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Showing posts from September, 2016

Arq [movie]

THIS MOVIE FEELS LIKE THE FIRST 10 MINUTES ARE RUSHING SO HARD TO GET EVERYONE TO ACCEPT THAT THE TIME LOOP EXISTS THAT IT FEELS LIKE THEY MUST BE WANTING TO GET THAT ESTABLISHED AND MOVE ON TO SOMETHING MORE COMPLICATED BUT NOTHING ELSE REALLY EVER HAPPENS. THEY JUST KILL EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE TILL THE MOVIE ENDS. IT FEELS LIKE A PILOT FOR A SCI-FI NETWORK TV SHOW. MAYBE IT WAS? PS. THIS MOVIE HAD A REAL ISSUE WITH PEOPLE NOT BEING WHO THEY SEEM EXCEPT THE CHARACTERS ARE NEVER INTRODUCED IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THE FACTIONS IN THE WAR AREN'T REALLY EXPLAINED SO SOMEONE SWITCHING SIDES OR BEING A DOUBLE AGENT HAS ZERO IMPACT AND HAPPENS LIKE 4 OR 5 TIMES IN THIS MOVIE.

Uncharted 4: A Thief's End [game]

IT'S WEIRD, AT NO POINT IN PLAYING THIS DID I HAVE ANY FUN AT ALL AND YOU'D THINK THAT MEANT I HATE THIS GAME BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY A SUPER GOOD GAME TO PLAY. IT FELT LIKE A GAME TO SHOW OFF THE PS4 AND IT DID THAT WELL. SO I'M NOT MAD THAT IT WASN'T ACTUALLY GOOD OR FUN TO PLAY. ALSO I WANTED TO COMPLAIN HOW WEIRD AND OUT OF CONTEXT SOME OF THE SHOOTING WAS BUT MAN THEY BEAT ME TO IT BY JUST STRAIGHT NAMING THE ACHIEVEMENT FOR KILLING A LOT OF PEOPLE "LUDONARRATIVE DISSONANCE" SO WELP, GOOD JOB GAME.   PS. BY FAR THE BEST PART OF THE GAME WAS PLAYING CRASH BANDICOOT WITH YOUR WIFE WHILE NATHAN MOCKS THE PS1 LOADING SCREENS.

Everlasting Summer [game]

THIS IS A VERY BAD GAME. IT'S KINDA INTERESTING THOUGH? LIKE RUSSIANS ON A MESSAGE BOARD DECIDED TO MAKE AN ANIME VISUAL NOVEL AND COLLECTIVELY JUST MADE A GAME. AND LIKE, IT'S RUSSIAN AND INVOLVES YOU TIME TRAVELING BACK TO THE 80S TO GO TO A SOVIET SUMMER CAMP SO IT'S LIKE A WEIRD SOVIET NOSTALGIA GAME? BUT ALSO TOTALLY JUST 100% AN ANIME GAME? ALSO IT WAS A PORN GAME BUT THEY TOOK OUT THE PORN AND MADE A CLEAN VERSION SO THEY COULD HAVE IT ON STEAM? AND THE ART IS UGLY AND IT'S EXTREMELY BORING AND SLOW BUT AT SOME LEVEL IT'S KINDA WELL DONE FOR WHAT IT IS?   PS. ALSO HATSUNE MIKU IS JUST RANDOMLY IN THIS GAME AND YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH HER AND ALSO IN THE OPENING THE CHARACTER IS LOOKING AT LAZY TOWN STEPHANIE PORN.

Who Took Johnny? [movie, nonfiction]

IT FEELS SAD, BECAUSE IT IS A PRETTY STOCK CRAZY MOM WHO ACTUALLY DID HAVE HER KID ACTUALLY DISAPPEAR AND THEN HAD THE POLICE ACTUALLY KINDA IGNORE IT. BUT LIKE THEN IT WENT INTO THE STANDARD SEX CULT STOLE MY BABY THING THAT IS THE STANDARD NUTSO IDEA FOR CRAZY PEOPLE? BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY FOUND THE SEX HOLE AND IT WAS A REAL ACTUAL THING THAT ACTUALLY EXISTED? SO WHO THE HECK  EVEN KNOWS. THE PART WHERE HE SECRETLY CAME BACK TO TELL HER SECRETS IS JUST STRAIGHT UP STDH DOT TXT THOUGH.   PS. WHO TOOK MY JOHNNY? WHO FOUND MY JOHNNY? PS I WILL FIND MY JOHNNY.

My Girl 2 [movie]

AS A LITTLE KID I REMEMBER MY GIRL AS LIKE THE SADDEST MOVIE EVER MADE. THIS MOVIE WAS NOT TERRIBLE BUT IT JUST SORT OF WASN'T ANYTHING. SHE WENT TO LA AND THEY WALKED TO DIFFERENT LA LANDMARKS AND EACH ONE HAD A 5 MINUTE SEGMENT WHERE A GUEST STAR TALKED FOR A BIT THEN LEFT AND THEN ALSO SHE DATED HER OWN COUSIN WHO WAS A HUGE NEEDLESSLY TERRIBLE ASSHOLE. ALSO THERE WAS A WEIRD PLOT IN THE BEGINNING WHERE IT SEEMED LIKE SHE HAD A CRUSH ON HER FEMALE FRIEND AND THEN SHE LEFT THE MOVIE NEVER EVER TO RETURN.   PS. I ACTUALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD WHEN THE FEMALE FRIEND SAID "MY MOM CAN'T HAVE ANYMORE KIDS" AND VEDA RESPONDED "NEITHER CAN MINE, BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD".

GALAK-Z [game]

THIS GAME IS WEIRD, THE CORE OF THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUN. MOVING AND FLYING AND FIGHTING IS WELL DESIGNED AND PERFECT. ALSO THE 80S ANIME VHS TAPE STUFF IS REALLY JUST SUPER WELL DONE. THERE IS SO MUCH I LIKE ABOUT THIS GAME. BUT THE STRUCTURE OF THE GAME IS JUST ATROCIOUS. IT FELT LIKE 90% OF THE GAME WAS SUPER SKILL BASED BUT NO MATTER WHAT THERE WAS 10% WHERE A FIGHT WOULD JUST GO BAD, AND THAT IS FINE, BUT THE PERMANENT NATURE IT FELT TOO EASY FOR A FIGHT TO GO BAD, BARELY SURVIVE THEN JUST BE LIKE "WELL THIS GAME ISN'T FUN ANYMORE" AS YOU KNOW YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER THE HEALTH AND NEED TO RESTART WHICH FELT WORSE THAN JUST DYING OUTRIGHT. ON THE FLIP SIDE I HATE GETTING A SET OF UPGRADES I LIKE THEN THE GAME JUST ARBITRARILY RESETTING YOU TO ZERO EVERY SEASON WITHOUT EVEN A GINNED UP STORY REASON. PS. I DO LIKE THE EVOLUTION OF MY SKILL CHANGING OVER THE COURSE OF THE GAME MY KILL EVERYTHING BUTTON. EARLY ON MISSILES WERE MY BEST HOPE, THEN THE GRAPPLE, THEN I JUST U

Persona 5: Daybreakers [anime]

I WATCHED THE FINAL FANTASY THING SO I FIGURED I SHOULD WATCH THIS TOO. OH GEEZ I GUESS THE PREMISE OF TBE GAME WILL BE STEALING ABSTRACT CONCEPTS FROM PEOPLES HEARTS AND THAT IS SO STUPID ITS GREAT ANE I LOVE IT. ALL THE MAIN CHARACTOR PERSONAS LOOK DUMB AND BAD THOUGH. PS. THE COMEDY RELIEF CAT SEEMS WAY MORE LIKE A SERIOUSCHARACTER? WHAT? 

Super Time Force Ultra [game]

THE BEST PART OF THIS GAME IS THAT THE MECHANIC THEY INVENTED IS VERY COMPLICATED AND COULD HAVE BEEN USED TO MAKE A BUNCH OF TRICKY PUZZLES THAT YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY THINK OUT AND MAYBE EVEN DIAGRAM ON PAPER. BUT THEY TOTALLY REALIZED THIS WASN'T THAT GAME AND JUST MADE EVERYTHING SUPER EASY AND YOU CAN JUST MAKE EVERYTHING EXPLODE NON STOP AND IT'S A DUMB BLAST. ALTHOUGH BASICALLY EVERY LEVEL IS BEAT BY BEING THE SHIELD GUY THEN RUNNING TO THE BOSS NOT FIGHTING ANYTHING THEN HAVING NEAR FULL TIME/LIVES/REWINDS SO YOU CAN FIGHT THE BOSS BY JUST REWINDING OVER AND OVER AND SHOOTING A BILLION TIMES WITH NO RISK.   PS. THE WORLD'S ONLY DENVER THE LAST DINOSAUR REFERENCE.

The Beginner's Guide [game]

OVER THE LAST 25 YEARS I HAVE MADE A LOT OF VIDEOGAMES, NONE OF THEM ARE GOOD AND NONE OF THEM HAVE EVER OR WILL EVER BEEN PLAYED BY MORE THAN ONE OR TWO PEOPLE OTHER THAN MYSELF, IF EVEN THAT. I THINK THIS GAME RESONATES WITH ME AN AWFUL AWFUL LOT BECAUSE OF THAT. ALSO: THE WEIRD LOW QUALITY MOVEMENT MADE ME FEEL MOTION SICK AND MORE AND MORE PHYSICALLY ILL AS I PLAYED MORE INTO THIS GAME AND I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.   PS. A GAME YOU HAVE TO SCREAM INTO A MICROPHONE EVERY 15 SECONDS TO CONTINUE PLAYING.

Kingsglaive [movie]

IS THIS A GOOD MOVIE? ABSOLUTELY NOT. IS THIS A TWO HOUR SET OF DISJOINTED CUT SCENES THAT MAKE ME WANT TO PLAY A NEW FINAL FANTASY RIGHT THIS SECOND SO BAD IT HURTS? YES, HELL YES. PS. I HAVE GONE FROM BEING IFFY ABOUT THE SETTING OF THIS GAME TO BEING ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND PERVENT ON BOARD WITH THIS WEIRD NONSENSE SETTING WHERE EVERYONE IS IN A MODERN JAPANESE CITY DRESSED LIKE WIZARDS WHILE SWORD FIGHTING AND DRIVING MINIVANS. 

No Man's Sky [game, garbage]

OH BOY. WHEN THIS GAME WAS ANNOUNCED IT SEEMED REALLY INTERESTING, BUT BUT EVEN A FEW MONTHS BEFORE LAUNCH IT STARTED SEEMING IFFY IN A WAY THAT WAS MAKING ME SUSPICIOUS AND THE ROUGH REVIEWS ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE PS4 VERSION TURNED MY 'BUY THIS' INTO 'PIRATE THIS' AND IN A LOT OF WAYS THIS MIGHT BE THE WORST GAME I EVER PLAYED. HOWEVER I DID PLAY IT. IT WAS SO BAD IN SUCH A WEIRD WAY I PLAYED THE ENTIRE AWFUL GAME, 80+ HOURS OF THE SLOWEST AND MOST REPETITIVE GAME EVER MADE, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE IT TRICKED ME, I KNEW THERE WAS NO ENDING AND IT NEVER GOT BETTER OR CHANGED, IT WAS JUST SUCH A BAD GAME IT FELT COMPELLING TO KEEP PLAYING AND SEE ALL THE NEW WAYS IT COULD BE BROKEN AND AWFUL. THE GAME WAS TOURING A BAD GAME.   PS. THE EXPLORATION IN THIS GAME IS SUCH WEIRD WHITE PERSON MANIFEST DESTINY IDEA OF EXPLORATION. LIKE THE GAME ACTS LIKE THESE ARE A BUNCH OF UNDISCOVERED PLANETS BUT EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE ON IT, COMING AND GOING AND EVEN HAVIN