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Showing posts from September, 2009

Cleveland Show [Television]

THIS SHOW SEEMS REALLY REALLY DUMB BUT I GUESS SO DID AMERICAN DAD FOR LIKE TWO SEASONS BEFORE IT GOT REALLY GOOD. BUT I MEAN DID THEY REALLY NEED ANOTHER EVIL BABY MAIN CHARACTER? IS THERE ENOUGH EVIL BABY PLOT DEVELOPMENT LEFT THEY HAVE TO SPLIT IT UP? PS. I HAVEN'T WATCHED LIVE TV FOR A LONG TIME AND LEVI JEANS ADS ARE REALLY REALLY SCARY NOW.

Zelda: Twilight Princess [game]

OKAY I AM REALLY ASHAMED HERE BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT SOMETHING. I STARTED PLAYING THIS GAME AND IT WASN'T FUN AT ALL AND I REALLY DRAGGED MYSELF THROUGH THE FIRST TOWN, THEN BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE LAMP CRAP I JUST ABOUT HATED IT AND ACTUALLY DOWNLOADED A SAVE FILE RIGHT BEFORE THE BOSS OF THE FORREST TEMPLE AND PLAYED FROM THERE, AND THE GAME GOT BETTER AND BETTER AND BY THE WATER TEMPLE IT WAS FUN, AND BY THE LATER LEVELS THIS BECAME ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES I'VE PLAYED IN A REALLY LONG TIME AND NOW I DON'T REALLY KNOW IF I JUST DIDN'T GET INTO THE RIGHT MIND SET AND JUST TOOK A WHILE TO FIND THE CORRECT MOOD TO PLAY THIS GAME OR IF THE OPENING PARTS ARE REALLY JUST THAT BAD THAT IT WAS OKAY TO SKIP THEM. PS. THE MAIL GUY SCARED ME EVERY SINGLE TIME. THE MAIL GUY IS SCARY. AND ZELDA IS BARELY IN THIS GAME.

The Lost Symbol [book]

NO SPOILERS. I PIRATED THIS BOOK THEN READ IT OVER THE NEXT 6 HOURS AND IT IS ONE OF THE SILLIEST BOOKS EVER WRITTEN AND BASICALLY TOOK THE PLOT OF NATIONAL TREASURE AND SAID "THIS PLOT WAS TOO DOWN TO EARTH WHAT COULD WE DO TO MAKE IT SILLIER?" AND THE MIDDLE PART OF THE BOOK THEY JUST COME UP WITH INCREASINGLY GOOFY PLOT TWISTS AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH AWESOME HOW OVER THE TOP THIS BOOK GOES. I MEAN THERE WAS A PART WITH STAR WARS BASED MYSTERY THAT MADE ME STOP READING AND CHECK TO MAKE SURE SOMEONE WASN'T MESSING WITH ME BY ALTERING THE TEXT BECAUSE I PIRATED IT BUT NOPE! BASICALLY THIS BOOK IS HILARIOUSLY AWFUL IN EVERY SINGLE WAY BUT IF YOU CAN APPRECIATE IT AS IRONICALLY THE GREATEST CONFLUENCE OF TERRIBLE NONSENSE AND NOT HAVE A STROKE READING IT IS THE BEST BOOK EVER AND THERE IS PRETTY MUCH A REASON I READ IT ALL AT ONCE COMPARED TO ACTUALLY GOOD BOOKS I READ OVER A FEW DAYS. PS: IT HAD THE GUYS PHONE NUMBER AND I TOTALLY CALLED IT AND YOU TOTALLY GET THE GUY&

District 9 [movie]

NO ONE WILL WATCH THIS MOVIE AND SEE IT THIS WAY BUT THE REAL MAGIC OF THIS MOVIE FOR ME WAS THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS A TRULY BAD PERSON. I MEAN HIM GOING ALL ASKUKA AT THE END WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF REDEMPTION BUT HE DID REALLY HORRIBLE THINGS RIGHT UP THROUGH THE ENTIRE MOVIE. LIKE BURNING ALIEN CHILDREN TO DEATH AND TRYING TO STEAL THE SHIP. THERE WAS NO ACTUAL REASON TO ASSUME HE BECAME A GOOD PERSON AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY EVEN ASSUME THAT HIM GOING BERSERK IS IN HIS OWN SELF INTEREST SINCE HE NEEDED CHARLES TO GET TO THE SHIP AND HE *DID* SURVIVE BECAUSE OF IT. HE EVEN FRAMED IT AS 'MAKE WHAT I DID WORTH SOMETHING" HE WASN'T CONCERNED OF THE ALIEN HE WAS CONCERNED OF HIS EFFORT BEING LOST. PS. THAT WAS SOME REAL DOCTOR WHO SCIENCE THERE THAT THERE WAS A LIQUID THAT BOTH WORKS AS ROCKET ACTIVATOR AND ALSO CONVERTS PEOPLE TO ALIENS. BUT W/E THIS MOVIE WAS GREAT. (THE PACING WAS UNEVEN THOUGH SO PARTS DRAGGED A LITTLE AND THEY OVERUSED LAST MINUTE RESCUES)

Watermind [Book]

SOMEONE PLEASE RECOMMEND SOME GOOD BOOKS, I AM REALLY IN A RUT OF PICKING UP CRAPPY SCI-FI INSTEAD OF REAL BOOKS AND THIS WAS THE DUMBEST BOOK I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME AND I FINISHED IT ONLY DUE TO BOOK STARVATION AND I REALLY NEED TO READ A GOOD BOOK NOW. PS. LIKE FIFTY DIFFERENT THINGS WENT INTO THE MAIN CHARACTER'S VAGINA AND I AM PRETTY SURE ICE GOT HER PREGNANT.

Garlic Festival [Event]

FACT: BROWNIES WITH GARLIC IN THEM ARE THE BEST THING EVER EXCEPT WHEN THEY HAVE ACTUAL CHUNKS OF GARLIC IN THEM THEN THEY ARE REMARKABLY HORRIBLE. ALSO THERE WAS A GUY WITH A HUGE MUSTACHE AND ALSO THERE WAS GARLICY WEATHER. PS. ALSO THIS COST BASICALLY A SOLID GOLD DIAMOND TO GET IN WHICH CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD BUT IN THE END I DON'T MIND BECAUSE I LOVE THE IDEA OF HAVING BEEN TO A GARLIC FESTIVAL.

Exhalation [short story]

A BUNCH OF HYDRAULIC ROBOTS LIVE IN A CLOSED UP CYLINDER AND EVERY DAY THEY GO TO SOME COMMUNITY FOUNTAIN TO FILL UP THEIR LUNGS. AND IT'S BASICALLY THE 1800S AND ONE OF THE ROBOTS WROTE THE BOOK AS AN 1800S NATURALIST AND HE IS AN ANATOMIST AND USES A BUNCH OF MIRRORS AND REMOVES THE BACK OF HIS OWN HEAD TO DISSECT HIS OWN BRAIN AND REALIZES IT USES AIR CURRENTS THAT BLOW MICROSCOPIC GOLD FOIL TO ACT AS TEMPORARY AIR VALVES TO PROCESS INFORMATION. THEN HE REALIZES THAT ALL THE PRESSURIZED AIR THEY PUMP OUT OF THE GROUND LEAKS INTO THE ENVIRONMENT AND THAT THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING THEY CAN DO TO STOP THE PRESSURE EVENTUALLY EQUALIZING AND BASICALLY IT'S AN ANALOGY FOR HEAT DEATH. PS. DISSECTING YOUR OWN BRAIN IS PRETTY BIG BODY HORROR.

N-words [short story]

THIS IS A PRETTY GOOD STORY, IT'S ABOUT THE NEAR FUTURE WHEN KOREA CLONES A BUNCH OF NEANDERTHALS AND THEN COLLAPSES POLITICALLY SO THEY END UP GETTING ADOPTED OUT ALL OVER THE WORLD AND MOSTLY IT'S ABOUT THE RACISM THEY FACE AND BASICALLY IT'S A GOOD STORY BECAUSE IT TALKS ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT TALK ABOUT HOW UN-PC THEY ARE AND ARE BASICALLY JUST OUTRIGHT RACISTS BECAUSE WELP, THAT'S ALWAYS HOW IT IS. PS. ALSO IT TALKED ABOUT THE RACISM OF HOW WE DRAW NEANDERTHALS BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WE DRAW THEM LIKE BLACK PEOPLE WITH DARK TAN PEOPLE SKIN REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THEY LIVED IN EUROPE FOR LIKE TEN THOUSAND YEARS AND NEVER ANYWHERE REMOTELY TROPICAL.

Sinner, Baker, Fablist, Priest; Red Mask, Black Mask, Gentleman, Beast [short story]

THIS IS ONE OF THE SORT OF SCIFI STORIES WHERE YOU ASSUME EVERYONE IS NORMAL THEN STUFF DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AND YOU REALIZE IT'S THE FUTURE AND EVERYONE IS BUGS OR ALIENS OR CLONES OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW. PS. ACTUALLY THIS WAS A COOL STORY SOLELY FOR THE FACT HE DIDN'T LEARN TO CONTINUE THE RESISTANCE, HE LEARNED TO MURDER.

Antichrist [movie]

HOLY CRAP I DOWNLOADED THIS MOVIE AGES AGO AND NEVER WATCHED IT BECAUSE THE SYNOPSIS WAS SO HORRIFYING SOUNDING, BUT NOW I WATCHED IT AND IT WAS ACTUALLY A WELL MADE MOVIE BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT WAS LIKELY ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING THINGS I'VE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I ACTUALLY GENUINELY REGRET WATCHING IT ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND REALLY WISH I COULD TAKE THAT BACK NOW. PS. I KINDA AM TOO DUMB TO UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE SHOE THING THOUGH. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT?

Mr. Penumbra’s Twenty-Four-Hour Book Store [audio book]

I DON'T KNOW THIS WAS A PRETTY GOOD SHORT STORY EXCEPT IN THE MIDDLE GOOGLE WAS A MAGIC CASTLE MADE OF MAGIC CRYSTALS AND THAT WAS REALLY WEIRD AND DUMB. PS. I ALSO LIKE THE SORT OF GIRL THAT WOULD BE IMPRESSED BY A PROTOTYPE

(500) days of summer [movie]

I DON'T THINK I LIKED ANYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE :KILLS SELF:

Watchmen [movie]

IT ACTUALLY BOTHERED ME THAT JON'S VOICE WASN'T BLUE. I MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAVING A BLUE VOICE EVEN MEANS BUT HIS WASN'T BLUE. AND IT MADE HIM SEEM LIKE A WHINEY JERK THAT WOULDN'T HELP INSTEAD OF A INHUMAN CREATURE OUT OF TIME THAT DOESN'T HELP BECAUSE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW HELPING WOULD HELP. ALSO THE ENDING WAY WAY BETTER AND THE SQUID WAS STUPID. PS. I SURE DID WATCH SOME MEN, AM I RITE? BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN FEMALE NUDITY IN MOVIES A TON OF TIMES BUT FEMALES EXIST TO BE SEXUALIZED AND MALE NUDITY IS A BIG FRIGGIN DEAL AND NO ONE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE WITHOUT MENTIONING IT HURRRRR