Capital Reviews

 Friendship [movie]  OH GOD. THIS WAS REALLY GOOD BUT SO STRESSFUL TO WATCH I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO PUKE. IT'S TIM ROBINSON MEETING HIS "COOL" NEIGHBOR AND BECOMING BEST FRIENDS, THEN BEING WEIRD AND AGGRESSIVE AT A PARTY SO HIS FRIEND 'BREAKS UP', THEN TIM CYCLING TRYING TO WIN HIM BACK, BE AS COOL AS HIM, OR MAKE NEW FRIENDS AS HIS WHOLE LIFE FALLS APART DUE TO THE OBSESSION. IT'S VERY MUCH JUST A SERIES OF 'I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE' SKETCHES, BUT WITH ONGOING CONTINUITY SO THE ERRATIC BEHAVIOR HAS ONGOING CONSEQUENCES. (ALSO AT THE BIG PIVOTAL MOMENT THE GUY SAYS "I THINK YOU NEED TO GO" WHICH IS A REASONABLE AND NORMAL SENTENCE, BUT WAS SAID WITH WEIGHT, AND AS THE BIG MOMENT, AND I STILL DON'T THINK IT WAS A CALL OUT TO THE SHOW, BUT I DO THINK I HAVE THE SAME THEORY NOW I HAVE ABOUT  KAZUO ISHIGURO HAVING A MOMENT HE THOUGHT A STEAM MACHINE WAS THE CAUSE OF THE WORLD FALLING, OR REBECCA SUGAR LEAVING A TOY IN THE YARD WHERE ONE THING ...

 Drop Dutchy [game] I DON'T KNOW, THIS GAME SEEMS REALLY GOOD AND WELL DONE BUT JUST SOME ELEMENT DOESN'T CLICK WITH ME. LIKE, EASY AND NORMAL ARE BOTH TRIVIALLY EASY, THEN HARD IS FAR TOO DIFFICULT, EXCEPT YOU CAN STILL WIN EASILY BY DOING DUMB GIMMICK STRATS. THEN EXTREME SEEMS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE (ALTHOUGH I'M SURE I COULD BEAT IT EVENTUALLY WITH LUCK TO GET THE SAME GIMMICK STRATS BUT WITH MORE BONUSES). I WANT TO JUST KINDA KEEP PLAYING SINCE IT'S A ROUGELIKE, BUT NO MODE IS FUN TO JUST PLAY ON. YOU WILL ALWAYS WIN THE LOWER DIFFICULTIES AND VIRTUALLY NEVER WIN THE LATER ONES. I FEEL LIKE THERE IS SURELY SOME MECHANIC I'M USING POORLY. BUT SOME PART OF IT JUST ISN'T WORKING FOR ME.  PS. I THINK ONE THING IS THE UNCLARITY OF HOW MUCH YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THE CLAN MECHANIC WHATEVER. LIKE THE THIRD GROUP IS SO INFINITELY STRONGER THAN THE OTHER TWO EVEN THOUGH IT HAS A WARNING IT'S THE HARDEST TO PLAY. BUT I THINK THE REASON IT'S EASIEST IS THAT IT H...

 Klara and the Sun [book, audiobook] AH GEEZ, THIS IS REALLY GOOD. IT'S BY THE GUY WHO WROTE BURIED GIANT BUT A WEIRD GENERIC SCI-FI STORY WITH A YOKO TARO STYLE ANDROID.  IT DEALS WITH THE SAME SORT OF MEMORY/IDENTITY/REGRET TYPE THEMES AND ALSO DEALS WITH THE SAME "A THING RELEASES MIST IS IDENTIFIED AS THE ISSUE WITH THE WORLD" PLOT THAT MAKES ME THINK ISHOGURO HAS SOME WEIRD PERSONAL MYTHOLOGY ABOUT THAT HE WORKS INTO EVERY STORY.  PS. IT'S GOT "ROBOT THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS" UNRELIABLE NARRATOR THAT DESCRIBES THINGS WEIRD OR WRONG AND THAT'S FINE, BUT THERE IS A COUPLE TIMES I JUST COULD NOT FOLLOW WHAT THE THING DESCRIBED ACTUALLY REPRESENTS. THEY ARE MAKING A MOVIE OF THIS EVENTUALLY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT JUST TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS LOOKING AT AT SOME POINTS. I THINK SHE HAD SOME SORT OF ROBOCOP EYES UI THAT THE BOOK WAS DESCRIBING IN FIRST PERSON WITHOUT EVER EXPLAINING?   

Slippin' Jimmy [television, garbage] MAN THIS IS TERRIBLE. I MEAN, THAT ISN'T EVEN SURPRISING. "THEY MADE A WEIRD BAD BETTER CALL SAUL BABIES CARTOON" IS THE ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE ANYONE KNOW THIS EVEN EXISTS. BUT IT'S ABSOLUTELY BAFFLING WHAT THIS EVEN *IS*. LIKE I CAN IMAGINE A THOUSAND COHERENT PREMISES FOR A BAD CARTOON HERE, BUT IT'S NOT EVEN (JUST) THAT. IT'S NOT JUST BAD. IT'S LIKE, PREMISE WISE BAFFLING WHY THIS IS THIS. I FEEL PRETTY STRONGLY THEY JUST BOUGHT SOME TRASH PREXISTING CARTOON AND MINIMALLY EDITED IT TO MAKE IT RELATED, BUT IT'S NOT EVEN A LITTLE CLEAR WHY THEY DID THAT. LIKE THE WHOLE THING WAS A WEIRD AMC+ EXCLUSIVE BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY MADE THIS WHAT IT IS? PS. LIKE, YOU'D THINK IT WOULD BE "NOW ALL THE CHARACTERS YOU KNOW ARE KIDS AND INTERACTING IN WACKY MIDDLE SCHOOL SITUATIONS" AND THAT'D SUCK TOO BUT LIKE, IT'S AN IDEA A HUMAN WOULD COME UP WITH. THIS IS "A CHARACTER NAMED J...

 Better Call Saul [television] THIS IS A SHOW I KNEW WAS GOOD BUT PUT OFF WATCHING *BECAUSE* I KNEW IT WAS GOOD. LIKE I COULDN'T JUST TURN IT ON AND THEN PLAY GAMEBOY WITH IT ON THE BACKGROUND.  I FEEL LIKE THE STRUCTURE OF THIS SHOW IS BASED ON THE LIKE FIVE MINUTES IN BREAKING BAD WHERE WALT'S OLD COMPANY MEETS WITH HIM AND IS VERY GENEROUS BUT SUPER PATRONIZING. THE WHOLE HHM SETUP FELT LIKE THAT ONE BREAKING BAD SCENE, IT'S ALSO FUNNY HOW THE FIRST SEASON AND A HALF WAS THE HHM STORY, THEN DID A COUPLE SEASONS OF "THEN SOME OTHER STUFF HAPPENED" THEN SNAPPED BACK TO HHM AND WAS LIKE "YEH, THE DOCTOR VET AND THE GOOFY COUPLE AND NACHO ARE BACK NOW, FORGET ABOUT THAT MIDDLE STUFF" ALTHOUGH HONESTLY, I REALLY LIKED THIS SHOW WHEN IT WAS THE MOST LOW STAKES. (AND IN A WAY KINDA DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE BREAKING BAD EPILOG STUFF). IT'S ALSO VERY FUNNY HOW AT THE START OF THE SHOW THEY REALLY SHOW HOW JIMMY WAS CONVINCING PEOPLE, THEN AT SOME POINT JU...

 Thunderbolts* [movie] EH? MEH? THIS IS THE OKAYEST MARVEL MOVIE. IT'S NOT REALLY BAD. I FEEL SAD THOUGH, IT HAD LIKE, SOMETHING THERE. SOME OUTLINE OF A PLOT THAT ACTUALLY HAD SOMETHING FOR ONCE, THEN IT JUST DID NOT HAVE THE ACTING OR DIALOG OR CHARACTERS OR PACING TO REALLY MAKE IT.  LIKE YOU CAN IMAGINE AN ACTUALLY GOOD MOVIE MADE FROM THE BASIC CONCEPT HERE, THIS JUST WAS NOT THAT. IT WAS FINE.  PS. WHY IS ELAINE DR BLIGHT? 

 3NA: Dream BBQ: Lonely Door [game] THE CORE MAGIC OF ENA IS THE FEELING OF A NOT CORRECTLY/FULLY TRANSLATED 1990S PS1 GAME THAT ALSO HAS EXTREME VIDEOGAME MOON LOGIC, SO NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE. SPECIFICALLY PERSONA 1, MAJORA'S MASK (WHICH *IS* TRANSLATED WELL IN ENGLISH BUT THE CREATOR ISN'T A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER) AND 90S CD ROM GAMES. I DID NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF THEM ACTUALLY MAKING AN ACTUAL GAME, BECAUSE BEING INSCRUTABLE IS THE POINT. THE GAME IS GENERALLY OKAY ENOUGH BY BEING ITSELF TOTAL NONSENSE. I DON'T KNOW I WILL KEEP PLAYING MORE CHAPTERS WHEN THEY COME OUT. BUT THIS PASSED THE LINE OF BEING OKAY ENOUGH IT DIDN'T RUIN IT LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD.  PS. IT IS VERY WEIRD IT DIDN'T HAVE GRID BASED MOVEMENT IN THE 'DUNGEONS' OUTDOORS THAT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN RIGHT, BUT EVERY SINGLE INDOOR AREA HAD THE GRID SETUP THEN JUST HAD FREE MOVEMENT ANYWAY. 

 Yakuza: Like a Dragon [game] I REALLY LIKE THIS GAME, I LIKED THE STORY, I LIKED THE CHARACTERS. BUT GOOD LORD DID I BURN OUT ON PLAYING IT. I FEEL LIKE YOU JUST KINDA FUNDIMENTALLY MAX OUT ON EVERYTHING AND ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE SUCH SOLIDLY CORRECT CHOICE CLASSES THAT THE GAMEPLAY STOPS BEING FUN, THEN IT BECOMES SO EASY TO JUST BUTTON MASH THROUGH THE CUT SCENES DISCONNECTING FROM ANYTHING. MAN, I FEEL GUILTY HOW LITTLE I ENJOYED THE SECOND HALF OF A GAME THAT I KNOW IS GOOD.  PS. THE EXPLANATION FOR ALL THE RPG AND SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS JUST BEING "THE MAIN CHARACTER IS INSANE" RULES. 

 100 dinge [movie] THIS MOVIE MAKES ME SO IRRATIONALLY ANGRY. LIKE TWO RICH GERMAN GUYS HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF SO MAKE A BET THEY CAN LIVE WITH 100 'THINGS' STARTING NAKED WITH NOTHING AND GETTING ONE THING ADDED PER DAY AND SEE WHO CAN LAST LONGER. BUT THE RULES ARE SO VAUGE AND FLOATY. THE MOVIE DOESN'T TRACK WHAT THEY HAVE, THEY JUST GET OBJECTS SOMETIMES, THEY SWAP ITEMS WHEN THEY NEED NEW THINGS. IT FEELS INFURATING TO WATCH. PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS WHOLE TRIP WAS A WEIRD GUIDED LESSON TO LEARN EVERY PART OF THE HISTORY OF THE WORD DINGUS. 

  Camp Damascus [book, audiobook] CHUCK TINGLE BOOKS ARE MOSTLY JUST A FUNNY COVER AND A FUNNY TITLE AND THE BARE MINIMUM WRITING TO PUT IT FOR SALE. BUT HE REALLY IS A GOOD AUTHOR WHEN HE IS ACTUALLY TRYING. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE ELSE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS BOOK LIKE THIS. LIKE IT WRITES THE MAIN CHARACTER WELL IN A WAY IT'D BE EASY TO MAKE THEM A JOKE AND THE HORROR PREMISE IS LEGITIMATELY GOOD AND ORIGINAL. LIKE IT'S HELLRAISER SAW THE TV GLOW BUT NOT A STORY LIKE ANYTHING I CAN REALLY THINK OF EXACTLY. PS. I REALLY AND HONESTLY THINK MY FAVORITE PART IS EVERYONE CALLING HORROR MOVIES "TERROR MOVIES". IT JUST FELT LIKE THE MOST AUTHENTIC AND REAL THING POSSIBLE ABOUT TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO GREW UP IN A WEIRD ISOLATED CHRISTIAN CULT. IT'S NEVER COMMENTED ON BUT 100% SOLD THE CHARACTER TO ME MORE THAN ANYTHING All reactions:

  Dogman [movie] THE BOOKS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOREVER. ENOUGH I KNEW THE PREMISE. BUT THE PREMISE IS SO FUNNY I ALWAYS ASSUMED IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THAT AND THERE JUST BE SOMETHING THAT SOFTENS IT OR SOMETHING. BUT NOPE. DOG AND A COP ARE MAIMED WHILE DISARMING A BOMB AND THE DOGS HEAD IS GRAFTED ONTO THE GUYS BODY. THE GUY ISN'T EVEN DEAD! THE DIPPY NURSE JUST WANTS TO DO IT. PS. THIS IS DEFINITELY FOR LIKE 7 YEAR OLDS. IT'S NOT PUSS IN BOOTS 2 SO ISN'T SUPER WATCHABLE AS AN ADULT BUT IT'S CLEARLY SUPER GOOD IF YOU WERE IN LIKE THIRD GRADE.

 Memoir of a snail [movie] I LIKED THIS, DON'T SAY I DON'T. BUT LIKE, MEH? I WANTED THIS TO BE BETTER. I DON'T LIKE THE ENDING TRYING TO BE SOME "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL TO LIVE LIFE" BECAUSE WHAT? AT NO POINT IN THE MOVIE WAS THAT ANYONE'S PROBLEM. SHE INSTANTLY LOVED AND ACCEPTED THE HUSBAND AND WAS HURT FOR IT, THE BROTHER CERTAINLY, THE DAD TRIED TO BE A FRENCH STREET PERFORMER IN THE WRONG STREET. EVERY PROBLEM WAS SOMEONE GETTING OUT THERE.  PS. IT'S NOT FAIR BUT I THINK I THINK OF THIS AS WORSE MORAL ORAL. IT'S NOT THAT SIMILAR BUT IT IS. MORAL ORAL WORKED BECAUSE IT WAS 90% CARTOON NONSENSE SO WHEN SOMETHING SERIOUS HAPPENED IT HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. THIS WAS 90% SERIOUS WITH LITTLE BITS OF CARTOON NONSENSE AND IT FEELS LIKE THAT JUST SAPPED THE TONE