Capital Reviews

I WATCHED THIS MOVIE ON A PLANE. I HAD NO IDEA MATT DAMON WAS THE STAR. IT HAD A LOT OF SIGUR ROS MUSIC IN IT AND THAT WAS RAD. PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE WOULD HAVE HAD A LOT MORE THEMATIC DEPTH IF THE WIFE AT THE END HAD SAID THE WORD 'WHATEVER' AND I KINDA WONDER WHY THEY DIDN'T DO THAT?

THIS MOVIE WAS SURPRISINGLY GOOD. IT SEEMS WEIRD THAT IT IS HARD TO THINK OF OTHER HORROR MOVIES THAT USED THE TECHNIQUE OF 'MAKE THE BAD GUY REALLY TALL' BECAUSE THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING THIS MOVIE DID WELL WITH. PS. LIKE 90% OF THE CONFLICT IN THIS MOVIE WOULD BE SOLVED IF PEOPLE HAD JUST TOLD OTHER PEOPLE 'PEOPLE IN CLOWN SUITS ARE MURDERING PEOPLE' AND NOT TRIED TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT THEY WERE CLOWN ALIENS JUST TO GET THE PEOPLE TO GO ALONG WITH IT.

OH MAN, I THINK MY BRAIN HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT SAMOROST AND STUMBLING ON THAT IN THE WEIRD PART OF THE INTERNET LIKE A DECADE AGO AND IT BEING SO UNCLEAR IF IT WAS A REAL THING SOMEHOW. LIKE SOMEHOW AT THE TIME A WEB BASED GAME OF THAT GRAPHICAL QUALITY JUST DIDN'T SEEM POSSIBLE, LET ALONE AS SOME WEIRD THING HOSTED ON SOME NONSENSE WEB SERVER WITH NO FANFARE AND JUST A FEW PEOPLE LINKING TO IT AND SAYING "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?". PS. I BEAT THIS WHOLE GAME IN LIKE 45 MINUTES BUT I MEAN, I GOT IT FOR FREE FOR DONATING FIVE BUCKS TO... SAVE TREES? PLANT TREES? HELP KIDS WITH CANCER? I AM VERY CLEARLY LINSEY BLUTH AND CAN'T ACTUALLY REMEMBER WHAT IT IS I WAS DONATING MONEY TO.

OKAY, SO I HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW I NEVER PLAY EVIL IN VIDEOGAMES AND THAT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO DO SO, SO I TRIED IT ON THIS GAME SINCE THIS WASN'T A GAME I REALLY WANTED TO PLAY BUT HAD SITTING ON MY PS3 SINCE PSN WENT DOWN AND I GOT IT FOR FREE. I REALLY HAVE A HARD TIME PLAYING EVIL, AND KEPT DOING THE GOOD SOLUTIONS OF THINGS BY ACCIDENT. I AM APPARENTLY VERY LAW ABIDING! ALSO DID PLAYING EVIL MAKE ME MISS A TON OF STORY? BECAUSE MAN THAT TWIST AT THE END WAS OUT OF LEFT FIELD AND SUPER DUMB. PS. IF YOU THINK I HAD THAT CONVERSATION WITH YOU YOUR WRONG, I HAD THAT CONVERSATION LIKE 8 TIMES SINCE I DOWNLOADED THIS GAME.

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU REMEMBER THAT THE MATRIX WAS AN ENTIRE GENRE OF MOVIE EVEN BEFORE THE MATRIX. PS. THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE WAS HOW ENTIRELY SIMPLE IT WAS TO CONVINCE THE PROGRAMMER THAT THE VIDEOGAME MAN WAS ALIVE AND THEN THAT HE NEEDED TO KILL IT. I MEAN IT CLEARLY TIED INTO THE NIRVANA THEME BUT HE WAS RIGHT ON THAT LIKE IT WAS A COMMON OCCURRENCE.

IT'S ME, I'M THE GUY THAT REALLY WANTS TO WATCH A 1960S SOVIET MOVIE RECALLING THE LIFE OF AN ARMENIAN POET SOLELY THROUGH VISUAL METAPHOR. I AM THE TERRIBLE POST MODERN EXPERIMENTAL FILM SNOB THAT SITS THROUGH THIS MOVIE AND ENJOYS IT. PS. I FEEL THAT ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY DREW HEAVILY FROM THIS FILM STYLE OF "EVERYONE LOOKS DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA WHILE ANIMALS AND WEIRD CRAP HAPPENS IN THE BACKGROUND"

OH MAN, NETFLIX RATINGS, UP THROUGH FOUR AND A HALF STARS THEY SEEM TO BE REASONABLE SUGGESTIONS THEN BETWEEN FOUR AND A HALF AND FIVE STARS IT JUST GOES NUTS AND SEEMS TO BE THROWING JUST TOTALLY RANDOM MOVIES THAT SEEM LIKE THEY MAYBE AREN'T EVEN REAL MOVIES AT ME. BUT ALSO IT SEEMS TO BE TOTALLY SPOT ON THAT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK A FIVE STAR MOVIE IS. PS. THE BEST PART OF THIS OR ANY MOVIE IS WHEN THE HORSE GOES TO BED AND JUST STANDS ON THE BED.