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Showing posts from July, 2019

UHF [movie]

UHF [movie] I RENTED THIS BACK FROM LIKE, GILLUMS IN LIKE 1989 OR SOMETHING. THE SKITS AND PARODIES ARE FUNNY BUT LIKE, THERE IS A MILLION THINGS THAT HAVE DONE SKITS AND PARODY SO THEY ARE JUST FINE OR WHATEVER BUT MAN, THE INDIVIDUAL JOKES SERIOUSLY HOLD UP. IT'S NOT EVEN A GOOD JOKE OR ANYTHING BUT I SNORTED A DRINK OUT MY NOSE AT "TAKE THAT STUPID THING OFF". PS. I LIKE HOW HALF HEARTED THE ACTUAL PLOT IS. LIKE YOU CAN SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN WEIRD AL BEING A DAY DREAMER AND THE TV STATION, BUT LIKE, BARELY.

Greaser's Place [movie]

Greaser's Place [movie] IT'S GOOD, BUT NOT NEARLY AS GOOD BUT IT ABSOLUTELY BLOWS MY MIND A SECOND MOVIE IN THE SAME GENRE AS EL TOPO EXISTS. COWBOY SURREALIST DRUG CHRIST METAPHOR 1970S MOVIE. BUT IT'S GOOD AND IT'S AMAZING A SECOND MOVIE IN THIS ULTRA THIN GENRE EXISTS IS AMAZING. PS. ROBERT DOWNEY JR IN IT AS A LITTLE KID, AND THE GIRL THAT SANG HEY MICKY AS A CONSTANTLY TOPLESS NATIVE.

Tank Girl [movie]

Tank Girl [movie] I HAVE WATCHED THIS MOVIE A BUNCH OF TIMES BUT I GUESS NOT WITHIN THE ERA OF CAPITAL REVIEWS SO I'LL REVIEW IT: IT'S REALLY GOOD. PS. I REMEMBER LIKING IT IRONICALLY BUT IT'S MOSTLY JUST ACTUALLY GOOD.

Zapped Again [movie]

Zapped Again [movie] THIS IS LIKE, A DIRECT TO VIDEO TEEN SEX COMEDY AND IS LIKE HIGH LEVELS OF EVERYONE JUST BEING AN ACTUAL RAPIST. ON THE OTHER HAND THE EXCHANGE "IF YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR SUCH TIGHT PANTS YOU SHOULD AT LEAST WEAR UNDERWEAR"/"I CAN'T BECAUSE YOU ATE THEM ALL" IS MY FAVORITE THING NOW. PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE GRIFFIN MCELROY NAMED A POKEMON AFTER THIS MOVIE IN A NUSLOCK VIDEO FROM LIKE 4 YEARS AGO THAT I JUST HAPPENED TO WATCH.

Terrorvision [movie]

Terrorvision [movie] I WAS GOING TO STOP WATCHING THIS STUFF AFTER VACATION BUT I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO WATCH SO I'M RIGHT BACK ON IT. PS. THIS WAS KINDA BORING BUT HAD SOME REAL GOOD MOMENTS.

spookies [movie]

spookies [movie] THE DEAL WITH THIS MOVIE IS THEY MADE THE MOVIE, THEN DIDN'T RELEASE IT, THEN RESHOT ABOUT 50% OF THE MOVIE WITHOUT THE ORIGINAL ACTORS. SO LIKE INSTEAD OF SPIRITS IN A HAUNTED HOUSE KILLING THEM IT'S ACTUALLY A GERMAN WARLOCK SITTING IN A ROOM THAT THEY CUT TO SO HE CAN TELL YOU HE TOTALLY PLANNED EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE OTHER MOVIE AND THEY CAN EDIT HIS PHOTO INTO SCENES OR DUB HIM OVER A WOMAN SPEAKING. IT'S ALSO GREAT BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL MOVIE LOOKED CHEAP BUT THE MONSTER DESIGNS WERE LIKE, REASONABLY ORIGINAL AND DECENT, AND THEN THE EDITED IN MONSTERS ARE LIKE, THE ABSOLUTE MOST TERRIBLE COSTUMES EVER. ALSO: THEY EDITED FART NOISES IN EVERY TIME ONE OF THE MONSTERS MOVED FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON. PS. I THINK THE BEST DUMB MOVIE PART MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN THE ORIGINAL THOUGH? THEY KNOCK AN LIVING GRIM REAPER STATUE OFF A ROOF AND IT JUST EXPLODES LIKE A BOMB FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. NO WAIT, THE ACTUAL BEST PART IS THE TEENS ASKING "DO...

Uninvited [movie]

Uninvited [movie] WHY WOULD YOU NAME THIS MOVIE THIS!?!??! IT'S CLEARLY A MOVIE NAME FOR A MOVIE ABOUT LIKE, A HOUSE WITH A GHOST IN IT OR SOMETHING. NOT ONE PERSON ON EARTH WOULD READ THIS TITLE AND KNOW IT WAS A MOVIE ABOUT A HOUSE CAT THAT CONTAINS A SMALLER EVIL CAT THAT IT CAN BARF OUT IT'S MOUTH TO KILL PEOPLE WITH IT'S CAT POISON ON A MILLIONAIRE'S YACHT. PS. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW YOU CAN TELL THE STORY WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE A CAT THAT AN MUTATE INTO A BEAST WEREWOLF STYLE BUT THEY COULDN'T AFFORD THAT EFFECT SO IT'S THE EXTREMELY WEIRD CONCEPT THAT THE CAT HAS A SMALLER EVIL CAT INSIDE OF IT THAT COMES IN AND OUT OF IT'S MOUTH.

The Last House on the Left [movie]

The Last House on the Left [movie] I AM TRYING TO MIX UP WATCHING SO BAD IT'S GOOD CULT MOVIES AND 'BANNED IN A MILLION COUNTRIES IN THE 70S' CULT MOVIES. I WATCHED THIS, AND IT'S JUST NOT GOOD. THE FIRST HALF IS JUST AN EXTENDED RAPE AND THE SECOND HALF IS JUST THE EXTENDED HYPER COMPETENT PARENTS HOME ALONE REVENGE. THE ONLY ELEMENT I LIKE IS THE ABSURDLY WHOLESOME SOUNDTRACK. IT DOESN'T EVEN WORK AS LIKE "SPOOPY CONTRAST" BETWEEN THE MUSIC AND THE ACTION, THE MUSIC IS JUST SUPER UPBEAT AND PLEASANT. PS. THE ONLY GOOD PART WAS THE TOTALLY SEPARATE B PLOT ABOUT THE WACKY COPS THAT NEVER EVER INTERSECTS WITH THE MAIN STORY IN ANY WAY

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie [movie]

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie [movie] I WATCHED THIS MOVIE WHEN IT WAS NEW, AND ALSO WHEN I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOL, THIS MOVIE IS JUST REALLY REALLY BORING. ONLY A COUPLE SO DUMB IT'S FUNNY PARTS AND ONLY A COUPLE JOKES AT ALL HONESTLY.  I LIKE MILDLY THAT THERE WAS A BUNCH OF WEIRD IMPLIED BACKSTORY LIKE HOW THE OWNER WAS APPARENTLY A 100+ YEAR OLD WIZARD AND THE WEIRD ABORTED PLOT OF THERE BEING OTHER GARBAGE PAIL KIDS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE THEY NEEDED TO FIND THEN THEN ALL APPARENTLY BEING MURDERED OFF SCREEN (AND THEN THEIR CORPSES TAKEN TO THE DUMP IN A TRASH TRUCK????) WITH NO REAL IMPACT ON ANYTHING. PS. I KINDA LAUGHED AT THE BASE CONCEPT OF THEIR BEING A JAIL WHERE IF YOU ARE TOO UGLY THEY TAKE YOU THERE AND EXECUTE YOU. ALTHOUGH I FIND IT A LITTLE ODD OF A CHOICE THAT FRIGGIN GHANDI WAS THERE. TAKE THAT GHANDI.

An American Hippie in Israel [movie, amazing]

An American Hippie in Israel [movie, amazing] HOLY CRAP, THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE SORT OF MOVIE I'VE BEEN HOPING TO FIND, THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING. IT'S LIKE, A VIETNAM VET HIPPIE HAS RUN TO ISRAEL AND START A HIPPIE COMMUNE, HOWEVER EVERYONE IS QUICKLY MURDERED BY A SET OF MIME LIKE 'CREEPS' AND THE 4 SURVIVING MEMBERS IMMEDIATELY DECIDE TO START A UTOPIAN ISLAND. THERE IS THEN LIKE AN HOUR OF THEM WANDERING AROUND POINTLESSLY TO A BUNCH OF HOME MADE SINGING. THEY THEN END UP ON THEIR ISLAND AND ART TRAPPED BY SHARKS AND IMMEDIATELY WITHIN A SINGLE DAY LOSE THE ABILITY TO SPEAK AND HAVE A NAKED FIGHT TO THE DEATH AND ALL DIE, AT WHICH POINT THE CREEPS STEAL THEIR CAR AND THE MOVIE ENDS. PS. THIS MOVIE HAS A BUNCH TOO MANY LONG SHOTS OF SCENERY BUT I CAN NOT EVEN BEGIN TO START TO TALK ABOUT THE NUMBER OF ABSURD NONSENSE SCENES IN THIS. LIKE A CHARACTER CLAIMS HE IS GOING TO "FLAKE OUT' THEN IT CUTS TO A DREAM SEQUENCE OF HIM FAILING TO RUN UP A SAND HILL SO HE...

Glen or Glenda [movie]

Glen or Glenda [movie] I HAD SORT OF WATCHED THIS BEFORE BUT NOT REALLY. THIS IS WEIRD TO WATCH IN 2019. TO MODERN EYES IT'S A REALLY SYMPATHETIC AND GENERALLY NOT WRONG SET OF IDEAS FOR SOMETHING MADE IN THE EARLY 1950S, PEOPLE LAUGHING AT THE BASE CONCEPT OF IT FOR YEARS ARE THE WRONG ONES. BUT AT THE SAME TIMES IT HAS A BUNCH OF ABSOLUTELY BONKERS ELEMENTS. LIKE THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE GETTING CUT OFF INTO A SHOT OF BUFFALO AND BELA LUGOSI YELLING "PULL THE STRING!". EVEN WITH THE WEIRD NIGHTMARE PART IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD THIS MOVIE IS ON SO MANY 'WORST MOVIE EVER' TYPE LISTS.  PS. ONE DAY IT WASN'T HALLOWEEN ANYMORE.

The Great Land of Small [movie]

The Great Land of Small [movie] FOR MOST OF THIS MOVIE IT'S MERELY OKAY. IT'S SIMILAR TO PRETTY MUCH EVERY BAD KID'S FANTASY MOVIE. HOWEVER, THE SECOND SLIMEO APPEARS THIS WHOLE MOVIE JUST ABSOLUTELY GETS BONKERS. LIKE THE WHOLE OZ LIKE OTHERWORLD JUST WORSHIPS A HORRIFYING STONE ORB GOD AND SACRIFICE(?) PEOPLE TO IT? IT'S SO ABSOLUTELY UNCLEAR WHAT BEING SLIMEOED ACTUALLY DOES. THEY SAY IT MAKES YOU LIVE FOREVER BUT THE GUY IS ABSOLUTELY INSISTENT THAT HE NEEDS TO USE HIS LAST MAGIC TO SAVE THE KIDS FROM HAVING IT HAPPEN TO THEM AND IT SEEMS TO INVOLVE YOU BEING THROWN IN A HOLE THEN SLIMEO RISING UP AND BARFING A BUNCH OF DUST ON EVERYONE THAT BECOME SOME SORT OF WHITE CLOUD THEN THAT SOMEHOW PASSING SOME SORT OF JUDGEMENT WHERE YOU EITHER BECOME A SEEMINGLY MINDLESS BUTTERFLY OR ELSE THAT YOU HAVE TO EXIST INSIDE SLIMEO UNTIL HE PURIFIES YOU? AND THE CRIME THEY SHOW AS WORTH BEING SLIMEOED OUT OF EXISTENCE IS LIKE, LITERALLY DISAGREEING? LIKE LITERALLY LITERALLY, T...

Hugo the Hippo [movie]

Hugo the Hippo [movie] PEOPLE SAY THIS ABOUT A LOT OF MOVIES BUT THIS MOVIE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY MADE OUT OF DRUGS. THIS IS A WIERD 'LOST' CARTOON WITH A TON OF STARS LIKE BURL IVES AND THE OSMONDS AND PAUL LYNDE AS THE VILLIAN BUT THIS MOVIE WAS BASICALLY NEVER SHOWN ANYWHERE OR RELEASED ON ANY HOME MEDIA FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE IT'S AWFUL. IT IS ALMOST NEAR PERFECT INCOMPREHENSIBLE NONSENSE. PS. AT ONE POINT I WAS GOING TO SAY THIS MOVIE IS SURPRISINGLY NOT RACIST FOR A MOVIE FROM THE 70S SET IN MUSLIM MAJORITY AFRICA BUT WELP, EVENTUALLY THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS SHOWED UP AS LITERAL APES.

Black Moon [movie]

Black Moon [movie] THIS IS THE SECOND WEIRD ASS OLD MOVIE I'VE WATCHED ABOUT THERE BEING A CIVIL WAR BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN AND A GIRL RUNNING AWAY. THIS TIME TO A VAGUELY ALICE IN WONDERLAND HOUSE WHERE EVERYONE HAS THE SAME NAME AND SOMEONE SWORD FIGHTS AN EAGLE AND A BUNCH OF FLOWERS THAT SCREAM IN PAIN IN ONE SCENE FOR NO REASON AND A PIG IN A HIGH CHAIR AND A SUPER OLD LADY TALKS TO A RAT THAT IS CLEARLY A WALLABY WEARING A RAT COSTUME AND ALSO THE ABSOLUTE MOST CRAPPY UNICORN TO EVER BE ON FILM PS. THIS IS ALSO THE SECOND MOVIE I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO MENTION IS A CRITERION COLLECTION MOVIE AS A SHIELD BECAUSE THIS MOVIE CONTAINS A DEFINITELY NOT 18 YEAR OLD GIRL BREAST FEEDING A DEFINITELY 80 YEAR WOMAN WHO DIED WHILE FILMING THIS.

Head of the Family [movie]

Head of the Family [movie] THIS IS ANOTHER EXTREMELY GOOD MOVIE. IT'S ABOUT A GIANT HEAD WHO RUNS A FAMILY. IT'S A VERY STUPID MOVIE. I REALLY LIKE HOW ACTUALLY SMART THE GUY'S PLAN IS, LIKE A FLAW IN MOST MOVIES ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY SMART IS THE WRITERS AREN'T GENIUSES BUT SOMEHOW IN THIS MOVIE THE WRITERS ACTUALLY CAME UP WITH A WAY SMARTER PLAN THAN I'D HAVE THOUGHT OF, BUT THEN ALSO MADE THE REGULAR GUY THINK OF IT INSTEAD OF THE SUPER GENIUS BRAIN MAN.  PS. I LIKE HOW A HUMAN SPLIT PRISM LIKE INTO IT'S 4 PARTS ARE A BRAIN, THE SENSES, PHYSICAL STRENGTH, THEN JUST A LADY WITH BIG BOOBIES. LIKE DESPITE THIS BEING A COMEDY THAT ISN'T EVEN PLAYED AS AN OVERT JOKE, IT JUST PLAYS IT AS THAT BEING A TOTALLY LOGICAL SPLIT OF A HUMAN.

Help, Help, the Globolinks! [movie, amazing]

Help, Help, the Globolinks! [movie, amazing] THIS IS A GERMAN LANGUAGE CHILDREN'S OPERA ABOUT 'REAL' MUSIC FIGHTING BACK AGAINST BEEP BOOP ELECTRONICA MUSIC AND JESUS CHRIST I CAN NOT EVEN DESCRIBE HOW AWFUL GLOBOLINKS ARE. I THINK THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A SILLY CARTOONY THREAT BUT THEY MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL, THEY ARE THE WORST! AND BECAUSE OF THAT I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. PS. I THINK I AM HAVING SUCH A STRONG POSITIVE REACTION TO THIS BECAUSE IT EVOKES THE SORT OF HORROR THAT I FELT AT A VERY YOUNG AGE WATCHING MR RODGERS OPERAS WHERE THEY JUST REFUSE TO FULLY MAKE SENSE AND HAVE A WEIRD MENACE LAYERED OVER WHAT IS OTHERWISE A REALLY SILLY AND FUN PREMISE.

In the Realm of the Senses [movie]

In the Realm of the Senses [movie] THIS MOVIE IS FAMOUS FOR COMING OUT IN THE 70S AND BEING SUPER ULTRA BANNED IN A BUNCH OF COUNTRIES FOR DECADES AND BEING BANNED TO THIS DAY FROM BEING SHOWN IN JAPAN (BUT ALSO NOW BEING IN THE CRITERION COLLECTION AND ON YOUTUBE JUST LIKE MOST OF THESE ONCE ULTRA CONTROVERSIAL FILMS) AND THIS BASICALLY DOES THE SALO THING OF IF YOU SHOW UNSIMULATED SEX IN A MOVIE IT'S PORN BUT IF YOU SHOW REALLY WEIRD SEX IT'S A FILM AGAIN. SO THIS HAS A BUNCH OF ACTUAL SHOTS OF ACTUAL SEX BUT THEN ALSO HAS ACTUAL SHOTS OF SOMEONE PUTTING A BOILED EGG IN A LADY'S VAGINA THEN EATING IT AND ALSO EVERYONE SAYING THEY SMELL REAL BAD CONSTANTLY. PS. THIS IS BASED ON A REAL STORY OF A GEISHA PROSTITUTE WHO MURDERED HER LOVER AND STOLE HIS PENIS TO HAVE SEX WITH SO BEING A WEIRD BANNED IN 60 COUNTRIES SEX MOVIE MAKES SENSE.

Sol Seraph [game]

Sol Seraph [game] MAN, THIS GAME IS REALLY NOT GOOD AT ALL. IT FEELS LIKE AN UPRES OF A BAD PS1 GAME. IT JUST ISN'T GOOD. IT'S WAY TOO HARD AT FIRST THEN A FEW LEVELS IN YOUR HEALTH IS UPGRADED TO THE POINT YOU CAN JUST RUN THROUGH EVERY LEVEL AND TAKE EVERY HIT AND IT DOESN'T MATTER. AND THE TOWER DEFENSE IS A VALID DIRECTION BUT WITHOUT THE INTERPLAY BETWEEN AREAS IT'S REALLY FLAT AND EXTREMELY EASY. ON THE OTHER HAND, REMEMBER ACTRAISER???? THAT WEIRD SNES GAME THAT YOU RENTED ONCE BECAUSE NO ONE ON EARTH BOUGHT THAT GAME. THIS IS A SPIRITUAL SEQUEL TO THAT TO THE POINT THEY GOT THE COMPOSER OF THAT GAME TO WORK ON THIS. THAT ALONE MADE THIS WORTH PLAYING BEING SUCH A WEIRD LINEAGE. EVEN IF THEY KINDA DIDN'T DO A GREAT JOB. PS. TO BE FAIR, I REALLY DID LIKE SOME OF THE WRITING IN THIS?  NONE OF THE STORIES WERE MUCH BUT THEY WERE LIKE, MOSTLY ACTUALLY GOOD LITTLE SHORT STORIES ON DIFFERENT IDEAS. LIKE EVERYONE STARVING IN THE COLD AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY ...

Invisible Maniac [movie]

Invisible Maniac [movie] YEAH! YEAH! THIS MOVIE IS GREAT! IT'S BORING IN THE WAY ALL TRASHY MOVIES ARE BUT THIS HAS LIKE, EXTRA HIGH LEVELS OF EXTREME DUMB THAT ARE JUST REALLY PERFECT. ON THE OTHER HAND EVERY REVIEW OF IT SEEMS TO CLAIM IT'S SO BAD THE STAR FLAT OUT DIED BECAUSE IT WAS SO BAD AND THAT IS NOT A REAL THING AND WOULD BE SAD IF IT WAS TRUE, BUT ALSO IT'S EXTREMELY FUNNY TO THINK THIS MOVIE WAS SO BAD THE STAR DIED BECAUSE LIKE, THIS MOVIE IS SO BAD THE STAR WOULD DIE FROM HOW BAD IT IS. PS. THE SUBMARINE SANDWICH SCENE LIVED UP TO THE HYPE 100% AND IT IS TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE WHAT THAT SPECIAL EFFECT EVEN REPRESENTED. HIM CHOKING SO BAD HIS NECK BLEW UP LIKE A BULLFROG?

The New York Trilogy [book]

The New York Trilogy [book] I GET THE CONCEPT OF THIS IS THE STORIES ARE THEMATICALLY LINKED, BUT ARE YOU OKAY PAUL ASTUR? I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A CAREFULLY CRAFTED SET OF STORIES TO BE A CALL FOR HELP THAT YOU PERSONALLY FAKED BEING A DIFFERENT PERSON, BECAME A DETECTIVE, FOUND BEING A DETECTIVE VERY BORING, WROTE IN A NOTEBOOK AND THEN BECAME CRAZY AND NEED OUR HELP. PS.I REALLY REALLY LIKE CITY OF GLASS, I LIKE GHOSTS AND FEEL LIKE I AM FLAT OUT TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENS IN LOCKED ROOM.

The Girl Who Returned [movie]

The Girl Who Returned [movie] THE PROBLEM WITH WATCHING AWFUL OLD MOVIES ON YOUTUBE IS THEY ALL SUCK. THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT A WORLD WHERE THE ONLY COUNTRIES ARE LUXEMBOURG AND MONGOLIA AND ONLY WOMEN LIVE IN LUXEMBOURG AND ONLY MEN LIVE IN MONGOLIA AND THEY HAVE OLYMPICS EVERY 4 YEARS AND ABOUT A GIRL WHO HATES THE TRAINING AND RUNS AWAY TO TRY TO START A NEW GOLDEN AGE WHERE THE TWO LIVE TOGETHER. BUT THE MOVIE IS FILMED ON A SOUNDLESS CAMERA IN 1969 WITH NO DIALOG EXCEPT NARRATION AND WEIRD ANIMAL SOUNDS GIBBERISH WHEN PEOPLE TALK AND THE STORY KINDA JUST GOES OFF THE RAILS AND DOESN'T RESOLVE OR PROGRESS AFTER A CERTAIN POINT. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND I MILDLY LIKE HOW INNOCENT THIS MOVIE IS, LIKE A WOMAN WALKS OUT OF THE WOODS EXPECTING TO BE A SAVIOR AND WALKS RIGHT UP TO A GROUP OF TOUGH BOYS AND THEY IMMEDIATELY CIRCLE AROUND HER AND I GOT A REAL 'GOD, I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING" FEELING BUT THEY KINDA JUST.... MOCK THAT HER OLYMPIC RUNNING STYLE? THEN PU...

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell [movie]

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell [movie] THIS MOVIE IS ONLY 81 MINUTES LONG AND STILL HAS SO MUCH PADDING. IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE IT'S FILLED UP WITH CHEESECAKE GIRLS IN BIKINIS SHOT OR ANYTHING. JUST LONG SHOTS OF PEOPLE WALKING AROUND AND ROCKS AND THINGS. ON THE OTHER HAND THE STOP MOTION IS LIKE, SUPER GOOD? OR LIKE, NOT GOOD EVEN A LITTLE BIT BUT SOMEONE REALLY PUT THEIR HEART INTO MAKING IT? PS. I SEARCHED CAPITAL REVIEWS AND I SAY I WATCHED THIS IN 2010 AND I FEEL LIKE I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT.

Hugga Bunch [movie]

Hugga Bunch [movie] THE ABSOLUTE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE IS THE GIRL SEEMING TO REACT IN ACTUAL REAL TERROR WHEN THE HUGGABUNCH THING APPEARS. SHE SEEMS *SO SCARED*. ALSO THIS SORT OF HAS A SIMILAR STORY TO KINGS QUEST IV AND I HAD TO LOOK UP WHICH CAME FIRST. THIS DID, BY LIKE 4 YEARS. ALSO I DON'T THINK IT'S ACTUALLY THAT SIMILAR AND "GO THROUGH A MIRROR TO GET HEALING BERRIES" MIGHT BE FROM SOMETHING ELSE ANYWAY. PS. I LIKE HOW CLEARLY GRANDMA FOCUSED THIS MOVIE IS. LIKE THEY KNOW NO ONE BUT GRANDMAS ARE BUYING THESE AWFUL TOYS.

The Faces of Death [movie]

The Faces of Death [movie] I DON'T KNOW, I THINK I EITHER WATCHED THIS BEFORE OR JUST A 'BEST OF' IN LIKE 2002. FOR ALL IT'S HYPE THIS MOVIE SUCKS. THE FAKE PARTS ARE SO EXTREMELY FAKE IT'S REALLY HILARIOUS AND IF IT WAS JUST THAT I'D BE 100% ON BOARD ON THIS, BUT THEY MIX IN LIKE, REAL FOOTAGE OF SLAUGHTER HOUSES AND NEWS PHOTOS OF DEAD BODIES SO IT'S JUST NOT AS FUNNY TO WATCH THEIR EXTREMELY EXTREMELY LOW BUDGET SPECIAL EFFECTS. PS. THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY NEWS BUT EVERY SINGLE PRE 1985 OR SO TRASH GARBAGE MOVIE IS JUST ON YOUTUBE AT THIS POINT AND I AM USING MY SUMMER VACATION TO UTILIZE THIS AWFUL FACT. WHICH IS NOT A GOOD USE OF MY TIME BUT W/E

Chatterbox [movie]

Chatterbox [movie] IT'S A 1970S MOVIE ABOUT A WOMAN WITH A VAGINA THAT CAN TALK/SING. PS. IT'S EXACTLY AS BAD AS THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT'D BE.

Trials of Mana [game]

Trials of Mana [game] THIS GAME IS SO ODD. IT'S THIS LONG LOST SNES GAME THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE TECHNICAL SHOWCASE OF WHAT THE SNES CAN DO WHILE ALSO BEING SORT OF JUST OKAY AS A GAME. LIKE IT WAS *THE* BIG FAN TRANSLATION GAME BECAUSE IT NEVER CAME OUT IN THE US AND IT'S PUSHING THE SNES RIGHT TO THE LIMITS TECHNICALLY BUT LIKE, IT'S KINDA LIKE, A PAPER THIN STORY AND A CLASS MECHANIC THAT IS GREAT BUT DOESN'T OPEN LIKE 2/3RDS OF THE CLASSES UNTIL THE LAST AREA AND ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE REALLY STUPID NAMES AND A BUNCH OF VISUALLY IMPRESSIVE SPELLS THAT TAKE FOR-EVER TO WATCH CAST. BUT IT'S STILL A NEAT GAME AND IT STILL BLOWS MY MIND THAT AFTER THIS LONG SQUARE JUST SORT OF RELEASED IT UNANNOUNCED WITH NO FANFARE. PS. I PLAYED THIS SEVERAL TIMES EMULATED, FIRST UNTRANSLATED AND THEN TWICE WITH THE FAN PATCH. I WAS 15 AT THE TIME. I NEVER CREATED A PARTY THAT DID NOT HAVE LIGHT SIDE ANGELLA IN IT. THE REASON: HER SPECIAL ATTACK IS HER PULLING UP HER SKIRT AND SHO...

Midsommar [movie]

Midsommar [movie] THIS MOVIE IS EXTREMELY GOOD. IT DOES SUCH A GOOD JOB AT BEING ATMOSPHERIC. LIKE IT'S NOT LIKE THERE IS EVER A POINT A SANE PERSON WOULD EVER SEE THEM GOING TO A CULT AND ANYONE EVER GOING "I WONDER IF THIS WILL GO WELL" SO IT'S NOT A MOVIE YOU NEED TO WONDER IF THINGS WILL GO WELL, BUT IT DOES A GOOD JOB PLAYING OUT THE STORY YOU CAN ASSUME IS GOING TO HAPPEN FROM MINUTE ONE. PS. MY FAVORITE PART BY FAR IS THE WEIRD UNDIRECTED SEEMING WAY ALL THE EXTRAS BEHAVE. LIKE IT HITS A PERFECT UNSETTLING POINT OF BEING TOTALLY UNCLEAR IF THE DIRECTOR MICROMANAGED EVERY WEIRD INTERACTION IN THE BACKGROUND IN SOME SUPER SPECIFIC WAY OR IF EVERYONE WAS JUST HANDED A RANDOM PROP TEN SECONDS BEFORE FILMING AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING. IT'S REALLY THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE EVERY SCENE HAS PEOPLE WANDERING AROUND AND IT'S ALWAYS JUST TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE WHAT ANYONE IS TRYING TO DO AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT FOR WHAT THIS MOVIE I...

Spider-Man: Far From Home [movie]

Spider-Man: Far From Home [movie] I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T DISLIKE THIS MOVIE AT ALL. IT'S PRETTY GOOD. BUT YOU KNOW THAT THING WHERE ONCE AN AUTHOR HAS BEEN AROUND A WHILE AND ARE RUNNING OUT OF STEAM THEY INEVITABLY WRITE A BOOK OR TWO ABOUT BEING A DISSATISFIED WRITER WITH WRITER'S BLOCK AS A RELATABLE CHARACTER? THIS FEELS LIKE THAT AN AWFUL LOT, LIKE THIS IS THE FOUR BILLIONTH MOVIE AND SOMEONE JUST SAID 'EH, UGG, WE GOTTA MAKE ANOTHER ONE? JUST MAKE SPIDERMAN FIGHT THE MOTION CAPTURE RIG" PS. ALSO SPIDERMAN CALLS HIS DICK THE WEB SHOOTER.

April and the Extraordinary World [movie]

April and the Extraordinary World [movie] THIS MOVIE IS REALLY COOL. THE ART STYLE IS GREAT AND THEY DO A GOOD JOB JUSTIFYING A STEAMPUNK WORLD, THE ORIGINAL PLAN IS ONE OF THE MOST ORIGINAL PLANS FOR WHAT TO DO WITH IMMORTALITY SERUM. I THINK I ONLY LIKE IT A MEDIUM AMOUNT THOUGH? I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON WHY BUT IT MIGHT BE THAT IT HAS TOO MANY RECOGNIZABLE FUTURAMA VOICES AND VAGUELY SEEMED LIKE A THING THAT WOULD HAPPEN ON FUTURAMA? PS. -3 POINTS (BUT THEY ALL COME BACK)