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Showing posts from February, 2012

Judy Moody and the not bummer summer [movie]

WAS THIS TERRIBLE MOVIE BASED ON SOMETHING? WAS STINK WRITTEN TO BE A TODDLER BECAUSE STINK WAS THE SAME AGE AS EVERYONE ELSE AND IT MADE HIM SEEN MENTALLY RETARDED. ALSO FRANK LEGITIMATELY WAS RUINING EVERYTHING AND THE MORAL TO BE NICE TO HIM SEEMED WEIRD, SHE WAS ALREADY BRINGING HIM ALL THESE PLACES. PS. I WATCHED THIS ON A BUS, DON'T WORRY

morning glory [movie]

BASICALLY THOSE SPUNKY TEACHER TURNS AROUND A HIGH SCHOOL MOVIE BUT A NEWS ROOM WITH HARRISON FIRED TALKING LIKE BATMAN. PS WHY WAS THIS MOVIE BASHING SEMIOTICS?

Antfarm Dickhole [movie]

OKAY SO I NEEDED A VALENTINES DAY MOVIE TO WATCH BECAUSE NO ONE LOVES ME AND I FELT THIS WAS THE CORRECT MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN NO ONE LOVES YOU. SO LIKE, THIS MOVIE IS LIKE 'TEETH' BUT THE BOY VERSION AND LIKE ALSO TEN TRILLION TIMES WORSE. ALSO THIS MOVIE HAS A LOT OF EXTREMELY BORING AND LONG NUDE SCENES AND PEOPLE THAT DON'T KNOW THEIR LINES AT ALL, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THE BIG FOREHEAD DUDE IS CLEARLY ADLIBBING AND IS ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY FUNNY AND THERE IS A FEW PARTS MY EYES HURT BECAUSE THEY WERE BUGGING OUT OF MY HEAD FROM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS TERRIBLE MOVIE. PS. GONNA SPOIL THIS MOVIE: THE END PART WHERE THERE IS A BUNCH OF RANDOM SCENES THAT LOOK LIKE OUTTAKES AND THE WHOLE MOVIE IS REVEALED TO BE THE ORIGIN OF SPIDERMAN IS THE BEST THING EVER PUT ON FILM.

Avenue Q [play]

YOU CAN TELL THIS WAS A GOOD PLAY BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS THAT ANY ADULT RE-IMAGINING OF SESAME STREET NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING WITH THE CONCEPT OF OSCAR AND THIS PLAY DID IT AS A BACKGROUND PLOT ELEMENT WITHOUT EVER BEING ALL IN YOUR FACE AND BEING ALL 'GET IT!? GET IT!?". ON THE OTHER HAND I SAW A LOCAL PRODUCTION OF THIS AND THERE WAS A FEW TIMES THEY THREW MAINE REFERENCES IN AND THAT WAS A BAD AND EMBARRASSING THING TO DO AND I AM GLAD IT WAS ONLY A FEW MINOR THINGS. PS. THERE IS PROBABLY SOME EXTRA PERSONAL SIGNIFICANCE TO LISTENING TO 'I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO COLLEGE' SITTING IN THE COLLEGE I WENT TO COLLEGE AT.

Magicka [game]

IT'S SO WEIRD THAT I'M USING THIS PHRASE NOT AS AN INSULT: THIS GAME WAS WAY LONGER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE. IF IT HAD BEEN A THREE HOUR GAME I WOULDN'T HAVE FELT CHEATED BUT IT TOTALLY WAS WAY LONGER AND THAT TOTALLY IS NEAT, SINCE THEY REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT. PS. IT IS NEAT THAT ALL THE ADVANCEMENT IN THIS GAME WAS PERSONAL ADVANCEMENT, THINGS LIKE ITEMS WERE EASY TO LOSE AND YOU NEVER LEVEL UP OR ANYTHING, BUT I FELT MUCH STRONGER AT THE END THAN THE START JUST BECAUSE I PERSONALLY GOT BETTER AT BEING A VIDEOGAME WIZARD.

Contagion [movie]

THIS IS MOVIE OF THE YEAR BECAUSE THE UNDERDOG REPORTER WARNING THE GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRATS ENDED UP BEING A JERK SELLING SNAKE OIL INSTEAD OF THE MISUNDERSTOOD HERO LIKE HE WOULD BE IN EVERY OTHER HOLLYWOOD MOVIE EVER. PS. DID IT FEEL LIKE THE SCALE OF THIS MOVIE WAS OFF? LIKE THAT THE MORTALITY RATES AND THE NUMBER DEAD WERE DEFINITELY SUPER BAD BUT TOTALLY OUT OF SCALE OF THE SORT OF BREAKDOWN OF SOCIETY AND ABANDONED CITIES THEY HAD BEEN SHOWING?

Karate Dog [movie]

I WATCHED THIS MOVIE SOLELY BECAUSE OF THE NAME AND WAS NOT LET DOWN AT ALL. SOMEHOW THIS MOVIE EXISTS, A MOVIE WHERE A CGI DOG CHEVY CHASE FIGHTS JOHN VOIGHT WHO IS HIGH ON SUPER SERUM. ALSO THIS WHOLE MOVIE MADE NO SENSE IN TERMS OF THE POLICE ACTING LIKE THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE THE BAD GUY WAS THE KILLER IN SOME SCENES, THE ISSUE WAS THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE TO SHOW, NOT THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW. THEY WATCHED HIM BLOW UP THEIR COMPUTERS AND RUIN THE EVIDENCE. PS. I MEAN I GUESS THE DRUG MADE THE DOGS SICK AND VOIGHT SORT OF CRAZY EVENTUALLY BUT THE BAD GUY'S PLAN WAS TO GIVE PEOPLE ETERNAL YOUTH BECAUSE HIS PARENTS DIED WHEN HE WAS YOUNG AND HE NEVER WANTED ANOTHER CHILD TO BE AN ORPHAN AND THAT SEEMED LIKE A PRETTY NICE PLAN COMPARED TO THE GOOD GUY WHO WAS MURDERED BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO TURN THEM IN FOR FIXING DOG RACES.

Batman: Arkham Asylum [Game]

OKAY SO THIS GAME DESERVED ALL THE HYPE IT GOT, I ADMIT IT NOW. ALSO THIS GAME HAS TERRIBLE CONTROLS ON A KEYBOARD OR I AM TERRIBLE AT KEYBOARDS OR SOMETHING AND I NEEDED TO PUT IT DOWN TO EASY BECAUSE I WAS HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME DODGING IN FIGHTS I HAD TO THROW BATERANGS. AND THAT WAS SORT OF UNFORTUNATE BECAUSE ON EASY THE STEALTH SECTIONS BECOME HONOR BASED BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU COULD JUST BEAT EVERYONE UP DIRECTLY. PS. I LOVE THE JOKER IN THIS, HARLE LOOKED DUMB BUT I LOVED HER GOOD OLD VOICE AND THE WAY SHE SAID B-MAN IN A WAY YOU COULDN'T TELL IF SHE WAS TRYING TO SAY BATMAN OR NOT AND I LOVED THAT THE KILLER CROC WAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN GOOFY FOR ONCE, I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE THE SCARECROW DESIGN BUT I MEAN HE HAD SOME OF THE BEST PARTS SO THAT IS FORGIVABLE, MY COMPUTER TOTALLY WOULD CRASH ON A MOVIE LOAD, IT SEEMED BELIEVABLE.