Capital Reviews

 Obsession [movie] THIS IS A GOOD HORROR MOVIE. I KINDA HOPE IT DOESN'T GET POPULAR BECAUSE I CAN JUST IMAGINE THE ONLINE DISCOURSE THIS MOVIE WOULD MAKE. LIKE IT'S A MOVIE WITH THE CORE 'WOULDN'T IT BE SCARY TO HAVE AN ABUSIVE GIRLFRIEND' AND I JUST KNOW HOW THE MANOSPHERE AND INCEL IDIOTS WILL GO WITH THAT BUT IT'S ALSO A MOVIE THAT IS EXTREMELY ON THE ABSOLUTE BODY HORROR BEING THE PERSON STRIPPED OF WILL AND FORCED TO BE A PRISONER IN YOUR OWN BODY AND I CAN JUST IMAGINE THE "WELL, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT NIKKI IS THE REAL VICTIMS" POSTS, LIKE NO SHIT, THAT WAS WHAT THE MOVIE ALSO WAS. I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THIS CONVERSATION ANYWHERE. I CAN JUST SEE IT IN MY MIND SO CLEARLY I'M PRE-ANNOYED BY THIS THING I MADE UP.  PS. I LIKE THE WAY THE IT MADE FUN OF THE NEEDFUL THINGS TYPE STORE. I LIKE THE CONCEPT THAT WISHING WAS JUST STRAIGHTFORWARDLY REAL IN THIS WORLD BUT WAS LIKE, A FAD FROM THE 80S. LIKE WHEN THEY SHOWED THE SEARCH O...

 Buffet Infinity [movie, amazing] I *REALLY* LIKE THIS. CONCEPTUALLY IT'S JUST THE SAME SORT OF THING AS "TOO MANY COOKS" OR "THIS HOUSE HAS PEOPLE IN IT" (OR EVEN NIGHTVALE KELLOGG'S) BUT THAT IS A NEW ENOUGH GENRE THERE IS A LOT OF ROOM FOR NEW STUFF.  I LIKE HOW MOST OF THE COMMERCIALS GO ELDITCH INSANE BUT YOU CAN TELL LAWYER GUY IS JUST REGULAR WRONG AND AMMED IS JUST GOING MUNDANE CRAZY.  I DON'T KNOW, I REALLY LIKE THIS GENRE A LOT. (I THINK THE ACTUAL BUFFET INFINITY COMMERICALS WERE A LITTLE TOO SILLY AND I WISH THEY HAD KEPT THE SAME SILLY LEVEL AS THE OTHER STUFF BECAUSE THAT FELT LIKE IT WORKED, BUT THIS MOVIE RULED ANYWAY) PS. I LIKE HOW YOU CAN TELL ALL OF NORTH AMERICA SPAWNED THE EXACT SAME LOCAL COMMERICALS AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME. WINTERPORT BOOT ALIEN. 

 C.H.U.D [movie] THIS IS LIKE, MOVIE I'VE KNOWN ABOUT FOREVER THAT I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER SEEN A SINGLE FRAME OF. I GUESS MOSTLY BECAUSE IT'S REALLY NOT MUCH OF A MOVIE AND THE TITLE AND BOX ART WAS THE MAIN THING PEOPLE LIKED. SOME OF THE DIALOG WAS VERY CHARMING AT LEAST? BUT MEH. PS. THE MOST INTERESTING THING WAS THE WEIRD ANSWERING MACHINE DEVICE HE HAD. DID THAT EVER EXIST???

 A Parade of Horribles [book, audiobook] LOTS OF THINGS HAPPENED, ESPECIALLY NEAR THE END, BUT THIS IS DEFINITELY THE FILLER BOOK BETWEEN THE FACTION WARS AND ASCENSION STUFF. WHERE THE GAME STUFF HAS ZERO IMPACT AND MOST OF THE FIRST 75% WAS JUST WORKING OUT VARIOUS WAYS TO CUT THE ONE MILLION CHARACTERS THE STORY HAD TO A SMALLER NUMBER WITHOUT JUST KILLING EVERYONE. STILL GOOD THOUGH, IT'S EXTREMELY HILARIOUS THE AUDIO BOOK ACTUALLY GOES FOR IT WITH THE "TAKE ME ON' STUFF. IT'S A LITTLE ANNOYING THIS IS GOING KINGDOM HEARTS OF HAVING STORY BEATS TAKE PLACE IN RERELEASE VERSIONS OF OLDER BOOKS (STORY BEATS ALSO HAPPEN IN THE ADS FOR AUDIO BOOKS, THAT SEEM TO BE CANONICAL BUT DON'T YET COME UP IN THE MAIN STORY).  PS. I HAVE A VERY POINTLESS CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT WHEN THEY ARE ALL STUCK IN THE WHAT IF ROOMS THEY SAY A REALLY AWKWARD SENTENCE, I AM NOT GOING TO BOTHER TO LOOK IT UP, BUT HE SAY SOMETHING LIKE "IT'S LIKE A VIRAL SWAMP" OR SOMETHING. AN...

 The Mandalorian and Grogu [movie] IT IS SUPER OBVIOUS THIS IS JUST A SEASON OF THE SHOW POORLY EDITED DOWN INTO A MOVIE. BUT IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE SOME BIG FINAL SEASON THAT NEEDED A MOVIE BUDGET, THIS MOVIE HAS EXACTLY ZERO IMPACT ON ANY STATUS QUO. IT'S EXTREMELY DRAGONBALL Z FILLER MOVIE WHERE THEY FIGHT THE COUSIN OF A REAL VILLAIN. BIG BUFF CHAD HUTT IS VERY LITERALLY THE WORST STAR WARS CHARACTER EVER MADE, IT IS BOTH STUPID CONCEPTUALLY AND ALSO EXTREMELY UGLY TO LOOK AT. PS. I KNOW THEY MOSTLY SHOT BABY YODA AS A PRACTICAL EFFECT BUT IT'S SO MUCH FILMED IN FRONT OF A GREEN SCREEN WITH ALL THE MECHANISMS EDITED OUT THAT IT'S SO PERFECT LOOKING IT MIGHT AS WELL BE CGI EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT. I DO LEGITIMATELY LOVE THAT THING BIG GUARDIAN ROBOTS WERE LOW FRAME RATE STOP MOTION AND THAT THE LITTLE SHIP REPAIR GREMLINS WERE LIKE, THE WEIRD BAD MUPPET EFFECT THEY USED WITH FRAGGLES WHEN THEY HAD TO BE TINY WHERE YOU CAN TELL THEY ARE WALKING BY HAVING THEM ALL TAPED TO ...

 Mr. Bill's Real Life Adventures [movie] HEY, DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A 1986 LIVE ACTION MADE FOR TV MR BILL "MOVIE"? IT IS ABSOLUTELY INCOHERENT AND ALSO CLEARLY A PILOT FOR A HORRIBLE TV SHOW.  ALSO BARELY ANYTHING ABOUT IT IS EVEN REMOTELY MR BILL RELATED AND IT'S LIKE 90% JUST A SITCOM WHERE EVERYONE IS VERY LITTLE. HOW IN THE WORLD HAS THERE NEVER BEEN A SITCOM WHERE THE CHARACTERS ARE VERY LITTLE? ON THE OTHER HAND IT BEING SO GENERIC MAKES THE VERY SMALL NUMBER OF TIMES IT'S VIOLENT ALL EXTREMELY SHOCKING.  I AM LOSING MY MIND ABOUT THE PART SLUGGO CUT A DOG IN HALF.  PS. HALF THE RUNTIME HERE IS SHELLY DUVALL SLOWLY EXPLAINING HOW EVERY SCENE WAS MADE IN A WEIRD POINTLESS "MAKING OF" THAT SEEMED CLEARLY AIMED AT ACTUAL CHILDREN? WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THIS ALL SUPPOSED TO BE!?