Capital Reviews

 Migration [movie] I FEEL LIKE THE PART WITH THE HERONS WAS LEGITIMATELY GOOD THEN NOTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE WAS EVER INTERESTING EVER AGAIN AFTER THAT. PS. THIS MOVIE WAS COMING OUT FOR LIKE 4 YEARS AND YOU CAN TELL THEY CHOPPED IT ALL UP SO EVERYONE KEPT GETTING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ON PROBLEMS THEY HAD NEVER PREVIOUSLY DISPLAYED. 

 Frozen [movie] I SAW SOMETHING MAKE A JOKE THAT LIVE ACTION FROZEN IS ALREADY OUT AND IT'S ON AMAZON AND IT IS AND IT'S A 2010 HORROR DRAMA ABOUT SOME JERKS BEING STUCK ON A SKI LIFT.  PS. A MOVIE FROM DEEP IN THE CRAPPY YEARS OF HORROR MOVIES JUST BEING HOSTEL TORTURE PORN BUT NOT EVEN A GOOD ONE WITH GROSS SPECIAL EFFECTS. 

 Plugheads [game] THIS ISN'T REALLY A GAME, IT'S LIKE, A 10 MINUTE INTERACTIVE ART *THING*.   PS. I HAVE SUCH A POOR GRASP OF WHAT GAMES I OWN, WHY I OWN ANYTHING OR WHEN I GOT ANY OF IT. 

 carol and the end of the world [Television] IT'S HARD TO PIN DOWN WHAT I THINK ABOUT THIS. IT'S MELANCHOLIA BUT A CARTOON ABOUT A 42 YEAR OLD WOMAN THAT SITS AT APPLEBEES IN HER FREE TIME WHILE EVERYONE ON EARTH 'ON THE BEACH'ES IT. I FEEL LIKE EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF WATCHING THIS MADE ME WANT TO DIE.  PS. I DON'T FEEL LIKE THE ENDING WORKS.  LIKE CLEARLY IT'S GOOD SHE GOT FRIENDS AND WENT TO PARTIES BUT LIKE, LITERALLY EVERYONE ON EARTH WAS HAVING PARTIES NONSTOP. I GET IT CAN BE SOME LITTLE PRINCE TYPE THING WHERE BEING HAPPY MIGHT MEAN BEING SAD, BUT IT FEELS LIKE THE HR WOMAN IS RIGHT AND SHE'S MADE THEM ALL WORSE OFF. I FEEL LIKE WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS. 

 Ghostbusters: The Frozen Empire [movie] THIS MOVIE IS FINE. I LIKED IT WELL ENOUGH. THERE WAS A PART SLIMER CAME OUT AND SOMEONE YELLED "I KNOW THAT GUY" AND THAT IS THE SUMMARY OF THIS MOVIE. IT FEELS LIKE THIS WAS MOSTLY A GOOD MOVIE BUT ENDLESSLY BOGGED DOWN IN 'HEY HERE IS THIS GHOST BUSTER THING' UNTIL THE CLIMAX WHERE THERE WAS LIKE 16 DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND THINGS THERE. ALSO I FEEL LIKE THEY WANTED EVEN MORE, LIKE, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SET UP THE FIRE POLE BEING THE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT SOURCE OF BRASS OR SOMETHING THEN SHE JUST GETS IT OFF SCREEN IN LIKE 2 SECONDS FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE.  PS. I FEEL LIKE THEY WORKSHOPPED THE GHOST GIRLFRIEND STORY RIGHT INTO THE GROUND. LIKE YOU CAN TELL ONE WRITER WANTED TO BE COY ABOUT IT AND GAY BAIT THEN ANOTHER WRITER WAS LIKE "IT'S 2024 AND THIS KID IS SUPER GAY" SO IT ENDED UP IN A WEIRD SCENE WHERE SHE'S LIKE "YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS ME GHOST GIRL, EVERYONE ELSE HATES ME AND MY LIFE ISN'T WO

 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem [movie] FIRST OF ALL, THIS MOVIE EXTREMELY WANTED TO BE SPIDERMAN, IT'S WEIRD HOW IT GOT A REALLY GOOD VISUAL STYLE BUT THEN ALL THE NON-TURTLE CHARACTER DESIGNS WERE ABSOLUTELY THE UGLIEST EVER IN A MOVIE EVER. IT WAS STILL A GOOD MOVIE THOUGH.  PS. THE WEIRD REFERENCE BASED HUMOR REALLY CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. IT FELT LIKE IT WOULD BE A SPACE JAM II THING WHERE IT WAS JUST CO-BRANDING (WITH HEY ARNOLD??) BUT IT WAS GOING ALL OVER, DISNEY STUFF, ATTACK ON TITAN, THAT COMIC WITH MEGA MILK (!), AND LITTLE BITS OF THE WRITING WERE JUST EXTREMELY GOOD. MOSTLY "IT MAKES SENSE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT" AND "HE USED MY STICK AGAINST ME AND NOW HE'S MOLLYWOLLOPING ME" 

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Once & Always [movie] I DON'T KNOW. THIS MOVIE RULES. IT'S ONE OF THOSE MOVIES THAT IS DEFINITELY A PARODY BUT THE KIND OF PARODY WHERE THEY LITERALLY EVER MAKE A JOKE OR TRY TO BE FUNNY AND IT'S JUST LIKE THE MOST SPOT ON FULL HEARTED LEGITIMATE VERSION OF HOW STUPID POWER RANGERS ALWAYS WAS. LIKE ALL THE POWER RANGERS ARE 40 AND YOU THINK THEY WOULD MAKE JOKES ABOUT THAT, BUT THEY REALLY DON'T. SO YOU THINK THEY WOULD EXAGGERATE HOW BAD THE WRITING IS, BUT THEY DON'T DO THAT EITHER, OR YOU THINK THEY WOULD GO THE OTHER WAY AND TRY TO MAKE POWER RANGERS ACTUALLY COOL AS IT THOUGHT IT WAS AND THEY DON'T DO THAT THEY JUST WRITE EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE WOULD HAVE SAID EXACTLY IN THE ORIGINAL AND JUST LET HOW STUPID IT IS STAND. IT RULES. LIKE HE JUST BREAK DANCE FIGHTS AND THE MOVIE NEITHER TRIES TO MAKE IT ANY LESS LAME THAN IT WAS NOR PLAYS UP HOW STUPID THAT IS. IT JUST DOES IT.  PS. JESUS CHRIST, YELLOW RANGER DIED IN REAL LIFE.

 Midori [anime, movie] THIS MOVIE ISN'T GOOD AND YOU SHOULDN'T WATCH IT, BUT LIKE, IT'S A WEIRD ADAPTATION OF A 1930S 'GHOST STORY' TYPE THING FROM JAPAN ABOUT A FREAK SHOW THAT WAS ONLY SHOWN AT FREAK SHOWS AND WAS 'TOO SHOCKING' TO RELEASE IN THE US. IT'S MOSTLY JUST POINTLESS SHOCK NONSENSE OVER BARELY MOVING PAINTINGS.  PS. THE PART THAT IS GOOD, OTHER THAN THE WHOLE THING BEING KINDA INTERESTING IS THAT IT'S A FICTIONALIZED STORY OF THE FIRST PERSON IN JAPAN TO DO WESTERN STAGE MAGIC AND I REALLY LIKE THAT YOU CAN SEE THE CONFUSED UNDERSTANDING THROUGH IT. LIKE, MAYBE THE GUY DID HAVE WIZARD POWERS, BUT MOSTLY IT WASN'T ABOUT THAT. 90% OF WHAT HE DID WAS BASED ON THE WRITER KNOWING STAGE MAGIC ISN'T REAL AND IS JUST TRICKING YOU TO THINK THINGS HAPPENED. BUT LIKE, IT'S EXTREMELY UNREASONABLE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING IS HAPPENING. SO LIKE THE MAGIC TRICK IS LIKE, THINKING YOU ARE SINKING IN SAND AND GETTING EATEN BY ANTS, THEN T

 Megamind vs. the Doom Syndicate [movie] I'M NOT LIKE, A HUGE FAN OF THE ORIGINAL MOVIE OR ANYTHING, BUT PEOPLE HAVE POINTED OUT THAT THERE IS LIKE 5 DIFFERENT THINGS THAT MEGAMIND IS VIRTUALLY THE ONLY MEDIA THAT DEALS WITH IT. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE I WATCHED CAT PERSON AND BECAUSE THIS IS GETTING HYPE AS BEING SO BAD IT HAS A 0% ON METACRITIC. IT REALLY IS BAD, BUT NOT EVEN FUNNY OR INTERESTING BAD. IT'S JUST A 90 MINUTE PILOT FOR A TV SHOW WITH PAW PATROL LEVEL ANIMATION. IT WAS VERY DIRECT TO VHS QUALITY AND NOT ANYTHING. THE ONLY KINDA GOOD PART IS THE NAME 'PIERRE PRESSURE'  PS. I FELL ASLEEP FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES AND MISSED NOTHING. 

 Cat Person [short story] + Cat Person [movie] THE 2017 SHORT STORY 'CAT PERSON' IS A VERY SMALL SCALE LITTLE 3 PAGE LONG STORY OF A YOUNG WOMAN GOING ON A DATE WITH A MAN, THE MAN BEING A PATHETIC LOSER, THE WOMAN REJECTING HIM AND HIM CALLING HER A WHORE. IT'S VERY GROUNDED STORY. THE MAN IS NOT WRITTEN AS A HORRIBLE PREDATOR OR SUPER EVIL, THE WOMAN DUMPS HIM BY HAVING HER ROOM MATE WRITE A TEXT THAT IS MUCH MEANER THAN NEEDED AND HIS REACTION TO RUNNING INTO HER IS THE REALISTIC SORT OF AGGRESSIVE MEN TURN TOWARDS WOMEN WITHOUT BEING RIDICULOUS OR OVER THE TOP.  THEY MADE A MOVIE OUT OF IT. THE FIRST TWO THIRDS ARE JUST ABOUT THE SAME STORY, THEY MAKE HIM MUCH DORKIER SO HE COMES OFF AS KINDA AUTISTIC AND IT INTRODUCES A LOT OF THE CONCEPT OF HER HAVING LITTLE FAMILY GUY CUT AWAYS SHOWING HER BEING AFRAID OF HIM AS A WOMAN ALONE WITH A STRANGE MAN. THAT CHANGES IT UP SOME, BUT THAT IS AN EXTREMELY REASONABLE ADAPTATION. BUT THEN THE THIRD ACT JUST GOES ABSOLUTELY OFF TH

Palworld [game] IT'S HILARIOUS HOW GOOD THIS GAME IS COMPARED TO WHAT YOU'D EXPECT. LIKE, YOU CAN TELL IT STARTED AS A CHEAP EDGY MEME GAME THEN WAS LIKE 'WHAT IF WE MADE THIS ACTUALLY FUN' I PLAYED 50 HOURS OBSESSIVELY AND AM UNINSTALLING THE GAME NOW BECAUSE I ENJOY IT SO MUCH I WANT TO SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE AFTER EARLY ALPHA AND DON'T WANT TO BURN MYSELF OUT.  PS. I LIKE THAT THE GUNS ONLY BARELY MATTER AND THE HAPPINESS MECHANIC MATTERS SO MUCH YOU CAN'T REALLY EVEN MISTREAT ANYTHING. 

 The Electric Kingdom [book, audiobook] THIS IS A WEIRD ONE. IT'S A BOOK THAT STARTS WITH A REALLY FLESHED OUT PREMISE (AND EXTREMELY GRIM AND SERIOUS POST APOCOLYPTIC EMPTY WORLD) THEN STARTS LEANING TOWARDS A SECOND WAY WACKIER SECRET PREMISE, BUT THEN BY THE END THAT SECOND PREMISE IS ALSO SUPER WELL FLESHED OUT AND WELL DONE, BUT IN THE MIDDLE PARTS WHERE IT'S JUST HINTED AT IT HAS A VERY "WELL THIS IS DUMB" FEELING.   EVEN IF IT ENDS UP NOT DUMB. I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS IS A BOOK THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A SEQUEL, SO IT REALLY LEAVES A LOT OF STORY ELEMENTS AS "THAT PART DIDN'T MATTER" IN A WAY WHERE YOU TAKE THE BOOK AS A WHOLE THAT'S NOT BAD, BUT READING THE BOOK GETS FRUSTRATING AT POINTS. I FEEL LIKE THIS BOOK GOT REWRITTEN MID WAY TO BRING THE TWIST MORE IN, LIKE THE WHOLE ECHO PLOTLINE FEELS LIKE IT BELONGED IN SOME OTHER STORY.  PS. I HAVE TO ADMIT, I REALLY LIKED THE FLIES AS A CONCEPT, BUT FOR SOME REASON THE FACT THEY PICK YOU UP LI

 Stutz [movie, nonfiction] THIS MOVIE IS WEIRD BECAUSE IT'S REALLY HEARTFELT BUT NOT VERY GOOD. IT'S JONNA HILL INTERVIEWING HIS THERAPIST WHO IS DYING OF PARKINSONS DISEASE. AND THAT IS KINDA IT. THEY STYLE OF IT FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TOWARDS SOME 'SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE' SCIENTOLOGIST TYPE RECRUITMENT THING WITH THE THERAPY DRAWINGS, BUT THEY PRETTY MUCH STUCK TO SUPER STANDARD THERAPY CONCEPTS.  PS. THE BEST PART WAS THE TWIST JONNA HILL WAS WEARING A WIG AND IT WAS A GREEN SCREEN