Capital Reviews

 Monkey's Magic Merry Go Round [movie] THIS MOVIE IS REALLY FRUSTRATING. MANY OF THE SCENES ARE REALLY WELL DONE BUT THE MOVIE OVERALL IS VERY JUST OKAY.  IT FEELS LIKE THE WRITER CAME UP WITH "MR RODGERS/BLUES CLUES BUT HORROR MOVIE" AND THEN WROTE A WHITEBOARD OF EVERY IDEA AND INSTEAD OF PICKING ONE SET OF THEM JUST DID ALL OF THEM, AND LIKE, A TON OF THE SCENES DO A GREAT JOB, BUT IT ALL FEELS LIKE A MESS. LIKE, STRUCTURE WISE EITHER THE PUPPETS OR THE HOST HAVE TO BE OVERTLY EVIL AND CRAZY (AND THEN THINGS CAN DEGRADE SO BOTH ARE). AND LIKE, HAVING MONKEY HAVE A SUBTLELY CREEPY DESIGN WORKS EXCEPT THEN FERRET(?) BEING DIRECT HORROR MONSTER RUINS THAT. AND LIKE, CONCEPTUALLY THE PUPPETS BEING ON THE PLAYGROUND AND HIM HAVING THE YARD IS SET UP LIKE A THING, BUT THEY KEPT MESSING WITH IT, AND NOT IN A 'RULES ARE BREAKING DOWN' WAY, JUST LIKE THEY WANTED THE SCENE WITH BIRD AND BEAVER AND IT'S JUST MUSH. PS. THE BIGGEST ONE IS THE HUMAN TRAP SKIN THING, THAT...

 Digger [movie] HEY, THIS MOVIE IS REALLY REALLY GOOD. IT'S FLOPPING EXTREMELY HARD BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD. I ALSO SAID THAT ABOUT MEGALOPOLIS, BUT THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY GOOD AND NOT JUST FUNNY BAD. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN EVEN SAY ABOUT IT. EVERYTHING I CAN SAY IS SPOILERS. IT'S A MOVIE THAT EXISTS FOR IT TO BE 25 YEARS FROM NOW AND PEOPLE TO REDISCOVER THIS WEIRD FAILED TOM CRUISE MOVIE AND SAY 'WOW, IT'S JUST LIKE THAT" PS. SORRY MOVIE I'M PRETTY SURE FALLOUT HAS THE SOLE RIGHTS TO DOING THAT WITH THE INKSPOTS, YOU DOING IT JUST FEELS LIKE COPYING FALLOUT NOW. 

 Futurama (Hulu Series) [television] I LIKED ORIGINAL RUN FUTURAMA WELL ENOUGH. I KINDA ACTIVELY DISLIKED THE MOVIES AND THEN THE COMEBACK SERIES WAS KINDA ACTIVELY BAD (ALTHOUGH IT STILL MANAGED TO HAVE SOME GOOD EPISODES, LIKE LATE PHILIP J FRY AND THE TIME STOP FINALE WERE BOTH SOME OF THE BEST EPISODES OF THE WHOLE SERIES). THIS IS THE THIRD COMEBACK. IT'S AMAZING HOW PERFECTLY THIS REPLICATES THE ORIGINAL IN A WAY THE OTHERS NEVER DID. THE ORIGINAL IS JUST OKAY SO THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S AMAZING, BUT IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH THIS FIGURED OUT THE CORE OF EVERY FUTURAMA JOKE IS SOMEONE SAYING A WORD THEN SOMEONE ELSE SAYING THE SAME WORD ("LETS GO TO THIS EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT".... "THAT SOUNDS EXPENSIVE"). LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BUT THAT WAS LIKE 75% OF THE JOKES IN THE ORIGINAL THEN TOTALLY WENT AWAY. NOW IT'S BACK AND IT'S SO OBVIOUS HOW CORE THAT WAS TO THE FUTURAMA FEEL. PS. FOR SOME REASON I REALLY LIKE THE WHITE HOLE EPIS...

 Without a Hero [book] BIG GAME: IT JUST FEELS LIKE THERE NEEDED TO BE MORE TO THIS STORY. LIKE GUY GOES TO CRAPPY SAFARI PARK TO HUNT CAPTIVE ANIMALS THEN IS STOMPED BY AN ELEPHANT. I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS. IS THE NAME A JOKE? IT'S A SMART JOKE IF IT IS, BUT IT'S NOT OBVIOUS IF THE BOOK IS THAT CLEVER. HOPE RISES: I REALLY WANTED TO LIKE THIS, IT FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING, LIKE PARALLELLING THE DECLINE OF OLD AGE AND THE DEATH OF FROGS IN THE ENVIROMENT, OR WEIGHING IN ON IF "HOPE RISING" FROM WORMS GROWING IN SLUDGE IS OR IS NOT ACTUALLY GOOD. BUT THE STORY JUST ENDS WITH HIM FUCKING HIS WIFE WITH A BUNCH OF TOADS AROUND. MEH!! FILTHY WITH THINGS: THIS GOES ON A LONG TIME AND NOTHING HAPPENS. I WAS GOING TO SAY THE TWIST AT THE END WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER STORY BUT THEN THAT WAS THAT MOVIE I HATED SOOOO WITHOUT A HERO: DESPITE BEING THE TITLE STORY I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS EVEN A LITTLE BIT. …..EH, WHO CARES? THERE WAS LOTS MORE AN...

 Dragon Age: The Veilguard [game] EH, THIS ISN'T NEARLY AS BAD AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, BUT IT'S ALSO NOT GREAT. IT'S EXACTLY A GAME SOMEONE WOULD BE PLAYING ON A TV IN THE BACKGROUND OF A TV SHOW. IT'S FUNNY HOW DRAGON AGE IS A SERIES I FEEL LIKE I LIKE BUT IF YOU ASK ME WHICH GAME IT'S KINDA NONE OF THEM. I KINDA LIKE HOW THEY DID THE MASS EFFECT FINAL MISSION THING IN THIS BUT I PLAYED THIS REALLY HALF HEARTEDLY SO ALMOST EVERYONE JUST FLAT OUT DIES.  OH WELL! PS. MAN, I FEEL SO BAD, THE TAASH NONBINARY PLOTLINE SEEMED WAY TOO SILLY. IT WAS LIKE, WELL ENOUGH WRITING, AND FIT IN CONCEPTUALLY,  BUT YOU JUST GOTTA MAKE UP A FANTASY WORD OR SOMETHING, "NONBINARY" IS JUST NOT A COOL WORD FOR A DRAGON PERSON TO CALL THEMSELVES.

 Coyote Vs Acme [movie] YEAH, THIS IS REALLY GOOD. IT WAS A MOVIE THAT WAS COMPLETED THEN ENTIRELY BURIED AND DIDN'T COME OUT TILL YEARS LATER. I KINDA BUY THE CONSPIRACY THEORY ON WHY IT WAS BURIED. LIKE THE CONCLUSION OF THERE BEING A BIG CONSPIRACY THAT A BIG COMPANY JUST HURTS PEOPLE AND TAKES SMALL FINES AND JUST KEEPS DOING IT AND GETTING TO THE BIG CLIMACTIC TRIAL AND THEN THE BAD GUYS BEING LIKE "YEAH, SURE, WE DO, SO WHAT" AND CONGRESS DISMISSING THE CASE. THAT'S LIKE, BIG COMMENTARY.  (ON THE OTHER HAND THERE WAS KIDS IN THE THEATER AND THEY SOUNDED BORED OUT OF THEIR MINDS AND THAT IS PROBABLY THE REAL REASON THIS GOT SHELVED)  PS. HAVING PETER LORRE BE A CHARACTER IS A VERY FUNNY CONCEPT.