Capital Reviews

 The Substance [movie] THIS IS THE MOST 'OUTER LIMITS' ASS MOVIE EVER MADE.  EVERYTHING FROM THE TECHNOLOGY THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE BUT HAS A LOT OF RULES TO THE TYPE OF SOCIAL COMMENTARY. I DON'T KNOW, OUTER LIMITS IS KINDA OKAY THOUGH SO THIS WAS GOOD. THE BODY HORROR WAS BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO LOOK AWAY AT PARTS (MOSTLY JUST THE REGULAR SHOTS) BUT AS IT GOT MORE EXTREME IT DID GET WAY TOO SILLY. I GET THE ENDING PART WAS MEANT TO BE WAY OVER THE TOP BUT IT GOT WAY TOO WACKY. THE OLD LADY MAKEUP SHOULD HAVE BEEN LESS WACKY AND MONSTROELIZESUE WAS JUST THE TOXIC AVENGER.  PS. I WANTED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE THEN DIDN'T THEN SOMEONE SAID I SHOULD WATCH THIS MOVIE AND IT WASN'T PLAYING ANYMORE SO I DROVE TO THOMPSON MAINE WHICH IS SO OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THEY FORGOT TO NOTICE THIS ISN'T PLAYING ANYMORE. 

 The Wishing Pool and Other Stories [book, audiobook] THIS IS A BOOK OF SHORT STORIES BY ONE AUTHOR. IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE I WAS PRETTY MEH ON IT EARLY ON. A LOT OF THE STORIES WERE HIT OR MISS WITH A COUPLE GOOD ONES AND A BUNCH OF MEH ONES, THEN LIKE HALF WAY THROUGH THEY STARTED ALL BEING PRETTY GOOD AND I LIKED THE LATER ONES. I REALLY LEGITIMATELY CAN NOT TELL IF THE LATER STORIES GOT BETTER, OR MORE MY TASTE, OR JUST IT REQUIRED GOING THROUGH ENOUGH OF THEM BEFORE THE STYLE CLICKED OR SOMETHING.  PS. THE LAST FOUR WERE INTERESTING BECAUSE THEY WERE LIKE,  A SERIES OF STORIES THAT HAD ALMOST THE SAME SETTING BUT SEEMED UNCONNECTED, LIKE FOUR SEPARATE TAKES ON A CONCEPT INSTEAD OF FOUR STORIES SET IN A CONNECTED WORLD. 

 Cipher the Video [anime, movie] HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF THIS BEFORE TODAY? IT'S AN 1989 ANIME THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, THE EXPERIENCE OF WATCHING AMERICAN TV.  SO IT'S ALL WRITTEN AND ACTED IN ENGLISH AND IS ALL LIKE, THE MOST AMERICAN STUFF POSSIBLE.  PS. I ACTUALLY YELLED IN REAL LIFE WHEN THE "MAKING OF" EXPLAINED THE 'TWIST' OF WHO SHIVA AND CIPHER ARE. I NOTICED THE THING AND WAS GOING TO COMMENT ON IT IN THIS REVIEW BUT NEVER IN ONE BILLION YEARS WOULD HAVE MADE THE CONNECTION (IT'S WEIRD TO BE VAGUE HERE, NO ONE WILL WATCH THIS AND BE SPOILED. BUT IT FEELS LIKE A CRIME TO JUST SAY A SEMI UNINTENTIONAL TWIST SO GOOD IT MADE ME UNIRONICALLY YELL "WHAT!? NOOOOOOO" IN ACTUAL LIFE. 

 Inside Out 2 [movie] I FEEL LIKE THE FIRST ONE HIRED ONE BILLION PSYCHOLOGISTS THEN CAME UP WITH AN ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY PROFOUND TAKE ON DEPRESSION AND THEN THIS MOVIE WANTED TO DO THAT ON ANXIETY AND YOU CAN TELL THEY HAD SOME PIECE OF PAPER WHERE THEY ACHIEVED THAT AND ALL THE ELEMENTS ARE THERE FOR SOMETHING MORE THAN WAS IN THIS MOVIE AND THEY JUST REALLY WATERED IT DOWN TO BASICALLY NOTHING. LIKE THE MOVIE IS FINE, BUT YOU CAN SO EASILY SEE THE SETUP FOR A BUNCH OF ELEMENTS TO GO FOR SOMETHING MORE. LIKE SHE HAD A PANIC ATTACK AND THAT IS FINE, BUT LIKE, YOU CAN TELL AT SOME POINT THEY WROTE MORE OF A MOVIE WHERE ANXIETY HAS CORRUPTED HER ENTIRE SELF IMAGE AND SHE'S PANICING AND THEN EVERY BAD MEMORY SHE'S EVER HAD FLOODS IN AND THEN SHE GETS A NEW SELF IMAGE BY ACCEPTING EVERY MEMORY AS PART OF HER OR WHATEVER BUT THEY KINDA JUST GLOSSED OVER THE MIDDLE PART AND DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY.  PS. LANCE NEEDS TO BE IN KINGDOM HEARTS

 Megalopolis [movie, amazing, garbage] I CAN NOT EXPLAIN HOW SPECIFICALLY THIS MOVIE IS IF YOU GAVE NEIL BREEN 150 MILLION DOLLARS TO MAKE "THE POWER BROKER". LIKE EVERYTHING FROM THE PROTAGONIST BEING A GENIUS SAVIOR TO MANKIND THAT HAS SUPERPOWERS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO THE MOVIE ENDING WITH HIM GIVING A NONSENSICAL SPEECH IN FRONT OF A GREEN SCREEN THEN EVERYONE CLAPPING AND EVERYONE KILLING THE BAD GUY AND THE BANK GIVING HIM ALL THE MONEY.  JUST EVEN SMALL THINGS LIKE NEWS REPORTS SAYING HOW EVIL SOMEONE IS OR LIKE, THE MAYOR'S PARADE THAT IS SHOT SUPER CLOSE SO IT'S ONLY 4 PEOPLE AND THE WHOLE CROWD IS BOOING, THE CRATER BEING LIKE TEN FEET ACROSS,  AND LOCATIONS BEING STILL PHOTOS OF THE OUTSIDE OF BUILDINGS WITH TEXT PHOTOSHOPPED ON TO TELL YOU WHAT THE PLACE IS. I MEAN, A GENIUS WORKING ON ARCHITECTURE BY RUBBING A PRISM ON AN ORB IN FRONT OF A WEIRD CGI POLYGON THAT IS SHOWING PHOTOS OF YOUR DEAD WIFE IS THE MOST NEIL BREEN THING IMAGINABLE. IF A DIRECT

 Robot In The Family [movie] THIS MOVIE IS SO UNWATCHABLE AND IT RULES SO MUCH. IT'S SO CLEAR NO ONE HAS LINES AND EVERYONE IS AD LIBBING AND JUST SAYING STUFF OVER EACH OTHER THEN THE ROBOT IS JUST DUBBED IN TO BE TALKING AT ALL TIMES NO MATTER WHAT. LIKE HOW EVER MUCH YOU IMAGINE THE ROBOT TALKING IT'S TWICE AS MUCH AS THAT. LIKE THERE IS JUST SCENES WHERE PEOPLE ARE HAVING DIALOG AND THE ROBOT IS JUST DUBBED IN JUST SAYING WORDS, JUST LIKE, TALKING GIBBERISH OR SAYING PARTS OF NURSERY RHYMES OR SOMETHING AND IT'S UNBEARABLE TO WATCH AND IT HAD ME LAUGHING TO THE POINT I WAS WHEEZING. OH MY GOD.  PS. I REALLY LIKE THAT HIS THREE FUNCTIONS WERE: TEACH CHILDREN, CALL 911 AND DETECT GOLD. LIKE, JUST NO THEME THERE.