Capital Reviews

The Cat that Walked by Herself [movie] THIS IS THE JUST SO STORY, BUT ANIMATED IN SOVIET RUSSIA, AND IT'S LIKE, SOMETIMES CRAPPY CLAYMATION BUT RAPIDLY SHIFTS INTO A BUNCH OF ANIMATION STYLES, MANY OF WHICH ARE REAL REAL GOOD, ALL NARRATED BY A SEXY RUSSIAN CAT.  PS. WHY IS THIS SO MENACING? EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO UNSETTLING! WHY IS THE OVER THE HORIZONS SONG SO GRIM AND DISTURBING! OR THE PART THE ZEBRA THING DIES!

XCOM: Chimera Squad [game] WHAT EVEN IS THE DEAL WITH THIS GAME? IT'S PRETTY GOOD, BUT NOT REALLY GOOD, BUT LIKE, PRETTY GOOD? AND THEY LAUNCHED IT WITH NO REAL BUILDUP ONE DAY FOR 9 DOLLARS? AND I GUESS IT'S KINDA JUST REUSING XCOM 2 STUFF SO IT WAS PROBABLY PRETTY CHEAP TO MAKE, BUT THE WHOLE THING WAS WEIRD. I WONDER IF IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PHONE GAME? BUT IT NEVER RUN RIGHT OR SOMETHING? PS. I DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT X-COM *LORE* BUT MAN, WHAT A WEIRD GAME TONALLY, THE ALIENS HAVE BEEN ON EARTH FOR LIKE 5 YEARS, WHY ARE THEY ALL JUST DUDES? WHY IS THE SNAKE A SASSY TEEN? 

Les Maîtres du temps [movie] THIS WAS KINDA LOW KEY GOOD? BUT IT RELIED ON THE KID BEING THE DUMBEST BABY ON EARTH. LIKE, THE WHOLE THING WAS A KID LOST ON AN ALIEN PLANET AND EVERYONE BUT HIM DEAD AND NEEDING TO LISTEN TO A LITTLE RADIO OF A SMUGGLING SHIP TO SURVIVE, BUT LIKE, DESPITE BEING LIKE A TEN YEAR OLD HE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT A RADIO WAS AND THOUGHT THE RADIO WAS A LIVING CREATURE? LIKE WHY WOULDN'T HE KNOW WHAT A RADIO IS. LIKE BUGS ATE HIS BRAIN EVENTUALLY, BUT NOT TILL LATER. PS. THE BEST PART OF THIS IS THE PART THEY JUST GO AND KILL CHRISTIAN GOD AND IT'S JUST A B PLOT.

Devilman Crybaby [anime] THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT AT AROUND EPISODE 6 OR 7 THEY JUST GIVE UP ON ANY SORT OF PACING AND GO "YOU KNOW WHAT, THE ORIGINAL SOLD 50 MILLION COPIES, YOU KNOW WHO EVERYONE IS, LETS JUST GO" BUT I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DO NOT KNOW WHO ANYONE IS AND THAT S GREAT. PS. THE BEST PART IS PSYCHO JENNY. WHO IS PSYCHO JENNY? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.

Evil Brain from Outer Space [movie] OH MAN, THIS IS GREAT. IT'S LIKE, THREE JAPANESE MOVIES FROM THE 50S EDITED INTO ONE ENGLISH MOVIE IN THE 60S. SO IT HAS LIKE THREE MOVIES WORTH OF PLOT LINES, SO IT'S AN EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE BUT ALSO THEIR IS SIEG HEILING BATMANS AND ALSO A WITCH, AND A DEMON THAT IS A BALLET DANCER, AND THERE IS A CHILD DETECTIVE SPIES ARE HUNTING. IT'S JUST REAL REAL GOOD ON HOW MUCH NONSENSE IS GOING ON NONSTOP. PS. I WAS GOING TO SAY THEY REALLY NEEDED TO INVEST IN SOME DANCE BELTS IF THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE SO MANY PEOPLE WEAR LEOTARDS BUT THE WIKIPEDIA ON THIS SAYS NOT ONLY DID THEY NOT WEAR DANCE BELTS, THEY ACTIVELY STUFFED UP THE CROTCHES OF EVERYONE TO MAKE THEM HAVE HUGE DONGS. WHICH IS REAL WEIRD BECAUSE THIS WAS CLEARLY A MOVIE FOR CHILDREN (BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, SEE: LABYRINTH)

Tetsuo: The Iron Man [movie] I DON'T KNOW, I SEE WHY THIS MOVIE IS SEEN AS HAVING HISTORIC IMPORTANCE TO THIS KINDA FILM, AND IT HAD SOME NEAT STUFF ABOUT IT, BUT IT WAS KINDA A BORING MOVIE OVERALL. I'D WATCHED PARTS OF IT BEFORE AND KINDA SHAMEFULLY THOUGHT "THIS IS BORING, I'LL WATCH IT LATER" AND I FINALLY SAT DOWN AND WATCHED IT ALL, AND MAN, IT KINDA IS BORING. ESPECIALLY FOR HOW WILD AND OUT THERE THE THINGS HAPPENING ARE. THE EFFECTS ARE REALLY GOOD THOUGH FOR THE EXACTLY ZERO DOLLAR BUDGET EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE DOING. PS. IT'S VERY DAVID LYNCH IN STYLE, BY WHICH I MEAN IT'S GROSS PRACTICAL EFFECTS IN BLACK AND WHITE.

Animal Crossing [game] IT'S NOT TO SAY I AM DONE WITH THIS GAME. I HAVE PLAYED THIS GAME EVERY DAY AND WILL CONTINUE TO PLAY IT A LOT. WHEN THEY ADD GYROIDS I PLAN TO GET EVEN MORE BACK INTO IT. BUT I THINK I NEED TO WRITE A CAPITAL REVIEW NOW. I ONLY LIKE TO BE PLAYING ACTIVELY TWO GAMES AT ONCE AND I FEEL LIKE THIS GAME HAS DRIFTED TO THE POINT I'M NOT PLAYING IT 'ACTIVELY' I JUST CHECK IN AND DO MY CHORES THEN LOG IN THE NEXT DAY, WHICH IS HOW THESE GAMES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. PS. THIS GAME REALLY CAME OUT AT THE RIGHT TIME. I FEEL LIKE GEORGE BUSH REALLY DID AMINALIZE US ALL AND DOWNLOAD US INTO THE ANIMAL CROSSING WORLD FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS WHEN NO ONE COULD GO OUT. (NO ONE CAN STILL GO OUT, BUT STILL)