Capital Reviews

  Kung Fu Wonder Child [movie] A MAJOR ISSUE WITH SO BAD IT'S GOOD MOVIES IS A LOT OF THEM ARE A FEW WACKY PARTS WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF BORING PADDING. THIS ONE IS LIKE, THE MOST MAXIMALIST MOVIE IMAGINABLE, LIKE 30 THINGS HAPPEN EVERY 4 SECONDS. IT ACTUALLY GETS EXHAUSTING HOW MUCH NONSENSE IS HAPPENING PER SECOND BUT IT ALSO RULES. LIKE WHOLE PLOTLINES JUST GO BY IN SINGLE SCENES. I LOVE HOW MUCH STUFF IS ALREADY HAPPENING THE SECOND THE MOVIE STARTS.  PS. I HAVE SO MANY LEVELS OF GENDER CONFUSION ABOUT THIS MOVIE. THE KID IS A GIRL PLAYING A BOY, RIGHT? OR IS IT JUST A FEMININE LOOKING BOY? AND LIKE, THAT'S NOT DIAGETIC, RIGHT? IT'S UNRELATED THAT HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN THE NINJA SCHOOL? I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TELL AT ALL

Prehysteria [movie] I REMEMBER SEEING TRAILERS FOR THIS MOVIE AND KNEW IT EXISTED, SO IT'S SHOCKING I NEVER WATCHED IT. IT'S A MOVIE FROM THE 90S WHERE NEW MOON STUDIOES SAID 'WE SHOULD MAKE KIDS MOVIES" AND IT'S THE MOST NEW MOON MOVIE POSSIBLE, BY WHICH I MEAN "LAUGHABLY BAD EFFECTS IN 2025 THAT WERE LEGITIMATELY TOP OF THE LINE IN THE EARLY 90S WHERE THEY TRAILER SHOWS EVERY SINGLE EFFECT SHOT THAT EXISTS IN THE ENTIRE RUNTIME OF THE MOVIE". IT WAS OVERALL VERY GENERIC. LIKE THE DAD WAS ALMOST AS MUCH OF A BAD PERSON AS THE BADGUY AND JUST KINDA HELD SOMEONE AT GUNPOINT TO RESOLVE AN ISSUE, BUT ITS NOT REALLY NOTABLE FUNNY BAD.  PS. ON THE OTHER HAND THE DOG BEING IN HEAT SEEMED LIKE IT DROVE EVERY SINGLE PLOT POINT, WHY WAS THIS MOVIE SO OBSESSED WITH THE DOG BEING IN HEAT???

 Good Boy [movie] THIS WASN'T THE SUPER BEST MOVIE EVER OR ANYTHING, BUT IT DID WHAT IT WAS DOING WELL, THE DOG WAS A GOOD DOG ACTOR AND I REALLY LIKE THAT EVEN PARTS THAT WEREN'T FILMING THE DOG WERE STILL DOG EYE VIEW CAMERA. I FEEL LIKE THE ACTUAL PLOT WAS EXTREMELY THIN AND WAS EXTREMELY MORE VIBE BASED THAN AN ACTUAL STORY. BUT I DON'T KNOW. DOG ACTING. ALSO THE ONLY PREVIEW BEFORE THIS MOVIE WAS A DIFFERENT DOG MOVIE STARING A DIFFERENT DOG, SO MAYBE THIS WAS A MOVIE FROM DOG UNIVERSE FOR DOGS? PS. THE MOVIE ENDS THEN IMMEDIATELY GOES INTO A MAKING OF SEGMENT. I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE TEST MARKETED THIS AND WERE LIKE 'THEY WERE TOO MEAN TO THAT DOG" AND HAD TO CUT THAT OFF INSTANTLY THE SECOND THE MOVIE ENDS SHOWING EXACTLY HOW THEY DID EVERY SCARY SHOT. ALSO, HOW THEY DID IT: THEY JUST FILMED THE DOG FOR FOUR ENTIRE YEARS IN THEIR OWN HOUSE AND THE DOG ACTUALLY ISN'T TRAINED AND CAN'T ACT AT ALL BUT THEY JUST HAD THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF FOOTAGE TO GET ANY EM...