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Showing posts from August, 2012

Superbrothers: Sword and Sworcery ep [game]

ACTUALLY THIS GAME IS PRETENTIOUS GARBAGE WITH A HEAP OF 'PUZZLES' WHERE YOU ARE JUST EXPECTED TO FIGURE OUT WHATEVER RANDOM HIPSTER THING THE CREATOR WAS THINKING OF WITH NO RHYME OR REASON AND THE VOICE ACTING IS SO OUT OF PLACE AND PRETENTIOUS THAT THE FIRST SEVERAL TIMES THEY HAD IT I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT WAS FROM THE GAME AND FIGURED I HAD LEFT A BROWSER OPEN AND IT WAS PLAYING SOME STUPID AD. BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE SOUND DESIGN OF THIS GAME WAS SO AMAZING I ACTUALLY PUT UP WITH IT BECAUSE SOUND BROUGHT SUCH A GREAT ATMOSPHERE THAT I WANTED TO FINISH IT. PS. I PLAYED THIS WITHOUT CHEATING, I ACTUALLY DID THE DUMB LUNAR MONTH THING AND WROTE DATES I NEEDED TO PLAY THIS ON MY CALENDER INSTEAD OF JUST CHANGING THE SYSTEM CLOCK OR GETTING THE INGAME TIME WARP THING.

The Muppets [movie]

I REMEMBER WHEN THIS MOVIE WAS COMING OUT IT LOOKED REALLY GOOD BUT THEN I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT AGAIN TILL TODAY. THIS MOVIE IS GREAT AND IT'S BEEN OBVIOUS FROM LIKE EVERYTHING JASON SEGAL EVER DID THAT HE FRIGGIN LOVES MUPPETS. THE BEST JOKE WAS EITHER THE FIRST SCENE WITH 80S ROBOT OR THE FACT SCOOTER WORKED AT GOOGLE AND NEEDED TO GO TO A TED TALK. PS. IT WAS PRETTY DAMN WILD THIS MOVIE GOT TO HAVE THE CONFLICT IT DID, WITH A LARGE COMPANY TRYING TO WIN THE RIGHTS TO THE MUPPET NAME ITSELF. 

Idiots and Angels [movie]

I MEAN I GUESS THE WINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT HIS HUMANITY AND THE GOOD INSIDE HIM BUT REALLY IT KINDA SEEMS LIKE HE WAS A BAD PERSON AND LITERALLY SORT OF A RAPIST AND THE WINGS DID ALL THE GOOD STUFF WHILE HE WAS DIRECTLY OPPOSING THEM. PS. WHY DID THE BARTENDER NEED WINGS TO BOMB BARS, HE COULD PROBABLY HAVE JUST BOMBED THEM ANYWAY, WE KNOW HE HAD BOMBS BEFORE HE HAD WINGS.

Moonrise Kingdom [movie]

THIS IS A TRULY GREAT MOVIE. IT REALLY IS REALLY GOOD. AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL FOR SOME REASON THAT I CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON THAT FIVE OR SIX YEARS FROM NOW SOMEONE WILL ASK IF I'VE SEEN IT AND THE CONVERSATION WILL GO "NO, WAIT, WHAT WAS THAT, NO, UMM, MAYBE". I THINK THE MOVIE IS SO DREAMLIKE I EXPECT TO FORGET IT ALL. PS. I WATCHED THIS AT THE DOLLAR MOVIES AND THE FILM WAS ALL BEAT UP AND I THINK THAT IS THE RIGHT WAY TO WATCH THIS, MAYBE IT WAS REALLY LIKE THAT THOUGH?

Time Bandits [movie]

I WATCHED THIS MOVIE LIKE A DECADE AGO AND DIDN'T REALLY GET WHAT WAS HAPPENING BUT ALSO I WATCHED IT TODAY AND ONLY SORTA KINDA HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING. PS. I MEAN THE ENDING ESPECIALLY HIS HOUSE BURNS DOWN AND HIS PARENTS DIE IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THE MOVIE THEN THE CAMERA JUST ZOOMS OUT, HOLY CRAP.

Toxic Avenger II [movie]

I FEEL THAT ONLY TROMA AND NOBORU IGUCHI CAN CONSISTENTLY INTENTIONALLY MAKE SO BAD IT'S GOOD MOVIES. I LOVE THAT THEY DIDN'T REALLY EVER DO ANY TRANSLATION AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE JUST TALKS IN UNTRANSLATED JAPANESE FOR HALF THE MOVIE.  I THINK IT'S REALLY GROSS THAT JUST WATCHING A LOT OF NON-PORNOGRAPHIC ANIME IS ENOUGH TO TRANSLATE THE GIST OF AN ATTEMPTED RAPE SCENE. 'NO', 'PLEASE' , 'STOP IT', 'PERVERT!' PS. THIS MOVIE WAS PRETTY RACIST BUT WHAT IS NOTEABLE IS HOW THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT A MILLION BILLION TIMES MORE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE THAN YOU WOULD THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE.

Class of Nuke 'Em High [movie]

I LIKED THIS MOVIE JUST FINE BUT IT SEEMED REALLY JUST TO BE A MORE TONED DOWN TOXIC AVENGER. IT HAD THE GROSSOUT AND THE VIOLENCE AND THE NUDITY AND THE BODY HORROR BUT IT FEELS LIKE IT LACKED THE SURREAL POORLY DUBBED AUDIO AND PEOPLE MAKING REPETITIVE MOVEMENTS THAT REALLY MAKES A TROMA MOVIE A TROMA MOVIE. PS. THE GIRL DRINKING SUN SCREEN AND THE DRUG DEALER LOOKING AT THE CAMERA DID HIT THAT MARK THOUGH AT LEAST.

Terror Vision [movie]

WHEN A MOVIE TRIES TO BE 'SO BAD IT'S GOOD' IT JUST ENDS UP BAD. THE ONLY COMPANY THAT CAN DO INTENTIONAL SO BAD IT'S GOOD IS TROMA AND THAT ONLY WORKS BECAUSE THE MOVIES DON'T WORK BUT HAVE ANOTHER LEVEL OF 'WHY DID THEY EVEN MAKE THIS"? PS. ON THE OTHER HAND I'M ACTUALLY SHOCKED THIS CAME OUT IN 1986, I WATCHED THE WHOLE THING SORT OF ASSUMING IT CAME OUT IN 2010 OR SOMETHING AND WAS JUST PARODYING 80S MOVIES.

Total Recall [movie]

MAYBE THIS ISN'T THE BEST MOVIE EVER OR ANYTHING BUT FOR A REMAKE OF A BELOVED MOVIE IT DID IT RIGHT, REMOVING THE DUMB 80S PARTS AND MAKING IT MORE TRUE TO THE ORIGINAL STORY BUT ALSO BEING REALLY WICKEDLY CLEVER ABOUT BEING METATEXTUAL AND HAVING A FAT WOMAN GO THROUGH SECURITY SO YOU ARE ALL 'I KNOW HOW THIS GOES, I SAW THE ORIGINAL' THEN NOT HAVING THAT HAPPEN. PS. IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE OBJECT DESIGN IN THIS WAS SO COOL AND MADE EVERYTHING WORK LIKE A PHONE BUT DID A REALLY BAD JOB AT ARCHITECTURE TO THE POINT EVERY SINGLE CHASE SCENE JUST BECAME 'FALL OFF THE TOP THING TO THE BOTTOM THING THEN SHOW A SHOT OF A SHOCKED ASIAN FAMILY". IT HAPPENED LIKE 4 TIMES!

The new Jim Crow [book]

I AM PRETTY SURE IF 50 YEARS AFTER WORLD WAR II GERMANY HAD IT SO 3/4TH OF THE MALE JEWS IN IT'S CAPITAL HAD A STATUS THAT MADE IT SO THEY COULDN'T LEGALLY HOLD SOME JOBS, COULDN'T GET FOOD STAMPS OR COLLEGE LOANS AND THAT THERE WERE GERMAN STATES WITH UP TO 25% OF JEWS COULDN'T VOTE EVERYONE IN THE US WOULD TOTALLY BE ALL 'HEY, I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" BUT WHEN BASICALLY THE SAME THING HAPPENS IN THE US WE ALL ACT TOTALLY CONFUSED LIKE WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS COULD HAPPEN. PS. DID I READ AN IMPORTANT BOOK ON SOCIAL JUSTICE SOLELY BECAUSE THE LAST BOOK I WROTE WAS 50 SHADES OF GREY AND I HAD TO BALANCE THINGS? YES.

50 Shades of Grey [book]

IT IS PRETTY EASY TO POINT OUT HOW BAD THE DIALOG IS, OR HOW BLATANTLY AND OVERTLY THIS IS AN PROFOUNDLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OR MAKE JOKES ABOUT THE WEIRD TAMPON SCENE OR QUOTE THE PARTS OF DIALOG THAT ARE LITERALLY NOT ENGLISH SENTENCES.  BUT SOMEONE POINTED OUT THAT THIS IS LITERALLY EROTIC FAN FICTION, THIS IS LITERALLY PORNOGRAPHY AND MAYBE *THIS* ISN'T WHERE TO START PICKING ON UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS OR BAD DIALOG IN PORNOGRAPHY. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND KNOWING WHAT THIS IS THE HIM SAVING HER FROM THE BIKE SCENE MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD IN REAL LIFE.