Capital Reviews

Singing Ringing Tree [movie] THIS IS LIKE, A SOVIET EAST GERMAN MOVIE FROM THE 50S THAT GOT FAMOUS BECAUSE THEY SHOWED IT IN ENGLAND IN THE 60S AND IT'S ALL JUST A WEIRD INCOHERENT TELLING OF A WEIRD MISHMASH VERSION OF A BUNCH OF NONSPECIFIC FAIRY TALES THAT ARE ALL CREEPY AS HECK. PS. THE HORRIBLE FISH!

Alice isn't Dead [audiobook, book] I SHOULD BE CLEAR THAT I LIKE ALICE ISN'T DEAD QUITE A LOT BUT MAN, OOF. I FEEL LIKE THE PODCAST GOT REALLY MESSED UP BY IT'S TOO MANY EXTENSION AND FORMAT CHANGES AND WASN'T VERY GOOD IN THE END BECAUSE IT DID GET TOO MUDDLED UP AND A BOOK REWRITING IT SEEMED LIKE THIS PERFECT THING TO REALLY FOCUS THE STORY DOWN AND SMOOTH OVER HOW MUDDLED UP THE PLOT GOT, BUT IT FEELS LIKE THE BOOK WAS LIKE 5X MORE MUDDLED UP. LIKE THE CORRECT STORY IS THAT KESHA HAS ANXIETY, THE THISTLE MEN ARE THE PEOPLE THAT TURN THEIR FEAR INTO HATE, THE POLICE COVER IT UP BECAUSE THE POLICE DON'T REALLY DISLIKE RACIST MONSTERS KILLING MINORITIES AND LOVE BEING ABLE TO TURN MONSTERS ON PEOPLE. THE GOVERNMENT TURNS A BLIND EYE. OFFICER CLOCK/KNOCK/TABLE IS A SPOOKY GUEST STAR WITH NO FURTHER EXPLANATION. BUT ALL THE OTHER ELEMENTS THEY ADD MAKE IT SO MUCH WORSE, NONE OF THE BAY AND CREEK STUFF HELPS, THE MILITARY BASE STUFF GOES NO WHERE, THE ORACLES ARE JUST...

Big Bad Mama II [movie] HOW DID THIS MOVIE COME OUT IN 1987? IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S LIKE 20 YEARS OLDER THAN THAT. ALSO EVERYTHING AROUND IT MAKES IT APPEAR WACKIER THAN IT ENDED UP ACTUALLY BEING.  PS. LARGE ADULT BABY

If You Don't Stop It... You'll Go Blind [movie] I WATCHED ONE AWFUL 70S MOVIE ON AMAZON AND APPARENTLY AMAZON PRIME HAS LIKE A MILLION TERRIBLE 70S COMEDIES? AND NOW IT WANTS TO SHOW ME A BUNCH OF THEM? THIS IS A DUMB SKIT COMEDY MOVIE BUT IT'S NOT EVEN SKITS, IT'S JUST JOKES, BUT NOT LIKE MOVIE JOKES, IT'S JUST LIKE, PEOPLE ACTING OUT DIRTY JOKES? LIKE JOKES THAT ARE JUST MEANT TO BE SPOKEN? IT'S V. BAD PS. I FEEL LIKE AMAZON HAS A LITTLE MAGIC BY MAKING THEIR SEARCH EXCEPTIONALLY BAD, LIKE YOU CAN FALL INTO RABBIT HOLES OF WEIRD MOVIES. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO WATCH 70S SEX COMEDIES, BUT IT'S JUST APPEALING THAT THERE IS THESE ABSURDLY OBSCURE MOVIES ON THERE AND THE EXTREMELY BAD INTERFACE MAKES THE EXISTENCE OF 'RARE" MOVIES EXIST.  LIKE ON NETFLIX YOU CAN SCROLL THROUGH AND FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT MOVIES EXIST, ON AMAZON IT FEELS LIKE THERE IS BAD MOVIES THAT FELL IN A CORNER THAT NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO EVER SEE. 

Torso [movie] THIS MOVIE HAS A THING WHERE IT'S THE FIRST MODERN SLASHER MOVIE AND IT DEFINITELY IS BUT IT ALSO IS THAT THING WHERE 70S HORROR MOVIES WERE A LOOPHOLE TO GO WATCH SOFT CORE PORNOGRAPHY IN A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE WAY SO THIS GETS REALLY REALLY TEDIOUS AT TIMES WITH JUST REALLY ENDLESS SCENES OF BOOBS THAT JUST GO ON TOO LONG TO EVEN BE ENTERTAINING AS BOOBS.  PS. I OF COURSE WATCHED THIS BECAUSE IT HAS THE BEST TRAILER OF ANY MOVIE EVER MADE. 

The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat [movie] OOF, THIS MOVIE IS MORE ABSTRACT SO IT HAS THAT GOING FOR IT, BUT LIKE, THE FIRST ONE HAD A BUNCH OF EDGY RACISM THAT WASN'T GREAT BUT AT LEAST WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH SOCIAL COMMENTARY. THIS MOVIE IS JUST GARBAGE AND HAS SO MUCH JUST ACTUALLY SHITTY RACISM. LIKE, IT'S REALLY BAD! PS. ALSO HE HAS SEX WITH HITLER IN THIS ONE 

Fritz the Cat [movie] I DEFINITELY HAVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE BUT DIDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I ALSO HAVE A STRONG FEELING THAT IN A YEAR I WILL STILL VAGUELY KNOW I WATCHED IT BUT NOT REALLY REMEMBER IT. IT JUST LACKS ANY OF THE REALLY SURREAL ELEMENTS A BUNCH OF THESE COUNTERCULTURE 60S/70S ANIMATIONS HAVE. IT'S JUST OVERLY STRAIGHT FORWARD AND IT BASICALLY SUCKS.  PS. IT'S LAME BECAUSE IT GETS CLOSE TO BEING SORT OF STILL RELEVANT WITH THE POLICE VIOLENCE AGAINST 'CROWS' BUT IT MESSED THAT UP BY HAVING THE 'CROWS' START IT SO IT JUST SUCKS.