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Showing posts from February, 2017

The Lego Batman Movie [movie]

IT KINDA JUST REUSED A LOT OF THE FORMULA OF THE OTHER LEGO MOVIE BUT JESUS CHRIST I LOVE THAT A MOVIE THIS DUMB IS ALLOWED TO COME OUT. LIKE IT MUST BE SO EXPENSIVE TO MAKE BUT AT THE SAME TIME SOMEONE WAS ALLOWED TO PUT LIKE, MATRIX 3 JOKES INTO IT. THE WHOLE THING IS SOME WEIRD POST MODERN HUMOR THING WHERE IT HAS EVOLVED PAST EVEN HAVING COHERENT JOKES AND IT'S GREAT.       PS. "IT'S LESS WEIRD IF HE *IS* YOUR SON!" 

Steamworld: Heist [game]

I DON'T KNOW, THIS GAME WAS A REALLY REALLY GOOD IDEA AND WAS OKAY BUT JUST KINDA WASN'T AS GOOD AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. IT'S 2D XCOM AND THAT IS SUCH A SOLID IDEA. ANOTHER SOLID IDEA THAT I CAN THINK OF BARELY ANY GAMES DOING: HIRING A DUMB INDIE BAND TO SING THE SOUNDTRACK. WHY DOESN'T EVERY LITTLE INDIE GAME DO THAT? IT WOULDN'T EVEN ALWAYS BE GOOD BUT IT SEEMS LIKE A THING THEY'D DO ANYWAY. ALSO WHY IS THIS EVEN A STEAMWORLD GAME? PS. FIRST I PLAYED MASS EFFECT THEN WHEN I WAS DONE I PLAYED XCOM WITH A BUNCH OF MASS EFFECT MODS THEN I PLAYED XCOM THEN I PLAYED A 2D XCOM GAME.

Miracles from Heaven [movie]

A LITTLE GIRL GETS SICK AND HAS SURGERY THEN CAN'T POOP UNTIL SHE IS FILLED WITH SO MUCH POOP SHE WILL DIE THEN SHE FALLS IN A TREE AND THEM THEY SAVE HER AND ALL THE POOP IS GONE AND SHE IS SAVED AND IT TURNS OUT GOD TALKED TO HER THE END.     PS. WHEN THEY SHOWED THE REAL CAST IT WAS SO WEIRD THE YOUNGEST GIRL WAS FAT, LIKE THAT IS A SUPER MEAN THING TO SAY BUT 100% OF THE MOVIE I KEPT WONDERING WHY THEY HIRED SUCH A WEIRDLY THIN LITTLE GIRL TO BE THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTER AND I KEPT THINKING THERE WAS A TWIST COMING THAT THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTER WAS SICK INSTEAD BUT I GUESS THEY JUST CAST HER LIKE THAT TO BE MEAN TO THE REAL ONE? 

Bears [movie, nonfiction]

I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THE GENRE OF NATURE DOCUMENTARIES WHERE THEY JUST MAKE UP NONSENSE. I GUESS THE BEST DIED AND DREAMED ABOUT FISH HEAVEN BUT THE DUMB CROW BROUGHT IT BACK TO LIFE WITH NO EFFORT. PS. WHEN THIS FIRST STARTED I THOUGHT Î MIGHT BE "THE BEAR" REMEMBER THAT MOVIE?

Yuri On Ice [anime]

THIS WAS A SPORTS AND RELATIONSHIP DRAMA ABOUT COMPETITIVE FIGURE SKATING BUT INSTEAD OF HAVING ANY DRAMA EVER EVERYONE WAS JUST EXTREMELY NICE TO EACH OTHER AND SAID NICE THINGS THEN GOOD STUFF HAPPENED TO EVERYONE. I GUESS THAT SHOULD BE BORING BUT THIS HAD ENOUGH CHARM FOR IT AND IT'S NOT PARTICULARLY LONG. BASICALLY THIS IS AN ANIME YOU HEAR ABOUT A LOT AS BOTH A PUNCHLINE TO A JOKE AND ALSO "NO! COME ON, IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD" AND YEAH, I GUESS IT WAS BETTER THAN I EXPECTED IT TO BE.                         PS. I LIKE THAT THE ROTOSCOPING MOSTLY LOOKED FINE BUT SOMETIMES STUFF LIKE OTHER YURI'S ROUTINES LOOKED LIKE HIS PHYSICAL FORM WAS GOING TO SPAZ OUT OF OUR DIMENSION.

Journey [game, amazing]

I'M NOT GOING TO BLOW ANY MINDS BY BEING THE GUY THAT INFORMS EVERYONE IN 2017 THAT THIS GAME IS AMAZING. IT REALLY IS THE PRETTIEST GAME I THINK THAT HAS EVER EXISTED. I ALSO LIKE THAT THIS GAME CAME OUT AS LONG AGO AS IT DID AND IS AS SHORT AS IT IS AND I STILL RAN INTO PEOPLE. IT TOOK A WHILE FOR ME TO REALIZE THE "NAMES' WERE RANDOMLY GENERATED AND EVERYONE'S CHARACTER WASN'T NAMED NNNN.   PS, IT IS A TESTAMENT TO HOW GOOD THIS GAME IS AT HOW MUCH EMOTION THEY WRUNG OUT OF THE FACT YOUR WEIRD LITTLE CHIRP BUBBLE GETS SMALLER AT THE END TILL IT BARELY EXISTED. SOMETHING THAT STUPID CRUSHING ME THE WAY IT DID IS AMAZING.

Pupa [anime]

I HEARD ABOUT THIS IN CONTEXT OF "MOST DISTURBING ANIME EVVVVER" AND I DON'T KNOW, IT'S GOT A LOT OF SUPER EDGY WHATEVER IN IT, IT'S MAIN GIMMICK IS SHOOTING CANNIBALISM SCENES LIKE THEY ARE SEX SCENES AND I GUESS THAT IS PRETTY YUCKY BUT MOSTLY THIS WAS JUST DUMB AND 90% OF IT WAS SCENES YOU COULD TELL LOOKED COOL IN A MANGA BUT COULDN'T BE ANIMATED IN ANY SORT OF COHERENT WAY SO YOU JUST GET SCENES OF PEOPLE'S LEGS FALLING OFF SO THEY COULD GET A COOL LEG ON THE GROUND STILL THAT PROBABLY LOOKED REAL SPOOKY WHEN IT WAS A STILL IN A COMIC. PS. ALSO THIS SHOW GOT CANCELED OR WHATEVER AFTER 12 EPISODES SO IT JUST SORT OF ENDS ABRUPTLY. WHICH I KINDA LIKE BECAUSE I WILL NEVER READ THE MANGA SO I LOVE THE FACT THERE IS JUST A TOTALLY UNEXPLAINED INCEST WITCH WHO HAS A CAT WHO HAS HALF A ROBOT FACE IN THIS OTHERWISE SUPER GRIMDARK AWFUL ANIME.

Underground Airlines [book]

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE BOOKS THAT IS A BLUR OF REALLY BORING PLOT AND CHARACTERS I DON'T CARE ABOUT AND CONFUSING ACTION SCENES THAT NEVER WENT ANYWHERE. IT WAS ALSO A BOOK WITH A LOT OF REALLY GOOD FAKE SUPREME COURT CASES AND NAMES OF ORGANIZATIONS AND SLOGANS AND STUFF AND THAT ALMOST TOTALLY MADE THIS BOOK KINDA ALRIGHT. EVEN THE PHRASE "UNDERGROUND AIRLINE" IS A REALLY GOOD FAKE PHRASE.   PS. THE PHRASE 'EVERYTHING HAPPENS' IS A REALLY GOOD PHRASE AND IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE IT WAS REPEATED SO MANY TIMES AND WAS THE FINAL LINE OF THE BOOK BUT IT NEVER FELT LIKE IT ACTUALLY RELATED TO ANYTHING IN THE STORY SO IT'S LIKE THE THEME OF THE STORY BECAUSE THEY TOLD US IT WAS INSTEAD OF IT BEING ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY?

Expand [game]

THIS IS ANOTHER 120 MINUTE LONG GAME. IT'S WEIRD, OF ALL THE FLAWS I HAVE I DON'T THINK OF BEING IMPATIENT AS BEING A MAJOR ONE I SUFFER FROM BUT SOMETHING IN THIS GAME MADE ME DIE LIKE TEN TRILLION TIMES BECAUSE I REFUSED TO WAIT HALF A SECOND FOR STUFF TO LINE UP BETTER. I KEPT WANTING TO ACTION GAME THROUGH EVERYTHING AND IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE MOST AREAS WERE EVEN TIMED.       PS. SOMEONE ASKED IF I HAD EVER HEARD OF THIS GAME AND I SAID I HAD NOT THEN IT TURNED OUT I HAD ACTUALLY OWNED THIS GAME FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS AND THAT FEELS LIKE THE MODERN EXPERIENCE FOR STEAM GAME OWNERSHIP. 

Abzu [game]

THIS WHOLE GAME WAS 98 MINUTES LONG. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE TO SOME DEGREE I WENT INTO IT WITH THE FEELING THAT IT WAS A VERY PRETTY GAME THAT WAS ARTISTIC SO IT WAS SOME SORT OF DUTY OR CHORE TO PLAY AND LIKE IT, BUT BY AROUND THE HALF WAY POINT I REALLY WAS LEGITIMATELY WAY WAY INTO IT AND IT'S WEIRD SUPER ABSTRACT NON-NARRATIVE STORY AND WATER THAT IS ALSO UNDERWATER.   PS. THIS IS BASICALLY THE MODERN ECCO THE DOLPHIN AND THAT IS 100% OKAY WITH ME.

Xcom 2 [game]

I LOVE THESE GAMES. I LOVE THIS GENRE. BUT THEY ARE A GENRE BASED ON STRESS AND ANXIETY SO I PLAY THAT SO UNFUN. I START OVER AND OVER UNTIL I END UP PLAYING ON EASY THEN I PLAY THE MOST NO RISK, NO REWARD WAY POSSIBLE THEN I END UP SAVE SCUMMING EVERY SINGLE THING. IT'S THE WORST. I KNOW I DO IT AND I KNOW THE GAME IS FUNNER IF YOU PLAY RIGHT BUT THE IDEA YOU CAN MISS SOME VITAL SHOT THEN 10 HOURS LATER LOSE THE ENTIRE GAME ALWAYS GETS TO ME. THE WORST THING IS THAT THESE GAMES ARE WELL DESIGNED SO UNLESS YOU ARE ON THE ULTRA HARD MODES THE GAME IS DESIGNED ABOUT HAVING HIGHS AND LOWS AND SURVIVING THE DOWNS AND CAPITALIZING ON THE HIGHS BUT EVERY TIME ANYTHING GOES SERIOUSLY WRONG I GET WAY TOO WORRIED AND HAVE TO GO BACK.   PS. I STARTED THIS RIGHT AFTER PLAYING EVERY MASS EFFECT GAME SO I DOWNLOADED A BUNCH OF MASS EFFECT SKINS AND HAD ALL MY SQUAD BE MASS EFFECT PEOPLE BECAUSE AT LEAST THE FIRST HALF OF THIS GAME FIT IN WITH MASS EFFECT 3 SO PERFECTLY.

Justice League Dark [movie]

THIS WASN'T AWFUL BUT IT WASN'T GREAT. I THINK I HATE EVERYTHING DC UNIVERSE MAGIC RELATED. ON THE OTHER HAND EVERY SIDE CHARACTER IN THIS WAS WRITTEN AND VOICE ACTED SO EXTREMELY POORLY THAT IT WRAPPED AROUND TO BEING MILDLY CHARMING. LIKE I AM HAVING A HARD TIME CALIBRATING MY BRAIN ON WHAT LEVEL OF IRONY THEY ARE WORKING ON TO HAVE SOME WEIRD FU MAN CU ASIAN ACCENT GUY SAYING HE INVENTED A SPELL TO MAKE WOMEN UNABLE TO SPEAK "FOR MEN EVERYWHERE".       PS. IT'S BEEN LIKE 50 YEARS, SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THEIR FOOT DOWN AT SOME POINT AND TELL STUFF THAT ZATHURA TALKING BACKWARDS IS NOT AND NEVER WILL SEEM COOL AND HAS SOUNDED STUPID IN EVERY SINGLE THING THEY HAVE DONE IT IN.