Capital Reviews

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS GAME. THE CHARACTERS, THE STORY, THE GAMEPLAY, EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SUPER GOOD.I DON'T EVEN MIND THAT I PLAYED 80 HOURS BEFORE THE PATCH CAME OUT THAT MADE THE MAP ACTUALLY WORK. I EVEN LOVED THE WEIRD THING WHERE THEY HAD DIFFERENT ARTISTS DRAW THE DIFFERENT 'BLADES' SO ALL OF THEM LOOKED LIKE WEIRD DISCORDANT BOOBIE MONSTERS THAT DIDN'T FIT THE STYLE, IT FELT RIGHT FOR THE BLADES TO BE NOT QUITE RIGHT. THE WHOLE SETTING IS REALLY AMAZING TOO.   PS. I REALLY LEGITIMATELY LOVE THAT XENOGEARS WAS SQUARE, XENOSAGA IS NAMCO AND THIS IS A NINTENDO GAME AND THEY AREN'T RELATED BUT THEY TOTALLY ARE IN A WAY THAT FEELS LIKE MUTATED MYTH AND LEGEND IN A WAY A REAL GAME SERIES COULD NEVER DO. LIKE CHU-CHU TO TORA WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IF SOMEONE ACTUALLY PLANNED THIS.

I'LL ADMIT I WASN'T WATCHING THIS VERY WELL AND KEPT WANDERING OFF SO MAYBE IT'S THAT BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T REMEMBER A MOVIE WHERE I FELT MORE UNCLEAR WHAT WAS HAPPENING AT ANY TIME. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE PLOT WAS OR WHAT ANYONE WAS DOING OR WHO ANYONE WAS EVER. I HAD TO READ A REVIEW TO EVEN FIGURE OUT THE GOTH GIRL WAS THE SAME GIRL AS THE OTHER GIRL.   PS. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT OF WHAT STASIS WAS OR HOW THE WHOLE TIME TRAVEL THING WORKED OR WHAT THEY WERE TRYING TO DO

THIS MOVIE WAS TRYING TO BE ADULT ZOOTOPIA BUT WAS HANDLING THE RACE METAPHOR EXACTLY THE WAY YOU'D THINK A PRODUCTION COMPANY THAT "IRONICALLY" NAMED ITSELF "TRIGGER WARNING" WOULD SO THEY DECIDED THE SECOND HALF OF THE MOVIE WOULD JUST BE A SET OF NEARLY IDENTICAL SHOOTOUTS THAT KEPT MOVING TO NEW LOCATIONS.   PS. THIS MOVIE WASN'T GOOD BUT I AM SO HAPPY TO NOT BE WATCHING CHRISTMAS MOVIES ANYMORE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT THIS. IT IS A SCIENCE VS RELIGION STORY AND IT FEELS WEIRDLY RESISTANT TO FALLING INTO THE STANDARD TROPES OF THAT. IN A WAY THAT KINDA FEELS LIKE A FRESH TAKE AND KINDA FEELS LIKE IT'S SUPER UNCLEAR WHAT IT WAS TRYING TO SAY.  I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE TRIED TO WRITE THE LAZY SOUTH PARK MORMON EPISODE "THEIR RELIGION IS DUMB BUT THEY HAVE COMMUNITY AND IT MAKES THEM NICE" BUT DIDN'T HAVE THEIR HEART IN IT OR SOMETHING.   PS. THE FIRST NIGHTVALE BOOK FELT LIKE IT LITERALLY WAS NOT WORTH ANYTHING UNLESS YOU LISTENED TO THE AUDIOBOOK AND THAT IT ALSO LET SILLY NIGHTVALE STUFF RUIN THE SERIOUS PLOT. THIS FEELS WAY MORE LIKE A COHERENT AND ACTUAL BOOK AND IT FELT REALLY WILLING TO SLIGHTLY CHANGE AROUND ESTABLISHED NIGHTVALE STUFF TO MAKE A MORE COHERENT STORY AND THAT IS NICE. ON THE OTHER HAND NONE OF THE SMILING GOD STUFF MADE ANY SENSE IF YOU TRIED TO FIT IT INTO THE SHOW AND DIDN'T TAKE IT AS A STAND ALONE THING.

THIS MOVIE IS SO WEIRDLY REPUBLICAN. NOT EVEN LIKE, CONSERVATIVE, JUST SPECIFICALLY REPUBLICAN. LIKE THE PLOT IS ABOUT SOME WEIRD SCENARIO WHERE THE ESTATE TAX IS GOING TO STEAL THEIR FAMILY BUSINESS OR AGRICULTURE INSPECTORS ARE. PS. THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE EXPLICITLY THE DESCENDANTS OF ROBERT E LEE!

THIS MOVIE IS FINE. IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING BUT IT'S NOT THAT BORING. HOWEVER THE DON'T TRUST SANTA SCENE WITH THE KIDS SITTING IN THE DARK ROOM IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN IN MY THOUSANDS OF YEARS ON THIS EARTH. HOLY CRAP. HUNK SANTA IS GREAT TOO AND THEY ALMOST DID THE CASABLANCA FRENCH ANTHEM SCENE AND ITS DAMN TRAGIC THEY DIDN'T.   PS. IT'S FUNNY THIS EVEN HAD A SUPERNATURAL ELEMENT. IT'S NOT EVEN A TWIST AT THE END IT'S FROM LIKE 45 MINUTES IN TO LIKE 65 IN. IT'S MOSTLY JUST A WOMAN DATING A RICH CEO WHO GRABS HER BUTT THE FIRST DAY SHE'S THERE.

THIS MOVIE WAS EXTREMELY BORING. I LIKED THE WEIRD BAD ACTING CAUSING THE ELVES TO SEEM LIKE SOME KIND OF HORRIBLE ALIEN RACE. I LIKE HOW INCONSISTENT ABOUT IF ELVES KNEW ABOUT CHRISTMAS STUFF. LIKE THEY KNEW ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS TREES BUT WERE ALL CONFUSED BY STOCKINGS. I LIKE THE IDEA YOU COULD LIKE, DIVINE THE TRUE CHRISTMAS RELIGION AND THE HUMAN CELEBRATION WAS SOME FALLEN PERVERSION.   PS. I NEED TO GO BACK TO ROMANTIC COMEDIES, THESE LAST FEW HAVEN'T BEEN WORTH IT.