Capital Reviews

 Diablo IV: Lord of Hatred [game. dlc] THIS GAME STILL SUCKS. THEY ADD MORE STUFF THAT FEELS LIKE IT'S BIG IMPORTANT SYSTEMS BUT YOU CAN TELL THAT NO MATTER WHAT UI THEY ADD THAT IT'S JUST A BAD MOBILE GAME WHERE IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY MATTER IF YOU SUMMON A WOLF OR DO +89% DARKNESS DAMAGE OR WHATEVER. EVEN THE STORY THEY MANAGE ANOTHER SET OF COOL LOOKING CUT SCENES AND LIKE, A SUPER GREAT PREMISE FOR A DIABLO GAME (EVIL JESUS) BUT IT'S ALL JUST SOUP AND NONE OF IT MATTERS AND NOTHING HAPPENS.   PS. I LEGITIMATELY THINK MORE THAN HALF OF THE QUESTS IN THE GAME ARE "TALK TO LORATH". I GET WHY THEY DID THAT DESIGN WISE BUT JESUS CHRIST REDESIGN THE QUEST SYSTEM IF THAT'S HOW IT TURNS OUT. 

 Wasterville [movie] THIS MOVIE IS.... GOOD... ACTUALLY? ALL THE OTHER MOVIES WERE REALLY JUST KINDA WHAT YOU'D EXPECT FROM A BUNCH OF LOCALLY MADE HORROR MOVIES. LIKE, YOU REALLY NEED TO GRADE THEM ON A CURVE AND IF YOU SAY ONE IS GOOD YOU MEAN "GOOD FOR A MOVIE MADE LOCALLY" AND I DON'T WANT TO HYPE THIS MOVIE UP AS AMAZING, BUT LIKE, THIS MOSTLY SEEMED LIKE AN ACTUAL MOVIE. LIKE IT WAS SHOT AND LIT AND ACTED WELL, THE CAMERA AND MICROPHONES WORKED RIGHT, BUT LIKE, IT WAS ALSO A PRETTY INTERESTING MOVIE. I MEAN IT'S KINDA JUST MORE DIFFERENT VIDEODROME BUT I DON'T KNOW, OF THE MOVIES THIS WAS THE ONE THAT STOOD OUT AS ACTUALLY GOOD.  THE ABRUPT NOTHING ENDING WAS LAME, BUT THEY DID REALLY SPECIFICALLY SET THAT UP. LIKE IT GOES REALLY OUT OF IT'S WAY TO FACE THE CAMERA AND EXPLAIN THE CONCEPT OF STORIES THAT GO NO WHERE.  PS. BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 

 The Carnage Collection [movie] THIS CAME OUT ON VHS IN 2016 AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME SHOWN ON A MOVIE SCREEN. IT WAS NOT GOOD BUT ALSO IS SHOCKING IT WAS FROM 2016, IT FEELS WAY MORE LIKE A 2006 THING. THE SANTA ONE WAS OKAY BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE A MOVIE A LITERAL LITTLE KID WOULD MAKE, THE ANGEL OF DEATH ONE WAS LIKE, ACTUALLY EMBARASSING TO WATCH IT WAS SO BAD. THE RUFFIO THING WAS PEELED OFF THIS AND WON SOME AWARDS AND IT MOSTLY SUCKED. RUFFIO WAS SUCH A DUMB CHARACTER. SOMETHING SOMETHING BODY POSITIVITY FOR CASTING THAT GIRL AS THE DREAM HOT GIRL BUT APPARENTLY THAT IS THE FILM MAKER'S WIFE SO WELP.  PS. I IMMEDIATELY LOOKED UP WHEN RICK AND MORTY HAD THE INTERNATIONAL CABLE EPISODE AND IT WAS LATE 2014 AND THAT LINES UP EXACTLY

 Lick! Stick! Suck! And Swallow [movie] THIS IS SORT OF AN ANTHOLOGY MOVIE. IT'S THREE MOSTLY UNRELATED SECTIONS THEN A FINAL SECTION THAT KINDA TIES THEM TOGETHER. IT'S KINDA TOO LONG AND UNEVEN BUT IT'S NOT TERRIBLE. IT'S EXTREME HOW SPECIFICALLY IT STARS BANGOR SPECIFICALLY. LIKE LOTS OF MOVIES ARE FILMED PLACES BUT THIS MOVIE FEELS SO MUCH LIKE A SHOWCASE OF VARIOUS TRASHCANS AND DIRT PILES AROUND BANGOR MAINE. IT KINDA RULES HOW BANGOR FOCUSED THIS MOVIE IS.  PS. I AM IN THIS MOVIE FOR 2 SECONDS. THEY CUT OUT THE ACTUAL PART THAT MADE THE SCENE THAT I'M IN MAKE SENSE TO EVEN BE THERE WHICH MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, I CAN PRETEND THEY LEFT THAT SCENE THERE JUST TO SHOW ME OFF. 

 Bliss Montage [book, audiobook] GAHHHHHHHH. I HATE THIS. LIKE ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO I READ THE FIRST BOOK BY THIS AUTHOR AND IT STARTED OUT AS THIS RICHLY TEXTURED MULTILEVEL THEMATIC METAPHOR ABOUT A DISEASE THAT MADE YOU FALL INTO SIMPLER AND SIMPLER ROUTINE UNTIL YOU DIED, AND IT WAS LIKE A STORY ABOUT THE SURVIVORS ACCIDENTLY RECREATING THE SAME WORLD THEY LOST, AND LIKE, IMMIGRANT PARENTS WHO TRIED SO HARD TO AVOID CLINGING TO THEIR OLD LIFE SO HARD THEY WERE DOING EVERYTHING BY DOING IT'S OPPOSITE AND IT WAS THIS REALLY GREAT BOOK THAT SUDDENLY AT THE HALF WAY MARK GAVE UP ANYTHING THEMATIC AND JUST BECAME THE BLANDEST ACTUAL ZOMBIE BOOK IMAGINABLE. I HATED IT SO MUCH.  LIKE THE BASE SCI-FI PREMISE OVERTOOK AND PUSHED OUT THE THEMATIC SYMBOLIC STORY. THIS IS A BOOK OF SHORT STORIES BY THE SAME AUTHOR, ALMOST EVERY STORY ALSO STARTS WITH A MAGICAL REALISM SCI-FI PREMISE AND THEN BASICALLY EVERY STORY SEEMS TO EJECT THE THEMATIC PREMISE AND GO TO A TOTALLY MUNDANE STORY. AN...

 Evangelion Broadcast 30th Anniversary Special Performance [anime] AH, THIS WAS CUTE. IT WAS JUST A SERIES OF COMEDY SEGMENTS BUT LIKE, THE CORRECT SORT OF COMEDY. LIKE STICKING IN RANGE OF HOW WACKY THE SHOW ACTUALLY WAS INSTEAD OF BEING SO OVERWELMINGLY SILLY. I FEEL LIKE THE BEST JOKE IN THE WHOLE THING WAS SHINJI ROTATING UP FROM THE GROUND THEN ROTAING BACK INTO THE GROUND. PS. I FEEL LIKE THE INTENT OF THIS WAS KINDA TO MAKE AN OFFICAL VERSION OF ASUKA ENDING. I FEEL LIKE I NEVER LIKED EVANGELION BEING A SHIPPING SHOW. I KNOW 1990S FANS WERE BIG ON IT BUT IT FELT WEIRD AND BAD EVEN AT THE TIME. LIKE SHINJI SHOULDN'T BE DATING ANY OF THESE PEOPLE AND IT'S NOT LIKE, HARUM ANIME. PLUS EVERYONE IS HIS MOM.