Capital Reviews

THE KEVIN SMITH ONE WAS DEFINITELY THE DUMBEST ONE. I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF THEM ENDED AFTER THEY SHOWED TOO MUCH. EASTER JESUS WAS OKAY. I DON'T HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF WHAT HAPPENED IN FATHERS DAY. PS. SAINT PATRICK'S DAY WAS THE BEST ONE BECAUSE IT WENT FROM CREEPY AND SERIOUS TO BEING A NONSENSE NIGHTMARE SO FAST IT GAVE ME WHIPLASH.

I WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN PERU AND WATCHED THIS THEN TOTALLY FORGOT THAT I DID TILL JUST NOW. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IF IT WAS DUBBED INTO SPANISH WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES OR IF IT WAS ENGLISH WITH SPANISH SUBTITLES. IT WAS ADVERTISED AS BEING "THE FIRE TORNADO" AND IT MADE THE WHOLE MOVIE CONFUSING BECAUSE THERE WAS A FIRE TORNADO FOR LIKE 30 SECONDS OF THE MOVIE.   PS. I NEVER WATCH MUCH TV WHEN I TRAVEL BUT I USUALLY CATCH A LITTLE AT NIGHT AND USUALLY THEY EITHER HAVE WEIRD LOCAL STUFF OR WEIRD BAD DUBS OF STUFF AND I THINK MAYBE SPANISH TV SUCKS NOVELTY WISE BECAUSE MEXICO JUST MEANS EVERYTHING IS JUST AMERICAN SHOWS WITH HIGH QUALITY DUBS THAT I IMAGINE EVERY SPANISH SPEAKING COUNTRY JUST GRABS UP TOO.

WHAT THE FRIG EVEN IS THIS MOVIE? LIKE 90% OF IT IS FAMOUS 1900-1940S CREEPY PHOTOGRAPHS AND SURE, THAT IS A SOLID BASE FOR A FILM. ALTHOUGH IT'S PULLING FROM THE SAME POOL AS BIOSHOCK SO IT GETS A LITTLE WEIRD WITH THAT. BUT THEN LIKE, SLENDER MAN? SLENDER MAN ISN'T A REAL THING, A SOMETHINGAWFUL THREAD MADE IT UP WHOLE CLOTH AND NONE OF THE OLD PHOTOS ARE OLDER THAN 2009. DID THEY GET CONFUSED?     PS. I LOVE HOW THE DAD WAS JUST A SHIT DAD THAT ONLY LIKED BIRDS.