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Showing posts from November, 2019

I Lost My Body [movie]

I Lost My Body [movie] THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS IS HOW THE HAND THING TURNS OUT TO BE LARGELY THE B PLOT TO A REALLY DOWN TO EARTH AND 'SMALL' STORY AND HOW YOU THINK THAT SORT OF BAIT AND SWITCH WOULD BE REALLY ANNOYING BUT NOPE, THE LITTLE SLICE OF LIFE STUFF IS GOOD TOO. PS. SOMETHING ABOUT THE HAND THING SEEMED VERY ADVENTURE GAME. LIKE IT FEELS LIKE IT ENCOUNTERED SPECIFIC OBSTACLES ONE AT A TIME, THEN USED AN ITEM AND GOT TO THE NEXT 'SCREEN' IN A REALLY ADVENTURE GAME TYPE OF WAY.

Fun Home [comic, nonfiction, book]

Fun Home [comic, nonfiction, book] I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I BECOME TREMENDOUSLY INVESTED IN ANY SORT OF GRAPHIC NOVEL MEMOIR OF CHILDHOOD/YOUNG ADULT HOOD. CLUMSY/EVERY GIRL IS THE END OF THE WORLD/AEIOU/ETC, EVEN STUFF LIKE SMILE THAT WAS A LITTLE KID'S BOOK AND NOT ABOUT MUCH WAS SOMETHING I CONNECTED WITH SUPER STRONGLY, HECK, EVEN THE CHAPTER OF 'THE MAXX' WITH THE FICTIONAL STORY OF JULIA AND THE RABBIT IS SOMETHING I THINK ABOUT FREQUENTLY.  I WOULD NEVER READ A MEMOIR ABOUT SOME RANDOM CHILDHOOD/HIGHSCHOOL/COLLEGE EXPERIENCE OF SOME RANDOM PERSON BUT MAKE IT A POORLY DRAWN GRAPHIC NOVEL WRITTEN IN PAST TENSE AND I'LL READ IT LIKE IT'S A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE. PS. A GEEZ, THE CIRCLE ON THE MAP ON THE DAD'S LIFE HITS WAY TOO CLOSE TO HOME (LOL, PUN).

Dinner With Friends [audiobook, play]

Dinner With Friends [audiobook, play] THIS PLAY IS WEIRD BECAUSE TOM SEEMS PURELY LIKE A JERK? AND I GUESS IT'S A TWIST THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS CHEATED ON A DECADE AGO BUT LIKE... HE STILL JUST SEEMS LIKE AN ASSHOLE. HE SEEMS BOTH AWFUL AND CRAZY. PS. ANYTIME I DO ANYTHING IN PORTLAND AND DRIVE BACK LATE I GET VERY EXCITED TO LISTEN TO LA THEATERWORKS PLAYS, I DON'T THINK THEY ARE VERY GOOD AND I RARELY ACTUALLY LIKE THEM, BUT IT'S A NOSTALGIC THING.

Mary Jane [play]

Mary Jane [play] THIS IS BASICALLY ERASER HEAD FOR GIRLS. BY WHICH I MEAN ERASER HEAD FOR BOYS (FATHERHOOD) IS A WEIRD DREAMY ABSTRACT THING ABOUT ABSTRACT ALIENATION THROUGH A FANTASTICAL LENS. THIS VERSION (MOTHERHOOD) IS JUST "YEAH, IT'S AN ACTUAL SICK BABY, IT'S NOT FANCY OR WEIRD, IT'S JUST SAD". I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT REALLY THE AUDIENCE FOR THIS IN GENERAL. MY THOUGHT THIS WHOLE PLAY WAS JUST "I'M GLAD I DON'T HAVE KIDS, I'D HATE MY MESSED UP KID" AND FEELING VERY STRESSED OUT. ALSO WHY IS HER NAME "MARY JANE" ANYWAY? PS. ALSO THE WAY THEY REVELED THE KID WAS JUST REGULAR SICK OVER THE FIRST 15 MINUTES BY BEING WEIRDLY VAGUE AT FIRST MADE ME ABSOLUTELY ASSUME THE KID WAS GOING TO WALK OUT A THIRD OF THE WAY THROUGH THE PLAY AND BE LIKE 35 AND ALL HIS BABY TOYS BEING TRAGIC OR SOMETHING. MY FRIEND ASSUMED HE WAS GOING TO BE A "WORM BABY".

The Man Without Gravity [movie]

The Man Without Gravity [movie] I DON'T KNOW THAT THIS MOVIE WAS ACTUALLY GOOD, BUT WITH THE WEIRD BAD DUB TRANSLATION AND WEIRD ACTING AND WEIRD BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS AND WEIRD SOUND TRACK I AM SO INTO THIS MOVIE. IT'S HARD TO TELL WHAT THIS MOVIE WAS EVEN GOING FOR, IT FEELS LIKE A METAPHOR, BUT FOR WHAT? WHO KNOWS. PS. THIS MOVIE HEAVILY FEATURES BATMAN THE ANIMATED SERIES AS A MAJOR PLOT AND REPEATEDLY INSISTS BATMAN CAN FLY AND IT'S UNBEARABLE.

Doctor Sleep [movie]

Doctor Sleep [movie] OOF, I WAS REALLY LIKING THIS MOVIE, IT WAS A LEGITIMATELY GOOD MOVIE, IT HAD A MAGIC CAT AND WAS DOING AN INTERESTING THINGS. BUT DAMN THE LAST THIRD OF THIS MOVIE FELT LIKE SOMEONE HELD A CONTEST TO SEE WHO COULD WRITE THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE THEN HAVING EACH THING HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE IN ORDER OF LEAST STUPID TO MOST STUPID. PS. THEY RECAST THE SHINING PEOPLE INSTEAD OF DOING DIGITAL CGI OR ANYTHING. AND IT MADE CERTAIN SCENES TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE BECAUSE THERE IS A SCENE HE'S TALKING TO A GUY THAT LOOKS SORT OF KINDA LIKE JACK NICHOLSON BUT IS A DIFFERENT ACTOR, AND THEY ARE TALKING LIKE IT'S JACK BUT LIKE, HE'S SAYING IT'S NOT HIM. AND IT MADE IT THE MOST MUDDLED SCENE IMAGINABLE.

The Social Times [book, nonfiction]

The Social Times [book, nonfiction] LOL, THE TEACHER'S ROOM HAS A 'DOES ANYONE WANT THIS' PILE FOR BOOKS GETTING THROWN AWAY, AND LIKE THIS IS A TEXT BOOK FOR SOCIAL SKILLS FOR SIX GRADERS AND ON MONDAY WHEN I WAS FEELING REALLY SHITTY FOR BREAKING UP WITH A GIRL THIS WAS HERE, AND I DID SOME 'HURR, I PROBABLY NEED THIS, I'M SO DUMB" BUT HONESTLY NOT, I'M TERRIBLE WITH SOCIAL STUFF, BUT NOT LIKE, DISABLED CHILD LEVEL OR ANYTHING,  I STILL READ IT THOUGH. PS. IT'S LIKE, WRITTEN FOR EVERYONE, BUT PRETTY CLEARLY TARGETING LIKE, VAUGELY AUTISTIC KIDS AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT THERE IS A BUNCH OF ZERO CONTEXT FACTS AROUND THE MARGINS THAT ARE JUST LIKE, 100% JUST FUN FACTS FOR THE AUTISTIC KIDS, LIKE PAGES WILL JUST HAVE RANDOM TRAIN FACTS. "YOUR SKIN WEIGHS TWICE AS MUCH AS YOUR BRAIN"

Rattlesnake [movie]

Rattlesnake [movie] HONESTLY THIS IS LIKE 75% OF THE WAY TO BEING JUST AN ACTUAL GOOD MOVIE, BUT IT'S NOT QUITE THERE SO IT'S MOSTLY A BAD MOVIE THAT IS KINDA GOOD. LIKE THEY SET THE MOVIE UP SO FAST AND PRETTY WELL THEN IT JUST INCREASLY LOSES MOMENTUM. PS. THE DEAD PEOPLE TALKING STUFF WAS A COOL GIMMICK. I REALLY WANT THIS MOVIE TO BE BETTER THAN IT IS!

Countdown [movie]

Countdown [movie] APP BASED HORROR MOVIES! THIS MOVIE WAS OKAY. THE SIDE CHARACTERS REALLY MADE IT, AND THE TWIST AT THE END MADE ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE BUT I LIKE THAT THERE WAS A SCENE AT THE START THAT I LITERALLY SAID "WHY DID THEY HAVE THAT SCENE? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?" AND IT CAME BACK AROUND AT THE END. THE PRIEST WAS THE BEST CHARACTER. PS. THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE WAS THE APP HAVING FOUR AND A HALF STARS. LIKE, NOT ZERO OR FIVE. IT WAS GENERALLY WELL REGARDED BUT SOMETIMES MURDERS YOU.

Assimilate [movie]

Assimilate [movie] THIS MOVIE IS WEIRD BECAUSE AT POINTS IT BECOMES ALMOST GOOD. BUT THEN EVERYTHING JUST GOES ON AND ON FOR REALLY LONG AND IT RUINS THE TENSION OF THE ACTUALLY GOOD SCENES. PS. WEIRD LITTLE CGI BUGS ON THE APPLE

Terminator: Dark Fate [movie]

Terminator: Dark Fate [movie] THIS WAS SO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS SEQUELS, BUT LIKE, IT'S FINE. IT FEELS LIKE IT HAD A LOT OF GOOD ELEMENTS THEN JUST SORT OF DOESN'T REALLY DO MUCH ABOUT IT. LIKE THE DOUBLE TERMINATOR IS A SUPER COOL IDEA BUT IT BARELY MATTERS. IT FEELS LIKE THEY CAME UP WITH MORE IDEAS THAT BRANCH OFF BUT THEN JUST SHOVE THEM BACK INTO THE EXACT FORMULA THEY FEEL FORCED INTO. PS. I LEGITIMATELY LOVE THAT PAST MOVIES TRIED GIRL TERMINATOR AND ALL JUST TRIED TO MAKE THEM SEXY FEM FATALES OR SOMETHING, BUT THIS ONE JUST DID LIKE, GIANT LESBIAN SMASHING TERMINATORS WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER. LIKE I'M NOT JOKING, THAT WAS GREAT!

Here Comes the Boom [movie]

Here Comes the Boom [movie] THE BEST WAY TO WATCH THIS MOVIE IS THE WAY I DID WHERE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS ABOUT SO THE ABSURD PREMISE CAME EXTREMELY OUT OF LEFT FIELD LIKE THAT SUBWAY AD. PS. HE FLEW LIKE 60 PEOPLE OUT TO SEE HIS MATCH, THAT COST AT LEAST 10,000 DOLLARS.

Aladdin [movie]

Aladdin [movie] THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE IS LIKE YOU KNOW HOW BEAUTY AND THE BEAST WENT WAY TOO FAR WITH EXPLAINING ALL THE PLOT HOLES? THIS DID THAT TOO BUT LITERALLY ONLY FOR EXPLAINING ABU'S NAME. PS. ALSO MAKING THE PROSTITUTES EXPLICITLY AT A SCHOOL LEARNING MATH.

What we do in the Shadows [movie]

What we do in the Shadows [movie] I THINK THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD BUT EVERYONE HYPED IT UP SO MUCH FOR SO LONG I DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH IT THEN COULDN'T LIKE IT WHEN I DID BECAUSE I'M CONTRARY ABOUT EVERYTHING! PS. THE WEREWOLVES WERE VERY FUNNY

Isn't it Romantic [movie]

Isn't it Romantic [movie] HELLO, I WATCH LOTS OF MOVIES SO THE MOVIES I HAVE LEFT TO WATCH ON PLANES IS VERY BAD MOVIES THAT AREN'T BUS MOVIES. PS. THANK YOU I WAS LOOKING FOR THESE.

X-Men: Dark Phoenix [movie]

X-Men: Dark Phoenix [movie] THIS MOVIE ISN'T ANY GOOD AT ALL BUT I DON'T REALLY THING IT WAS ANY WORSE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER TERRIBLE MODERN X-MEN MOVIES SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY PEOPLE MADE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT. IT SEEMED EXACTLY AS BAD AS X-MEN ARMAGEDDON. ALTHOUGH ON THE OTHER HAND BEAST'S DUBBED IN LION SOUND EFFECTS WERE HOLY CRAP THE WORST SOUND EDITING OF ANY MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN. IT FEELS LIKE A THING AN INTERNET REVIEW WOULD EDIT IT TO MOCK IT. PS.   I DON'T THINK THIS MOVIE HAS *GOOD* NIGHTCRAWLER SCENES BUT IT SURE HAS SOME NIGHTCRAWLER SCENES. I FEEL LIKE IF IT WAS 1999 I'D BE HAVING A THIRTEEN HOUR CONVERSATION ABOUT NIGHTCRAWLER'S CRAPPY SPACE SUIT AND ALSO THE FACT THAT NIGHTCRAWLER BERSERK IS HITTING THINGS WITH HIS TAIL. IT WAS DUMB AS HELL AND I ACCEPT IT 100%