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Showing posts from November, 2020

Torchlight III [game]

 Torchlight III [game] GOD, THIS GAME IS SO LAME. ITS NOT THE WORST GAME EVER OR ANYTHING ITS JUST SO LAME. REMEMBER HOW GOOD THE ORIGINAL WAS? THIS IS LIKE THAT BUT REALLY BLAND AND LAME. ALSO ITS CLEARLY A FREE TO PLAY GAME THEY PULLED OUT OF ATTHE LAST SECOND AND MADE A REGULAR GAME. PS. THE ONLY REASON YOU WOULD EVER DIE IS THAT IT AUTO PICKS UP POTIONS AND AUTO EQUIPS THEM SO YOU PRESS THE POTION BUTTON AND GET AN ANTIDOTE  

Don't Listen [movie]

  Don't Listen [movie] THIS WAS A GOOD CREEPY MOVIE. I READ REVIEWS THAT SAID IT WAS PREDICTABLE BUT I FEEL LIKE I WOULD NOT HAVE PREDICTED LITERALLY ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THIS. IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY PLOT TWISTS OR ANYTHING BUT MAN IT GOES IN DIRECTIONS.  PS. I DO NOT WANT A FLY TO CRAWL IN OR OUT OF MY EAR. 

Alien X Mas [movie]

 Alien X Mas [movie] THIS WASN'T LIKE.... GOOD BUT IT WAS CUTE SOMEONE MADE IT. ALSO THE PREMISE SEEMED LIKE ZIM AND THE BAD ALIEN LOOKED LIKE MISS BITTERS BUT THAT DIDN'T REALLY GO ANYWHERE. PS. OH HEY, DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THE WEIRD FROSTY THE SNOWMAN VS THE ELVES COMPUTER ANIMATION FROM LIKE 1997 THAT I WATCHED AT LIKE 3AM ON CHRISTMAS EVE? NO? DID THAT THING EVEN EXIST? DID I DREAM THAT? 

Thankskilling [movie]

 Thankskilling [movie] DID I WATCH THIS BEFORE? YES. DO I REMEMBER IT? NO. PS. THE BEST JOKE IS WOODS GUY CALLING HIMSELF A HAG 

Garfield's Thanksgiving [television]

Garfield's Thanksgiving [television] I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SEEM GARFIELD CHRISTMAS A MILLION TIMES AND EVEN GARFIELD HALLOWEEN BUT HAVE I EVER EVEN SEEN THIS? I FEEL LIKE I MUST OF SINCE I REMEMBER ELEMENTS LIKE CALLING HIM ORSON WELLS, BUT I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER THIS. PS. HOW IS PUTTING GARLIC ON VEGITABLES RUINING THEM? DID PEOPLE NOT LIKE GARLIC IN 1989?

Animaniacs [television]

Animaniacs [television] I THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS TOO OLD FOR ANIMANIACS WHEN IT WAS ON, BUT THINKING ABOUT IT I'M SURE I WASN'T. THIS REBOOT WAS GENERALLY PRETTY GOOD. IT HAD A WEIRD TONE WHERE THEY MENTIONED A BUNCH THAT IT WAS WRITTEN IN 2018 TO BE RELEASED IN 2020 AND BOY OH BOY DOES IT HAVE A LOT OF SUPER 2018 IDEAS OF WHAT 2020 WOULD BE.  PS. THEY MADE SOME JOKES ABOUT IT BUT IT WAS WEIRD HOW THEY 99% GAVE UP THE VARIETY SHOW FORMAT AND JUST MADE IT ANIMANIACS FOR HALF AND PINKY AND THE BRAIN FOR HALF, THEN ONE RANDOM EPISODE HAS A SKIT OF... A TECH CEO WHO USES A MACHINE TO BECOME IMMORTAL THEN IS A GNOME THAT LIVES IN PEOPLE'S MOUTH TO SAY WHAT THEY THINK AND WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM??? (ALSO YAKKO SAYS HELL NOW) 

Waiting for Alice [play]

 Waiting for Alice [play] I WASN'T 100% INTO THIS, BUT LIKE, I'M SO GLAD MAD HORSE FOUND SOMETHING TO DO. I DON'T WANT THEM TO GO AWAY AND I WOULD DONATE TO THIS NO MATTER WHAT. I FEEL LIKE I JUST DIDN'T REALLY FOLLOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING PAST A CERTAIN POINT? PS. MAYBE IT WAS LIKE, YEARS AFTER ALICE AND MAD HATTER SAT ALONE? IMAGINING EVERYONE WAS THERE? AND MARCH HARE WAS UPSET REALIZING SHE WAS FAKE??? AND ALSO THE DORMOUSE WAS THERE AND WAS.... REAL? AND ALSO COULDN'T ACT???? ALSO SOMEONE WAS ASLEEP? BECAUSE THEY KEPT ACCUSING EACHOTHER OF BEING ASLEEP? WAS DORMOUSE THE ONLY REAL ONE? THEY WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT COULD LEAVE??? 

Get unstuck [book, nonfiction]

 Get unstuck [book, nonfiction] IDK, THIS BOOK WASNTTHAT HELPFUL BUT IM GLAD IM TRYING TO READ THIS STUFF. PS. I AM NOT GOING TO POST THIS TOFACEBOOK SO CONGRATS IF YOU READ THIS

Adventure Time Distant Lands: Obsidian [television]

 Adventure Time Distant Lands: Obsidian [television] FOR SOME REASON I EXPECTED THIS TO BE BAD. I THINK THE BMO THING WAS A LITTLE BIT OF A LET DOWN AND THIS ALL SEEMED LIKE IT HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL TO BE BAD. EARLY ON I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING THE WAY I THOUGHT, THE PLOT IS ALMOST PAINFULLY DERIVITIVE OF STUFF THEY DID IN POPULAR EPISODES BUT WELP, NO, IT'S GOOD. THEY PAID OFF. THE EPISODE IS GOOD. PS. I HAD TO LOOK IT UP TO GET THAT THE GUY NEAR THE END WAS WEIRD OLD FINN. 

On Looking: Eleven Walks With Expert Eyes [book, audiobook, nonfiction]

 On Looking: Eleven Walks With Expert Eyes [book, nonfiction] I READ THIS WHOLE ENTIRE BOOK ONLY THINKING IF I SHOULD RECOMMEND IT TO A PARTICULAR FRIEND, BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE THEY MIGHT LIKE IT,  BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW, THE BOOK IS EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN AND INTERESTED, BUT IT'S LIKE, FRUSTRATINGLY PUT TOGETHER, LIKE THE NATURE OF IT MADE VERY GOOD CHAPTERS AND REALLY BAD CHAPTERS AND IT FEELS LIKE THE FRONT LOADED A BUNCH OF BAD CHAPTERS WHICH MADE THE BOOK FEEL WAY WORSE THEN HAD GOOD CHAPTERS IN THE MIDDLE THEN ENDED ON LIKE, A DOG.  PS. ALSO I AM ANGRY THAT THEY BROKE THE PREMISE THAT IT WAS ALWAYS THE SAME STREET. LIKE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? IT FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE GOOD OF THE PREMISE! A BUNCH WERE ON DIFFERENT STREETS. ONE WALK WAS JUST IN CHICAGO! 

The New Mutants [movie]

 The New Mutants [movie] THE THING WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE IS THAT THIS WHOLE MOVIE IS BASED ON THAT DUMB "THERE IS TWO WOLVES INSIDE YOU" TEE-SHIRT. IT'S LITERALLY WOLVES. BUT THEY CHANGED IT TO BEARS, WHICH LIKE WHATEVER, AND THEN MAKE THE 'LAST BOSS' A BIG SCARY BEAR. BUT LIKE, HER GIRLFRIEND IS A WOLF? THE WHOLE POINT OF THE WHOLE MOVIE WOULD BE TO HAVE THE TWO WOLVES FIGHT. WHY DID THEY MAKE IT LIKE THIS!? PS. SPEAKING OF THE GIRLFRIEND, IT'S WEIRD THAT THEY WROTE A REASONABLY SWEET SCENE OF THEM BUT PUT IT COMICALLY EARLY IN THE MOVIE SO IT'S LIKE THEY INTERACT FOR LIKE ONE SCENE ONE TIME THEN CONFESS LOVE. THIS MOVIE WAS A MESS.

Stephanie [movie]

Stephanie [movie] MAN, THIS MOVIE STARTS STRONG THEN IS A MASTER CLASS ON HOW TO MAKE A MOVIE WORSE AND WORSE AT IT GOES ON. LIKE LITTLE GIRL ALONE IN A POST APOCALYPTIC ABANDONED HOUSE IS A GOOD START, HER PARENTS COMING BACK KINDA TAKES SOME AIR OUT OF IT, THEN EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENS MAKES IT ALL MORE LAME. ALSO APPARENTLY THE ORIGINAL RELEASE HAD EVEN MORE TO MAKE IT SUCK BY HAVING A SCI-FI WRAPPER STORY THAT WAS SO BAD THEY TOOK IT OUT FOR NETFLIX RELEASE. LOL.  PS. IS THIS AN ELFINLIED ADAPTATION?

Turtle Dreams [???, amazing]

Turtle Dreams [???, amazing] I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS AND WILL BE FORCING EVERYONE I MEET TO WATCH THIS FOR THE NEXT TWENTY YEARS. JESUS CHRIST.  PS. WHEN THE TURTLE WAS ON MONGOLIA. I'M DYING. WHAT THE HELL IS ANY OF THIS. 

Piercing [movie]

Piercing [movie] THIS MOVIE FEELS LIKE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD IF IT HAD A GOOD DIRECTOR? LIKE THERE WAS TONS AND TONS OF SCENES THAT WERE FILMED TO BE SUPER STYLISH, BUT NONE OF THEM LOOKED THAT GOOD OR INTERESTING SO IT DIDN'T REALLY WORK AND THE STORY JUST FELT LIKE PEOPLE WANDERING AROUND NOT DOING MUCH. I MEAN THE WHOLE MOVIE SEEMS TO EXIST TO SHOW A 5 SECOND SHOT OF AN UNSIMULATED NIPPLE PIERCING RIGHT DOWN TO THE NAME OF THE MOVIE, WHICH I GUESS IS A SHOCKING THING TO PUT IN A MOVIE? I GUESS? NOT REALLY. PS. WHY DID A BUNCH OF STUFF LIKE THE CREDITS TRY TO MAKE THIS LOOK LIKE IT'S FROM THE 70S? IT WASN'T SET IN THE 70S. IT'S NOT A VERY 70S STORY LINE? 

Sans Soleil [movie, nonfiction]

 Sans Soleil [movie, nonfiction] THIS REALLY IS A GOOD MOVIE, BUT IT'S JUST MY DREAM MOVIE. LIKE SOMEONE JUST WANDERED AROUND JAPAN FILMING STUFF THEN SORT OF VAUGELY TALKING ABOUT IT BUT MOSTLY GOING ON LONG RANDOM UNCONNECTED TALKS ABOUT WHATEVER THE HECK THEY WERE THINKING ABOUT WITH A BUNCH OF WEIRD STOCK FOOTAGE AND INSAINE MUSIC. ALSO I WATCHED THIS AUTOTRANSLATED AND AUTOTRANSCRIBED FROM FRENCH, SO IT WAS EVEN MORE DISCONNECTED AND DREAM LIKE. THIS IS THE MOVIE I WISH I COULD MAKE.  PS. LIKE IT EVEN HAD A PARTICULAR FOCUS ON CATS THEY SAW. LIKE ANY TIME THEY WERE FILMING AND A CAT WAS THERE THE MOVIE SHIFTED TO JUST FILMING THE CAT FOR A WHILE AND IGNORING WHATEVER THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT. UP TO AND INCLUDING FILMING A CAT FOR A WHILE IN THE AFTERMATH OF A VOLCANO THAT DESTROYED A WHOLE TOWN. JUST 'OH, THERE IS A CAT HERE TOO" 

Prospect [movie]

 Prospect [movie] THIS WASN'T AWFUL OR ANYTHING BUT IT WAS A LITTLE INFURIATING, LIKE THE WHOLE PREMISE IS SPACE SCI-FI BUT LIKE PROSPECTORS, AND LIKE *SOME* OF THE PROPS LOOKED LIKE PROSPECTOR COWBOY STUFF AND *SOME* OF THE CHARACTERS TALKED LIKE IT WAS THE 1800S BUT NOT EVERYONE OR EVERYTHING? IT FELT LIKE THE DIRECTOR HAD A VISION FOR THE MOVIE THEN FORGOT TO TELL EVERYONE THEN JUST WAS TOO EMBARRASSED TO FIX IT.  PS. ALSO FOR SOME REASON THE SPACE SHIP RIGHT AT THE START TALKING LIKE A SUBWAY TRAIN DROVE ME CRAZY AND I NEVER STOPPED THINKING ABOUT IT THE WHOLE MOVIE. LIKE IT'S THIS ROUGH AND TUMBLE COWBOY WORLD THEY ARE IN BUT THE SPACE SHIP? DID THIS REALLY HAVE TWO DIRECTORS AND SOMEONE HEARD THEY WANTED THE SHIP TO BE LIKE A TRAIN TO BE PROSPECTORY BUT THE GUY HEARD "OH, LIKE A SUBWAY TRAIN?"

The Psychology of Final Fantasy: Surpassing The Limit Break [book, nonfiction]

The Psychology of Final Fantasy: Surpassing The Limit Break [book, nonfiction] THIS WAS ADVERTISED TO ME ON FACEBOOK AND WAS 9 DOLLARS SO I READ IT, I FEEL BAD FOR FALLING FOR ADS, BUT THIS BOOK WASN'T TERRIBLE. IT WAS KINDA A RANDOM COLLECTION OF ESSAYS BY PSYCHOLOGY PHDS AND IT'S A LITTLE CRINGEY BUT NOT AS BAD AS MOST OF THESE SORT OF THINGS. THEY ARE BASICALLY A PSYCHOLOGY 101 TEXTBOOK, BUT LIKE, IT'S WEIRDLY OBVIOUS THAT THE PEOPLE WRITING THIS ACTUALLY PLAYED THE GAMES? COMPARED TO MOST OF THESE SORT OF THINGS WHERE YOU CAN TELL SOMEONE READ WIKIPEDIA THEN LOOSELY TIED THEM TO WHATEVER THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT. LIKE THIS CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF IDENTITY THAT INVOLVES MENTIONING THINGS FROM CRISIS CORE. I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THIS BOOK BUT IT'S NOT BAD EITHER.   PS. TIDUS IS A PHANTASM

Holidate [movie]

Holidate [movie] EVERYONE IN THIS IS SO NEEDLESSLY MEAN TO EACHOTHER, IT'S OFFPUTTING. ON THE OTHER HAND I THINK I'D BE VERY DOWN FOR DATING SOMEONE BUT ONLY A FEW TIMES A YEAR ON HOLIDAYS HONESTLY. ALTHOUGH I WOULD NOT BE SO DOWN WITH HAVING SEX WITH THEM AFTER I HAD TO WASH THEIR OWN DIARRHEA OFF OF THEM.  PS. PLEASE DO NOT DESCRIBE YOUR CLITORIS AS A 'BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY" 

Tremors: Shrieker Island [movie]

Tremors: Shrieker Island [movie] THIS MOVIE WAS FINE, I DIDN'T HATE IT. HERE IS THE HARD TRUTH: THERE HAS BEEN 8+ TREMORS MOVIES AND NONE OF THEM BUT THE FIRST ONE ARE ANYTHING. IT'S LIKE JAWS OR LAND BEFORE TIME. THE FIRST ONE WAS SOMETHING SO THEY CAN JUST PUMP OUT ADDITIONAL MOVIES FOREVER. LIKE GRABOIDS ARE A COOL IDEA FOR A MOVIE MONSTER, THEY ARE TRIVIAL TO ESCAPE BUT UNRELENTING. YOU STAND ON A BIG ROCK AND YOU ARE SAFE, BUT THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. THAT WAS COOL, EVERY SINGLE OTHER MOVIE DOES TEDIOUS STUFF WITH GRABOID "LIFECYCLE' WITH A BUNCH OF UGLY AND GIMMICKY MOVIE MONSTERS LIKE SHRIKERS AND 'ASS BLASTERS' AND WHO CARES? PS. I WILL SAY IT'S SUPER WEIRD THEY DECIDED TO MAKE A WEIRDLY EMOTIONAL END CREDIT SEQUENCE. IT WAS ALMOST A LITTLE EFFECTIVE, I KINDA HATE THESE MOVIES BUT THEY HAVE MADE A LOT OF THEM AND I'VE WATCHED MOST IF NOT ALL OF THEM, AND SO A MONTAGE OF THE WHOLE STORY OF BURT GUMMER OVER 30 ENTIRE YEARS...

Knock Knock [movie]

 Knock Knock [movie] THIS MOVIE SUCKS.IHATE THIS MOVIE. PS. V. BAD

Hades [game]

Hades [game] JESUS CHRIST, I KNOW THIS IS LIKE THE 5TH GAME SUPERGIANT HAS DONE THIS AND MADE ME ABSOLUTELY AMAZED, BUT JESUS CHRIST THEY RECORDED A LOT OF DIALOG. IT TOOK ME 72 RUNS TO DEFEAT THE LAST BOSS ONE TIME AND EVERY SINGLE TIME EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER HAS ENTIRELY NEW DIALOG. I AM LOSING MY MIND HOW MUCH DIALOG THERE IS AND HOW GOOD IT IS. IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE THEY DID A THOUSAND TAKES OF SOMEONE SAYING "HELLO" OR SOMETHING, IT'S MULTIPARAGRAPH NARRATIVE STUFF THAT REACTS TO STUFF YOU DO AND GOES SOMEWHAT IN SEQUENCE BUT NOT IN A SET ORDER.  PS. I KNOW BEATING A GAME LIKE THIS ONCE ISN'T FINISHING THE GAME, AND I'LL KEEP PLAYING, BUT IT'S WHEN I WRITE A CAPITAL REVIEW. ALSO MY ONE CLEAR IS WITH THE BOW THAT YOU LOAD CASTS INTO THEN THE BOON THAT MAKES IT SO WHEN YOU CAST IT MAKES AN ICE BURST THEN JUST NOT REALLY USING THE BOW AND JUST ICE BURSTING OVER AND OVER. 

His House [movie]

 His House [movie] THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE, I DON'T EVEN REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. IT'S WORTH WATCHING. PS. DR WHO IS THERE