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Showing posts from October, 2015

Million Dollar Arm [movie]

IT WAS JUST TOTALLY RANDOM THAT THIS WAS ON ON THE BUS. I LIKE IT HAD SOME SORT OF DEEP CUT INDIA THINGS, LIKE A GUY BEING FREAKISHLY SHORT FOR SOME REASON AND SOMEONE GETTING FREAKED OUT ABOUT BOTTLED WATER BEING UNFILTERED. PS. ALSO THEM SAYING "INDIANS LOVE HONKING".

Paul Blart II [movie]

THIS MOVIE WAS JUST LIKE 90% BLART BEING REALLY MEAN TO PEOPLE TRYING TO BE NICE TO HIM AND IT SUCKED TO WATCH THAT. THE PART OF THE MANAGER FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM WAS MAYBE A LITTLE FUNNY AT LEAST?   PS. THE GUY CATCHING ON FIRE WAS KINDA FUNNY TOO MAYBE?

Home [movie]

WHAT WAS OH'S DEAL? WHY DID HE TALK MORE ALIEN AND MORE EFFEMINATE THAN THE OTHER ALIENS? IS HE A DIFFERENT RACE? IS HE A SPACE GAY? THIS WHOLE MOVIE FELL APART BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE THEY WANTED THE IDEA TO BE THAT OH WAS THE ONLY ALIEN WITH IMAGINATION AND CURIOSITY BUT THEY WANTED TO MAKE TOO MANY SCENES OF THE OTHER ALIENS ACTING LIKE MINIONS AND RUINED IT OR SOMETHING.   PS. NEW HOME FILLS YOU WITH DETERMINATION. 

Me and Earl and the Dying girl [movie]

THIS KINDA FEELS LIKE A WATERED DOWN INDIE MOVIE, LIKE THEY HIRED CARTOON NETWORK TO MAKE AN INDIE FILM OR SOMETHING.  IT WAS SORT OF A NOTHING MOVIE THAT SEEMED KINDA LIKE IT WAS A BAD EPISODE OF "HOME MOVIES".   PS. ALSO IT USED THE 'SEVEN SEALS' JOKE THAT I AM SURE ISN'T ORIGINAL BUT I WANT TO CLAIM IS MY THING.

Eat, Pray, Love [movie, garbage]

MAYBE I JUST RESENT THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME BUT JESUS CHRIST I HATE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH. WAS IT INTENTIONAL SHE ONLY TALKED TO WHITE PEOPLE? ALSO WHAT A LAME COP OUT OF FRANK BEING ALL "AND THAT IS HOW I ALMOST RAN OVER MY KID, GOOD THING I DIDN'T!".   PS. THE ONLY REDEEMING PART WAS THE GUY BEING NAMED "LUCA SPAGHETTI"

Theory of Everything [movie]

THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE WAS HIM BEING A DALEK, I BET HE TOTALLY DID THAT FOR REAL. PS. THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE IS HOW EVERYTHING WAS FILMED ROMANTIC SO IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO KISS THE GUY SLEEPING WITH HIS WIFE.

It follows [movie]

EVERY HORROR MOVIE EVER USES THE IDEA THAT SEX KILLS TEENS AND THAT MONSTERS WALK AT YOU COMMICALLY SLOW. I LOVE THAT THIS MOVIE TOOK THOSES TWO STUPID CONCEPTS AND MADE A VALID HORROR MOVIE ABOUT THEM. ALSO I LOVE THAT THE MUSIC WAS WEIRD SEVENTYS SYNTH MUSIC FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND A BUNCH OF TIMES YOU THOUGHT A SONG MIGHT FINALLY JUST BE NORMAL THEN SUDDENLY A BUNCH OF SYNTH HAPPENS.    PS. WAS THE GIRLS PHONE JUST LITERALLY A SMALL CLAM? I THINK THIS MOVIE WANTED TO BE TIMELESS AND NOT SET IN A SPECIFIC YEAR SO I GUESS INSTEAD OF GOING WITH A SPECIFIC ERA OF PHONES SOMEONE JUST LITERALLY HAS A CLAM FOR A PHONE? IT WASNT EVEN A CLAM SHELL PHONE CASE OR SOMETHING, IT WAS JUST A CLAM. 

Downwell [game]

THIS GAME WAS PRETTY OKAY BUT IT'S GETTING REALLY DESPERATE HOW OBVIOUS IT IS THAT I JUST WANT TO PLAY MORE UNDERTALE BUT DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BAD TIME SO LIKE I GUESS THIS GAME HAS A SUPER VAGUELY SIMILAR NAME AND LIKE I GUESS THE SAME COLOR PALLET?   PS. I GUESS BOTH GAMES STOLE STUFF FROM CAVE STORY THOUGH?

Earthbound Halloween Hack [game]

WE ARE IN A WEIRD ERA WHERE IF YOU REALLY LOVE A CREATOR OF SOMETHING YOU CAN GO BACK AND LOOK AT THE STUFF THEY MADE AS A TEEN. YOU CAN GO SEE REBECCA SUGAR USED TO DRAW EROTIC ED, EDD AND EDDIE SLASH ART AND YOU CAN SEE TOBY FOX USED TO HACK EARTHBOUND TO MAKE ALTERNATIVE STORIES. THIS IS A NEAT HISTORICAL THING, IT'S NOT ESPECIALLY GOOD ALTHOUGH I'M SURE THE HACKING ITSELF WAS REALLY HARD. EVERYTHING IS KINDA SUPER EDGY BECAUSE HE WAS A TEENAGER BUT YOU GET SOME VERY SMALL GLIMPSES AT HOW UNDERTALE CAME TO BE WITH A TON OF IN BATTLE DIALOG AND BOSSES FOUGHT VIA TEXT BOXES.   PS. HOW YOU CAN TELL AN EDGY TEEN MADE THIS: THE LAST BOSS CALLS YOU A FAGGOT?

Undertale [game, amazing]

THIS GAME IS REALLY GOOD. REALLY REALLY GOOD. EVERYONE SAID IT WAS GOOD AND SO I TOOK SOME CONTRARIAN VIEW THAT IT WAS OKAY BUT PEOPLE WERE EXAGGERATING BUT BY THE END (I GOT THE NORMAL ENDING THEN THE REAL ENDING) I AGREE, THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST GAMES. ALTHOUGH THERE IS A LINE BETWEEN REFERENCING AND RIPPING OFF AND MAYBE THERE IS A FEW TIMES THIS MAYBE GOES A FEW STEPS TOO FAR TOWARDS MAYBE PULLING THINGS DIRECTLY FROM EARTHBOUND AND CAVE STORY (IT PULLS THINGS DIRECTLY FROM OTHER GAMES TOO BUT AT LEAST IN THOSE CONTEXTS THAT IS THE JOKE) HOWEVER EARTHBOUND AND CAVE STORY ARE MY FAVORITE GAMES TOO SO IT'S ALL OKAY!   PS. I WANT TO SAY SO MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS GAME, BUT EVERYONE SHOULD JUST PLAY THIS THEN TALK TO ME ABOUT IT, I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL EVEN ONE THING.

Welcome to India [television, nonfiction]

WHY WOULD I EVEN WATCH THIS? ALL THIS DOES IS MAKE INDIA SEEM LIKE A TERRIFYING POST APOCALYPTIC HELL WORLD! FISHING FOR COINS WITH A MAGNET IS A THING A VIDEOGAME WOULD DO. THE NARRATOR SEEMS SO UPBEAT ABOUT EVERYTHING THOUGH?   PS. I FEEL LIKE THE ECONOMIC SITUATION THAT WOULD REQUIRE YOU TO SWIM IN HUMAN FECES BUT ALSO KNOW ENOUGH CHEMISTRY TO BE ABLE TO MIX NITRIC ACID AND MERCURY THEN SMELT GOLD IS LIKE EXTREMELY SPECIFIC.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth [movie]

THIS MOVIE ISN'T GREAT BUT IT'S NOT NEARLY AS AWFUL AS I REMEMBERED IT. THE CENOBITE DESIGN IS PURE GARBAGE AND IT'S NOT MUCH OF A STORY BUT IT'S NOT NEARLY TERRIBLE OR ANYTHING.   PS. I'M NOT DOING THAT THING WHERE I WATCH A WHOLE SERIES, I JUST WATCHED THESE TWO MOVIES I GUESS? IN THIS ORDER. VI THEN III.

Hellraiser: Hellseeker [movie]

I STILL THINK IT'S HILARIOUS THAT JUST RANDOMLY IN THE MIDDLE OF A BILLION TERRIBLE DIRECT TO VIDEO SEQUELS THERE IS JUST RANDOMLY THIS REALLY RANDOM DIRECT TO VIDEO HELLRAISER WITH A DUMB NAME THAT IS SOMEHOW THE SECOND BEST HELLRAISER IN THE ENTIRE SERIES AFTER THE FIRST ONE.   PS. I NEVER ACTUALLY NOTICED THE WIFE WAS KRISTY BEFORE. THAT DOESN'T EVEN FEEL IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT. I WONDER IF THIS MOVIE WAS EVEN ORIGINALLY A HELLRAISER MOVIE OR IF SOMEONE MADE A WEIRD JACOB'S LADDER TYPE MOVIE AND THEY THREW PINHEAD IN LAST MINUTE.

Witcher 2: Assassin of Kings [game]

THIS GAME IS SO WELL WRITTEN, LIKE AT SOME POINT THE GIMMICK BECOMES REALLY APPARENT THAT THEY ARE CREATING DRAMA BY MAKING SURE EVERY CHOICE HAS *UNCOMFORTABLE CONSEQUENCES* BUT THE GAME IS SHORT ENOUGH AND THAT TRICK IS NOVEL ENOUGH I AM WICKED INTO IT. PLUS THE SEX STUFF IS NOT NEARLY AS GROSS AS THE FIRST GAME. ON THE OTHER HAND THE COMBAT IS FINE BUT FELT KINDA LAME A LOT, WITH NORMAL BEING WAY TOO EASY AND HARD BEING NORMAL BUT WITH EVERYTHING TAKING 8 BILLION HITS TO KILL. BOMBS ESPECIALLY WERE JUST THE FUNCTIONS OF THE SPELLS BUT LIKE 10 TIMES STRONGER AND YOU COULD THROW A BUNCH REAL FAST. BUT I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS TONS OF TIMES I WAS KILLING HUMANS WITH THE SILVER SWORD JUST BECAUSE I HAD IT OUT AND IT WAS EASY ENOUGH EITHER WAY. I FEEL SORT OF BAD, BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN ANY TIME SOON AND I KNOW I'M THE REASON GAMES DON'T HAVE BRANCHING PATHS AND MEANINGFUL PLAYER CHOICE. THERE IS LIKE 1/3RD OF THE ENTIRE GAME I NEVER SAW BY PICKING

The Martian [movie]

THIS MOVIE IS REALLY GOOD. THE FUNNY THING THOUGH IS THE BOOK IS LIKE LARGELY JUST A TRILLION DISASTERS BECAUSE THE POINT IS TO WORK OUT SOLUTIONS FOR A BUNCH OF HYPOTHETICALS AND THE MOVIE WAS MORE NARRATIVE SO LIKE MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY A MOVIE TOOK A VERY SMART BOOK AND SAID "THERE IS TOO MANY ACTION SCENES! CUT SOME!" INSTEAD OF THE REVERSE.     PS. I ACTUALLY FEEL A LITTLE SAD AND SCARED BECAUSE I FEEL CULTURALLY WE ARE GOING THROUGH A TRANSITION. LIKE AS A RACE WE HAVE GIVEN UP SPACE TRAVEL BUT THIS/GRAVITY/INTERSTELLAR ARE STILL OUR COLLECTIVE CULTURAL MYTH THAT SPACE IS HARD AND EVERYTHING SPINS AROUND BUT AT THE END IT WORKS OUT OKAY. I FEEL LIKE I WILL LIVE TO SEE THE NEXT GENERATION OF MOVIES THAT ARE JUST 'SPACE IS SCARY, EVERYTHING THERE DIES" WITH NONE OF THE HOPEFULNESS LEFT.

Fateful Findings [Movie, Amazing]

I HAVE WATCHED A OTHER NEIL BREEN STUFF AND THEY ARE ALL WEIRD SO BAD IT'S GOOD MESSES BUT THIS IS THE ONE THAT REALLY CRYSTALLIZES INTO BEING PERFECT.  IT'S HARD TO EVEN POINT TO WHAT IS SO AMAZING ABOUT THIS EXCEPT SAYING 'IT'S REALLY BAD' IT'S JUST EVERYTHING, IT'S JUST THE NONSENSICAL PLOT AND HIM HAVING TOO MANY LAPTOPS IN HIS OFFICE AND THE WEIRD DIALOG AND HIM PULLING THE GIRL'S SHIRT DOWN ONLY PART WAY AND THEM SAYING IT'S LATE AND THEY NEED TO GO TO BED WHILE STANDING IN FRONT OF A WINDOW WHERE IT'S CLEARLY DAYTIME.     PS. CLEARLY THE BEST PART IS THE END AND THE BUSINESS GUY KILLING HIMSELF AND PEOPLE CLAPPING ABOUT THE SPEECH.