Capital Reviews

 Breakout 13 [game] WHY IS THIS GAME SO GOOD!??!? WHY IS THIS GAME EVEN GOOD AT ALL!???? IT'S A CHINESE LANGUAGE FMV ADVENTURE GAME THAT SEEMS LIKE IT COULD RUN ON A LASERDISK PLAYER. LIKE ABOUT A KID WHO IS SENT TO A SCHOOL TO TREAT HIS 'VIDEOGAME ADDICTION' THAT IS SKETCHY AND CONVERSION THERAPY-ESQ,  THE WRITING GETS A LITTLE WEAK AT THE END, BUT IT'S NOT EVEN SO BAD IT'S GOOD OR SO CRAZY IT'S FUNNY OR SOMETHING, IT'S JUST SUPER ENGAGING. I THINK IT'S HARD TO THINK OF GAMES THAT MAKE THE CHOICES LIKE THIS GAME DID. SO MUCH OF THE GAME IT'S NOT LIKE, TWO HARD NO WIN CHOICES AND YOU HAVE TO DECIDE BETWEEN THEM, GREY AREA STYLE. IT'S A GAME WHERE YOU GET GOOD CHOICES AND BAD CHOICES AND SO MUCH OF THE TIME YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE BAD CHOICES AND THATS IT. YOU JUST LOSE IF YOU MAKE THE GOOD CHOICE. IT'S ALL LIKE, INVESTIGATING YOUR FRIENDS AND HAVEING TO FIND ENOUGH WRONG WITH THEM YOU CAN SEND THEM TO TORTURE BUT ON SOMETHING NOT QUITE AS BAD AS

 Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths Part One [movie] THIS IS A BUNCH OF REALLY GOOD IDEAS FOR STORIES THAT ARE DONE JUST KINDA OKAY.  PS. I KNOW IT'S PART ONE AND PART TWO WILL BE DEALING WITH IT BUT I LIKE EVERYTHING JUST SUCKS AT THE END. I HOPE IT JUST ENDS LIKE THAT AND THEY NEVER MAKE ANOTHER. 

 Dave the Diver [game] THIS IS A VERY WELL MADE GAME. I DO LIKE IT. JUST SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MADE IT THE MOST STRESSFUL GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED. IT'S A PRETTY CHILL RELAXING GAME AND I FEEL LIKE THIS ASSESSMENT IS UNIQUE TO ME BUT I FELT SO STRESSED OUT BY EVERY ASPECT. LIKE STARDEW HAS A MILLION SYSTEMS YOU HAVE TO JUGGLE BUT IT NEVER GOT TO ME BUT IN THIS I ALWAYS FELT TERRIBLE IF I WASN'T MANAGING MY FARM OR SUSHI RIGHT OR IF I WASN'T USING THE MIRROR TO RECOVER BY GOING TO THE SEA VILLAGE OVER AND OVER. I HATE THAT THIS IS A NEGETIVE REVIEW BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I JUST AM STRESSED OUT AND PROJECTED IT ONTO THE GAME I WAS PLAYING RIGHT NOW. ALSO THERE BEING TIGERS OR SHARKS OR WHATEVER PREDATORS AS ENEMIES IN VIDEOGAMES IS NOT A THING AT ALL THAT BOTHERS ME BUT I FEEL LIKE I WAS APOLOGIZING TO THE SCREEN WHEN I HAD MY HARPOON NOT UPGRADED ENOUGH AND I HAD TO JUST KEEP SHOOTING SOMETHING OVER AND OVER AND OVER TOO MANY TIMES. LIKE IT FELT AWFUL! PS. THE ANIMATIONS ARE *S

 Resident Evil: Death Island [movie] I LIKE THE FULL CIRCLE OVER 30 YEARS OF THE TRANSLATION OF RESIDENT EVIL BEING ALL FUCKED UP AND WEIRD BECAUSE THEY HAD ONE JAPANESE GUY WHO DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH DO IT TO THE TRANSLATION BEING ALL FUCKED UP AND WEIRD BECAUSE THEY USED SOME WEIRD TRANSLATION AI TO WRITE IT.  PS. DID GOOD AND EVIL EXIST IN DINOSAUR TIMES

 Poor Things [movie] YEAH, THIS MOVIE IS GREAT. I LOVE THAT THE LOBSTER GUY CAN'T MAKE A MOVIE WHERE ANYONE TALKS RIGHT, CAN HE TALK RIGHT? I LOVE HOW MUCH AND SO ACCURATELY THIS IS "WHAT IF FRANKENSTEIN WAS A WOMAN" BUT MARY SHELLY ORIGINAL FRANKENSTEIN, NOT MOVIE FRANKENSTEIN.  PS. OKAY, SO WHY ARE CERTAIN SCENES EXACT RECREATIONS OF BIOSHOCK INFINITE SCENES? I MEAN, MY THEORY IS BIOSHOCK INFINITE WAS ALSO RECREATING EXACTLY SCENES FROM SOMETHING ELSE, BUT I DON'T KNOW *WHAT*

 Radio Iris [book, audiobook] AH. I LOVE THIS BOOK. STARTING 2024 RIGHT OFF MESSING WITH THE CATAGORIES, AS I AM COUNTING THIS AS MY BOOK WITH 2 OR MORE GENRES BUT THIS BOOK IS VERY CLEARLY IN ZERO KNOWN HUMAN CATEGORIES. IT'S LIKE A MURAKAMI BOOK IF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED UNTIL THE LAST FIVE PAGES.  PS. ACTUALLY I LOVE THE IDEA OF SUPER DULL GUY READING THIS WHOLE BOOK UNABLE TO REALIZE IT'S ANYTHING BUT THE MOST STRAIGHTFORWARD NOTHING BOOK IMAGINABLE. ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT I ALSO ONLY HAVE THE BAREST IDEA WHAT THIS BOOK WAS EVEN ABOUT. 

 Tear Along the Dotted Line [television] I WATCHED THESE IN REVERSE ORDER, BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER MUCH. YEAH, THIS ONE IS GOOD TOO.  PS. EVANGELION JOKE IN THE FIRST 10 SECONDS

 Pokemon Concierge [television]  THIS WAS VERY GOOD AND SWEET AND CUTE? I LIKED THIS A LOT. I FEEL LIKE I AM VERY OPEN TO BEING VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE SORT OF DUMB MESSAGE IT WAS GOING FOR.  PS. ALSO PLEASE NEVER MAKE MORE EPISODES. I AM VERY INTO THERE BEING EXACTLY 4 EPISODES. IF THEY MAKE MORE I WILL NEVER WATCH THEM. 

 South Park (Not Suitable for Children) [television] SOUTH PARK IS BAD AND I HAVE BARELY WATCHED ANY OF IT IN LIKE 15 YEARS, BUT I WATCHED THE NEW SPECIAL? AND I AM SO BAFFLED. I DON'T GET IT. IT'S LIKE THE MOST WEAK SAUCE TAKE DOWN OF 'INFLUENCERS" IMAGINABLE? LOGAN PAUL ESPECIALLY I THINK? BUT IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND I FEEL LIKE I WAS JUST NOT GETTING WHAT POINT IT WAS GOING FOR. LIKE IT FELT LIKE IT HAD TO BE GOING SOMEWHERE.  PS. FOR A SECOND IT FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TO BE "SOUTH PARK IS WATCHED BY MOSTLY KIDS" AND THE OPENING WARNING WAS GOING TO BE META. BUT NOPE. 

 Vampire Survivors [game] I FEEL BAD,  THIS IS A BIG GENRE DEFINING GAME THAT IS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY BUT I KINDA THINK I PLAYED IT TOO LATE. LIKE I GOT IT A WHILE BACK THEN MY SWITCH JOYCONS DIED SO I DIDN'T PLAY MUCH, NOW I GOT NEW JOYCONS AND IT FEELS LIKE THEY PATCHED IT TOO MUCH AND IT'S NOT RIGHT ANYMORE. LIKE PEOPLE HAVE PLAYED FOR YEARS SO NOW EVERYTHING IS PATCHED TO SOME ULTRA DIFFICULT ENDLESS MODE EVERY MODIFYER TURNED ON EXPERIANCE, BUT THAT MADE IT SO ALL THE ORIGINAL EXTREME CHALLENGES ARE SO EASY THEY ARE BORING. LIKE I HIT AN HOUR IN ENDLESS BY JUST HAVING PRETTY GENERIC RANDOM STUFF AND PUTTING THE SWITCH DOWN AND LEAVING. I BEAT DEATH WITH TOTALLY NORMAL EQUIPMENT.  PS. LIKE, STRONGER AND WEAKER CHARACTERS AND WEAPONS IS FINE. IT'S THERE BEING SO MANY AND THE ORDER BEING SO ALL OVER THE PLACE, SO YOU'D UNLOCK A NEW CHALLENGE AND NEW CHARACTER IN ONE RUN THEN USE THE NEW CHARACTER ON THE NEW CHALLENGE AND TRIVAILIZE IT BEFORE REALIZING "AH, THIS IS J

 Questo Mondo [television] SOMETHING ABOUT THIS FEELS LIKE A 1999 MTV CARTOON, IT'S GOOD. I WATCHED THE WHOLE THING THROUGH IN BASICALLY ONE SITTING. IT DEFINITLY FELT VERY EARLY 2000 GRAPHIC NOVEL. (ALL MY PRAISE OF THIS IS IT FEELING LIKE VARIOUS 20 YEAR OLD THINGS) PS. ACTUALLY MY PRAISE IS THE 2 SECOND SHOT OF THE HOLLOW POPE STATUE THAT I KNEW WHERE IT WAS.