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Showing posts from August, 2018

Dead Cells [game]

Dead Cells [game] THIS GAME IS EXTREMELY GOOD. JUST THE RUNNING AND JUMPING AND (MOST) OF THE WEAPONS ARE JUST FUN ON THEIR OWN. THE WAY IT'S IMPLEMENTED IF YOU ACTUALLY DO OUT THE MATH YOU CAN SEE THAT RUNNING PAST ALL THE ENEMIES IS THE MOST OPTIMAL WAY TO BEAT THE GAME AND THAT AFTER A WHILE LEVELING UP MOSTLY HURTS YOU SO YOU SHOULD STOP TRYING TO FIND SCROLLS, BUT LIKE, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER BECAUSE THE GAME IS SO FUN THE IDEA OF NOT FIGHTING THE ENEMIES FEELS REPULSIVE AND EVEN WHEN YOU ARE GOING FOR TIMED DOORS YOU JUST KINDA WANNA FIGHT THEM FOR FUN. STATS SAY I KILLED 20,634 ENEMIES. PS. BEFORE I BOUGHT THIS GAME I WATCHED LIKE 200 HOURS OF NORTHERN LION PLAYING IT. I WASN'T EVEN EXTREMELY INVESTED IN GAMER STREAMS OR ANYTHING. I JUST ALWAYS NEED SOMETHING PLAYING AND STUFF LIKE THAT IS VIRTUALLY INFINITE. I DON'T THINK HUMANS ARE SUPPOSED TO LIVE ALONE FOR SO LONG AND JUST LISTENING TO SOME BALD WEIRDO PLAY DEAD CELLS FOR HOURS IS A TRICK TO MAKE IT SEEM LI

Wish I was Here [movie]

Wish I was Here [movie] I ACTUALLY LIKED GARDEN STATE. THIS MOVIE FELT LIKE A PARODY OF THAT. LIKE SOMEONE JUST MADE A LIST OF EVERY SINGLE THING THAT NEEDS TO BE IN AN INDIE MOVIE AND JUST DECIDED TO DO THEM ALL AT ONCE. PS. THIS MOVIE CONTAINS A FURRY SUBPLOT

The Beyond [movie]

The Beyond [movie] I DON'T KNOW, IT'S KINDA SHOCKING MORE SCI-FI MOVIES AREN'T BASED ON BEING PRETEND DISCOVERY CHANNEL SHOWS. IT'S A SOLID ENOUGH IDEA BUT GOD DAMN THIS SHOW DECIDED TO HAVE LIKE 5 BILLION TOO MANY DIFFERENT STUPID CLICHE PLOTLINES HAPPENING AT ONCE SO EVERYTHING JUST FELT UNFOCUSED AND HARD TO CARE ABOUT. PS. THE ONLY GOOD PART WAS SETTING UP THE AVATAR WHEELCHAIR GUY AS A PROTAGONIST THEN KILLING HIM OFF TOTALLY OFF SCREEN WITH NO PAYOFF AND NOT EVEN MAKING THAT ANY SORT OF JOKE OR PUNCHLINE OR ANYTHING

Penelope [movie]

Penelope [movie] LIKE, HER NOSE IS UGLY BUT THIS MOVIE IS HILARIOUS ON HOW DISJOINTED THE ACTUAL AMOUNT UGLY SHE IS VS THE AMOUNT THE MOVIE WANTS TO PRESENT HER AS. LIKE YEAH, IT'S A BAD NOSE BUT PEOPLE ARE LIKE FREAKING OUT AND FAINTING AND STUFF. PS. IS THIS A WELL KNOWN MOVIE? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore.[movie]

I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore.[movie] I DON'T THINK THERE IS A SINGLE THING I LIKED ABOUT THIS MOVIE. THIS FEELS LIKE A MOVIE SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME TO WATCH AND SAY 'NO, YOU'LL LIKE IT', BUT I DON'T LIKE A SINGLE THING ABOUT IT' PS. CAT MEAT MAKES YOU INVISIBLE.

The Discovery [movie]

THIS WAS AN AMAZING PREMISE FOR A STORY BUT INSTEAD OF DOING ANYTHING WITH THE PREMISE THEY LITERALLY JUST MADE FLATLINERS. LIKE FLATLINERS SHOULD JUST SUE THIS MOVIE. ALTHOUGH EVENTUALLY IT GOT AWAY FROM THAT TO SOME OTHER REALLY DUMB AND BORING NONSENSE. ALSO IT FELT ALL JUMBLED UP LIKE THE SECOND DISCOVERY WOULD BE THE THING THAT MADE EVERYONE EVERYWHERE KILL THEMSELVES. BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN UNTIL AFTER PEOPLE ALREADY DID?   PS. THIS MOVIE SEEMS LIKE SOMEONE READ THE WIKIPEDIA PAGE ON QUANTUM IMMORTALITY AND THEN DECIDED IT WAS TOO COMPLICATED SO MADE UP A NEW THING THAT WASN'T THAT BUT WAS SO CLEARLY THAT IT MADE THE MOVIE ANNOYING.

Shadow of War [game]

THIS GAME IS A REAL MESS SO I EXPECTED TO HAVE SOME 'EH, IT'S OKAY' REVIEW OF IT. HOWEVER, IT'S TOTALLY FINE IN THE END, I LIKED PLAYING THIS A LOT. IT FELT LIKE EVERY OTHER SYSTEM UNDERCUT SOME OTHER SYSTEM SO NOTHING WORKED WELL TOGETHER LIKE THE FIRST GAME BUT I STILL PLAYED A TON SO I GUESS IT'S FINE. PS. HOLY CRAP THE WHOLE ENDING IS AWFUL. I GET IT WAS SOME SECRET ENDING UNTIL A MONTH AGO WHEN THEY PATCHED OUT THE MICROTRANSACTIONS AND HUGE GRIND THING BUT WHAT THE FUCK? YOU LOSE AND TURN EVIL THEN A THOUSAND YEARS LATER A ROCK FALLS ON YOU AND YOU DIE WHICH CURES YOU THEN THERE IS A WHOLE TERRIBLE SEQUENCE WHERE A GUY THAT WORKED ON THE GAME DIED IN REAL LIFE FOR REAL SO HE GETS TO BE IN THE GAME PUNCHING ORCS

Disenchanted: Season 1 [television]

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T DISLIKE THIS, I WATCHED THE WHOLE SEASON IN ONE SITTING AND WILL WATCH MORE WHEN IT COMES OUT BUT IT REALLY FEELS LIKE THEY JUST HAD A BIG BUCKET OF OLD FUTURAMA JOKES THEY NEVER USED AND SO EVERY CHARACTER IS LIKE SOME PERCENT FRY AND BENDER AND LEELA AND EVERYONE THEY MEET IS ZAFF BRANIGAN OR KIFF AND NO ONE REALLY HAS A PARTICULARLY STRONG IDENTITY. ALSO ELFO WEARING JUST LIKE BART CLOTHES IS A WEIRD JOKE I EXPECTED THEM TO EITHER GET PAST OR DO SOMETHING WITH.   PS. SOMEONE TOLD ME THIS SO I'LL TELL YOU THIS IF YOU WATCH IT. AT THE END OF THE LAST EPISODE IF YOU WATCH AFTER THE CREDITS THERE IS A LITTLE PART. AND LIKE, PUTTING A LITTLE PART AT THE END OF THINGS AT THE END OF A THING IS DEFINITELY 2010S CULTURE SO THAT ISN'T UNEXPECTED BUT THIS SHOW IS ONLY ON NETFLIX AND NETFLIX ONLY PLAYS CREDITS IN A TINY WINDOW THEN SKIPS TO THE NEXT THING SO THE LITTLE END THING IS SOME ULTRA SECRET BONUS CONTENT THAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO KNOW IS THERE. LIK

Peepoodo [television]

I THINK I WANTED TO LIKE THIS MORE. THE NAME 'PEEPOODO' IS REALLY FUNNY AND THE WHOLE CONCEPT IS SO OUTLANDISH. A FRENCH ANIME INSPIRED WEIRD GROSS OUT NAKED POSSIBLY EDUCATIONAL ANIMAL HAPPY TREE FRIENDS CARTOON. IT MOSTLY HAD LIKE 4 OR 5 THINGS THAT WERE FUNNY ANIMATION THAT MADE GOOD GIFS THEN MOST OF IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH, NOT EVEN LIKE "TOO GROSS AND IT FLUSTERED MY DELICATE SENSIBILITIES" JUST TOO MUCH LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TOO HARD. LIKE A RABBIT HAVING A CARROT IN IT'S BUTT ISN'T THAT FUNNY BUT ISN'T MUCH FUNNIER WHEN IT HAS 3 CARROTS AND THEN MAKING IT 10 CARROTS ISN'T REALLY PUSHING THE JOKE ANY. SO THE ONLY FUNNY PARTS WERE THE PARTS THE ANIMATION STYLE SUDDENLY CHANGED FOR ONE SCENE.       PS. I LIKE HOW THEY HAD A NAKEDNESS HIERARCHY WHERE THE MORE THEY DREW SOMEONE TO BE ATTRACTIVE THE MORE CLOTHES THEY HAD ON TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THIS WAS ABOUT GROSS OUT BODY HUMOR AND NOT ABOUT A SECRET FURRY JERK OFF CARTOON. I MEAN, DOCTOR PUSSYC

The Package [movie]

I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT DESCRIBE HOW BAD AND LAME THIS MOVIE IS. THIS FEELS LIKE ONE OF THE LOWEST QUALITY MOVIES I'VE SEEN IN YEARS. GOOD LORD. DOES IT FEEL LIKE THERE MIGHT BE A TREND THAT MORE AND MORE NETFLIX MOVIES MAYBE SUCK? PS. THE ONLY FUNNY JOKE WAS "THE ONLY PENISES I TOUCH ARE MINE AND MY HUSBAND" AND THE GUY SAYING "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO" ABOUT THE WIFI. AND THOSE WEREN'T EVEN ACTUALLY FUNNY.

Extinction [movie]

THIS MOVIE IS REALLY BORING MINUTE TO MINUTE BUT IT HAS A BUNCH OF EXTREME OUTER LIMIT SCI-FI TWISTS THAT MAKE IT BETTER THAN IT SHOULD BE SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT THIS MOVIE OVERALL.   PS. THIS IS THE FIRST REVIEW I HAD TO HAND COPY TO FACEBOOK, WHATS THE POINT OF EVEN HAVING CAPITAL REVIEWS IF I JUST HAVE TO HAND POST TO FACEBOOK? WHY NOT JUST WRITE THEM ON FACEBOOK TO START WITH?