Capital Reviews

 Fiona And Cake [television] WHEN THIS WAS ANNOUNCED IT SOUNDED LIKE SUCH A BAD CASH GRAB BUT NO, IT'S GOOD. IT'S PG-13 ADVENTURE TIME WITH WAY MORE BLOOD AND A SHOCKING AMOUNT OF MILD SWEARING. IT DOES FEEL LIKE IT WASN'T SURE IF IT WAS REALLY ONLY 10 EPISODES OR NOT SO A LOT OF THE PACING IS WEIRD. THE THEMES END UP MESSY. OR MAYBE SOME OF THE THEMES ARE PERSONALLY UNCOMFORTABLE SO I SAY I DON'T LIKE THEM? WHO CAN SAY.  PS. IT'S FUNNY. I'VE BEEN ICE KING ON FACEBOOK SINCE LIKE 2008. FROM SOMEONE PINNING ME IN A 'TAG YOUR FRIENDS" PHOTO OF SEASON ONE ADVENTURE TIME CHARACTERS. SO MANY YEARS BEFORE SIMON OR BETTY OR ANY ACTUAL CHARACTERIZATION. I HAVE SO PERMANENTLY IDENTIFIED MYSELF WITH HIM IT'S ALWAYS WEIRD. DO I RELATE TO HIM? I NEVER REALLY KNOW.

 The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse [television] CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BUT I HATE THIS SO MUCH. I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I CAN QUITE EXPLAIN WHY. IT'S LIKE.... IT WANTS SO BAD TO BE QUOTED LIKE THE LITTLE PRINCE OR WINNIE THE POOH SO IT'S JUST PEOPLE TAKING TURNS SAYING "INNOCENT WISDOM" TYPE STUFF BUT WITH ZERO ATTEMPT TO CREATE A SETUP TO DO THAT. SO IT'S JUST PEOPLE SAYING TO EACH OTHER "WHAT IS THE BRAVEST THING YOU EVER SAID" TO GET TO SOMEONE SAYING PLATITUDES WITH MINIMUM EFFORT. SOMETHING ABOUT IT RUBBED ME THE WRONG WAY SO MUCH.  PS. THIS IS GOING TO BE A NON-CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BECAUSE NO ONE I KNOW WATCHED THIS AND I HAVE ZERO CONCEPT OF WHY I WATCHED THIS RIGHT NOW. 

 100 Years of Solitude [book, audiobook] COLUMBIA IS POSSIBLY THE MOST NOT CENTRAL AMERICAN COUNTRY THAT EXISTS AND IS PRIMARILY DEFINED BY NOT BEING CENTRAL AMERICA BUT MAN, THIS CATAOGY STUNK. THERE IS SO FEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE CENTRAL AMERICAN AUTHORS BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND ANY SORT OF LIST. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ACTUALLY WANTED TO FIND A BOOK ABOUT A COUNTRY OR LIVING IN A COUNTRY INSTEAD OF AN IMMGRATION STORY.  ANYWAY, THIS BOOK IS GREAT. I DO FEEL LIKE I BECAME A LITTLE TOO STUPID TO FOLLOW IT AS IT WENT ON, SINCE IT'S A BOOK THAT FOLLOWS 7 GENERATIONS AND HAS SO MANY REPEATED NAMES, I FEEL LIKE EVERY 50 PAGES OR SO I WAS MORE UNCLEAR WHO ANYONE WAS AND BASICALLY HAD LOST TRACK OF WHO WAS WHO.  PS. WHAT THE HELL DISNEY. I AM LOSING MY MIND HOW MUCH ENCANTO RIPPED THIS OFF.  IT'S SO OBVIOUSLY WHAT IT IS BUT SO NON-SPECIFICALLY. IT'S LIKE WHEN THEY USED TO MAKE CARTOONS OUT OF RAMBO AND ROBOCOP AND HAD TO LIKE, MAKE UP ALL DIFFERENT THINGS TO MAKE IT F

 Unicorn Wars [movie] THIS IS APOCOLYSE NOW BUT WITH CAREBEARS, PRETTY LITERALLY. I DO REALLY LIKE THAT IT MANAGES TO DO MORE THAN THAT THAN JUST BE HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. (ALTHOUGH IT'S PRETTY HAPPY TREE FRIENDS)  PS. I LIKE HOW MORE COMPLICATED THE MYTHOLOGY OF THE WORLD BEFORE OR AFTER THE MOVIE IS THAN IT NEEDS TO BE. WHAT? 

 Elemental [movie] WHEN FINDING NEMO CAME OUT I MADE A JOKE THAT EVERY PIXAR MOVIE IS WHATEVER THE NEWEST SHADER THEIR 3D PROGRAM HAS AND THE NEXT MOVIE WOULD BE LIVING FIRE. IT'S SO FUNNY THEY ACTUALLY MADE THAT, BUT ALSO IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU COULD SEE AT THE EDGES THEY WERE DOING PHYSICS BUT THAT THEY STYLIZED IT ALL SO MUCH IT LOOKED LIKE NOTHING AND THERE WAS NEVER A SINGLE ACTUAL IMPRESSIVE FIRE SCENE.  PS. THE MOVIE SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE 8 MINUTES LONG. IT'S A GOOD PREMISE FOR A SHORT, BUT THE MOVIE WAS JUST NOTHING, THE WHOLE FLOWER PLOT JUST FELT SO POINTLESS AND DISCONNECTED AND THE STAKES ON THE BLUE FLAME STUFF FELT SO WEIRD. THERE WAS LIKE 2 MINUTES WHERE THEY WERE HAVING DINNER WITH WADE'S WHITE FAMILY AND THEY STARTED GOING INTO LIKE, IGNORANCE BASED RACISM THAT WOULD MAKE A GOOD MIRROR TO FIRE DAD'S EASILY FIXED RACE HATE, BUT THEY DROPPED ALL THAT PRETTY MUCH AFTER ONE JOKE EACH.  (I REALLY DO LIKE THAT YOU CAN TELL THE PERSON WRITING THIS MUST BE AN

 The Bees [book, audiobook] I LOVE STRETCHING CATEGORIES SO I'M USING THIS FOR 'BOOK ABOUT A CITY' BECAUSE IT'S A FICTIONAL STORY ABOUT BEES IN A HIVE. LIKE BEE MOVIE OR MAYA THE BEE. IT'S WEIRD HOW MUCH I LIKE IT. IT JUST CAN NOT PIN IT'S TONE DOWN AND THAT SHOULD ANNOY ME BUT IT'S THE MOST CHARMING PART OF THE BOOK. LIKE 95% OF THE BOOK IS 'LET ME TELL YOU BEE FACTS" WHERE EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENS IS A VERY SPECIFIC DRAMATIZATION OF A VERY SPECIFIC BEE THING BEES DO TOLD AS IF THEY WERE PEOPLE. BUT THEN JUST RANDOMLY A BEE WILL HAVE A CUP OR BE SITTING AT A TABLE, OR AN EVIL BEE WILL JUST HAVE WEIRD SITH POWERS OR A SPIDER WILL BE A FORTUNE TELLING WITCH.  IT REALLY FEELS LIKE IT SHOULD BOTHER ME, BUT EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS IT MADE ME LIKE THE BOOK MORE. LIKE IT WILL GO ON FOR PAGES AND CHAPTERS EXPLAINING SUPER DETAILED FIRST PERSON VIEW OF WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A BEE RECEIVING SOME SUPER SPECIFIC CHEMICAL PHEROMONE THEN SOME OTHER BEE W