Capital Reviews

I THOUGHT THIS MOVIE WAS GOING TO BE P. BAD BUT IT TURNED OUT BEING P. GOOD. IT WAS A SUPER LAME MOVIE THAT BUILT UP ENOUGH CHARM TO CARRY IT'S LAME STORY. ALSO HE HAD A PICTURE OF ALF IN HIS SPACESHIP SO I MEAN.... PS. THERE WAS A MILDLY RETARDED/AUTISTIC COUPLE SITTING BEHIND ME ON A DATE AND THEY LIKED THE MOVIE SO MUCH I THINK IT MADE ME LIKE THE MOVIE BETTER.

I DON'T KNOW, INTENTIONALLY TRYING FOR "SO BAD IT'S GOOD" REALLY NEVER WORKS. THE FIRST ONE HIT A LEVEL OUT OUTLANDISH ENOUGH THAT IT GOT A PASS AND THIS MOVIE WASN'T TERRIBLE BUT IT KINDA CAME OFF AS DULL AND A LESSER MOVIE THAN THE FIRST. PS. IT KINDA MADE UP FOR IT ON HAVING WEIRD REFERENCES AND CAMEOS, IS ANDY DICK EVEN STILL ALIVE? ON THE OTHER HAND I AM PRETTY SURE THEY WEREN'T PARODYING RED DWARF AT THE POINT THEY HAD THE EXACT SAME SCENE BUT WITH A SHARK INSTEAD OF AN ALLIGATOR.

THIS DID A SUPER GOOD JOB EXPLAINING THINGS. I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE TONS OF LHC DOCUMENTARIES BUT THIS ONE HAD PROFANITY SO IT WAS THE BEST ONE. PS. I LOVE THE IMAGRY AT THE FIRST COLLISION. I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE WAS IN CHARGE OF PUSHING IT AND PUSHING IT TIL THE ODE TO JOY IS PLAYING WHILE MUSIC NOTES TURN INTO HELIXES AND WHAT?

OH HEY, APPARENTLY ONE GUY DREW THE MOVIE POSTER FOR EVERY MOVIE POSTER THAT I CAN THINK OF. PS. ALSO A BUNCH OF ALBUMS.

I WAS READING SOME THREAD ABOUT 'WHAT IS THE BEST ANIMATION IN HISTORY' AND THIS CAME UP. I CAN'T SAY THAT IS RIGHT EXACTLY BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS UGLY AS FRIG, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I HONESTLY THINK EVERY SCENE WAS 'HOW WOULD BE THE HARDEST WAY TO ANIMATE THIS' SO EVERY OTHER SCENE IS CLOSEUPS OF HANDS MOVING ALL THEIR KNUCKLE JOINTS OR CLOSEUPS OF SOMEONE FOLDING PAPER WITH WRITING ON IT OR SCENES WHERE THE WHOLE BACKGROUND IS MOVING. SO THIS MOVIE SURE IS SOMETHING. PS. ROBOPLANET IS WEIRD BECAUSE THEY WERE CLEARLY BAD GUYS AND HAD NAZI IMAGERY BUT MOSTLY DIDN'T SEEM WRONG AT ALL. REDLINE DID SEEM EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND CRIMINAL AND RELEASED FUNKYBOY AND KILLED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE.

I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE TOO CAUGHT UP ON SHOWING OFF HOW SMART THEY THINK THEY ARE BY POINTING OUT THE TEN PERCENT THING IS A MYTH AND ARE USING ONLY TEN PERCENT OF THE DUMB THIS MOVIE PROVIDED. THIS MOVIE WAS WONDERFULLY DUMB SO FAR PAST THE DUMB PREMISE AND EVERYONE IS TOO STUCK ON SURFACE DUMB TO FEEL THE DEEPER DUMB. PS. THE END SURE FELT LIKE A COP OUT END FOR A WRITER THAT GOT BORED OF WRITING.

I AM PRETTY SURE THAT WWE AND SCOOBY DOO ARE SOME OF MY LEAST FAVORITE THINGS ON EARTH BUT THIS MOVIE IS JUST AMAZING, THE WHOLE THING IS JUST TAKING 70S/80S CARTOON PLOT LOGIC AND GOING SO FAR BEYOND ANY SANITY WITH IT BUT AT THE SAME TIME NEVER DIRECTLY WINKING AT THE CAMERA ABOUT IT AND JUST PLAYING EVERYTHING SUPER GENUINE BUT AT THE SAME TIME JUST PUSHING IT FARTHER AND FARTHER. WWE CITY! PS. I MIGHT BE CRAZY BUT I AM LIKE 99% SURE THE FAN THEY KEPT FOCUSING ON WAS ARTEMIS FROM YOUNG JUSTICE AND WHAT?

I REMEMBER WATCHING THIS AS A KID AND BEING REALLY FREAKED OUT AND ABOUT HALF WAY THROUGH THIS MOVIE I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW I'D HAVE TO WRITE THIS REVIEW SAYING HOW SILLY THAT WAS BUT NOPE, THIS MOVIE IS STILL FRIGGIN TERRIFYING. PS. I CONTINUE TO NOT UNDERSTAND THE ENDING VERY WELL, BAD GUY IS CLEARLY IN HELL AT THE END BUT HE SURE LOOKS LIKE HE'S RULING HELL MORE THAN SUFFERING IN HELL.

DAMN IT I FINALLY THOUGHT I FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO WATCH POOCHIE WOOCHIES DOGGIE WOGGIES BUT IT WAS JUST 2 EVERYTHING 2 TERRIBLE.  PS. ABOVE IS A SERIES OF WORDS THAT MAKE SENSE AND NOT A BUNCH OF GIBBERISH 

I LIKE HOW MUCH AND HOW TRANSPARENTLY THIS GAME IS SECRETLY BALDER'S GATE III. LIKE HOW THE LOADING SCREEN TIP SAYS ARMOR DOESN'T DECREASE CHANCE TO HIT AND HOW THAT TIP MAKES NO SENSE UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPECTATIONS OF D&D SECOND EDITION INFINITY ENGINE RULES. ALSO HOW 'GREASE' IS A SPELL. PS. THIS GAME WAS P. GOOD AND I AM GLAD THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE SUDDENLY DECIDED THEY NEEDED ME TO PLAY IT SOMEHOW SIMULTANEOUSLY LIKE 6 YEARS AFTER IT CAME OUT.

I NORMALLY LIKE THESE DC FEATURES BUT THIS ONE WAS ALL THE BATMAN STUFF I DISLIKE AND ALSO IT WAS SUPER BAD. ALL THE ACTING WAS BAD. THE NINJAS HAD A CHAINGUN THAT SHOT ARROWS. PS. NO TRAINS. IT HAD TO END SOMETIME.

THIS REALLY IS A GOOD MOVIE, NO OTHER MOVIE IS REALLY LIKE THIS, THEY THOUGHT THINGS OUT SO IN DETAIL. LIKE A TON OF THE STUFF THEY THOUGHT UP WAS STUPID AS HELL BUT IT WAS STILL THOUGHT OUT IN A WAY OTHER MOVIES DON'T DO. THERE WAS EFFORT. PS. ANDROMEDA S-TRAIN.

ACTUALLY SNAKES ON A PLANE WAS A REALLY BORING DUD OF A MOVIE AND THIS MOCKBUSTER VERSION IS ACTUALLY WAY BETTER. LIKE IT'S ALL SUPERNATURAL AND SOMEONE HAS A SNAKE DISEASE WHERE THEY BARF UP SNAKES BUT THE SNAKES ARE THEM AND IF THE SNAKES BITE YOU YOU TURN INTO SNAKES TOO SO THEN THE WOMEN HAD TO COLLECT ALL HER SNAKES AS THEY RAMPAGE ON A TRAIN AND THEN SHE BECAME A GIANT SNAKE AND ATE THE TRAIN. ALSO THERE IS TWO WOMEN WHO ARE SMUGGLING DRUGS AND THEY HAVE A PLOT FOR A WHILE THEN IT JUST ENDS AND ISN'T MENTIONED AGAIN. PS. THIS IS THE 8TH 'TRAIN' MOVIE I'VE WATCHED, BUT I'M GOING TO THE FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE THING AND IT PROBABLY WON'T BE TRAINS SO I'M GONNA RUIN THE STREAK AFTER THIS. THANK GOD I CAN STOP. (JUST WATCH IT BE TRAINS)

I PROBOBLY HAVE SEEN THIS AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE BUT I GUESS IF I HAVENT SEEN SOMETHING IN TWENTY YEARS I CAN DO A NEW REVEIW. THE CAR RENTAL SCENE AT LEADT HOLDS UP TO MODERN STANDARDS OF STILL SAYING "FUCKING" A REMARKABLE AMOUNT OF TIMES.  PS. TRAINS ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. 

OH GOD, PART I WAS JUST STUPID AND BORING, THIS ONE GOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE HILARIOUS. THE PART WHERE HE IS IN COURT AND EVERYONE CLAPS IS HILARIOUSLY AWKWARD. IT'S GREAT IN GENERAL BECAUSE LIKE 75% OF THE DIALOG WAS AT LEAST REASONABLY STANDARD MOVIE DIALOG BUT THEN AT IMPORTANT SCENES THEY WOULD SWITCH TO TALKING WORD FOR WORD FROM THE BOOK AND IT WAS HILARIOUSLY OVER THE TOP AWFUL TO SEE PEOPLE DELIVER THE STUPID WORDS THEY SAID AND GET THE REACTIONS THEY GOT. ALSO: THE THIRD MOVIE IS JOHN GALT'S SPEECH AND WILL NEVER EVER EVER COME OUT. PS. TRAINS, TRAINS, TRAINS, TRAINS!

BY FAR THE BEST PART OF THIS WAS THE GUY'S COSTUME. I MEAN I'M SURE THEY WERE JUST USING WHAT THEY HAD BUT 'MEDICAL NINJA' WAS JUST AN AMAZING WAY TO DRESS UP FOR SUCH A SERIOUS DOCUMENTARY. ALSO I'M GLAD THE VIDEO PEOPLE'S STORY ENDED UP MORE OKAY AND I KEEP WONDERING IF I FOLLOWED THE NEWS MORE IN 2004 IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT ALREADY WITHOUT BEING IN SUSPENSE THE WHOLE MOVIE? PS. I JUST KEEP GOING WITH THIS STUPID JOKE, IS THIS REALLY WHAT I'M USING MY VACATION FOR? IS THIS WHAT MY LIFE IS?

THIS MOVIE IS JUST HOSTEL BUT ON A TRAIN. WHICH IS A REALLY BORING MOVIE MOVED TO A MORE BORING SETTING. ALSO THEY KINDA USED UP THEIR WHOLE GORE PORN BUDGET IN THE OPENING SEQUENCE WHICH IN RETROSPECT ALSO MADE NO CONNECTION TO THE PLOT UNLESS PEOPLE WERE DOING SKIN TRANSPLANTS? PS. I REALLY JUST KEEP GOING WITH THIS DON'T I? SEOUL TRAIN NEXT I GUESS?

I LITERALLY JUST WATCHED THIS FOR SOME JOKE I ONLY WATCH TRAIN BASED MOVIES NOW BUT THAT JOKE ISNT ACTUALLY FUNNY SO I JUST FOUND THE SHORTEST TEAIN RELATED THING ON NETFLIX. PS. WOAH, BEFORE I EVEN LOOKED IT UP I COULD TELL THE ANIMATION WAS LIKE WHEN THE WIND BLOWS AND IT GIVES AWAY A "THE SNOWMAN" CONNECTION AND ITS ONLY JUST THIS SECOND I REALIZED THOSE TWO WERE CONNECTED.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A STICKLER FOR TRAIN YOUR DRAGON CONTINUITY BUT THE FIRST MOVIE CLEARLY ESTABLISHED HIS MOM WAS BIG AND FAT  (OR AT LEAST HAD HUGE BOOBS), THE SECOND ONE ALMOST COULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH 'SHE GOT THIN BEING A DRAGON PRIESTESS" BUT THEN RUINED EVEN THAT WITH A FLASHBACK. PS. ALSO IT SURE SEEMS WEIRD THAT EVERYONE WAS SURPRISED YOU COULD TRAIN DRAGONS WHEN APPARENTLY THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN BERKSHIRE HUNT'S RECENT HISTORY INVOLVED A DRAGON TRAINER.

THIS MOVIE WAS SUPER GOOD BUT SORT OF NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. IT WAS A LOT MORE ZANY THAN I EXPECTED IN A WAY EVEN IF MOST OF IT WAS VERY SERIOUS, ALSO I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE WAS SUPER INTO SETTING THINGS UP TO BE A CERTAIN WAY THEN BREAKING NORMAL MOVIE CONVENTIONS AND HAVING SOMETHING ELSE HAPPEN. PS. I SORT OF FEEL LIKE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE ENDING WAS THE ENDING IT WAS IN A THEMATIC SENSE AND I WANT SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IT FIT.

IN MY IMAGINATION THIS MOVIE IS THE BEHIND THE SCENES TRUTH OF 'TUCK EVERLASTING'.  PS. I LIKE HOW DAWAI(?) DIDNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING THE WHOLE MOVIE.

OKAY, SO I HAVE SAID THE ONLY ANIME I LIKED IN THE LAST DECADE WAS GURREN LAGGEN SO I LOOKED IT UP AND APPARENTLY THE WRITER, DIRECTOR AND ARTIST OF GURREN LAGGEN ALL LEFT GAINAX AND MADE THERE OWN STUDIO AND HIRED ALL THE GURREN LAGGEN VOICE ACTORS AND MADE THIS SHOW. AND MAYBE IT'S NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS GURREN LAGGEN BUT I GUESS I STILL DO LIKE ANIME A TON AND WATCHED ALL 24 EPISODES OF THIS IN TWO DAYS. PS. I LOVE THAT THEY TOOK THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE PREMISE WITH THE LIFE FIBERS AND SUPPORTED IT HISTORICALLY AND TIED IT INTO THE BIBLE IN A WAY THAT ALMOST SOUNDED GOOD.

I LIKE HOW UNCLEAR THIS MOVIE IS WITH IT'S OWN CONCEPT. LIKE DO YOU FALL ASLEEP AND THEN THE POD DUPLICATE WAKES UP OR DO YOU FALL ASLEEP THEN WAKE UP A POD PERSON? IT SEEMS LIKE IT WORKS BOTH WAYS AT DIFFERENT POINTS IN THE MOVIE. PS. I ALSO FORGOT THAT THIS VERSION GETS A HAPPYISH ENDING.

I THINK THE THEME OF THIS MOVIE WAS 'THERE IS GOOD AND BAD EGGS IN EVERY GROUP' BUT IT REALLY REALLY CAME OFF AS 'HUMANS ARE AWFUL AND ARE UNTRUSTWORTHY LITERALLY ALWAYS AND MIGHT SLAP YOUR BABY". IT WAS A SUPER GOOD MOVIE THOUGH. I LOVE THAT THE BAD APE HAD PRETTY GOOD MOTIVATION BUT THE BAD HUMANS WERE JUST AWFUL PEOPLE. PS. I SAY IT EVERY TIME: 'THEY BLEW IT ALL UP' IS ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS LINES IN ALL OF MOVIE HISTORY AND EVEN WITH LIKE 3 DISTINCT MOVIES TELLING THE ORIGIN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES NOT A SINGLE TIME HAS ANYONE BLEW IT ALL UP.

I MISS LIKING ANIME. I NEVER WATCH OR CARE ABOUT ANIME ANYMORE. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT ANIME ANYMORE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOOD. MAYBE NOTHING IS GOOD ANYMORE. PS. THIS WAS KINDA GOOD.

WHY AM I WASTING TIME WATCHING ASYLUM FILMS INSTEAD OF REAL MOVIES? ALTHOUGH THIS WASN'T EVEN BAD BEYOND THE SPECIAL EFFECTS. I ALMOST WAS GOING TO PRAISE IT FOR KILLING OFF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT SEEMED LIKE MOVIES NORMALLY DIDN'T BUT THEY HAD A DUMB END PART WHERE THEY WEREN'T DEAD AFTER ALL. PS. THIS WAS BASICALLY STEVEN BAXTER'S "FLOOD": THE MOVIE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS GAME IS GOOD BUT I LOVED IT A TON. MAYBE JUST BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE PAUL ROBERTSON AND REALLY LIKE GAMES YOU GET TO MAKE YOUR OWN GUNS. IT IS BASICALLY METAL SLUG + MONSTER HUNTER RIGHT DOWN TO THE AWFUL MECHANIC WHERE BOSSES RUN AWAY OVER AND OVER. PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS GAME CAME CLOSEST TO BEING THE GAME PAUL ROBERTSON HAS BEEN PRETENDING HE WAS MAKING FOR LIKE THE LAST 15 YEARS.

THIS MOVIE WAS OBJECTIVELY BAD BUT I KINDA LIKED IT ANYWAY. MAYBE A MOVIE ABOUT IT GETTING HOTTER AND HOTTER TILL EVERYONE DIED RESONATED WITH ME RIGHT NOW. I LOVE HOW INCONSISTENT THE EFFECTS OF THE HEAT WERE SO EVERYONE BECAME CRAZY BURNT UP SEWER MUTANTS BUT THE CAST WERE WALKING AROUND ALL THE TIME WHEN IT WAS 130 AND IT SEEMED MILDLY INCONVENIENT AT BEST. PS. I LOVE HOW INCONSISTENTLY THEY PLAYED THE IDEA THAT CARS JUST SPONTANEOUSLY EXPLODE AT 120. LIKE IT HAPPENED TO TWO CARS THEN NO OTHER CARS.

SOMEONE MENTIONED THERE IS A FLAT OUT 70S PORNO ON NETFLIX, AND WELP. THERE IS THAT. ITS DULL AND BORING AND 70S AND DEFINITLY PORNO. PS. AM I REALLY SPENDING MY VACATION WATCHING NETFLIX PORNO AND READING A PDF ABOUT CHROMATIC DRAGONS IN AN EFFORT TO SEE IF HIRAMS HEAD COLORS ARE ACCURATE? 

MARVEL HIRED A REAL ANIME COMPANY TO MAKE A P. GOOD BULLSHIT ANIME VILLIAN THEN PUT HIM IN A SUPER DULL MOVIE.  PS. HOWARD SEEMED ODDLY AND ABSURDLY CLEARLY EVIL. 

THIS SEEMED REALLY WEAK, LIKE THEY THOUGHT OF EXACTLY ONE JOKE AND THEN WERE JUST FILLING PAGES AROUND IT, LIKE I AM PRETTY SURE EVERY SINGLE PERSON GOT THE PUNCHLINE LINE 10 PAGES BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY SAID IT. PS. EXCUSE ME, 'TRIXIE' IS ALREADY AN ACTUAL PONY.

THIS IS A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT HOW SHITY DECLAWING CATS IS. JACKSON GALLAXY IS NOT ONE BIT OKAY WITH DECLAWING CATS. DONT DECLAW YOUR CATS IF YOU HAVE AIDS. I LOVE HOW MUCH THE BAN BAN BACKFIRED. PS. I LIKE THE GERMAN GUY IMPLYING THAT GERMANS MIGHT HAVE BEEN NAZIS BUT AT LEAST THEY OUT.AW DECLAWING.

I DON'T KNOW, THIS WAS AN OKAY IDEA AS A FLIP SIDE TO MARVELS BUT I FEEL LIKE IT DIDN'T EVER SETTLE ON WHAT EXACTLY IT WAS DOING SO SOME OF THE PEOPLE JUST DIED IN MUNDANE EXPERIMENTS AND SOME OF THEM HAD JUST AS SUPERNATURAL THINGS HAPPEN BUT THEY WERE ALL GRIMDARK AND THEN LIKE JEAN GREY WAS A PROSTITUTE FOR NO REASON AND I GUESS CAPTAIN AMERICA ATE HUMAN FLESH? PS. WAS THERE ANY SIGNIFICANCE TO THEM SPELLING "CORPSE" WRONG?

THIS WAS A REALLY LEGITIMATELY GOOD IDEA THAT I REALLY LEGITIMATELY ALMOST LOVED EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT BOY EARLY MARVEL STUFF WAS SO POOR THAT BOY DID THAT HURT THE OPENING AND BOY DOES THE FACT MARVEL DOESN'T HAVE ANY CONCLUSION MAKE FOR A NON-ENDING. AT LEAST IT MADE THE FIRST PLAUSIBLE EFFORT TO EXPLAIN WHY EVERYONE HATES THE X-MEN BUT NOT ANYONE ELSE. PS. I READ THIS TO SEE IF I SHOULD SPEND 9.99 TO BUY A MONTH OF THE MARVEL NETFLIX STYLE IPAD APP AND IF IT'D BE FUN TO READ COMICS DURING VACATION BUT MEH?

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE? A HIGHSCHOOL CLASS PLAYS A PNP RPG THEN BEAT THE DM AND MAKE HIM KILL HIMSELF BY HOW AWESOME THEIR DUMB STORY WAS? I DON'T EVEN GET WHAT THE POINT WAS SINCE HER DUMB COMPASSIONATE THING ONLY WORKED BECAUSE THEY REMEMBERED STUFF FROM THE OTHER STORIES AND ALSO IT DIDN'T WORK AND THEY ALL DIED (THEN THE OTHER GUY GOT A SEX ISLAND). PS. I WATCHED THIS SOLELY BECAUSE I WATCHED "THE SHELTER" EPISODE OF TWILIGHT ZONE.