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Showing posts from September, 2018

Celeste [game]

Celeste [game] I APPARENTLY ONLY PLAY HARD PLATFORMER GAMES NOW? I BEAT THIS WHOLE GAME IN 7 AND A HALF HOURS AND 1900 DEATHS, WITH LIKE, ZERO STRAWBERRIES/HEARTS/TAPES COLLECTED. I FEEL LIKE I DID THIS GAME AMAZINGLY EFFICIENTLY. NOT EVEN LIKE I WAS SUPER GOOD AT IT, JUST SPECIFICALLY I BEAT IT EXTREMELY EFFICIENTLY AFTER JUST FINISHING THE WHITE PALACE IN HOLLOW KNIGHT AND THE JUMPING PUZZLES IN DEAD CELLS AND APPARENTLY ONLY PLAYING GAMES YOU HAVE TO JUMP BETWEEN SPIKES WITH AN AIRDASH NOW. I LIKED THIS GAME THOUGH. THE STORY WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTING BECAUSE IT SET UP THEMES THAT I WAS REALLY INTO BUT KINDA MUDDLED UP WHAT IT WAS TRYING TO SAY WITH THEM. LIKE IT WANTED TO DO SOME 'YOUR FEAR AND WEAKNESS IS YOUR STRENGTH' BUT UNLIKE SOMETHING LIKE "ALICE ISN'T DEAD' THAT REALLY PULLS THROUGH THAT PREMISE WITH EXTREMELY GOOD WRITING ON HOW THAT WORKS THIS ONE KINDA JUST SAYS IT THEN IT IS AND YOU ARE KINDA LIKE "WHY IS SELF DOUBT MEANING YOU CAN DOUBLE JU

Eighth Grade [movie]

Eighth Grade [movie] ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE WAS THAT IT WAS SUPER AUTHENTIC ABOUT THE WAY KIDS TALK, BUT LIKE, NOT MOVIE AUTHENTIC. ACTUAL AUTHENTIC. BY WHICH I MEAN LIKE HER BIG SPEECH TO THE COOL GIRL WAS SO AWKWARD AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT IT. LIKE ANY OTHER MOVIE WOULD HAVE HER DELIVER THAT SPEECH ALL PERFECT AND SCRIPT WRITTEN AND THIS JUST WENT FOR WHAT IT'D ACTUALLY BE AND HAD IT ALL OUT OF ORDER AND RAMBALLY LIKE IT'D REALLY BE BUT DIDN'T PLAY THAT AS A JOKE. IT WAS A REAL MOMENT A REAL KID WOULD HAVE. SAME WITH THE VIDEOS, THEY WERE WELL DONE AND WISE BUT LIKE, NOT MORE THAN THAT ACTUAL KID WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE. PRETTY MUCH ONLY THE COUSIN NERD KID WAS A LITTLE TOO NAPOLEON DYNAMITE TO BE REAL. PS. I LIKE THIS WAS HYPER MODERN AND EVERYTHING IS SNAPCHAT AND THE MAC PHOTOBOOTH SOUND EFFECT SO YOU'D THINK THEY WOULD USE MODERN POP MUSIC BUT INSTEAD IT'S ENYA AND LIKE, MUSIC THAT FELL OUT OF THE UNIVERSE THAT CREATED THE WILLIAM TELL OVERT

Shovel Knight: Specter of Torment [game]

Shovel Knight: Specter of Torment [game] I DID LIKE THIS ONE BEST OF THE THREE, BUT I THINK THAT IS BECAUSE IT WAS VERY EASY AND THEY OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T BALANCE THE ITEMS AT ALL SO YOU JUST USED THE BLUE ORB OVER AND OVER TO WIN EVERY LEVEL AND ALSO EVERY BOSS WAS TRIVIAL TO JUST FLIP AROUND AND HIT A MILLION TIMES FOREVER.  PS. THESE GAMES ARE LIKE 5 HOURS LONG AND AT LEAST THIS IS THE LAST ONE, EXCEPT THEY ARE MAKING ANOTHER ONE STILL, FOR SOME REASON, THAT WILL BE DLC FOR A 2014 GAME COMING OUT IN 2019

Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows [game, dlc]

Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows [game, dlc] THIS IS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL AT LEAST. THE MAKE YOUR OWN BOMBS STUFF WAS ACTUALLY FUN AND MADE THIS FEEL LIKE SOMETHING MORE THAN "WE MADE A FAKE NES GAME" ALSO THE WEIRDLY LARGE AMOUNT OF JUMPING MECHANICS WAS BOTH STUPID AND FUN. PS. IT'S HARD TO KNOW HOW TO CATEGORIZE THIS IN CAPITAL REVIEWS BECAUSE THERE IS 4 SHOVEL KNIGHT GAMES AND 1 IS STAND ALONE, ONE WAS STANDALONE AND THIS ONE ALWAYS COMES WITH THE FIRST ONE NOW THEN THE FINAL ONE IS COMING NEXT YEAR AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE STAND ALONE? I'M COUNTING ALL 4 AS SEPARATE GAMES I GUESS.

planet with [anime. television]

planet with [anime] I DON'T KNOW, THIS WAS FINE, IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. IT MOSTLY JUST SEEMED LIKE IT WAS TRYING TO TOUCH PLOT POINTS FROM GURREN LAGANN WITHOUT REALLY SAYING ANYTHING. ALSO THE GOOFINESS WAS REALLY ROTE FEELING FOR SOME REASON. BUT IT WASN'T BAD. ALSO EVERYONE WAS REALLY NICE TO EACH OTHER AND IT'S WEIRD HOW RARE THAT IS IN FICTION TO THE POINT IT'S NOTICEABLE WHEN PEOPLE ARE NICE TO EACH OTHER IN SOMETHING. PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID IT WAS LIKE SHIGESATO ITOI MADE GURREN LAGANN AND THAT IS THE MOST EXCITING SENTENCE POSSIBLE BUT BOY IT'S NOT REALLY THAT AT ALL.

Shovel Knight: Shovel of Hope [game]

Shovel Knight: Shovel of Hope [game] I TALKED ABOUT HOW I FALL FOR EVERY INDIE DARLING GAME AND THIS IS AN INDIE DARLING GAME AND I JUST REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IT. I THINK IRONICALLY 2014 IS TOO OLD AND THIS THROWBACK GAME GOT ECLIPSED BY ALL THE OTHER THROWBACK GAMES THAT CAME OUT. LIKE IT WAS FINE AND DID A REALLY GOOD JOB OF PRETENDING TO BE AN NES GAME AND I LIKE NES GAMES BUT BOY DID I NOT CARE. ALSO I BOUGHT ALL THREE OF THESE AND I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE OTHER TWO BUT PROBABLY SHOULD? PS. I FEEL LIKE I BROKE THE GAME WITH THE AMAZING CHEAT CODE OF "JUST CONTINUOUSLY UPGRADE HEALTH AND NEVER MAGIC SO YOU CAN JUST STAND STILL AND HIT BOSSES TILL THEY DIE WITH NO EFFORT" IN A WAY YOU THINK MAYBE LATER BOSSES WILL MAKE THAT NOT FLY BUT IT WORKS ON EVERY BOSS INCLUDING THE LAST BOSS.

Batman: Ninja [movie, anime]

Batman: Ninja [movie, anime] HOLY CRAP, WHAT THE HECK DID I EVEN JUST WATCH. I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH ANIME TO KNOW THIS WAS JUST DOING A BUNCH OF TROPES BUT THIS STILL WINS FOR THE MOST AMOUNT OF INCOHERENT NONSENSE STUFFED INTO ONE SCENE. THE LAST JOKER FIGHT IS LIKE, A WORK OF ART FOR HOW ABSURD IT IS AND HOW HARD TO EVEN FIGURE OUT WHAT IS HAPPENING IT IS. PS. THIS FEELS LIKE IT WAS MEANT TO BE A VIDEOGAME OR SOMETHING.

Hollow Knight [game, amazing]

Hollow Knight [game, amazing] I TEND TO FALL PRETTY HARD FOR ALL THE INDIE DARLING GAMES, STARDEW, UNDERTALE, CAVE STORY, ETC. I STARTED PLAYING THIS ONE AND IMMEDIATELY FELT LIKE 'OH, IT'S OKAY BUT I'M NOT REALLY FEELING IT' THEN I PLAYED 47 HOURS IN LIKE A WEEK AND THIS GAME IS ODVIOUSLY SO FRIGGIN GOOD. THE MAP SYSTEM IS LEGITIMATELY TERRIBLE EARLY ON BUT ONCE YOU GET SOME UPGRADES IT BECOMES MOSTLY FINE. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW MUCH STORY IS TOLD THROUGH JUST VERY BRIEF BACKGROUND STUFF OR SINGLE LINES. I ALSO LOVE THAT LIGHT IS THE ANTAGONIST IN THIS STORY AND DARKNESS IS AS CLOSE TO THE 'GOOD' SIDE AS ANYTHING IN THIS EXTREMELY DEPRESSING GAME COMES. IT MAKES SENSE FOR A BUNCH OF BUGS TO HAVE LIGHT BE THE BIGGER THREAT, NOT DARK BUT ALMOST NOTHING DOES THAT (SORT OF VILLAINS BY NECESSITY, BUT EVEN THAT ISN'T THE SAME). PS. THE WEIRD STUPID BUG LANGUAGE IS MY FAVORITE VIDEOGAME GIBBERISH EVER. THE GAME IS SO SO SERIOUS AND EVERYTHING EVERYONE IS SAYIN

The Predator [movie]

The Predator [movie] THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZINGLY BAD AND I KINDA LIKED IT. I LOVE THAT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY LOOK AT ANYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE BEFORE GOING TO SEE IT SO I WAS TOTALLY UNAWARE IT EVEN WAS A COMEDY SO THE FIRST HOUR OR SO WAS A REAL 'WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?" AS EVERYTHING WAS LIKE 80% STUPIDER THAN I WOULD EXPECT A PREDATOR MOVIE TO BE.  SERIOUSLY THE PLOT OF THIS MOVIE AND RETROACTIVELY EVERY PREDATOR MOVIE WAS TRYING TO PREVENT A PREDATOR FROM GETTING ASPERGERS BECAUSE IF IT DID IT'D BE UNSTOPPABLE. LIKE THAT ISN'T ME SAYING A DUMB THING, THE PREDATORS LITERALLY CANONICALLY CAME TO EARTH SPECIFICALLY TO STEAL OUR ASPERGERS DISEASES. PS: I THINK THIS WHOLE MOVIE EXISTS TO GIVE PREDATORS THE WEAKNESS THAT THEY CAN'T ATTACK YOU IF YOU ARE NAKED. IT WAS A RANDOM SCENE AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S INCLUDED JUST TO POISON THE LORE FOREVER WITH THAT CONCEPT.

A Dark Song [movie]

A Dark Song [movie] I LIKE THAT THIS MOVIE IS LIKE 90% SOUND DESIGN. LIKE A LOT OF IT IS ON CAMERA NOT MUCH HAPPENING BUT THEY ACTUALLY SUCCESSFULLY MAKE IT CREEPY BY MAKING THE MUSIC REALLY TENSE. ALSO I LIKE THE GUY BEING SUCH A SCUMMY ASSHOLE. PS. OF COURSE HER NAME IS SOPHIA

As Above, So Below [movie]

As Above, So Below [movie] I CAN NOT EVEN FATHOM HOW DULL THIS MOVIE IS. GOOD LORD. PS. I KINDA LIKE THE IDEA OF THE MOVIE ENDING IN ANTI-PARIS AND THAT BEING CREEPY AS AN IDEA, BUT NOT IN EXECUTION. ONE TIME ONE OF MY FRIENDS WALKED THROUGH A FREESTANDING DOOR AND I'D HAVE BEEN OKAY IF THEY DIDN'T WALK BACK THROUGH BUT I WAS REALLY HAPPY THEY WALKED BACK.

Okja [movie]

Okja [movie] MY HEART HAS A BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH HYPE. ONCE A MOVIE IS HYPED UP PAST A CERTAIN POINT I CAN LIKE IT OR NOT LIKE IT BUT I CAN NEVER AGAIN ENGAGE WITH IT EMOTIONALLY CORRECTLY. SO LIKE, THIS IS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE, IT'S WAS GOOD AND I LIKED IT. BUT I DON'T LOVE IT AND I CAN'T SAY IF I JUST DON'T LOVE IT OR IF IT GOT OVER HYPED TO THE POINT I WAS DEFENSIVE SO MUCH I COULDN'T MEET IT ON FAIR TERMS TO GET INVESTED. PS. OVERLY MUCH FARTING.

Making anxiety an ally [book]

Making anxiety an ally [book] I LISTEN TO/WATCH DOZENS OF HOURS OF GIANT BOMB A WEEK, IN THIS POST TV WORLD THAT VIDEOGAME WEBSITE IS ONE OF MY PRIMARY BACKGROUND NOISE THINGS, THEY PUT OUT 3+ HOURS OF CONTENT ALMOST EVERY DAY AND I END UP CONSUMING ALMOST ALL OF IT. THIS BOOK IS BY DAN FROM THAT. WHO GENERALLY FILLS THE WORLD'S DUMBEST MAN ROLE ON IT. AND IT TURNS OUT HE WROTE A SERIOUS BOOK, AND THE BOOK IS THE HISTORY OF HIS LIFE LIVING WITH MAJOR ANXIETY DISORDER AND IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD IN THAT HE IS STILL EXTREMELY DUMB BUT IT IS LIKE SUDDEN SHOCKING BACKSTORY TO A BUNCH OF WEIRD STUFF HE DOES THAT YOU ASSUME HE DOES BECAUSE HE'S DUMB BUT ACTUALLY HAVE ENTIRE ELABORATE BACKSTORIES ABOUT HOW ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED HE IS OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS. PS. EXTREME ANXIETY PRETTY CLEARLY CRIPPLES LITERALLY EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE NONSTOP AND KEEPS ME FROM SUCCEEDING AT PRETTY MUCH ALL MY GOALS INCLUDING TOWARDS TAKING ACTIONS THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HELP FIXING ANXIETY AND I

Terrifier [movie]

Terrifier [movie] THIS MOVIE IS THE BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN THE DOMAIN OF RECREATING AN 80S HORROR MOVIE. WITH IT HITTING BEAT FOR BEAT PERFECT EVERY SINGLE THING FROM THE CAMERA WORK TO THE EFFECTS TO THE PACING AND DIALOG. IT EVEN MANAGES TO SET IT IN EXPLICITLY MODERN TIMES SO IT'S NOT EVEN JUST MAKING AN 80S, 80S MOVIE, IT'S ACTUALLY UPDATING THE TECHNIQUES. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND IT'S REALLY BORING AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT, SORRY!!!

Out [book]

Out [book] THE PACING ON THIS BOOK WAS SUPER WEIRD. LIKE THE FIRST HUNDRED PAGES HAS A BRISKLY MOVING STORY THEN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOOK JUST SPINS IT'S WHEELS WITH NO MAJOR EVENTS UNTIL THE LAST 50 PAGES WHERE THINGS SUDDENLY START HAPPENING AGAIN. AND THEY SET UP THE FACTORY SO MUCH EARLY ON THEN IT NEVER REALLY FACTORS INTO ANYTHING?   PS. I LIKE THAT THE WOMAN SELLING THIS TO ME KNEW THAT LUNCH BOXES WERE BENTO BOXES.

Next Gen [movie]

Next Gen [movie] I FELL ASLEEP TWICE TRYING TO WATCH THIS SO THAT IS MY REVIEW OF THIS MOVIE. THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME GOING IS A LARGE INTERNET E-CRUSH ON CHARLYNE YI. I WAS VERY SHOCKED AT HOW CASUAL THIS MOVIE WAS ABOUT ROBOT MURDER BUT THEN IT LATER BECAME VERY CASUAL ABOUT HUMAN MURDER SO YOU GOT ME MOVIE. PS. EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THIS MOVIE JUST SEEMED LIKE A MOMENT FROM SOME OTHER MOVIE. (UP TO THE POINT I ALMOST WONDER IF MAE GOING HOG WILD WITH A BAT IS A NIGHT IN THE WOODS CALLOUT)

Donut County [game]

Donut County [game] IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE YOU CAN IMAGINE THIS BEING A REAL GAME WITH PUZZLES OR CHALLENGE OR SOMETHING BUT INSTEAD IT'S JUST REALLY CUTE ANIMATIONS OF SNAKES AND STUFF. IF THIS COST MUCH IT'D HAVE BEEN A RIPOFF BUT FOR 5 DOLLARS ON AN IPAD IT'S GREAT. ALTHOUGH IT'S A LITTLE HILARIOUS THIS GAME HAS BEEN COMING OUT SINCE 2012 AND IS LIKE 45 MINUTES LONG. PS. THE WRITING OF THE TRASHPEDIA IS THE BEST THING FOREVER, I LOVE THAT THEY CLEARLY WROTE IT IN LIKE 5 MINUTES BUT COULD NOT HAVE MADE IT BETTER IF THEY HAD SPENT A THOUSAND HOURS TRYING TO MAKE IT BETTER.

Alpha [movie]

Alpha [movie] THIS IS A WEIRD SERIOUS DRAMA ABOUT HOW DOGS WERE INVENTED AND ALSO IT WAS BAD ENOUGH I WENT AND WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE THEATER AND I HAD TO GO FIND SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY START THE MOVIE. ON THE OTHER HAND A FEW RANDOM SCENES WERE ABSURDLY PRETTY AND I HOPE SOMEONE GETS TO USE THIS MOVIE IN THE DEMO REEL OF THEIR RESUME BECAUSE DAMN.   PS. THE BEST PART WAS THE PART THE GUY EATS A CGI ANT AND THEY SHOW THE SAME SCENE TWICE AND IT'S SUCH A WEIRD OUT OF PLACE ACTION I THINK MAYBE THE ACTOR MAYBE SPONTANEOUSLY ATE A REAL ANT AND IT DIDN'T SHOW WELL ON CAMERA SO THEY ADDED A FANTASY ANT IN?

Pyre [game]

Pyre [game] SO THIS IS BY THE PEOPLE THAT MADE BASTION AND IT IS A GAME THAT IS 55% INTERACTIVE NOVEL AND 45% FANTASY BASKETBALL SIMULATOR AND I HAVE LITERALLY NO IDEA HOW ANYONE DECIDED THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA BUT IT WAS AND THIS GAME IS GREAT. NOT AS GOOD AS BASTION BUT NOTHING IS. ALSO THEY TOOK THE PART OF BASTION EVERYONE CRIED AT AND JUST MADE THE WHOLE GAME THAT NONSTOP. PS. I PLAYED ON NORMAL AND I FEEL BAD I WAS TOO GOOD AT THIS GAME, I ONLY LOST ONCE AND ONLY WHEN I WAS GOOFING WITH TURNING ON ALL THE TITAN STARS, THIS GAME HAD SO MUCH UNIQUE PLOT FOR LOSSES AND I DIDN'T SEE MUCH OF IT. I NEED TO PLAY AGAIN SOMEDAY AND JUST DO REALLY BAD.

Night Is Short, Walk On Girl [anime,movie,amazing]

Night Is Short, Walk On Girl [anime,movie,amazing] I WAS GOING TO WRITE THAT THIS WAS AMAZING BECAUSE IT TOOK THE STRUCTURE OF SOMETHING LIKE CAT SOUP OR OVER THE GARDEN WALL AND INSTEAD OF THE WEIRD DREAMLIKE SPACE BEING DEATH IT INSTEAD JUST MADE IT ABOUT A GIRL GETTING DRUNK AND GOING TO A SCHOOL FESTIVAL BUT THEN I LOOKED IT UP AND THIS IS LITERALLY THE GUY THAT MADE CAT SOUP. SO GOOD EYE FOR STYLE ANDREW. ALSO THIS IS JUST VERY EXTREMELY GOOD AND I REALLY LIKE IT, I REALLY LIKE THAT THEY MANAGED TO COHERENTLY TIE THE WHOLE STORY TOGETHER WITHOUT LOSING THE EXTREMELY DREAMLIKE LOGIC. ALSO I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE I SAW A CLIP OF THE USED BOOK FESTIVAL PART.   PS. ETERNAL OBSTACLE REMOVAL PLAN