Capital Reviews

 Avatar: Fire and Ash [movie] GOD, THEY KEEP MAKING THESE AND THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. WAS THERE EVEN AN AVATAR IN THIS WHOLE MOVIE EVEN ONCE (YES, AT NORMAL TOWN FOR LIKE 3 SECONDS).  PS. BOTH JAKE SULLY AND WIFE ARE SUCH RANCID PEOPLE. TEACHING FACISM TO WHALES

 The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants[movie] I WAS ALWAYS TOO OLD FOR SPONGEBOB BUT IT REALLY DOES JUST SEEM MADE FOR ACTUAL BABIES NOW. WHEN I WAS 20 IT FELT LIKE A SHOW MADE FOR KIDS AND STONERS AT MINIMUM.  PS. I LOVE HOW LAZY AND LOW EFFORT THE THEME SONG IS

 Street Fighter [movie] TO BE CLEAR, THIS MOVIE ISN'T ANY GOOD BUT IT RULES HARD. IT'S LIKE THE MOST HYPER LITERAL INTERPRETATION OF STREETFIGHTER II YOU CAN IMAGINE. IT'S LIKE THOSE FAKE AI TRAILERS OF LIKE SIMPSONS OR ED EDD AND EDDY OR SOMETHING THAT IS JUST A BUNCH OF CLIPS OF WEIRD UNCANNY HUMAN VERSIONS OF EVERYONE, SO EVERYONE IS WEARING THE EXACT OUTFITS AND STANDING IN THE STAGES AND THERE IS A BUNCH OF WEIRD SHOTS OF PEOPLE DOING THE LOOPING BACKGROUND ANIMATIONS AND ALSO A BUNCH OF THE DIALOG IS JUST WIN/LOSS QUOTES FROM THE GAME THAT ARE ALL JUST GIBBERISH NONSENSE. IT'S SO STUPID AND IT RULES.  PS. I ALSO LIKE EVERY FLASHBACK IS ANIME AND IS SO SERIOUS AND GOOD AND TAKES IT SO SERIOUSLY IN SUCH A STUPID MOVIE

 Buddy [movie] I SAW A VIDEO OF A WOMAN DISCUSSING THE FIRST SCENE OF THIS MOVIE THROUGH THE LENS OF A CHILD IN SPECIAL EDUCATION AND IT WAS SO WELL THOUGHT OUT AND CORRECT. JUST LIKE, CORRECTING A CHILD ON WHAT THEY ARE FEELING, TELLING THEM THEY ARE AFRAID THEN PHYSICALLY MOVING THEM TO DO WHAT YOU WANTED. (THERE WAS SOME ANIME REVIEW ON YOUTUBE I WATCHED YEARS AGO, WHERE HE'S DESCRIBING SOME AUTISM EMOTION NUMBER CHART THEY MADE HIM DO AS A KID, AND YOU CAN JUST FEEL THE ANGUISH WHEN HE GETS TO THE INFLECTION POINT OF THE VIDEO AND POINTS THEY WEREN'T EVEN DOING IT RIGHT) THE REST OF THE MOVIE ISN'T BAD, IT'S FINE, BUT IT FELT LIKE THE BRIEF PART BEFORE IT WENT TO JUST 'HE KILLS YOU WITH AN AXE' HORROR WAS THE BEST PART. ALSO I FEEL LIKE THE ENDING WAS THEM WATCHING THE ENDING OF DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED AND TRYING TO COPY. PS. I LEGITIMATELY LIKE THE MAILBOX BEING AN INTEGRAL CHARACTER THAT REALLY BARELY DID ANYTHING OR TALK. 

 Monkey's Magic Merry Go Round [movie] THIS MOVIE IS REALLY FRUSTRATING. MANY OF THE SCENES ARE REALLY WELL DONE BUT THE MOVIE OVERALL IS VERY JUST OKAY.  IT FEELS LIKE THE WRITER CAME UP WITH "MR RODGERS/BLUES CLUES BUT HORROR MOVIE" AND THEN WROTE A WHITEBOARD OF EVERY IDEA AND INSTEAD OF PICKING ONE SET OF THEM JUST DID ALL OF THEM, AND LIKE, A TON OF THE SCENES DO A GREAT JOB, BUT IT ALL FEELS LIKE A MESS. LIKE, STRUCTURE WISE EITHER THE PUPPETS OR THE HOST HAVE TO BE OVERTLY EVIL AND CRAZY (AND THEN THINGS CAN DEGRADE SO BOTH ARE). AND LIKE, HAVING MONKEY HAVE A SUBTLELY CREEPY DESIGN WORKS EXCEPT THEN FERRET(?) BEING DIRECT HORROR MONSTER RUINS THAT. AND LIKE, CONCEPTUALLY THE PUPPETS BEING ON THE PLAYGROUND AND HIM HAVING THE YARD IS SET UP LIKE A THING, BUT THEY KEPT MESSING WITH IT, AND NOT IN A 'RULES ARE BREAKING DOWN' WAY, JUST LIKE THEY WANTED THE SCENE WITH BIRD AND BEAVER AND IT'S JUST MUSH. PS. THE BIGGEST ONE IS THE HUMAN TRAP SKIN THING, THAT...

 Digger [movie] HEY, THIS MOVIE IS REALLY REALLY GOOD. IT'S FLOPPING EXTREMELY HARD BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD. I ALSO SAID THAT ABOUT MEGALOPOLIS, BUT THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY GOOD AND NOT JUST FUNNY BAD. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN EVEN SAY ABOUT IT. EVERYTHING I CAN SAY IS SPOILERS. IT'S A MOVIE THAT EXISTS FOR IT TO BE 25 YEARS FROM NOW AND PEOPLE TO REDISCOVER THIS WEIRD FAILED TOM CRUISE MOVIE AND SAY 'WOW, IT'S JUST LIKE THAT" PS. SORRY MOVIE I'M PRETTY SURE FALLOUT HAS THE SOLE RIGHTS TO DOING THAT WITH THE INKSPOTS, YOU DOING IT JUST FEELS LIKE COPYING FALLOUT NOW. 

 Futurama (Hulu Series) [television] I LIKED ORIGINAL RUN FUTURAMA WELL ENOUGH. I KINDA ACTIVELY DISLIKED THE MOVIES AND THEN THE COMEBACK SERIES WAS KINDA ACTIVELY BAD (ALTHOUGH IT STILL MANAGED TO HAVE SOME GOOD EPISODES, LIKE LATE PHILIP J FRY AND THE TIME STOP FINALE WERE BOTH SOME OF THE BEST EPISODES OF THE WHOLE SERIES). THIS IS THE THIRD COMEBACK. IT'S AMAZING HOW PERFECTLY THIS REPLICATES THE ORIGINAL IN A WAY THE OTHERS NEVER DID. THE ORIGINAL IS JUST OKAY SO THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S AMAZING, BUT IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH THIS FIGURED OUT THE CORE OF EVERY FUTURAMA JOKE IS SOMEONE SAYING A WORD THEN SOMEONE ELSE SAYING THE SAME WORD ("LETS GO TO THIS EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT".... "THAT SOUNDS EXPENSIVE"). LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BUT THAT WAS LIKE 75% OF THE JOKES IN THE ORIGINAL THEN TOTALLY WENT AWAY. NOW IT'S BACK AND IT'S SO OBVIOUS HOW CORE THAT WAS TO THE FUTURAMA FEEL. PS. FOR SOME REASON I REALLY LIKE THE WHITE HOLE EPIS...