Capital Reviews

 The Fantastic Four: First Steps [movie] I THINK I GENERALLY DISLIKE FANTASTIC FOUR ANYTHING. ESPECIALLY THE MOVIES. THIS IS PRETTY GOOD THOUGH. I FEEL LIKE I AM PRETTY BIG ON THE CONCEPT GALACTUS SHOULD BE A FORCE OF NATURE AND ANY TIME THEY BEAT HIM BY FIGHTING HIM THEY ARE DOING IT WRONG. THIS DID IT PRETTY WELL BY HAVING IT BE A INEVITABLE FEELING END OF THE WORLD, AND THEN MADE THE FIGHTING SUE STORE HAVING SOME SORT OF STROKE AND GRUNTING A LOT TO PUSH BACK GOD BY FORCE OF WILL TO SAVE HER BABY, AND THAT WAS A GOOD ENOUGH TURN INTO THE TROPE I DON'T GENERALLY LIKE OF "JUST GET REAL MAD TO BEAT THE UNBEATABLE SUPERVILLIAN"  PS. THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE WAS THE END CREDITS MUSIC, I DON'T THINK THAT WAS EVEN A REAL SONG? I THINK THEY JUST MADE THAT SONG FOR THIS MOVIE???

 Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampire [movie] I HATE THIS SO MUCH. I DON'T THINK I CAN THINK OF A MOVIE I HAD A HARDER TIME FOLLOWING. IT FEELS LIKE THERE IS SO MANY PLACES THEY WOULD JUST INTRODUCE OR START TALKING ABOUT SOME CONCEPT THEN NOT EXPLAIN IT FOR LIKE 45 MINUTES. NOT EVEN AS LIKE, A STORY OR WRITING THING, JUST LIKE THE MOVIE WAS OUT OF ORDER OR SOMETHING. EVEN IF YOU GAVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS I DO NOT THINK I COULD TELL YOU THE PROPERTIES OF A DAYWALKER OR WHAT THE TOWERS WERE FOR.  PS. I WATCH EVERY ONE OF THESE WITH MY NIECE. I FEEL LIKE THE FIRST ONE SHOULD BE TAUGHT IN COLLEGE CLASSES AS THE MOST BAFFLING AND CONFUSED TAKE ON RACE YOU COULD POSSIBLY MAKE. THIS ONE MAKES THE VAMPIRES BLACK PEOPLE AND THE DAYWALKERS WHITE PEOPLE THEN NEVER EVER EVER MENTIONS THEY DID THAT. LIKE SOMEONE HAD AN IDEA AND THEN DISNEY WAS LIKE "NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU DOING THAT" BUT DIDN'T REFLIM. 

 Moana 2 [movie] THIS MOVIE SEEMED SO STREAMLINED. LIKE NO ONE EVER HAD ANY PROBLEMS OR ISSUES AND EVERYTHING WAS SOLVED BY WHATEVER THEY WERE DOING ALREADY.  PS.  LIKE 60% OF THE CHARACTERS DIDN'T MATTER OR CONTRIBUTE TO THE PLOT. THE BAT LADY JUST NEVER CAME UP AGAIN

 Twisters [movie] THE LADY PUT DIAPERS IN THE TORNADO AND MADE AN EVIL TORNADO. PS. YOU DIDN'T WATCH THIS AND CAN'T SAY THAT ISN'T THE PLOT

 Spider-Man: Miles Morales [game] THIS IS A GOOD, SMALL, LIMITED SCOPE GAME. LIKE IT HAS A BUNCH OF OPEN WORLD ACTIVITY SETUP, THEN YOU DO A REASONABLE NUMBER OF THEM AND IT'S LIKE "OKAY, YOU ARE DONE" INSTEAD OF 'NOW DO THIS 500 MORE TIMES" AND THAT IS VERY CHARMING. IT'S A SPIN OFF STAND ALONE DLC TO A DIFFERENT GAME AND THAT IS WHY, BUT IT'S RARE YOU SEE THAT. IT'S VERY "NOW COLLECT ALL THESE WHATEVERS, I WILL MARK IT ON YOUR MAP" AND THEN THERE IS LIKE 5 WHATEVERS AND IT'S A VERY REASONABLE NUMBER.  PS. THIS GAME WAS WEIRD, MILES WAS VERY "I'M A BROOKLYN BOY FROM BROOKLYN, THATS MY MAIN PERSONALITY" THEN WAS LIKE 'OH, NOW I LIVE IN HARLEM ACTUALLY" THEN LIKE, THE GAME STORY WANTED TO BE ABOUT THAT, THE STORY OF HARLEM'S LOCAL SPIDERMAN, BUT THE MAP WAS JUST ALL MANHATTAN SO THAT DIDN'T MATTER EITHER. 

 The Warriors [movie] THIS MOVIE IS VERY BORING AND NOT VERY GOOD BUT I 100, 1000, 1 MILLION PERCENT UNDERSTAND WHY IT'S A CULT CLASSIC. IT'S LIKE AMERICA'S ANSWER TO JOJO OR SOMETHING BUT DECADES BEFORE. LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN PARTICULARLY GOOD STYLE, MOST OF THE COSTUMES ARE DUMB AS HELL, BUT IT'S LIKE, THE MOST STYLE. LIKE EVERYONE IS POSING AND DRESSED UP IN EVERY SCENE. THE RADIO DJ IS SOME KINDA REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA NONSENSE. I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS WITHOUT MENTIONING A BUNCH OF ANIME BECAUSE NOTHING BUT ANIME GOES TO SUCH ABSURD LEVELS OF OVER STYLIZED NONSENSE.  PS. REALLY THE KINDA THING YOU'D MAKE A DRAG SHOW OUT OF. 

 Superman [movie] THIS MOVIE DEFINITELY COMES OUT TOMORROW, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT'S PLAYING ALREADY. IN THE 2010S IT FELT LIKE THEY 'SOLVED' BIG BUDGET MOVIES THE WAY FAST FOOD HAS "SOLVED" FOOD. LIKE THEY AREN'T ALWAYS GOOD IN A REAL WAY, BUT LIKE, YOU RARELY GO TO TACO BELL AND SOMETHING ACTUALLY TASTES BAD. I STRONGLY FELT HIGH BUDGET MOVIES HIT THAT POINT, AND THEY DID FOR A WHILE. AND JAMES GUNN WAS THE MAKE MOVIES GOOD MACHINE, AND THEY DID THAT TO SUPERMAN, AND THAT'S THIS, AND IT'S GOOD IN THAT EXACT WAY OF NOT BEING BAD.  PS. THE POLITICS OF THIS WERE REALLY WEIRD, THE WAR FELT SET UP LIKE IT WAS LIKE... RUSSIA VS PALESTINE, BUT FELT LIKE IT WAS UKRAINE VS PALESTINE? WHICH IS A FICTIONAL WAR TO REALLY CONFUSE EVERYTHING. IT DID GET US TO SIMPSONS JOKE USED AS EMOTIONAL MOMENT THOUGH!

 Poop Cruise [movie, nonfiction] HONESTLY THE NAME OF THIS IS BETTER THAN THIS IS. IT HAD SOME REAL REALITY SHOW STYLE EDITING I DIDN'T LIKE AND NOT REALLY A LOT HAPPENED. IT'S A VERY FUNNY NAME THOUGH.  PS. I HATED THE THREE WOMEN AT THE TABLE AND I HATED THE GUY WHO HAD A HARROWING STORY OF NOT POOPING FOR LIKE 4 DAYS

 Escape from New York [movie] THIS FELT LIKE THE TOP OF "MOVIES IT SEEMED LIKE I'D HAVE WATCHED". BOY, THIS REALLY IS THE SOURCE OF EVERY SINGLE THING HIDEO KOJIMA DOES, HUH? I KNEW THAT WAS TRUE BUT I NEVER *KNEW* HOW TRUE.  PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE "THE WARRIORS" WASN'T FREE. 

 Monster Train 2 [game] GOD, I PUT 160 HOURS INTO THIS. I BEAT EVERY CHALLENGE RUN AND BEAT MAX COVENANT TITANS WITH EVERY SINGLE CLAN (BUT NOT EVERY SINGLE CLAN COMBO BECAUSE THAT'S LIKE, 185 NEAR IDENTICAL RUNS). THE ONLY REASON I'M STOPPING IS THE DEVS PUT OUT A DEVELOPMENT ROADMAP AND THERE IS MAJOR CONTENT AND DLC COMING WITHIN A YEAR.  I LIKE THIS GAME A LOT BUT IT'S WEIRD, I WILL NEVER LIST THIS AS MY FAVORITE GAME, OR ANYTHING LIKE IT. IT REALLY IS JUST THAT ROUGELIKES HOOK INTO SOME SORT OF PART OF MY BRAIN AND MAKE ME WANT TO PLAY THEM FOREVER.  PS. IT WILL BOTHER ME FOREVER THE TRAIN IS VERTICAL. THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF THE GAME IS SO SO SO CLEARLY DESIGNED AROUND TRAIN CARS,  LIKE THE WHOLE REASON IT'S A TRAIN AT ALL IS THAT. AT THE START OF THIS GAME THEY SMASH THE OLD TRAIN AND MAKE A NEW ONE, SO IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THEIR CHANCE TO FIX IT BUT NOPE, TRAIN ENGINE AT THE TOP. I GET GRAPHICALLY WHY YOU WOULD DO THAT, BUT YOU CAN JUST MAKE IT JUST A DISPLAY THI...