Capital Reviews

 I Saw The Tv Glow [movie] THIS MOVIE IS REALLY GOOD.  IT'S ABOUT WATCHING PETE AND PETE (WHICH IS ALSO BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER) THEN BEING TRANSGENDER, AND PETE AND PETE ARE IN IT. (I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS IN A NON-SILLY WAY, IT'S A REALLY GOOD MOVIE AND IT FEELS WEIRD TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH)  PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE THEY DID AN INTERVIEW WITH THE WRITER/DIRECTOR AND INSTEAD OF ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS RIGHT THEY JUST KEPT PULLING EVERY QUESTION TO BEING ABOUT THE MOVIE "THE MASK" AND THAT SEEMED VERY FUNNY. 

 A Time Slip of 10000 years: Prime Rose [anime, movie] I TALKED ABOUT WATCHING BAD OLD OVAS AND IT'S THIS. A BAD OLD OVA. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW NO SCENE EVER FOLLOWED THE PREVIOUS SCENE AND NOTHING THAT HAPPENED REALLY MADE ANY SENSE.  I LIKE THAT THE ENEMY FACTION WAS "TEXAS". PS. SPOCK IS JUST IN THIS

 Atlus [movie] UHH, J-LO PRODUCED AND STARED IN AN EXTREMELY ANIME SCI-FI MOVIE AND IT'S KINDA GOOD? IT'S LIKE A 1980S BAD OVA YOU'D FIND SOMEWHERE AND IT GOES SO MUCH MORE INTO ANIME NONSENSE THAN IT HAS TO. ALTHOUGH ON THE OTHER HAND IT MAKES SYNC RATE A BIG DEAL AND DOESN'T DO A SINGLE ANIME-ESQ THING WITH THAT CONCEPT. LIKE I CAN NOT IMAGINE HOW THIS MOVIE CAME OUT WITH THE SCENE SHE'S DEAD AND NOT HAVE THE THING GO TO 200% OR -100% OR SOMETHING.  PS. SOMEONE SAID TO WATCH THIS WITH JAPANESE AUDIO EVEN THOUGH THAT ISN'T WHAT IT'S MADE IN AND LOL, I DID WATCH PART OF IT LIKE THAT AND YEAH, THAT DOES SEEM THE RIGHT WAY TO WATCH THIS. 

 Pearl [movie] I LIKED THIS WELL ENOUGH BUT MAN I WANT IT TO BE BETTER. THE THING IT'S GOING FOR IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA BUT IT JUST DOESN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH. LIKE PREMISE WISE IT'S A MODERN HORROR MOVIE BUT FILMED LIKE AN OLD MOVIE, AND THAT IS SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT. IT'S JUST REALLY RANDOM SCENE TO SCENE IF THEY ARE HITTING IT ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY OR SEEMINGLY NOT EVEN BOTHERING WITH IT. LIKE CERTAIN SCENES THEY JUST ABSOLUTELY NAILED FRAME PERFECT HOW A MOVIE FROM THE 40S WOULD FILM THAT SCENE. BUT IT'S ALSO LIKE JUST GENERICALLY 'OLD MOVIE" WHERE THE MOVIE IS SET IN 1910 BUT IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S MIMICKING A 1910 MOVIE, IT'S LIKE 40S-70S, AND IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL LIKE THEY NAILED IT DOWN. PS.  THE END CREDITS IS THE BEST PART AND I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT'S EVEN REFERANCING. 

 Alien: Romulus [movie] I'D SAY THIS IS THE BEST OF THE MODERN 'ALIEN' MOVIES. ALTHOUGH IT ACHIEVES THIS BY PLAYING IT ALL AS SAFE AS POSSIBLE, BUT IT DOES IT REASONABLY WELL AND EVEN HAS SOMEONE KILLED BY SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A GROSS EVIL VAGINA, AND THAT'S REALLY ALL YOU CAN ASK OF AN ALIENS MOVIE.  PS. PUT A CHIP IN YOUR HEAD TO UPGRADE FROM LOW FUNCTIONING AUTISM TO HIGH FUNCTIONING EVIL AUTISM. 

 Kite: Liberator [anime,movie] THIS IS LIKE, 101 DALMATIONS TO STARLIGHT BARKING LEVELS OF "THIS HAD A SEQUEL? THE SEQUEL IS ABOUT *WHAT*???!?!" WHERE THE ORIGINAL WAS AN UNCOMFORTABLE, HYPERGORY, FAIRLY HEAVY STORY ABOUT CHILD ABUSE, THEN THE SEQUEL IS ABOUT.... ISS ASTRONAUTS NEEDING TO TAKE CALCIUM SUPLEMENTS AND EATING SPECIAL CURRY AND TURNING INTO BONE MONSTERS? PS. I FELT 100% SURE THE WEIRD SETUP WAS A LEAD UP TO "THE MONSTER FALLS THROUGH A BUNCH OF STUFF" TO ONE UP THE MOST FAMOUS SCENE, AND THE MONSTER LITERALLY FALLS TO EARTH FROM SPACE BUT OFF SCREEN. THEY DON'T EVEN DO THE THING. 

 The Redemption of Time [book, audiobook, garbage] GOD THIS BOOK SUCKS. WHEN THE THREE BODY PROBLEM SERIES ENDED A INTERNET FAN FICTION ABOUT IT GOT POPULAR AND THEN GOT BOUGHT AND OFFICALLY RELEASED AS A PART OF THE SERIES AND JESUS CHRIST IT'S BAD. IT'S LIKE A JOKE ABOUT WHAT THE WORST POSSIBLE FANFICTION IS. LIKE, DID YOU NEED THE SERIES TO BE MORE CHRISTIAN? DID YOU NEED SINGER TO HAVE A SEX SCENE? DID YOU WANT THE CONSTANTINOPLE PROSTITUTE WOMAN TO BECOME A GREEN LANTERN? DID YOU WANT A BUNCH OF MINOR CHARACTERS TO TURN OUT TO BE SECRETLY SUPER IMPORTANT? NO? ME NEITHER.  PS. I FEEL LIKE THE WHOLE APPEAL OF THIS IS THAT TINY-SOLARIANS IS A GOOD EXPLANATION AND FITS THE SORT OF NONSENSICAL BIOLOGY THEY HINTED AT AND WORKS PRETTY WELL THEMATICALLY.  I ALSO THINK SOPHON AS ANIME CYBER NINJA SUCKED BUT THEY TIED THAT WITH THE CREATOR BEING A LOSER WITH NO FRIENDS AND THAT FELT AUTHENTIC, LIKE OH YEAH, THEY DESCRIBED HIM AS 100% A GUY THAT WOULD JUST MAKE ANIME GARBAGE IF...

 Saviour of the Soul [movie] THIS IS A KUNG FU COMEDY MOVIE AND IT RULES SO MUCH BECAUSE YOU CAN TELL EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS SUPER GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO BUT WERE DOING EVERYTHING AS STUPID AS POSSIBLE SO THAT IT AVOIDED THE TRAPS MOST "BAD ON PURPOSE" MOVIES FALL INTO AND JUST FELT TOTALLY ERNEST ABOUT BEING A VERY STUPID MOVIE THAT RULED VERY MUCH. PS. I AM FACE BLIND TO THE POINT TWO OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS IN THIS ARE SOMEONE AND THEIR SISTER AND AT NO POINT DID I REALIZE THEY WERE THE SAME ACTRESS. ALSO I TOOK A PHOTO OF A STATUE OF THAT ACTRESS IN HONG KONG BECAUSE I THOUGHT SHE HAD COOL HAIR

 Borderlands [movie] I HAVE A WEIRD RELATIONSHIP WITH BORDERLANDS WHERE I FEEL LIKE I DON'T LIKE IT BUT HAVE PLAYED LITERALLY EVERY GAME IN THE SERIES, WHICH IS NOT A THING I'VE DONE FOR SERIES I ACTUALLY LIKE. IT'S LIKE, A C- LEVEL SERIES THAT IS KINDA LIKE GAMES I LIKE THAT IS ALWAYS A LITTLE BAD SO IT'S ALWAYS ON SALE FOR LIKE 12 DOLLARS EVENTUALLY AND THAT HAS GOTTEN ME TO PLAY LITERALLY EVERY ONE. I KINDA FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE IS BAD BECAUSE BORDERLANDS IS BAD AND THIS WAS AN EXTREMELY FAITHFUL VERSION OF IT.  PS. IT IS EXTREMELY FUNNY EVERYONE IS LIKE LITERALLY 3X THE AGE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. IT FEELS LIKE THEY MADE SOME DECISION THEY COULDN'T HAVE ACTUAL KID TINY TINA SO THEY AGED THEM UP THEN SOMEHOW DECIDED THAT MEANT THE OTHER CHARACTERS HAD TO BE IN THEIR 50S AND 60S. 

 Death's End [book, audiobook] IT'S LEGITIMATELY INTERESTING HOW SMOOTHLY THESE THREE BOOKS WENT FROM PURE HARD SCI-FI AND POLITICAL DRAMA TO PURE STEVEN BAXTER DISEASE WRITING. WHERE THIS BOOK IS NEARLY PURELY SOMEONE FLYING PLACES THEN SOMEONE EXPLAINING WHATEVER HIGH CONCEPT SCI-FI, IT GETS WITHIN INCHES OF THE STEVEN BAXTER MAXIMUM OF SOMEONE GETTING TURNED INTO A CRYSTAL SO AN AI CAN JUST EXPLAIN WORLDBUILDING TO THEM FOR 100 TRILLION YEARS.  IT'S PRETTY GOOD AT IT THOUGH AND I DO LOVE THAT STUFF. IT JUST FEELS VERY UNFOCUSED ABOUT IT. LIKE IT WAS GOOD WORLDBUILDING NONSENSE BUT IT FELT LIKE A LOT OF THE STORY KINDA DROPPED OUT OR WENT NO WHERE OR GOT MUDDLED. LIKE IT LOST TRACK OF WHAT IT'S THEMES EVEN ARE. I THINK I AM MOSTLY JUST ANGRY HOW MESSED UP THE FABLE SECTION WAS. LIKE HOW CLEARLY IT WAS WRITTEN ABOUT ONE THING THEN NOT CHANGED WHEN THE PLOT CONCEPT CHANGES. IT'S LIKE 'THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, IF AN EVIL GUY IS GOING TO PAINT YOU INTO A PICTURE TH...

 Tacoma [game] I TALKED ABOUT FIREWATCH BEING LIKE GONE HOME, THE GONE HOME PEOPLE MADE A SECOND GAME AND FOR WHATEVER BUNDLE REASON I OWNED IT APPARENTLY. THERE IS A LOT LIKEABLE BUT THIS GAME BUT IT'S KINDA NOT GREAT. I FEEL LIKE THE BIG ISSUE IS THAT THE GAME IS AN HOUR LONG. IT FEELS LIKE THEY BIT OFF MORE THAN THEY COULD CHEW BY HAVING SUCH A BIG SCI-FI SETTING THEN MAKING IT SO BRIEF, EVERYTHING HAPPENS THEN IS RESOLVED SO FAST.  THE SETTING IS NEAT AND IT'S SUPER COOL HOW THEY DO WHAT IS BASICALLY JUST STATIC AUDIO LOGS, BUT EVERYTHING IS "OH NO, HOW WILL WE SOLVE THIS PROBLEM"...."OKAY WE EASILY SOLVED THIS PROBLEM".  PS.  I'M MAD THAT THE CAT NEVER DID ANYTHING. WHY EVEN HAVE IT? 

 Turnip boy commits tax evasion [game] THE HUMOR OF THIS GAME IS FUNNY ONCE THEN REPETITIVE, THE GAMEPLAY IS KINDA CLUNKY, THE WRITING IS PRETTY CLICHE BUT IT'S ALL KINDA OKAY BECAUSE THE GRAPHICS WERE CUTE AND THE GAME IS LIKE AN HOUR LONG PS. I NEED GAMES LIKE THIS THAT ARE KINDA BAD BECAUSE A DEMON IN MY HEAD SOMETIMES TELLS ME I COULD MAKE A GAME AND GAMES THAT AREN'T GOOD BUT STILL GOT SOLD MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I COULD SOMEDAY. NOT THAT I AM WORKING ON THAT IN ANY WAY AT ALL

 Firewatch [game] I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS A WHILE A GENRE OF GAME EXISTED THAT WAS "THERE IS A VOICE ACTED NARRATOR AND THEY COMMENTED ON THINGS" (BASTION, THOMAS WAS ALONE, STANLY PARABLE, ETC) AND THIS IS THAT AND THAT GENRE WAS GOOD AND EVERY GAME LIKE THAT WAS GOOD. THIS GAME IS ALSO EXTREMELY "GONE HOME" PLOT WISE. IT'S A GOOD GAME! PS. I PLAYED A DEMO OF THIS ON GAIKAI OR ONLIVE OR SOMETHING AND LIKED IT SO MUCH I BOUGHT A COPY OF IT FOR SOMEONE WHO WOULD LIKE IT BUT NEVER PLAYED IT MYSELF, THEN I AM PRETTY SURE THAT PERSON HEARD A PARK RANGER LOCK ME BEHIND A GATE AND TELL ME BEARS WERE REAL AND THERE AND TOLD ME TO PLAY THIS BECAUSE OF THAT. (THAT IS NOT WHY, BUT THAT DID HAPPEN) 

 The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog [game] THIS GAME ISN'T GOOD, IT'S NOT EVEN BAD, IT'S BARELY ANYTHING. IT BASICALLY EXISTS TO BE VERY FUNNY THAT IT EXISTS AND TO BE ABOUT 30 SECONDS OF AN EXTREMELY FUNNY CONCEPT FOR A TRAILER. THE ACTUAL GAME WATERS IT DOWN INSTANTLY TO NOTHINGNESS, BUT IT IS FUNNY THAT IT EXISTS AND IS A REAL GAME THAT REALLY EXISTS.  PS. MY NEPHEW WANTED TO SEE MY STEAM DECK AND ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NEEDED TO PLAY THIS GAME ON IT DESPITE THE CONTROLS BEING SO NON-FUNCTIONAL ON A STEAM DECK. 

 The Dark Forest [book, audiobook] I LIKED THIS BOOK MORE THAN THE FIRST. I LIKE HOW THE FIRST BOOK HAD THE REALLY STUPID PART THE ALIENS JUST EMAILED THEIR WHOLE PLAN FOR NO REASON THEN THAT BECAME THE MAJOR CENTER OF THE PLOT. I ALSO LIKE THE WALLFACER PROJECT BEING INVENTED THEN THE GOVERNMENT INSTANTLY MESSING WITH IT. (BUT EVERY WALLFACER SECRETLY HAVING A BUNCH OF JOJO TWISTS TO THEIR PLAN). I ALSO LIKE THEY MADE THE JUMP TO THE FUTURE AND YOU EXPECT IT TO BE A DYSTOPIA BUT IT'S FINE.  PS. I APPOLOGIZE, I WAS KINDA ANNOYED AT HOW SLOW ROLLED THE REVEAL OF THE DARK FOREST THEORY BECAUSE AS A READER I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS BECAUSE IT WAS A REAL THING AND THE BOOK TOOK FOREVER TO LEAD UP TO IT, BUT WELP, IT'S A REAL NAME OF THE REAL THEORY BECAUSE THIS BOOK FROM 2008. 

 Midnight Suns [game] THIS GAME CAME OUT AND FLOPPED. THEN A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WERE LIKE "WAIT, THE X-COM TEAM MADE THIS, IT'S GOOD ACTUALLY" SO I BOUGHT IT REAL CHEAP AND.... IT'S GOOD ACTUALLY. IT'S NOT THE BEST GAME EVER MADE OR ANYTHING, BUT AS A GAME IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE.  LIKE, IT'S FAIRLY IMPRESSIVE HOW THE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS ACTUALLY ARE MECHANICALLY DIFFERENT, THEN ONCE YOU UNLOCK MODS YOU END UP WITH A VERSION OF EACH CHARACTER THAT IS TOTALLY MECHANICALLY UNIQUE. STORY WISE A LOT OF THE WRITING ISN'T GREAT ("YOUR MOTHER") . BUT THERE IS SO MUCH OF IT SOME OF IT IS OKAY. THE DLC STORY IS SO DUMB IT'S GOOD AS A DUMB PLOT AND THE MAIN PLOT IS BAD BUT HAS SOME UNEXPECTED TWISTS. I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T THINK ANYONE SHOULD PLAY THIS, BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO SOLIDLY GET ACROSS "NO, IT'S BETTER THAN YOU THINK IT WOULD BE". PS. IT'S TIME TO MORB