Capital Reviews

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night [game, amazing] GOOD LORD THIS GAME IS GOOD. IT FEELS LIKE NOW THAT EVERY OTHER INDIE GAME IS A METROIDVANIA THAT THE GUY THAT MADE SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT MAKING A GAME WOULD JUST BE ONE MORE OF THOSE BUT NOPE. MY SECRET FAVORITE PART OF SOTN WAS THE 'PLATFORM SHOES' WHICH WAS THIS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY STUPID ITEM THAT MADE YOU ONE PIXEL TALLER, AND IT WAS LIKE, AMAZING IN THAT IT WAS THIS POINTLESS AND USELESS ITEM THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN SO MUCH CUSTOM PROGRAMING. TO REANIMATE EVERY SINGLE SPRITE ONE PIXEL TALLER. THIS GAME IS LIKE, THAT ITEM, THE GAME. LIKE, VERY LITTLE IS JUST "+1 TO STRENGTH", THERE IS A MILLION SYSTEMS AND LIKE EVERY OTHER THING HAS ABSURD NONSENSE PROPERTIES AND IT'S AMAZING. I THINK REALISTICALLY THERE IS LIKE TEN GOOD WEAPONS AND TEN GOOD SPELLS AND EVERYONE PROBABLY PLAYS THE GAME THE SAME WAY WITH SIMILAR PROGRESSIONS BUT IT *FEELS* LIKE YOU ARE PLAYING A SUPER PERSONALIZED EXPERIENCE BECAUSE OF THE SHEER

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment [book] THIS BOOK WAS NOT VERY GOOD, BUT FITS THE PORTLAND PUBIC LIBRARY READING CHALLENGE CATEGORY FOR A SELF HELP BOOK. WHICH I AM VERY VAGUELY DOING BY LOOKING ON THE LIBRARY EBOOK APP AND PICKING BOOKS THAT FIT CATEGORIES. PS. I DID ACTUALLY WANT TO READ A BOOK ON MINDFULNESS, BUT MAN THIS BOOK GOES WAY TOO FAR WITH THE NONSENSE. WHY DOES THEIR NEED TO BE A CHAPTER ABOUT REVERSING AGING? LIKE EVEN THE HYPOTHETICAL LITERARY TOOL QUESTION ASKER CALLS OUT HOW DUMB IT IS AND GETS SASSED.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark [movie] THIS MOVIE WAS GOOD AND I LIKED IT WELL ENOUGH BUT IT HAD A WEIRD HALF BAKED FEELING ABOUT IT, LIKE IT WAS A CHOPPED UP MOVIE MADE FROM SOME OTHER MORE GRAND SCRIPT. LIKE FROM BASIC ERRORS LIKE CHARACTERS BEING KILLED BY THEIR CHILDHOOD FEARS AND ONE KID NAMING THE "JINGLE JANGLE MAN" AS THE STORY THEIR MOTHER TOLD THEM TO WATCH OUT FOR, AND THEN THAT JUST NEVER EVER PLAYING INTO ANYTHING, TO THEMATIC STUFF LIKE THE MAIN GIRL HAVING A WHOLE SUBPLOT ABOUT BLAMING HERSELF FOR THINGS THAT AREN'T HER FAULT, AND THE MAIN ANTAGONIST BEING KILLED OVER BLAME FOR THINGS THAT AREN'T HER FAULT AND THOSE OBVIOUS CONNECTIONS NEVER REALLY MEANING ANYTHING, TO JUST A BIZARRE THING WITH A HYPERFICTATION ON RICHARD NIXON WHERE HE IS SHOWN LIKE A DOZEN TIMES AND MENTIONED BY CHARACTERS CONSTANTLY AND IT'S JUST TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. I THINK IN SOME SCRIPT *MAYBE* THE WAR DRAFT WAS A PARALEL TO YOUR NAME COMING UP IN THE BOOK,  BUT THAT IS JU

Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus [movie] GOD THIS IS SO FRIGGIN GOOD. IT IS REALLY THE PERFECT FOLLOWUP TO THE SHOW. I LOVE HOW STAND ALONE IT IS WHILE ALSO INTERACTING WITH SUPERFAN STUFF. LIKE IT'S NOT ALL CALLBACKS AND FANSERVICE, BUT IT HAS STUFF LIKE, THE CENTRAL BRAINS SHOWING UP, AND MINIMOOSE STUFF, AND SUBVERTS THE DIB IS A CLONE STUFF, THINGS THAT ONLY EARLY 2000S ZIM FANATICS CARE ABOUT. I LOVE THAT IT PUSHES THE ENVELOPE LIKE 20% FROM WHERE IT WAS ON NICK, BUT LIKE, DOESN'T GO WILD WITH FREEDOM AND RUIN IT. LIKE GIR ATE A BABY. MAYBE. PS. I LIKE JUSTIN ROLAND BEING IN THIS BUT LIKE, SUPER BRIEFLY. BECAUSE IF HE WAS A THING IN 2005, HE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY WOULD HAVE BEEN ON THIS SHOW. BUT HE DIDN'T NEED TO BE IN IT NOW.

Big Chicken [book, nonfiction] THIS IS A BOOK FROM SOME NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC WRITER ABOUT THE LINKS BETWEEN ANTIBIOTIC USE IN FARMS AND ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANCE. AND HOW FARM USE DWARFS HUMAN USE OF ANTIBIOTICS 8 TO 1 AND HOW CHICKENS PARTICULARLY ARE JUST GIVEN LOW DOSES THEIR ENTIRE LIFE REGARDLESS OF IF THEY NEED THEM THEN HANG OUT IN A BIG PILE OF THEIR OWN POOP AND CORPSES AND WENT THROUGH A BUNCH OF INDIVIDUAL STORIES OF THE CHICKEN ORIGIN OF A BUNCH OF IMPORTANT ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANT DISEASES INCLUDING CRAZY ONES THAT SEEM TOTALLY UNCONNECTED LIKE DRUG RESISTANT UTI INFECTION. IT'S A REAL BIG 'HEY GUYS THIS SEEMS REAL BAD" BOOK. PS. I READ THIS LARGELY BECAUSE THE ORRINGTON DIGITAL LIBRARY DOESN'T HAVE MANY BOOKS AND THIS BOOK HAD A FUNNY TITLE BUT YIKES, WHAT A SCARY BOOK.

Infinity Train [television, amazing] HOLY CRAP DID THIS GET GOOD.  MOSTLY THAT WHEN IT GOT SERIOUS IT WOULD GET *SERIOUS* LIKE WAY WAY MORE THAN EXPECTED.SPECIFICALLY IN CHARACTER DESIGN. I LOVE THE HYPER DETAILED TERRIFYING ANIME MONSTERS ATTACKING SILLY CARTOON CHARACTERS USING 'REALISTIC' GUNS.  I THINK IT FALTERED A LITTLE ON NOT KNOWING IF IT WAS A MINISERIES OR A SERIES AND SO IT'S A LITTLE WEIRDLY PACED AND SO ISN'T AS GOOD AS OVER THE GARDEN WALL BUT MAN IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOT CAPTAIN JANEWAY AS A CAT. PS. THE OVERALL MESSAGE IS GOOD, OF NEEDING TO NOT RUN FROM EMOTION BUT LIKE, IT WAS A LITTLE LAME TO MAKE IT BAD SHE WAS TRYING TO BE SCIENTIFIC AND SYSTEMATIC ABOUT STUFF, LIKE HOW MANY SHOWS ARE ABOUT A YOUNG GIRL INTERESTED IN SCIENCE AND COMPUTER PROGRAMMING? THEY DIDN'T NEED TO MAKE IT FOLLOW YOUR EMOTION ABOUT THAT.

Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling [movie] THIS IS LIKE, THE MOST AUTHENTIC REBOOT IMAGINABLE? LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I REALLY LIKED ROCKO AND I DON'T REALLY EVEN KNOW IF THIS WAS VERY GOOD BUT IT'S LIKE, THE EXACT EPISODE THAT WOULD HAVE COME OUT IF THEY HAD JUST KEPT MAKING THIS? LIKE SAME DIRTY JOKES, SAME PROGRESSIVE MESSAGE BUT LIKE MIXED WITH A GAG CHARACTER? I DON'T KNOW. PS. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT THIS IS A FOLLOW UP TO LITERALLY THE ONLY TWO EPISODES OF THE SHOW I COULD REMOTELY REMEMBER. PRO-LGBT MESSAGE BUT WITH JOKE CHARACTER OF BUFFALO GALS AND ANIMATION PLOTLINE OF WACKY DELI.

Twelve Forever:Season One [television] I WATCHED THIS AS LIKE, BACKGROUND NOISE. IT SEEMS GOOD BUT LIKE, SOMETHING SEEMS OFF ABOUT IT. LIKE IT'S SO WEIRDLY SINISTAR. LIKE I GET WHAT THEY ARE GOING FOR, WITH ENDLESS REPRESENTING CHILDHOOD SO IT MAKES *SENSE* THE ENEMY IS A PUBERTY BOOK THAT CAME TO LIFE AND CHANGED INTO A WEIRD SEXUAL SPIDER DRAGON WOMAN WITH A MALE VOICE DOING A TIM CURRY IMPERSONATION BUT IT'S STILL REALLY WEIRD. AND LIKE, I GET WHAT THEY MEAN WITH THE 'YOU CAN'T STAY HERE FOREVER' STUFF BUT THE WHOLE SHOW HAS SUCH A WEIRD TONE BECAUSE OF IT, LIKE IT'S A HAPPY DREAMLAND YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WHERE YOU WILL TURN INTO A KLEPTOMANIAC ROTTING CORPSE REVERSE PINOCCHIO AND NOEL FIELDING WILL TRY AND TRICK YOU INTO IT? PS. I MEAN, I DO GET THAT I RELATE TO ADVENTURE TIME AND IT'S JUST AS WEIRD AND IS EXPLICITLY A DARK THINGS AREN'T WHAT THEY SEEM BACKSTORY. I AM SURE PART OF IT IS I RELATED MORE TO ADVENTURE TIME STUFF, AND AM LESS DIRECTLY

Twisted Pair [movie] THIS MOVIE REALLY IS GREAT. LIKE IT DOES FEEL LIKE THERE IS SOME ELEMENT THAT NEIL BREEN KNOWS NOW AND MIGHT BE DOING CERTAIN THINGS INTENTIONALLY BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN MATER BECAUSE EVEN IF HE'S TRYING TO FAKE IT HE'S STILL NEIL BREEN AND EVERY SINGLE ELEMENT AND PLOT POINT IS HILARIOUS AND AMAZING NONSENSE (ACTUALLY THE WHOLE NOT RAPE SCENE WITH HIS WIFE WASN'T HILARIOUS BUT DOES FURTHER THE THEORY THAT NEIL BREEN DEFINITELY IS GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE A RICH SERIAL KILLER OR SOMETHING) PS. MY FAVORITE MINOR PLOT IS THE TOY RATS GETTING A LITTLE BACKGROUND STORY. WHERE THEY SHOWED A MAN WAS HOMELESS BY SURROUNDING HIM WITH SEVERAL UNMOVING TOY RATS, THEN WHEN NIEL GAVE HIM SOME MONEY HE BOUGHT THE RATS SOME BREAD, THEN LATER WHEN HE GOT STABBED IN THE CELL PHONE HE WAS FRIENDS OF THEM AND THEY WERE EATING CHEESE TOGETHER.