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Showing posts from November, 2013

Spring Breakers [movie]

OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING. IT'S LIKE THEY HAD TWO TEAMS AND ONE WAS TOLD TO MAKE AN ACTUAL SPRING BREAK MOVIE AND ONE WAS TOLD TO MAKE SOME SORT OF DEEP ART PIECE AND THE WHOLE THING ENDED UP BEING LIKE IF GUMMO WAS SET IN SPRING BREAK. PS. SPRIIIIIIIING BREAAAAK FOOOREVER.

Monster High: 13 wishes [movie]

THIS MOVIE WAS INCOMPREHENSIBLE, BUT LETS FOCUS ON LAGOONA'S PLOT BECAUSE WHAT? HER BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS WERE RACIST AND WOULDN'T LET HER DATE SALT WATER MONSTERS BECAUSE THEY WERE FRESH WATER, SO SHE WISHED TO BE A FRESH WATER MONSTER AND THEN SINCE EVERY WISH TURNED OUT WRONG HER WISH ENDED WITH HER DRINKING FRESH WATER OUT OF SOLO CUPS AND SMASHING THEM ON HER HEAD LIKE A FRAT BOY IN SOME TEEN DRINKING METAPHOR? WHAT? "IF YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS DON'T LIKE WHAT RACE YOU ARE DON'T BECAME THEIR RACE BECAUSE THAT RACE IS ALCOHOLICS"? PS. VOLUME ONE OF: CRAPPY MOVIES I'M GONNA WATCH AS BACKGROUND NOISE TO PLAY PERSONA.

Assassin's Creed: Liberation [game]

THIS GAME WAS WEIRD BECAUSE IT WAS A GAME THAT HAD A MAIN CHARACTOR THAT WAS A BLACK WOMAN AND SOMETHING LIKE THAT IS ALMOST UNHEARD OF IN VIDEO GAMES. BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU HAD THREE CHARACTOR CLASSES IN THE GAME YOU COULD SWITCH BETWEEN DURING THE GAME: ASSASSIN, SLAVE, LADY. AND IT WAS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO HAVING A BUTTON TO PRESS TO TURN ON YOUR WOMEN POWERS (FLIRTING) AND A BUTTON TO PRESS TO TURN ON YOUR BLACK PEOPLE POWERS(LIFTING BOXES, STARTING RIOTS) AS THE GAME COULD GET AND THAT KINDA DRAINED IT ALL OUT OF THE DARING PROTAGONIST CHOICE. PS. THIS GAME FELT WEIRD BECAUSE IT WAS SUPER SHORT BUT IT HAD A BUNCH OF SYSTEMS THAT CLEARLY HAD BEEN DRAGGED IN FROM THE BIGGER GAMES IN THIS SERIES AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVER WOULD HAVE WANTED A BETTER SWORD OR A GUN AT ALL IN A GAME LIKE THIS.

Breaking Bad [television]

I STARTED WATCHING THIS THE DAY IT ENDED AND WATCHED IT OVER THE NEXT 8 WEEKS. WHEN I STARTED I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A DUMB FISH OUT OF WATER SHOW ABOUT A GOOFY SUBURBAN DUDE IN A DRUG WORLD HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, BUT REALLY THAT WAS DONE BY THE THIRD EPISODE AND MOSTLY IT WAS THE STORY OF THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE DOING TERRIBLE THINGS AND IT WAS A REALLY GOOD SHOW AND A GOOD EXERCISE TO SEE IF THE PUBLIC KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'PROTAGONIST' AND 'HERO' PS. RICIN BEANS

Hunger Games: Catching Fire [movie]

TRUTH BE TOLD, SECOND BOOK WAS BY FAR MY LEAST FAVORITE AND THIS MOVIE WAS FINE BUT IT WILL BE MY LEAST FAVORITE OF THE MOVIES AS WELL. THIS MOVIE ALSO FELT ODDLY COMPRESSED FOR HOW LONG IT WAS, I DON'T KNOW, THEY NEEDED THIS MOVIE TO MAKE THE NEXT ONE SO I'M FINE WITH IT. PS. I MISSED BOTH THE MY LITTLE PONY SEASON PREMIER **AND** THE DOCTOR WHO SPECIAL TO WATCH THIS, THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU!

Soul Sacrifice [game]

I LIKED THIS GAME A SURPRISING AMOUNT. LIKE THE GAMEPLAY WAS KINDA BAD AND IT'S NOT RIGHT TO SAY THE STORY WAS EXACTLY GOOD BUT THE WRITING WAS JUST REALLY ENGAGING AND I GOT ALL INTO ALL THE WEIRD SIDE STORIES EVEN IF THE TWIST ENDING OF BASICALLY EVERY SINGLE THING ENDED UP BEING EXACTLY THE SAME THING. PS. I LIKE HOW ALL THE MONSTER NAMES MADE SENSE BUT SEEMED LIKE SOMEONE HAD GONE TO SOME WORLD WITH MONSTERS AND JUST USED THE WORDS THEY ALREADY KNEW.

Thor: The Dark World [movie]

I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY BASED ON TWO THINGS: TOTAL COINCIDENCES AND HAPPENSTANCE AND ALSO USING THE SAME GIMMICKS AND JOKES OVER AND OVER REPEATEDLY. I DIDN'T REALLY HATE THIS MOVIE AND IT WAS FINE TO WATCH BUT IT FELT LIKE AN EXTREMELY DUMB MOVIE A LOT MORE THAN THE OTHER MARVEL UNIVERSE MOVIES. PS. HEY, INFINITY STONES IS A PRETTY RAD CALL OUT BUT JESUS CHRIST **TWO** POST CREDITS SCENES?

Scribblenauts Unlimited [game]

I MEAN THIS WASN'T A BAD GAME BUT THEY TOTALLY DROPPED THE INCREDIBLE MACHINE STYLE LEVELS OF THE FIRST GAME AND MADE EVERYTHING JUST FILL IN THE BLANK PUZZLES LIKE "NAME SOMETHING RED" OR "NAME A THING A BIRD EATS" AND I MEAN IT DID IT WITH A TON OF CHARM AND HAD SOME REALLY CUTE LITTLE SKITS AND STUFF BUT I'M SAD THEY REMOVED THE PART OF THE GAME I LIKED BEST, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE CONTROLS WERE ACTUALLY OKAY IN THIS VERSION. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND I NEEDED TO FEED A CANNIBAL AND I MADE A 'DELICIOUS BABY' AND THE GAME TOOK IT SO A++++, GAME OF THE YEAR.

Proxima [Book]

LIKE EVERY STEVEN BAXTER BOOK I LOVED THIS BOOK, BUT JEEZ, IT'S A 600 PAGE BOOK WITH LIKE 4 STORIES WOVEN TOGETHER AND IT'S A REAL JERK MOVE TO FORGET ABOUT ONE THREAD OF THE STORY FOR LIKE 300 PAGES. EACH OF THE PARTS WERE INDIVIDUALLY GREAT BUT THE WHOLE BOOK WAS RUSHING THROUGH OTHER PARTS TO GET TO THE NEXT PART OF WHATEVER THE CURRENT GOOD PARTS WERE. ALSO EVERYTHING WAS A CLIFFHANGER AT THE END.  PS. I GOT SO INTO THIS BOOK WHEN THE CHARACTERS WERE COLD I FORGOT AND THOUGHT I WAS COLD. 

Planes [movie]

SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO REMOVE YOUR GENITALS TO WIN AT SPORTS. PS. I WANTED A MOVIE I COULD IGNORE WHILE I READ AND BOY WAS THIS THAT MOVIE.

Enders Game [movie]

THIS MOVIE WAS FINE. I DID WHAT IT WAS TRYING TO DO, IT WAS ENJOYABLE TO WATCH, IT WAS FINE. BUT GEEZ, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW CARD IS A HORRIBLE DUDE OR IF IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW THE OTHER BOOKS ARE HORRIBLE OR WHAT BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HOW SHITTY ALL THE MORALS OF THIS STORY ARE.  PS. I LIKE THAT THEY CUT OUT THE BLOG SUBPLOT ENTIRELY, ALSO THE KNEES SUBPLOT, THE WORD BUGGER AND ALSO THE "FUCK THIS WAR I'M BLOWING UP EVERYTHING, SCREW YOU" ENDING TO THE GAME. 

Plants Vs Zombies 2 [game]

I HATE THIS GAME SO MUCH, I PLAYED THIS GAME OUT OF SPITE. I LOVED THE FIRST GAME AND BOUGHT IT LIKE TWICE, THIS GAME IS FREE TO PLAY AND THE WHOLE MODEL OF IT IS TO MAKE THE GAME SO UNFUN YOU WANT TO PAY MONEY TO NOT PLAY THE GAME. PS. ALSO I ONLY DO THESE REVIEWS WHEN A GAME IS BEAT BUT THIS GAME YOU JUST GET TO THE END OF THE 3RD LEVEL AND THEY SET UP A 4TH LEVEL BUT THAT LEVEL DOESN'T EXIST AND MAYBE YOU CAN BUY IT LATER I GUESS?

Carrie [movie]

I KNOW BINDING OF ISSAC WAS BASED ON CARRIE BUT IT'S HARD TO WATCH THIS WITHOUT THINKING IT WAS BASED ON BINDING OF ISSAC. ALSO EVERYONE HAD MAIN LICENCE PLATES BUT IT LOOKED NOTHING LIKE MAINE. ALSO IT'S NOT LIKE THIS VERSION MADE IT UP BUT IT'S ALWAYS WEIRD HOW THE MOM IS PRETTY MUCH RIGHT AND SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO THE PROM. PS. CARRIE IS BASICALLY THE SEQUEL TO MATILDA.

Kindergarten Cop [movie]

I WATCHED THIS MOVIE DECADES AGO TOO BUT I WATCHED IT NOW TOO, ON A BUS, BECAUSE BUSES CAN ONLY SHOW MOVIES ABOUT STRONG DUDES HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF KIDS. ALSO THIS MOVIE HAD A WEIRD SUBPLOT WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THAT SEEMED WEIRD, BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS PLAYED OFF LIGHTER THAN IT WOULD BE IN A MODERN MOVIE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I CAN'T IMAGINE A MODERN MOVIE EVEN BRINGING IT UP AT ALL. PS. ALSO THE WHOLE THING WITH THE PARTNER AND FOOD WAS SO WEIRD AND OUT OF PLACE AND MADE THIS MOVIE FEEL LIKE IT WAS FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

GI Joe Retaliation [movie]

EVERYONE HAD CODE NAMES AND WORE MASKS AND IT WAS REALLY BORING SO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO IDEA WHO ANYONE WAS OR WHAT SIDE THEY WERE ON OR WHAT HAPPENED. ALSO EVERYONE TALKED IN WEIRD QUOTES FROM OTHER THINGS THAT SEEMED LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE JOKES BUT WEREN'T REALLY FUNNY? PS. THE PLOT TO GET RID OF ALL THE NUCLEAR WEAPONS WAS PRETTY GOOD AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN A BETTER MOVIE.

The Croods [movie]

THIS MOVIE WAS WEIRD BECAUSE THE DAD IS PAINTED AS A WORRYWART THE WHOLE TIME BUT I MEAN LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD HAD DIED AND HE LITERALLY WAS THE ONLY REASON HIS FAMILY SURVIVED. ALSO THIS MOVIE SEEMED EXTREMELY SAD BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE LAND BEFORE TIME + THE SOURDOIRE VALLEY SONG PS. EVERYONE MENTIONED THIS BUT IT IS KINDA NEAT THAT EEP IS A ROMANTIC INTEREST AND THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST CARTOON IN HISTORY THAT DIDN'T MAKE HER SOME SORT OF BLOND HAIR BLUE EYE SUPERMODEL.

The Bucket List [movie]

WHAT IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO DO WHEN MORGAN FREEMAN DIES? HOW WILL WHITE PEOPLE LEARN LESSONS IF MORGAN FREEMAN CAN'T DIE FOR THEM ANYMORE IN MOVIES? PS. THE VERY LAST LINE OF THIS MOVIE WAS THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE THOUGH, IT KINDA REDEEMED THE WHOLE THING.