Capital Reviews

 Meet the Hollowheads [movie] THIS MOVIE IS SO CLOSE TO UNWATCHABLE. IT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL. BUT IT RULES. IT HAS SUCH A BIZARRELY CLEAR VISION OF WHAT IT IS. IT'S A MOVIE THAT ASKS 'WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS BASED ON TUBES" AND GOES SO INCREDIBLY HARD ON FOLLOWING THROUGH ON THAT WITHOUT EVER REALIZING THAT IS *NOTHING*, IT HAS NO STORY TO TELL ABOUT THAT, BUT IT NEVER BREAKS IT'S CENTRAL THESIS AND THAT RULES. LIKE NO MOVIE HAS EVER STRUCK THIS HARD TO A PREMISE THAT WAS THIS MISGUIDED. LIKE WHAT *IF* EVERYTHING IN SOCIETY WAS BASED ON TUBES? YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT? NO? PS. IT'S FUNNY HOW MANY REVIEWS ARE ANGRY ABOUT THE SOFTENING GEL STUFF. HOW INCOMPREHENSIBLE IT IS. IN THE FIRST SCENE WITH IT IT'S CLEAR IT'S NONSPECIFIC AND THAT IS THE POINT,  LIKE YOU GET THE GENERAL IDEA FROM CONTEXT. SO I WAS REALLY ROLLING MY EYES AT REVIEWERS FOR BEING THICK HEADED. YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO GET EXACTLY WHAT IT IS, BUT IT'S A SCI-FI NONSPEFIC FEMALE HYGEN

 BigBug [movie] HEY, REMEMBER THE MOVIE AMELIE? WHAT IF THE DIRECTOR OF THAT MADE A TERRIBLE SCI-FI MOVIE? IT'S KIND OF AMAZING? BECAUSE IT JUST IS SO EXTREMELY STYLIZED BUT ALSO DOES NOT WORK AT ALL AS A MOVIE.  PS. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? THIS IS THE MODERN VERSION OF MEET THE HOLLOWHEADS. ALSO I FEEL LIKE I BURST A BLOOD VESSEL IN MY BRAIN THEN HAD SOME SORT OF SLUMDOG MILLIONARE FLASH BACK SEQUENCE WHERE I AM 100% SURE I HAVE NOT THOUGHT ABOUT MEET THE HOLLOWHEADS IN 30 YEARS OR REMEMBERED IT EXISTED AT ALL THEN HALF WAY THROUGH THIS MOVIE I BOLTED UPRIGHT FROM LAYING DOWN AFTER THINKING "WHAT THE HECK DOES THIS REMIND ME OF, I KNOW I HAVE SEEN A MOVIE LIKE THIS, WHAT IS THIS REMINDING ME OF????" 

The Library at Mount Char [book, audiobook] I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DARK ACADEMIA IS SO I'M GOING TO CLAIM IT'S THIS. I LIKED THIS BOOK QUITE A BIT. I LIKE IT BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE THERE IS A MILLION FANTASY BOOKS WITH THIS BASIC STRUCTURE BUT THIS STILL MANAGED TO BE TOTALLY UNIQUE. LIKE THERE IS A MILLION BOOKS THAT ARE LIKE "WHAT IF GREEK GODS BUT IN MODERN DAY" BUT THIS WAS THAT, BUT LIKE, INSTEAD OF GREEK GODS BEING SOME FICTIONAL RELIGION THAT SEEMS LIKE SUMERIAN CREATION LEGENDS OR SOMETHING.  LIKE GOD BEING A MORTAL MAN WHO DEFEATED THE PREVIOUS GOD 60,000 YEARS AGO WITH THE HELP OF A TIGER AND A WOMAN WHO DIED AND BECAME THE SUN TO BRING LIGHT TO THE EARTH. THE BOOK DOESN'T EVEN DO THAT MUCH WITH MOST OF IT'S IDEAS BUT I REALLY LIKE HOW DENSE IT IS WITH THROW AWAY STUFF. LIKE A GODDESS THAT IS CONSTANTLY PREGNANT AND HAS TO KILL HER CHILDREN AT BIRTH SO THE SPIRITS OF THEIR CHILDREN CAN WHISPER ALL THE POTENTIAL LIVES THEY COULD HAVE LIVED. IT'S

 Smiling Friends:season 1 [television] THIS IS THE MOST 2004 SHOW IMAGINABLE, HOLY CRAP. ITS SLIGHTLY ANNOYING BUT IF YOU TOLD ME I WATCHED THIS IN COLLEGE AFTER AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE ID BELIVE THAT ONE MILLION PERCENT. PS. THE GUEST STARS! AN EPISODE WITH DAVID FIRTH! (THAT ALSO HAS THAT GUY THAT SAYS URBAN LEGENDS IN A MONOTONE VOICE, YOU KNOW, “NUUUUMBER ONE: SPONGEBOAB”)

Gal Gun VR [game] JESUS CHRIST NO. THE ORIGIN OF GAL GUN IS LIKE, IT BEING 2010 AND SOMEONE TRYING TO MAKE A HORNY JAPANESE GAME THAT WAS MADE WITH A BIG ENOUGH BUDGET AND TONED DOWN HORNYNESS JUST ENOUGH TO TRY TO BE A MAINSTREAM GAME AND YEARS LATER THE SECOND ONE GETTING A VR REMAKE. WHICH EVERYONE SAID WAS A BETTER GAME THAN YOU THINK IT WOULD BE. AND LIKE, IT KINDA IS A GOOD VR GAME AS A VR GAME. IT SEEMS LIKE A BETTER SHOOTER THAN MOST VR SHOOTERS. PS. SERIOUS PROBLEM THOUGH, EVERYTHING EVER OUT OF JAPAN IS ALWAYS ABOUT SCHOOLGIRLS. CONCEPTUALLY THIS IS HONESTLY EXTREMELY GROSS, BUT IT'S SO FREQUENT AND SO BAKED INTO EVERYTHING IT'S EASY TO GLOSS OVER. IN VR ALL THE GIRLS ARE LIKE 4 FEET TALL AND DRAWN LIKE TODDLERS AND WHEN YOU THINK OF THE AGES OH GOD, ANYONE THAT LIKES THIS GAME SHOULD BE IN JAIL.  

 Pounded in the Butt by my own Butt [book] I DON'T LOVE THE CATAGORIES THAT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALREADY READ THE BOOK TO KNOW TO PICK IT. A BOOK THAT WILL BE A CLASSIC FEELS TOO UNANSWERABLE TO PICK IN ADVANCE OF READING IT (AND QUITE HARD EVEN AFTER READING), SO THIS ANSWER IS A LITTLE BIT OF A PROTEST PICK. BUT ALSO, YEAH, IT'S A REAL ANSWER. I THINK FOR HOW DUMB AND WEIRD HE IS CHUCK TINGLE IS A BIG DEAL AND I HONESTLY THINK WILL END UP REMEMBERED MORE THAN MORE "SERIOUS" BOOKS OF THIS TIME PERIOD. AT THE VERY LEAST IT'LL BE 60 YEARS FROM NOW AND A BUNCH OF CHUCK TINGLE BOOKS WILL SHOW UP ON "HEY WHAT THE HECK IS THIS" LISTS.  PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS SPECIFIC BOOK IS HIS MOST ICONIC ONE BUT IS WAY TOO STRAIGHT FORWARD TO BE ACTUALLY GOOD. EARLY ON HE WAS MORE "JUST A FUNNY TITLE" AND HE ONLY KINDA GOT HIS WEIRD STYLE LATER ON AND THIS PREDATES THAT.