILENT HILL MOVIE BUT I THINK I THOUGHT IT STILL HAD NOT COME OUT YET?