Posts

Showing posts from November, 2021

Midnight Gospel [television]

 Midnight Gospel [television]  MAN, I REALLY WANT TO LIKE THIS, THE BACKGROUND ANIMATION STORY STUFF IS AMAZING, THE PODCAST INTERVIEWS ARE JUST LIKE ONE STEP TOO NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I REALLY WANTED SOMEONE TO SAY SOMETHING REALLY PROFOUND, I REALLY WANTED TO RESONATE WITH SOMETHING THIS WAS SAYING, BUT EVERYONE SEEMED A LITTLE MORE DUMB THAN IT NEEDED TO BE.  THE MOM ONE WAS GOOD AND THE DEATH LADY FROM CATS WILL EAT MY EYES WAS OKAY. THE REST WERE KINDA NOT QUITE THERE.  PS. I FEEL LIKE THE WAY AN ACTUAL STORY BUILT UP FROM ALL THE BACKGROUND STUFF IS SO PENN WARD. LIKE YOU GET A WHOLE COSMOLOGY OF HOW EVERYTHING IS WORKING AND WHAT PEOPLE ARE DOING FROM SO FEW THROW AWAY LINES, BUT IT'S CLEARLY ALL THERE.  

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running [book, audiobook, nonfiction]

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running [book, audiobook, nonfiction] I DID REALLY LIKE THIS BOOK, MURAKAMI NONFICTION ABOUT RUNNING.  BUT MAN DID I NOT NEED TO READ MORE ABOUT GETTING OLDER. I FEEL LIKE THE ENTIRE DOWNBEAT TONE OF THE SECOND HALF OF THIS BOOK IS SO HILARIOUSLY TIED TO HIM HAVING LOST. LIKE THE BOOK HAS MIXED HAPPY AND SAD PARTS UNTIL HE DOES BAD IN THE RACE AND IT FLIPS SO HARD TO "WELL I GUESS EVERYONE HAS TO DIE SOMEDAY, EVERYONE OVER 30 IS IN CONSTANT DECAY". LIKE THERE IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE HE DID FINE IN THAT ONE SPECIFIC MARATHON AND WROTE THE BOOK TOTALLY DIFFERENT.   PS. HE WENT TO MAINE AND BOUGHT JAZZ AND THE RED SOCKS RAIN MADE HIS KNEE HURT, BUT HIS KNEE RECOVERED IN ONE DAY IN NEW YORK.

Watch Waffles + Mochi's Holiday Feast [television]

 Watch Waffles + Mochi's Holiday Feast [television] EH, FINDING OUT THIS WAS AN ACTUAL SHOW RUINS A LOT OF IT, I WAS VERY INTO HOW INSANE JUST MAKING UP A FAKE SHOW FOR A HOLIDAY SPECIAL STARING MICHELL OBAMA IS, BUT IT'S LESS FUNNY SEEING THERE IS OTHER EPISODES THAN IT WAS JUST THINKING THEY MADE A HOLIDAY SPECIAL THEN WENT "UHHH.... THIS CHARACTER IS A ..... MOP?" OUT OF WHOLE CLOTH.  PS. OTHER THAN SANTA SHOWING UP THIS FELT LIKE THE MOST BRUTAL TAKEDOWN OF CHRISTMAS IN ANY MEDIA EVER. LIKE IT WASN'T JUST THE STANDARD "SOME PEOPLE DO CHRISTMAS, SOME DO HANUKKAH, ALSO KWANSA EXISTS" LIKE MOST OTHER STUFF, THE CORE PREMISE WAS THERE IS LIKE A MILLION HOLIDAYS, THEY ARE ALL JUST THERE BECAUSE OF SOLSTICE, YOU CAN JUST MAKE UP WHATEVER. WHICH ISN'T A BAD MESSAGE, BUT MAN, WATCH SOMEONE SOMEWHERE GET REALLY ANGRY AT MICHELL OBAMA'S WAR ON CHRISTMAS. 

Descendants [movie]

Descendants [movie] OH MAN, I UNDERSTAND DISNEY WANTING TO HAVE A MORE DIVERSE CAST THAN THE MOVIE HISTORY THEY WERE PULLING FROM BUT THE RACE BLIND CASTING IN THIS FELT TRUELY INSANE. LIKE I FEEL LIKE THEY WANTED CRUELA'S SON TO BE HALF WHITE AND HALF BLACK LIKE HER COLOR THEME (LOL) SO THEY MADE.... CRUELA BLACK, AND HER HUSBAND WHITE??? WHY WRITE IT THAT WAY?  WHY IS JAFARR'S SON NATIVE AMERICAN? (DID THEY CAST IT AS POCAHONTA'S SON THEN REALIZE HOW INAPPROPRIATE THAT WAS?). ALSO EVERY DISNEY VILLIAN IS ELDERLY, EXTREMELY QUEER CODED OR VERY SEXLESS SO LIKE HALF OF THEM HAVING KIDS SEEMED VERY FUNNY. MR SMEE DID NOT HAVE CHILDREN. PS. ACTUALLY I WATCHED ALL OF THE FIRST ONE, MOST OF THE SECOND MOVIE AND PARTS OF THE THIRD MOVIE AS MY SISTER'S KIDS WATCHED THE ALL DAY THANKSGIVING MARATHON OF THESE. BUT I'M NOT WRITING THREE REVIEWS, "THE WEIRD BLIND CASTING HURT MY HEAD" IS MY REVIEW FOR ALL OF THEM. 

Cryptozoo [movie]

 Cryptozoo [movie] I REMEMBER BEING SUPER HYPED FOR THIS FOR LIKE TWO YEARS, THEN THE PANDEMIC HAPPENED AND I FORGOT IT EXISTED, THEN I FINALLY REMEMBERED IT AND WATCHED IT. MAN, I DON'T KNOW, I WANTED TO LIKE THIS SO MUCH, IT'S SO CLOSE. IT FEELS LIKE IT REALLY REALLY CAME NEAR HAVING A REALLY REALLY INTERESTING THEME AND JUST NEVER GOT ANYWHERE WITH IT. LIKE THE LADY HAD A DREAM, AND THE THING THAT SAVED HER ATE DREAMS, AND HER SOLUTION WAS HORRIBLE AND INCREMENTAL IN A WAY THAT WAS BAD, AND LIKE THAT IS ALL SOMETHING. YOU CAN GO SOMEWHERE WITH THAT. BUT IT NEVER REALLY CONNECTED UP. THE CRYPTIDS WERE MOSTLY BAD AND DANGEROUS, THE MESSAGE SETTLED MORE ON 'THEY SHOULD STAY IN HIDING" MORE THAN "THEY SHOULD BE FREE". THE GORGAN GOT HER DREAM TO GET MARRIED I GUESS? IT'S JUST HARD TO TELL WHAT THIS MOVIE WANTED TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING. IT FEELS LIKE IT HAD A LOT OF THREADS THAT FEEL *RELATED* AND NEVER QUITE PULLED THEM TO SAY ANYTHING WITH THAT.  PS. I LIKE

Extinct [movie]

 Extinct [movie] HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE? IT'S LIKE BAD CARTOON I PUT ON FOR BACKGROUND NOISE AND IT'S ONE OF THE MOST BAFFLING MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN. WHAT THE HECK WAS ANY OF THIS?  IT FEELS LIKE A MOVIE WITH LIKE 80 DIFFERENT CONCEPTS FLYING AT YOU AT ALL TIMES. LIKE THEY HAD TEN DIFFERENT MOVIES AND MASHED THEM INTO ONE THING. PS. THE JOKE WITH DARWIN AND THE SHIP GUY/THEIR DESCENDANTS DOING THE OPPOSITE THINGS WITH THE FLASKS WAS A LEGITIMATELY GOOD JOKE.

Tiger King: Season 2 [television]

 Tiger King: Season 2 [television] THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE.  PS. THE ONLY GOOD PART WAS WHEN THE GUY WAS EXPLAINING HOW HE WAS GOING TO SHOOT SOMEONE WITH A SNIPER RIFLE THEN THE CAMERA PULLED OUT AND IT WAS A BUNCH OF LITTLE GIRLS HE WAS TALKING TO. 

His & Hers [movie, nonfiction]

His & Hers [movie, nonfiction] THIS IS LIKE REVERSE BECHDEL TEST, IT IS 70 INTERVIEWS WITH PROGRESSIVELY OLDER WOMEN FROM LIKE 3 TO 100 ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN THEIR LIFE. SO LIKE LITTLE KIDS TALKING ABOUT THEIR DAD THEN TEENS ABOUT THEIR BOYFRIENDS, THEN NEWLY MARRIED WIVES, THEN ABOUT BABY SONS, THEN ABOUT THEIR TEEN SONS, THEN ABOUT THEIR ADULT SON, THEN THEIR RETIRED HUSBANDS, THEN ABOUT THEIR DEAD HUSBAND. ALSO EVERYONE IS VERY VERY IRISH. THE TONE OF THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY WEIRD. YOU THINK IT WOULD BE BITTERSWEET OR EVEN DARK, THAT WOULD BE AN EASY MOVIE TO MAKE, BUT EVERYONE SEEMS GENERALLY HAPPY, BUT THE WHOLE THING IS FILMED IN AN INCREDIBLY BLEAK WAY WHERE NO ONE BUT THE WOMAN IS EVER SHOWN AND MOST SHOTS ARE HER WALKING AROUND AN EMPTY HOUSE SHOT FROM A LONG WAY AWAY SILENTLY.  PS. (HONESTLY EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT AN IRISH WOMAN AND NOTHING BAD HAPPENED I THINK THIS MOVIE MADE ME REALLY SAD. I THINK I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH TURNING 40, LIKE, IT'S A MOVIE

The Devil and Miss Prym [audiobook, book]

The Devil and Miss Prym [audiobook, book] I REALLY REALLY LIKE PAULO COELHO AS AN AUTHOR SO I DID REALLY LIKE THIS BOOK. I GOTTA SAY THOUGH IT FELT LIKE IT WAS WEAKER THAN A LOT OF HIS OTHER STUFF, IT FEELS LIKE A 26 PAGE SHORT STORY STRETCHED INTO 226 PAGES.  IT FEELS LIKE IT HAD A WEIRD ISSUE OF EVERYONE OVER EXPLAINING THEIR RULES INSTEAD OF JUST LETTING FAIRYTALE LOGIC COVER IT. LIKE SOME DEAL HAD A LOOPHOLE WHERE SOMEONE COULD JUST LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE, SO HE HAD TO EXPLAIN ACTUALLY HE HAD FRIENDS IN THE CIA AND THEY WOULD TRACK HER DOWN IF SHE LEFT, OR THAT IF THEY KILLED HIM HE HAD A DEAD DROP WITH THE POLICE TO COME ARREST THEM SO THEY COULDN'T KILL HIM. LIKE PAULO HAD HIS COUSIN READ THE BOOK AND HE KEPT POINTING OUT DUMB "BUT WHAT IF" LOOPHOLES TO BREAK THE SIMPLE STRUCTURE OF THE DEALS, AND IT SCREWED UP THE FLOW OF THE BOOK FOR EVERYONE TO KEEP EXPLAINING WHY THE LOOPHOLES WOULDN'T WORK. IT WAS A WEIRD ELEMENT THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM IN ANYTHING ELSE HE WROTE

The Spine of the Night [movie]

 The Spine of the Night [movie] THIS MOVIE FRIGGIN RULES. THEY SAID "YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE LOVE? THOSE SHITTY 1970S ROTOSCOPED MOVIES" AND JUST MADE A NEW ONE OF THOSE. COMPLETE WITH WEIRD BAD ACTING, VIOLENCE SO OVER THE TOP IT KINDA DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE AND A TON OF NUDITY WHERE THE LADIES ARE CLEARLY WEARING BIKINIS BUT DRAWN AS NUDE SO EVERYONE HAS WEIRD ORB BOOBS.  PS. I FEEL LIKE I DON'T LIKE THAT IT STOPPED AT WEIRD STEAM PUNK, IT SHOULD HAVE COMPLETED IT'S PEARL JAM DO THE EVOLUTION STORY ARC AND GONE TO THE FUTURE IN THE END. HAVING THE LAST SCENE HAVE ANOTHER TIME JUMP AND BE POST APOCOLYPTIC WOULD HAVE MADE IT PERFECT EVEN IF THE SCENES WERE LITERALLY IDENTICAL. 

The Suicide Squad [movie]

 The Suicide Squad [movie] NOT TROMA BUT IT DOES FEEL LIKE IN 35 YEARS THIS MOVIE WILL BE OBSCURE AND ON YOUTUBE AND SORT OF GOOD BUT WITH BAD PACING AND SOME FUTURE ME CAN WATCH IT IN WITH ALL THE WEIRD OBSCURE MOVIES I'M WATCHING NOW. PS. I REALLY THINK THIS WHOLE PANDEMIC IS GOING TO CREATE SO MANY 'WAIT, WHAT THE HECK IS THIS MOVIE?" LOST MOVIES NO ONE WATCHED THAT GO DIRECT TO BEING PLAYED ON CABLE AT 2AM IN THE YEAR 2045

Video Demons Do Psychotown [movie]

 Video Demons Do Psychotown [movie] THE THING ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS IT SEEMS REALLY WEIRD, LIKE IT FEELS LIKE THE GOVERNMENT MADE SOMEONE WATCH A MOVIE THEN INVENTED A MACHINE THAT LETS YOU SEE SOMEONE'S MEMORIES THEN THIS MOVIE WAS A RECORDING OF THE WEIRD DREAM MEMORY OF A MOVIE. EXCEPT IT'S NEVER QUITE WEIRD ENOUGH TO NOT BE BORING. EVERYTHING FEELS EXTREMELY OFF AT ALL TIMES BUT NEVER QUITE FAR ENOUGH OFF TO BE ENGAGING.  PS. I SWEAR TO GOD SOMETIMES THE CHARACTER'S VOICES WERE SPED UP. I FEEL LIKE THAT MIGHT BE A MAJOR ELEMENT TO EVERYTHING FEELING SUPER SCREWED UP IN THIS MOVIE? LIKE EVERYONES VOICE WERE PITCHING UP AND DOWN SCENE TO SCENE, BUT LIKE, ONLY A LITTLE BIT. LIKE MAYBE 10%

Bloons TD 6 [game]

 Bloons TD 6 [game] THERE WAS A WHILE I WAS HAVING A REAL HARD TIME CONCENTRATING ON ANYTHING SO I FELL INTO PLAYING A STUPID MOBILE GAME WHILE WATCHING MINDLESS YOUTUBE VIDEOS, THEN IT WENT THROUGH A WEIRD CURVE WHERE IF YOU PLAY ON HARD THERE IS SOME ACTUAL DEPTH UNTIL YOU PLAY ON EXPERT HARD AT WHICH POINT IT TURNS MINDLESSLY HARD.  PS. I DONT KNOW WHAT FINISHING THIS WOULD BE SO IM WRITING THIS THAN NOT PLAYING BAD GAME ANYMORE

Splatter University [movie]

 Splatter University [movie] EH, THIS MOVIE FEELS EXTREMELY PADDED OUT AND LOOKING IT UP IT WAS ORIGINALLY MUCH SHORTER AND THEY LITERALLY JUST PUFFED UP THE RUN TIME WITH RANDOM FOOTAGE TO STREACH IT LONG ENOUGH TO GET RELEASED AS A MOVIE. PS. I COULD LOOK UP AHEAD OF TIME WHICH OF THESE ARE GOOD AND WHICH AREN'T BUT THAT MISSES THE POINT OF DOING THIS.

Acting Out [movie]

Acting Out [movie] CONTINUING INTO THE TROMA DEEP CATALOG. EH, THIS ONE IS A PRETTY BIG MISS, THIS IS JUST PORNOGRAPHY. CONCEPTUALLY IT'S GIVING 'REAL PEOPLE' A CHANCE TO DIRECT PORN ACTORS TO MAKE THEIR WEIRD FANTASY HAPPEN, NARRATED SORT OF IN THE MANNER OF FACES OF DEATH. LIKE, ONE OF THE FANTASY'S WAS TO HAVE AN ORGY WITH A BUNCH OF CLOWNS AT A CIRCUS, SO LIKE, THIS HAD POTENTIAL TO BE WEIRD ENOUGH TO BE SOMETHING, BUT EH, BLAH, THE ONLY GOOD ONE WAS THE GUY AT HIS OWN WEDDING, HIS BRIDE RUNNING AWAY, THEN HIM ACCIDENTALLY KILLING HER AND THEM RETURNING TO THE WEDDING DRESSED AS HER. WHAT?  PS. THIS WAS MOSTLY JUST BAD, THEY GLOSSED OVER THE WEIRD ONES LIKE THE CLOWN STUFF SO IT WASN'T A FUNNY MOVIE, THEY FILMED THE SEX STUFF IN A WEIRD R RATED BUT ACTUAL SEX 1978S WAY, AND THE LONGEST STUFF THEY FOCUSED ON WAS JUST SOME GUY GETTING IRL MAD AT THE LADY IN A WAY THAT WAS AWFUL TO WATCH. I LIKE THE IDEA OF WATCHING THE MOST OBSCURE TROMA CATALOG STUFF BUT BLECH ON

The Thingy [movie]

 The Thingy [movie] JESUS FRIGGIN CHRIST, WHAT? I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE SET UP TO MAKE THE MOST STUPID GOOFBALL MOVIE IMAGINABLE AND THEN INSTEAD MADE SOMETHING LIKE, EXTREMELY SERIOUS INSTEAD? BUT STILL USING THE DUMB BAD PROPS AND SILLY CASTING? LIKE NOT THAT THIS IS ANY SORT OF MASTERPIECE BUT I WOULD LEGITIMATELY ACCEPT IF THEY SHOWED THIS IN AN ART MUSEUM. I ALMOST HATE HOW GOOD THIS WAS.  PS. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I WILL KEEP THE TROMA KICK UP. THE BEST THING ABOUT TORMA IS THERE IS EIGHT BILLION MOVIES AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A COMPLETE LIST OF THEM, THEY JUST NEBULOUSLY EXIST AND YOU SEE THEM SOMETIMES IF GOD WILLS IT. 

Stuck on You [movie]

Stuck on You [movie] THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE IS IT'S ALL ABOUT A VERY PRESSING 1983 SOCIAL ISSUE OF PALIMONY. WHICH.... LIKE... I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER EVEN HEARD OF EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I DO NOT THINK THERE IS A BIGGER EXAMPLE OF SOME "THE DECAY OF MODERN SOCIETY!" WORRY BEING A TOTAL NOTHING BURGER IMAGINABLE.  PS. THIS WAS A LARGELY SKIT BASED TORMA MOVIE AND IT MOSTLY WAS PRETTY DISAPPOINTING. WHICH IS TOO BAD. IT BEING A HUGE SWING AND A MISS ON ALIMONY FOR GIRLFRIENDS BEING AN IMPORTANT TOPIC MAKES IT AT LEAST HISTORICALLY INTERESTING. 

Vegas in Space [movie]

 Vegas in Space [movie] I LIKE TROMA MOVIES SO MUCH. YOU WOULD THINK A MOVIE WHERE ASTRONAUTS HAVE TO TAKE SEX CHANGE PILLS TO GO TO AN ALL WOMEN PLANET WHERE ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE IN DRAG THAT CAME OUT IN 1991 WOULD JUST BE WALL TO WALL HOMOPHOBIA JOKES BUT NOPE, IT'S TROMA SO IT'S ALL PEOPLE'S EYELIDS MAKING NOISE JOKES AND THINGS HAVING STUPID NAMES. IT GOT A LITTLE BORING BY THE END, BUT IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE, ALSO WRITTEN BY THE STAR AND FILMED IN THEIR APARTMENT APPARENTLY.  PS. THIS HAS TO BE RELATED TO PICKLE SURPRISE, RIGHT? WEIRD EARLY 90S DRAG, BUT THAT COULD BE INDEPENDENT, BUT THE FOCUS ON CHANTING "OM" FROM BOTH HAS GOT TO BE A THING

Shivers Down Your Spine [movie]

 Shivers Down Your Spine [movie] I LIKE HORROR ANTHOLOGIES, I DO, BUT IMDB SAYS THIS MOVIE HAD A BUDGET OF 750 DOLLARS AND BOY THAT SHOWS. THIS IS LIKE HORROR SHORTS A INTRO TO FILM CLASS WOULD MAKE. IT MOSTLY JUST KINDA SUCKED AND WAS ABOUT AN HOUR TOO LONG.  PS. THE THING WITH SAYING TEN WAS A GOOD NUMBER WAS FUNNY, BUT THEN THE META STUFF WAS NEVER FUNNY AGAIN AFTER THAT.