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Showing posts from January, 2013

Doctor Bronner's Magical Soapbox [movie]

OH MAN DOCTOR BRONNER IS SO CRAZY, I MEAN HE LITERALLY ESCAPED FROM A MENTAL INSTITUTION TO MAKE THE SOAP BUT ALSO HE SEEMED REALLY NUTS AND THE BEST PART WAS THE PART SOMEONE ELSE WAS TALKING IN AN INTERVIEW AND HE WAS JUST RANTING IN THE BACKGROUND.  HE IS ALSO KINDA AN ASS TO HIS KIDS SO THERE IS THAT TOO. PS. EVERY GIRL I DATE SMELLS LIKE DOCTOR BRONNER'S

Trigun: Badlands Rumble [movie]

OH MAN I REALLY DON'T FOLLOW ANIME ANYMORE DO I? THIS CAME OUT YEARS AGO AND ALREADY WAS DUBBED AND I HAD NEVER EVEN HEARD IT EXISTED. IT WAS ALSO WICKED 90S. VASH IS WICKED 90S. ALSO I FORGOT THE TWO GIRLS WERE INSURANCE ADJUSTERS AND THAT WAS THE WHOLE PLOT. PS. THE BEST THING ABOUT 80S/90S ANIME IS THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE ACCEPTS THAT ABOUT A QUARTER OF PEOPLE ARE JUST RANDOMLY GIANT FOR NO REASON.

Video Game High School [movie]

FREDDIE WONG MADE A WEB SERIES I NEVER HEARD OF AND THEN NETFLIX MADE IT INTO A MOVIE SO I MEAN I HAD TO WATCH THAT. ALSO IT WAS PRETTY BAD BUT IT WAS CLEARLY SUPPOSED TO BE BAD INTENTIONALLY SO I GUESS THERE IS THAT? ALSO IT SEEMS LIKE LAW'S NAME WAS SET UP TO MAKE A JUDGE DREDD JOKE BUT THEY NEVER MADE IT AND THAT WAS WEIRD. PS. IT DID MAKE A NOPE.AVI JOKE AND I MEAN THAT IS A PRETTY GREAT REFERENCE SO ALL IS FORGIVEN.

Borderlands [game]

THIS GAME DID A GOOD JOB WITH THE RANDOM LOOT AND IT ACTUALLY MADE IT SO FINDING A REALLY GOOD OR NOT FINDING ANY GOOD WEAPONS FOR A WHILE ACTUALLY IMPACTED HOW THE GAME WAS PLAYED FOR HOURS AND HOURS. PS. I WAS REALLY INTO THIS GAME, AND WHILE I LIKED IT RIGHT TO THE END I TOOK A FEW DAYS OFF TO GO ON A TRIP AND WHEN I CAME BACK I COULD NOT MAKE MYSELF GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SIDE QUESTS.

Wheel of Ice [book]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE SCI-FI AUTHOR WRITING A (SECOND DOCTOR) DR WHO BOOK, HOW COULD I NOT BE ALL HYPED UP BY THIS? IT WASN'T BAD, IT HAD SOME DOCTOR WHONESS, IT HAD THE 'THIS STORY TAKES PLACE OVER BILLIONS OF YEARS' BAXTERNESS, IT WAS AN OKAY BOOK. PS. IT ENDED SUPER ABRUPTLY, I AM PRETTY SURE BAXTER CAN'T END A BOOK WITHOUT SOME GIANT EARTH SHATTERING TRUTH AND HE COULDN'T DO THAT IN A PRE EXISTING UNIVERSE SO IT JUST SORTA PUTTERED OUT. I GUESS IT HAD WEIRD TRANSMAT EXPOSITION?

Dante's Inferno [movie]

I FIGURED I'D WATCH THE OTHER DANTE'S INFERNO THAT WAS ON NETFLIX TOO. THIS ONE WAS MADE USING FLAT CARDBOARD PUPPETS, I GUESS THIS IS A STORY THAT INVITES WEIRD ANIMATION. PS. DON'T YOU BASICALLY WATCH VARIOUS VERSIONS TO SEE WHAT THEY DO WITH LATINI? NO?

Dante's Inferno [movie]

OH MAN, WHAT? THIS WAS AN ANIMATED MOVIE BASED ON THE VIDEOGAME OF THE CENTURIES OLD POEM. AND EVERY SEGMENT WAS DIRECTED AND ANIMATED BY A DIFFERENT TEAM, AND ALL OF THEM LOOKED LIKE WEIRD 80S ANIME. IT WAS ACTUALLY ALMOST KINDA DECENT? THE PARTS FROM THE POEM WERE ANIMATED WELL, THE STORY THE MOVIE SET UP WAS MOSTLY NOT THAT BAD AND THE DIFFERENT ANIMATION THING WAS KINDA OKAY. PS. THE FIGHTS WERE ALL SO STUPID. LIKE STUPID TO THE POINT IT WAS KINDA AWESOME, HE FLIPPED A HORSE!

Executive Koala [Movie]

THIS MOVIE RULES BECAUSE FOR THE MOST PART THIS PLOT IN NO WAY REQUIRES THE MAIN CHARACTER TO BE A KOALA MAN AND THAT SEEMS TO BE MOSTLY JUST COINCIDENTAL TO THE JACOB'S LADDER STYLE PLOT. I GUESS MAYBE IT HELPED BECAUSE THEY COULD GIVE HIM A SCARY EYES MODE? BUT OTHER THAN THAT THE MOVIE WOULD BE VIRTUALLY NO DIFFERENT IF IT WAS JUST A REGULAR DUDE. PS. IS THERE A THING WITH JAPANESE CONVENIENCE STORES AND FROGS? I FEEL LIKE THAT IS A THING I'VE SEEN BEFORE BUT I CAN'T THINK OF MANY EXAMPLES, ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE PERSONA STORE BEING FROGGY.

City slickers [movie]

THIS WAS A BUS MOVIE,I DID NOT WATCH THIS INTENTIONALLY TO PREPARE TO GO TO TEXAS, I AM GOING FROM A MORE COWS AREA TO A LESS COWS AREA ANYWAY. PS. THIS MOVIE IS SO 90S, THEY EVEN COMPLAIN HOW HARD VCRS ARE TO OPERATE. (THIS MOVIE IS ALRIGHT)

Fantastic Four [movie]

I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE WENT OUT OF IT'S WAY TO BE WRITTEN TO MAKE SURE NOTHING HAD ANY CONCIQUENCES OR WEIGHT, THEY CURE EVERYTHING HALF WAY THROUGH, RICHARDS STROKES OUT HALF WAY THROUGH BUT JUST GETS BETTER A BIT LATER, THE BAD GUY STARTS FIGHTING AND THEY IMMEDIATELY KILL HIM RIGHT AWAY. THIS MOVIE WAS HELLA LAME. PS. JOHNNY STORM IS POSSIBLY THE LEAST LIKABLE CHARACTER EVER PUT TO FILM.

A State of Mind [movie]

EVERYONE IN THIS IS WAY BETTER AT THINGS THAN ANYONE I HAVE EVER SEEN WILL BE GOOD AT ANYTHING, GOOD LORD. I WAS NOT AWARE THAT THAT BIG SCREEN CROWD THING WAS EVEN A POSSIBILITY OF A THING HUMANS WERE ABLE TO ACTUALLY DO.  PS. THE BEST PART WAS SECRETLY THE GRANDPA, PART OF THE SURPRISE OF THE MOVIE WAS HOW NORMAL EVERYONE BASICALLY SEEMED, BUT THE GRANDPA WAS LIKE A CRAZY CARTOON, LIKE THE PART HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE PLANE THAT DIDN'T DROP BOMBS, BUT ONLY "EVERY TYPE OF INSECT" 

The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle [movie]

THIS FEELS LIKE IT WAS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE THAT SORT OF FORGOT TO EXACTLY GO ANYWHERE OR DEVELOP ANY EXACT THEME, THERE WAS A LOT OF STUFF WHERE YOU COULD SEE WHERE THEY WERE GOING WELL ENOUGH BUT THEY NEVER EXACTLY DID ANYTHING WITH IT. PS. STILL THE BEST MOVIE ABOUT BUTT FISH THOUGH.

Beasts of the Southern Wild [movie]

THIS MOVIE STARTED OUT SEEMING LIKE GUMMO II: GIRL EDITION BUT MAN THIS MOVIE WAS GOOD. I HAVE SAT HERE FOR 15 MINUTES TRYING TO THINK OF SOME COMMENT OR JOKE TO FILL THIS OUT BUT THERE ISN'T ONE. PS. APPARENTLY OBAMA REALLY LIKED THIS MOVIE.

Superman: Doomsday [movie]

I AM PRETTY SURE THAT WHEN PEOPLE SAY 'I DON'T LIKE SUPERMAN, HE IS DULL' THIS MOVIE IS THE ONE THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. I DON'T KNOW, SUPERMAN PUNCHES SOMEONE TILL THEY BOTH DIE BUT THEN HE GETS BETTER AND PUNCHES ANOTHER SUPERMAN TILL THAT SUPERMAN DIES. PS. EVERY ONE OF THESE MOVIES CONTAINS THE SUPERMAN ROBOTS AS AN IMPORTANT PLOT ELEMENT, ARE THE SUPER MAN ROBOTS A BIG PART OF THE SUPERMAN MYTHOS?

In Time [movie]

THIS MOVIE SEEMED LIKE IT WANTED TO BE REALLY SERIOUS BUT IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE ON SET HAD A RULE THAT IF ANYONE COULD THINK OF A TIME OR CLOCK PUN THAT IT WAS REQUIRED THAT THEY SHOE HORN IT IN THEN TREAT IT LIKE IT WAS SUPER SERIOUS. PS. SOMEONE SAID THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE IF YOU IMAGINE A BETTER MOVIE IN YOUR HEAD WHILE YOUR WATCHING IT AND GOD THAT IS TRUE.

FTL [game]

I REALLY LOVE ROUGE LIKES  THE BEST GAMES ARE 25 MINUTE GAMES THAT I END UP PUTTING 25 HOURS BEFORE I BEAT. PS. BY BEAT I MEAN CHEAT TO UNLOCK ALL THE SHIPS THEN SAVE SCUM THE LAST LEVEL OVER AND OVER WHILE PLAYING ON EASY BECAUSE MY LOVE OF ROUGE LIKES DOESN'T ACTUALLY MEAN I AM GOOD AT THEM. 

Justice League: The New Frontier [movie]

YEAH I'M STILL WATCHING THESE DUMB THINGS. THE PLOT OF THIS ONE FELT REALLY IFFY, LIKE, THE FIRST CREATURE ON EARTH WAS LIKE 'OH MAN, I NEED TO GET RID OF HUMANS BEFORE THEY USE NUCLEAR BOMBS ON ME' AND THEN AT THE END THEY KILL IT WITH NUCLEAR BOMBS. AND YOU CAN'T JUST SAY IT STRUCK FIRST, BECAUSE THEY ALSO HAD SENT NUCLEAR BOMBS TO MARS TO ATTACK THE MARTIANS OVER A FOOTPRINT THEY FOUND SHOWING ONE MIGHT EXIST. PS. THE HIGHLIGHT WAS WONDER WOMAN'S INVISIBLE JET BEING COVERED WITH BLOOD AND THE MARTIAN MANHUNTER RIPPING A PETRYDACTLE IN HALF.

Superman vs The Elite [movie]

GOD DAMN IT THIS HAS THE BEST BRITISH ACCENT, HOLY CRAP JUST MAKE A SHOW OF MANCHESTER BLACK SAYING THINGS RIGHT NOW. ALSO THIS WAS WEIRD AND SET IN THE 1950S BUT ALSO OVERTLY HAD TWITTER? PS. I REALLY LIKE THE 'WORLD OF CARDBOARD' VERSION OF SUPERMAN AND LOVE IT WHEN ANYTHING PLAYS UP THE IDEA THAT SUPERMAN IS HIDEOUSLY POWERFUL AND CHOOSES NOT TO USE IT FOR FEAR OF WHAT HE COULD BE.

All-Star Superman [movie]

THIS MOVIE IS WEIRD BECAUSE SUPERMAN FLAT OUT DIES AT THE END FULL STOP. I MEAN I GUESS IT'S BASED ON A COMIC SERIES AND I AM SURE HE GETS BETTER LATER ON BUT AS THE MOVIE GOES IT'S A MOVIE ABOUT SUPERMAN FINDING OUT HE IS DIEING THEN AT THE END HE DIES. ALSO HE DIES BY BECOMING THE SUN AND I WILL LOL FOREVER IF THAT IS WHY THIS WAS CALLED "ALL-STAR" SUPERMAN. PS. ALSO WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON WITH JIMMY OLSON CROSS DRESSING? IS THAT A THING?

Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths [movie]

EVEN THOUGH SCIFI DOES IT A LOT AND THIS DIDN'T DO IT ESPECIALLY GOOD I THINK I PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS LOVE STUFF THAT DEALS WITH THE IDEA THAT VISITING PARALLEL UNIVERSES WILL INEVITABLY DRIVE YOU INSANE. PS. THE ANTAGONIST IS 'OWLMAN' AND I KEPT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THEY WERE GONNA MAKE WATCHMEN REFERENCES AND I KINDA KEPT FEELING LIKE THEY WOULD BUT MAYBE THEY NEVER DID?

Les Miserable [movie]

I FEEL LIKE THE MOVIE HAD SOME ISSUES TAKING SONGS THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE ABSTRACTLY MONTAGES AND MAKING THEM SEQUENTIAL EVENTS SO IT KINDA SEEMED LIKE FONTAINE WENT FROM LOSING HER JOB TO SELLING HER TEETH IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR. ALSO THEY MADE JEAN VON JEAN TOO PERFECT AND I MEAN MAYBE IF THEY SORTA PLAYED UP THAT HE OWNED A SWEAT SHOP A LITTLE MORE IT'D HAVE MADE A LITTLE MORE SENSE FOR HIM TO FEEL SO MUCH GUILT AND NEED A  KID TO REDEEM HIM. HE SEEMED TOO PERFECT RIGHT FROM THE START. ALSO I FEEL LIKE THE MOVIE MADE THE SEWER WAY GROSSER THAN THE PLAY INTENDED WHICH MADE IT HILARIOUS THAT THE INN GUY WAS JUST HANGING OUT THERE, HE WASN'T DESTITUTE, HE COULD FAKE BEING A DUKE A WEEK LATER, HE WAS JUST HANGING OUT. PS. I MEAN IT'S JUST BECAUSE THE PRISONER NUMBER THING BUT HAS ANYONE THOUGHT OF REMAKING THIS BUT ABOUT ROBOTS?

Tangled [movie]

MAN THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD. I LIKE HOW THE WITCH WAS NOT ACTUALLY ENTIRELY EVIL, SHE WAS JUST SORT OF A REASONABLY SHITTY MOM. ALSO LET ME THROW IN THE WORD 'GASLIGHTING' BECAUSE I KNOW THAT WORD.  PS. ON THE OTHER HAND THE REASON THE MOVIE CONSIDERED HER EVIL WAS SHE TOOK THE FLOWER AND KEPT IT TO HERSELF. THE KING AND QUEEN STOLE THE FLOWER AND *ATE IT*, SOOOOOOOOOO

Justice League: Doom [movie]

I DON'T KNOW, I ALWAYS WATCH THESE BECAUSE I REALLY WISH JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED WAS STILL ON BUT IT'S NOT EVER THE SAME. ALSO MAN THIS WAS GRIMDARK IN PLACES, LIKE THE PART THEY STEAL BATMAN'S PARENT'S CORPSES THEN BURY HIM ALIVE WITH THEM, OR THE IMPLICATIONS OF THE PLANS ALL BEING BATMANS PLANS, GEEZ BATMAN. PS. THEY DREW SUPERMAN WITH WEIRD FEMININE DREAMY EYES AND IT DISTRACTED ME THE WHOLE MOVIE HOW DREAMY THEY WERE.

Magic: The Gathering - Duels of the Planeswalkers 2012 [game]

WELP, I PLAYED MAGIC BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND QUIT AT THE POINT THEY RELEASED THE FIRST EXPANSION BECAUSE I MEAN IT WAS LIKE 1996 AND THE IDEA THAT THEY WERE GONNA KEEP RELEASING CARDS SEEMED REALLY CRAPPY AND OFFENSIVE, LIKE, I WANTED TO COLLECT THEM ALL OR SOMETHING. IT'S WEIRD TO PLAY THIS GAME, IT'S WEIRD TO PLAY WITH DECKS THAT ACTUALLY HAVE THEME AND PLANNING TO THEM INSTEAD OF PLAYING WITH WHATEVER RANDOM CARDS I RANDOMLY GOT. IT ACTUALLY SEEMED PRETTY FUN. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND THIS GAME LOCKED CARDS AND IT WOULD TAKE MANY MANY HOURS TO UNLOCK A DECK TOTALLY, BUT YOU COULD PAY REAL MONEY TO UNLOCK A DECK IMMEDIATELY. AND I MEAN I GOT THIS ON STEAM SALE SO IT WAS JUST A FEW BUCKS BUT THIS WAS A RETAIL GAME, AND IT'S CRAPPY THEY HAD STUPID FREE TO PLAY STYLE NICKLE AND DIME MECHANICS AND THAT MOSTLY CAUSED ME TO NOT PLAY WITH MANY DECKS.

Life of Pi [movie]

I DON'T FEEL LIKE I GET THE ISLAND PART REALLY 100%. I MEAN I GET IT AS FALSE SALVATION AND WHATEVER. BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE I CAN TOTALLY FIT IT IN THE THEMES OR PLOT. LIKE, IS IT'S FUNCTION IN THE STORY TO SOLELY BE SOMETHING SO OUTLANDISH THAT YOU CAN NO LONGER BELIEVE THAT THE FIRST STORY IS PLAUSIBLE WITHOUT FAITH? PS. THAT SCENE FROM ILLUSION OF GAIA: THE MOVIE.