Capital Reviews

 Death to 2020 [movie] EH. THE BLACK MIRROR GUY MADE A FAKE PARODY 2020 RETROSPECTIVE THING AND IT MOSTLY WASN'T THAT FUNNY. I THINK IT WAS MOSTLY JUST STUFF THAT WAS TOO RECENT SO IT DIDN'T WORK ON A "HEY REMEMBER THAT?" TYPE LEVEL. MAYBE WATCH THIS IN LIKE 8 YEARS OR SOMETHING.  PS. A FEW JOKES WERE FUNNY AND I WAS GOING TO SAY "AT LEAST _____ WAS FUNNY" BUT I WAITED 10 MINUTES TO WRITE THIS REVIEW AND FORGOT ANYTHING THAT WAS FUNNY SO THAT IS MY REVIEW. 

 Songbird [movie] THIS IS THAT COVID-23 MOVIE, I REMEMBER THINKING THE IDEA OF THIS MOVIE EXISTING WAS HILARIOUS BUT IT CAME OUT LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO AND NO ONE NOTICED, IT'S A REAL NOTHING MOVIE, OF COURSE IT IS, OF COURSE IT WAS WRITTEN AND SHOT IN LIKE A WEEK. IT'S LIKE 90% TIME WASTING FILER SCENES. IT'S LIKE TEN MINUTES OF STUFF SHOT TO BE LIKE THE OPENING OF THE DIVISION THEN JUST HIM RIDING A BIKE BACK AND FORTH A LOT. PS. THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION THING IS SO WEIRD, LIKE WHY? TAKE THAT GARBAGEMAN

Wonder Woman: 1984 [movie] GOD THIS MOVIE IS A MESS. IT FEELS LIKE NINE DRAFTS OF A MOVIE JAMMED TOGETHER. LIKE CINEMASINS STYLE COMPLAINTS ARE USUALLY LAME AS HELL, LIKE HE DOESN'T HAVE A PASSPORT (WHY DOES SHE????) SO THEY INSTANTLY NEED TO STEAL A PLANE, AND IT'S INVISBLE, AND THE SEATS MOVE FROM FRONT TO BACK TO SIDE TO SIDE THEN THEY JUST FLY IT BACK HOME FROM EYGPT OFF SCREEN AN NO ONE CARES? ALSO SHE CAN FLY BECAUSE SHE LEARNED FROM STEVE BUT ALSO BECAUSE SHE IS USING HER ROPE ON LIGHTNING THEN SHE IS WEARING THE ULTIMATE ARMOR FROM HER CLOSET? SHE CHANGED IN THE AIR? SHE LEARNED SHE COULD FLY THEN SHE PUT WINGS ON AFTER? GOD, LOTS OF MOVIES HAVE WEIRD PLOT SKIPS BUT THIS MOVIE IS JUST BIZZARE. LIKE JUST EVEN LIKE, HER BEING SO SMUG SHE DOESN'T OWN A TV THEN SHE OWNS LIKE 4 TVS.  PS. LIKE THEY OPEN THE WHOLE MOVIE WITH A WHOLE THING LAYING OUT 'IF CAN'T WIN IF YOU TAKE SHORTCUTS" WHICH IS A VALID THEME FOR A WISH BASED VILLIAN, THEN INSTEAD IT GOES WITH ...

 Klaus [movie] THIS MOVIE IS REAL GOOD. I KNOW EVERYONE FIGURED THAT OUT YEARS AGO. WAIT? DID THIS MOVIE ONLY COME OUT A YEAR AGO? JESUS CHRIST. I WOULD HAVE SAID THIS WAS LIKE, ONE OF THE FIRST BIG NETFLIX MOVIES OR SOMETHING, BUT NOPE, IT'S ONLY LAST NOVEMBER. WHAT? GOD. TIME.  PS. I LIKE HOW THE WHOLE THING IS THAT IT LOOKS CELL SHADED AND IT'S JUST HAND DRAWN. I LOVE THE CONCEPT OF PUTTING THAT MUCH EFFORT INTO MAKING IT SO GOOD LOOKING NO ONE REALIZES YOU DREW IT. 

  The Midnight Sky [movie] THIS MOVIE IS FINE, BUT I JUST WANTED TO LIKE IT MORE THAN I DID, IT FEELS LIKE IT'S TRYING TO TELL A UNIQUE STORY WITH A UNIQUE STYLE BUT EVERY SECOND OF FILM SEEMS LIKE IT'S FROM EIGHT OTHER MOVIES. IT FEELS MORE LIKE 'NEURAL NET CREATES A SCI-FI PLOT" WHERE YOU'D GO "YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY HALF BAD" WITHOUT ACTUALLY THINKING IT'S GOOD.  PS. FOR SOME REASON THAT IS MOSTLY THE RELEASE DATE AND SETTING MY BRAIN WENT "WAIT, IS THE TWIST GOING TO BE THAT THIS IS THE SCI-FI ORGIN STORY OF SANTA CLAUS!?" AND IT IS SO ABSOLUTELY NOT THAT AND THAT IS SUCH A WILD IDEA AND I WANT TO WATCH THAT MOVIE. 

 Hillbilly Elegy [movie]  NETFLIX WANTED ME TO WATCH THIS MOVIE SO BAD SO I DID. THIS MOVIE SUCKS. I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T EVEN QUITE DESCRIBE WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT BUT IT JUST SUCKS. IT FEELS LIKE THE STORY OF A GUY THAT WENT TO APALACHIA ONCE ON A WEEKEND THEN GRADUATED FROM YALE AND IMMEDIATELY MADE A MOVIE ABOUT HOW GREAT HE WAS, AND THAT SEEMS LIKE THAT IS ABOUT WHAT THIS IS. I READ THE REVIEWS NOW AND IT SEEMS LIKE THE BOOK IS HARD CORE CONSERVATIVE FANFICTION BUT THE MOVIE ISN'T EVEN THAT. IT FEELS VERY MUCH LIKE A STORY SOMEONE COULD TELL ABOUT THEIR LIFE TOLD BY SOMEONE THAT SHOULD HAVE LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT.  PS. THE ONLY GOOD PART IS HOW MUCH THE GRANDMA LOOKS LIKE GARFIELD'S GRANDMA. 

 The Outer Worlds [game] THIS ISN'T A SUPER UNIQUE OPINON BUT MAN WHAT A LET DOWN. THIS GAME IS SO TOTALLY FINE, IT'S AN OKAY GAME, IT'S FINE. BUT LIKE, IT'S THE SPIRTUAL SEQUEL TO NEW VEGAS, IT SO BLATENTLY AND OPENLY TRIES TO BE THAT, IT SHOULD BE OBSIDIAN'S TRUMPHANT RETURN BUT IT IS THE MOST C- GAME EVER MADE. IT'S LIKE THE EMBODYMENT OF RUNNING OUT OF STEAM, LIKE THE FIRST AREA/QUEST ISN'T TOTALLY MIND BLOWING OR ANYTHING BUT IT'S SOLIDLY A LEVEL OF WRITING THAT IS REASONABLY IN LINE WITH A GOOD FALLOUT QUEST, YOU GET A GOOD MORAL CHOICE WITH DIFFERENT PATHS TO SOLVE IT, YOU GOT MEMORABLEISH CHARACTERS, IT'S A GOOD START, THEN LIKE, THE SECOND AREA IS JUST KINDA BLAND BUT OKAY, THEN THE THIRD AREA IS A BALL OF LIKE 20 QUESTS THAT HAVE ZERO COHERENT WRITING AND TEN TRILLION CHARACTERS THAT SEEM IMPORTANT BUT GET ZERO REAL SCREENTIME THEN THERE IS A FINAL AREA WHERE THE QUESTS JUST SEEM TO BE MISSING, THEN THE GAME IS OVER AND IT'S TEN HOURS T...