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Showing posts from August, 2013

Orange is the new black [book, nonfiction]

JESUS CHRIST THIS BOOK IS INSUFFERABLE! I DON'T THINK THERE IS 5 PAGES ANYWHERE IN THE BOOK WHERE SHE DOESN'T MENTION HOW PRETTY SHE IS, HOW SHE WENT TO SMITH OR HOW MUCH BLACK PEOPLE LIKE HER. THERE IS EVEN A FEW SPECIAL PAGES WHERE SHE HYPOTHESIZES THAT BLACK PEOPLE LIKE HER BECAUSE SHE IS PRETTY AND WENT TO SMITH. PS. IT'S HILARIOUS TO READ THIS AND SEE WEIRD RANDOM LINES OR TOTALLY DRAMA FREE EVENTS OR RANDOMLY MENTIONED PEOPLE TURN INTO TV SHOW PLOTS. LIKE SOME RELIGIOUS GIRL WAS ANNOYING WHILE SHE WAS RUNNING AND SHE LIGHTLY HIT THE WOMAN'S HAND THEN APOLOGIZED AND THE TV SHOW TURNED THAT INTO: http://i.minus.com/ibfwvOje5hZDYS.gif

Sacred Citadel [game]

THIS GAME WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED IT TO BE: EXTREMELY SHORT. PS. WHEN DID I EVEN BUY THIS GAME? I AM SURE I GOT IT IN SOME RANDOM BUNDLE OR SOMETHING BUT IT'S A LITTLE FREAKY I OWN GAMES I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER BUYING.

On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode 4 [game]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT THIS GAME, IT ACTUALLY HAD A PLOT, A 4REAL SERIOUS PLOT AND NEARLY EVERY ENEMY WAS AN ENEMY YOU ONLY FOUGHT ONCE OR TWICE AND THE POKEMON THING WAS INTERESTING, BUT GEEZ DID IT FEEL STRIPPED DOWN THAT IN THE LAST GAME YOU GOT THREE COMMAND SETS AND COULD CHANGE THEM AND IN THIS GAME YOU GET TWO COMMAND SETS AND ARE SHARED. WHY SPEND MOST OF THE GAME IN TWO PEOPLE PARTIES? WHY NOT HAVE 8 TRAINERS? THEY DIDN'T REALLY NEED TO ANIMATE THE TRAINERS. PS. OMG OMG OMG A WHOLE CHARACTER THAT IS JUST REFERENCES TO PERSONA GAMES AND NOT EVEN THE MODERN PERSONA GAMES THAT NORMAL PEOPLE PLAYED, PERSONA ONE AND TWO!

Orange is the New Black Season One [television]

ALEX SEEMS LIKE A TERRIBLE PERSON BUT I THINK YOU COULD RESHOOT THIS SHOW WITH A CHANGE OF PROTAGONIST AND PIPER WOULD COME OUT HALF THE TIME AS JUST BEING FLAT OUT A VILLAIN. I MEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE THE WHOLE SERIES TAKES PLACE OVER LIKE TWO AND A HALF MONTHS OR SOMETHING. AT THE SAME TIME THIS IS THE BEST SHOW I'VE WATCHED FOR AGES BECAUSE MAYBE IT'S OKAY TO HAVE A TERRIBLE PROTAGONIST AND IT'S REALLY A SHOW ABOUT ALL THE SIDE PEOPLE WHICH ARE A REALLY AMAZING MIX OF COMEDY, SERIOUS AND JANEWAY. PS. I FEEL PERFECTLY WILLING TO ACCEPT THIS SHOW AS THE CANONICAL OUTCOME OF THE LIVES OF THE GUY FROM AMERICAN PIE AND THE CANONICAL OUTCOME OF THE LIFE OF PATTI MAYONNAISE

On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode 3 [game]

THIS GAME WAS FUN, THE BATTLES GOT REPETITIVE, THE CLASSES SEEMED TO TAILORED TO SPECIFIC PEOPLE AND BY THE END THE ONLY STRATEGY WAS 'EVERYONE BUFFS GABE THEN USE HIS BIG ATTACK'  BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY MATTER BECAUSE THE MONSTER DESCRIPTIONS AND WRITING WERE GOOD ENOUGH TO CARRY THIS JOKE GAME. PS. I PLAYED THIS BECAUSE THE PENNY ARCADE D&D PODCAST IS BACK AND IT MADE ME WANT TO PLAY THIS AND I LOVE HOW MUCH OF THIS GAME IS FROM THAT AND I LOVE THAT YOU CAN TELL THIS GAME IS A TOTAL JOKE BUT THEY ARE *SUPER* 100% SERIOUS ABOUT THE MYTHOLOGY OF THE WORLD. 

ABCs of Death [movie]

THIS WAS 26 SHORT FILMS EACH MADE BY A DIFFERENT DIRECTOR  FROM AROUND THE WORLD ABOUT SOMEONE DYING FROM A WORD FROM EACH LETTER OF THE ALPHABET. SOME OF THEM WERE REALLY AMAZING AND SOME OF THEM WERE REALLY BAD, THE AMERICAN ONES SEEMED LIKE THE WORST AND THERE WAS TOO MANY ABOUT TOILETS BUT F FOR FART IS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS. PS. I LIKE I HAVE WATCHED ENOUGH ASIAN HORROR I COULD JUST RECOGNIZE THE JAPANESE DIRECTORS BY THEIR SHORTS, BUT THAT MOSTLY IS JUST BECAUSE IT'S KINDA A THING THAT EVERY JAPANESE DIRECTOR JUST MAKES THE SAME MOVIE OVER AND OVER SO THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.

Hotline Miami [game]

I REALLY LIKE THIS GAME, LIKE A LOT, WHICH IS REALLY GOOD BECAUSE GOOD LORD NO PART OF THIS GAME ISN'T GLITCHY AS HELL AND I CAN BARELY NAME A THING IN THIS GAME THAT DIDN'T SPAZ OUT OCCASIONALLY AND LIKE A THIRD OF THE LAST HALF OF THE GAME WAS ENEMIES WALKING OUTSIDE THE LEVEL UNTIL IT WAS UNBEATABLE OR CUTSCENES NOT TRIGGERING. PS. I HAVE NO FRIGGIN CLUE WHAT THE PLOT OF THIS GAME WAS. AT. ALL.

Playing with Fire [comic]

OH MAN THE MAIN PLOT IS KINDA JUST A REDO OF A BUNCH OF EPISODES BUT ON THE OTHER HAND FINN'S TINY BODY IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST ADVENTURE TIME THINGS LIKE EVER. I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT GET OVER HOW GOOD A JOKE THAT WAS. PS. CAT CONVINCED ME TO NOT PIRATE THIS BUT THEN SOMEONE JUST POSTED ALL THE PAGES ON TUMBLR AND MY IPAD TOOK THAT AND DISPLAYED THEM SO NICELY. I'M THE WORST :(

Gothic & Lolita Psycho [movie]

OH MAN THOSE CARDS. IT'S NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE HAD A GIANT ART BUDGET OR ANYTHING BUT THE QUALITY OF MOST STUFF WAS PAR FOR THE GENRE (YES THERE IS A GENRE), BUT THOSE CARDS! THOSE SUPER DRAMATIC, CENTRAL TO THE PLOT CARDS! THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE A TEEN'S FIRST DRAWING ON DEVIANT ART, IT'S AMAZING. PS. THIS MOVIE IS CALLED GOTHIC & LOLITA PSYCHO. IT'S CLEARLY NOT CALLED GOTHIC LOLITA PSYCHO, THEY SAY THE TITLE OUT LOUD AND PUT IT ON THE SCREEN FOR GOD'S SAKE, WRITTEN IN ENGLISH ALREADY.

The Wolverine [movie]

WOLVERINE IS WEIRD, X-MEN HAS A SUPER STRONG AND CONSISTENT THEME OF ALIENATION AND OR DISCRIMINATION. WITH VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING X-MEN BEING AN ALLEGORY FOR SOMETHING AS GRAND AND BIG ISSUE AS CIVIL OR GAY RIGHTS DOWN TO JUST BEING DIFFERENT IN  HIGH SCHOOL. THAT MAKES IT REALLY ODD THAT WOLVERINE IS THE BREAK OUT X-MEN CHARACTER. HE IS BROODING AND ANTI-HERO SO YOU CAN MASH ALIENATION ONTO HIM, BUT OVERALL HE IS THE CHARACTER THAT FITS THE THEME THE LEAST AND YET IS THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTER (EXCEPT EVERYONE LOVES DEADPOOL NOW). PS. THIS MOVIE WAS OKAY BUT UNFATHOMABLY FORGETTABLE, I WALKED HOME AND PLAYED INGRESS FOR AN HOUR AND BY THE TIME I GOT HOME I FORGOT I EVEN WATCHED THIS FOR 4 HOURS BEFORE I REMEMBERED AND WROTE THIS. ALSO: JAPANESE STEREOTYPES: THE MOVIE.