Capital Reviews

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WAS LIKE THE THIRD GAME I EVER OWNED AND I AM PRETTY SURE TODAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER BEAT IT. PS. BECAUSE THE INTERNET HAD A MAP, THIS GAME IS ABSURD WITHOUT A MAP, ALSO IF YOU DIE YOU MIGHT AS WELL THROW THE GAME IN THE TRASH BECAUSE FILLING YOUR HEALTH AND MISSILES BACK UP TAKES LIKE 35 MINUTES.

THIS IS A BOOK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO BE ALL SMUG AND SAY 'HEH, I KNEW THAT ALREADY' ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT REALLY EVEN IF YOU DID YOU PROBABLY NEVER ACTIVELY THOUGHT ABOUT 90% OF THE STUFF, I KNOW IT MADE ME RETHINK RAP MUSIC. PS. THIS BOOK WAS FROM 2008 AND HAD A SORT OF PAINFUL CHAPTER ON TIGER WOODS THAT MADE ME WANTED TO INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND GO TELL HIM HOW THAT WORKED OUT.

THIS IS THE FIRST GAME I EVER OWNED BUT NOW I'VE PLAYED IT AGAIN AND I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS, SUCH AS: WHEN WOULD YOU EVER USE THE RED CANDLE EVER? WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE WOODEN BOOMERANGE AND WHY IS IT IN THE GAME AT ALL? WHY DO SOME OF THE LEVELS HAVE USELESS SECRET ENTRANCES? WHY ARE WEAPONS SO GLITCHY IF YOU STAND IN THE DOOR? WHY IS THE BRACELET PRETTY MUCH JUST A MORE DIFFRENT WARP FLUTE IN THE FIRST QUEST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY TO FIND SOME TOKEN USE FOR IT OTHER THAN FAST TRAVEL? PS. I PLAYED THIS WITHOUT GUDES AND I LOVE THAT I REMEMBER WHAT BUSHES TO BURN EXACTLY BUT FORGOT THE MAGIC KEY EVEN EXISTED TILL AFTER I BEAT THE GAME.

THIS WAS A GOOD MOVIE BUT I LOVE THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY REIMAGINGS AND REMAKES AND PREQUELS THEY MAKE THE ORIGIN STORY IS NEVER THAT WE BLEW IT ALL UP, IT'S ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC SCENES IN ALL OF MOVIE HISTORY AND NOT ONCE HAS IT EVER ACTUALLY BEEN THE ORIGIN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. PS. IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE HE SAYS NO BECAUSE SLAVE APES COULDN'T SAY NO AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WICKED DRAMATIC IF IT WAS IN A TOTALLY SEPARATE MOVIE NO ONE EVEN WATCHED.

I DON'T WANNA BE THAT GUY. :( PS. THIS MOVIE DOESN'T END UP BEING WHAT THE START OF THIS MOVIE MAKES YOU THINK IT WILL BE.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS NOW INSTEAD OF YEARS AGO WHEN I STILL CARED ABOUT TEEN TITANS BUT ALSO IT WASN'T VERY GOOD AND JUST MADE ME WONDER WHY THERE WAS A TIME I'D SAY I 'CARED ABOUT' TEEN TITANS. PS. I LOVE ANY AMERICAN THING SET IN JAPAN BECAUSE I ALWAYS FEEL SUPER FLUENT IN JAPANESE BUT REALLY IT'S JUST THAT EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN WRITER THAT NEEDS TO WRITE JAPANESE IS USING THE SAME "I WATCHED A BUNCH OF ANIME THAT USED ROSETTA STONE FOR A WHILE" EDUCATION I DID SO HAS THE EXACT SAME VOCABULARY.

THIS IS A PRETTY GREAT MOVIE, THE PREMISE IS THAT PEOPLE THAT KILL THEMSELVES GO TO AN AFTERLIFE THAT IS JUST LIKE THIS WORLD BUT SLIGHTLY WORSE AND IT DID A GREAT JOB OF MAKING A GREAT CRAPSACK WORLD WITHOUT BEING ALL GRIM ABOUT IT. PS. GOB WAS IN IT BEING GOB, GOB IS ONLY GOB IN EVERYTHING HE IS IN AND THAT IS FINE WITH ME.

WELP, I READ A BOOK ABOUT METAPHORS AND IT HAS SENT ME INTO A CRISIS DUE TO THE FACT HUMANS ARE RIDICULOUS AND CLEARLY ONLY BARELY SENTIENT IF EVEN THAT AND ALSO MADE ME IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO DO IS POINT OUT DEAD METAPHOR IN EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAYS. PS. ALSO IT TOTALLY MENTION THAT EPISODE OF STAR TREK NEXT GENERATION

I GUESS THIS WASN'T THE ABOMINATION I HAD HEARD, I WATCHED IT ON A BUS AND IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THAT BUT I ALSO THINK IT WAS A WICKED DISAPPOINTING MOVIE THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO ANYONE THAT DIDN'T KNOW THE STORY OF THE SHOW BY HEART. I DON'T THINK I COULD EVEN NAME A SINGLE CHARACTER IF I DIDN'T KNOW THEM ALREADY. PS. I MEAN FOR GOODNESS SAKE LIKE HALF OF THE PLOT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT? WHY WAS THIS MOVIE 90 MINUTES LONG?