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Showing posts from November, 2018

Ator, the Fighting Eagle [movie, mst3k]

Ator, the Fighting Eagle [movie, mst3k] THIS MOVIE IS BONKERS, WHY DOES IT HAVE SO MUCH INCEST? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANYTHING! PS. DID ANYONE ANYWHERE ACTUALLY WATCH THIS SEASON AS A GAUNTLET? THE PREMISE OF THIS SEASON SEEMED SO STRONGLY TIED TO WATCHING ALL 12 HOURS AT ONCE, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUN.

Killer Fish [movie, mst3k]

Killer Fish [movie, mst3k] I DON'T KNOW, I KINDA JUST NEVER LEARNED WHO ANY OF THE CHARACTERS WERE EXCEPT FAT GAY OLIVER AND JUST KINDA NEVER COULD FOLLOW OR CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS. IT WASN'T A TERRIBLE EPISODE BUT MEH? PS. WHAT THE HECK, LEMON DEMON WROTE IDIOT CONTROL?  I JOKE ABOUT NEIL CICIEREGIA BEING THE SOURCE OF EVERYTHING YOU LIKED ON THE INTERNET IN THE EARLY 2000S BUT HOLY CRAP THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.

The Day Time Ended [movie, mst3k]

The Day Time Ended [movie, mst3k] OH MY GOD, THIS WAS GREAT. THIS IS THE MOST INCOMPREHENSIBLE MOVIE. I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TELL YOU LITERALLY ONE THING THAT HAPPENED COHERENTLY AND THAT IS GREAT.  LIKE THERE WAS A POINT WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS FOLLOWING ALONG WITH THE PLOT BUT BY THE END, NO WAY.  PS. ALSO THE MST3K SONG SKIT WAS THE BEST.

Lords of the Deep [movie, mst3k]

Lords of the Deep [movie, mst3k] I THINK THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS THAT IT CAME OUT IN 1989 BUT LIKE 90% OF IT LOOKS LIKE IT CAME OUT IN THE 60S OR SOMETHING. ALSO LIKE A FALLOUT SETTING, LIKE THEY EVEN HAD THOSE LITTLE MEDICAL WHITE BOXES ON THE WALLS AND RANDOM PILES OF GREY METAL BOXES. PS. THIS IS THE EPISODE THEY INTRODUCED ST CLAIRE AND MY OPINION SHE'S A BAD CHARACTER CONTINUES, ALTHOUGH SHE WAS ONLY ON FOR LIKE A MINUTE SO MAYBE I JUST MEAN MY ORIGINAL OPINION STAYED WHAT IT WAS.

Atlantic Rim [movie, mst3k]

Atlantic Rim [movie, mst3k] IS THIS THE FIRST TIME THEY HAVE DONE AN ASYLUM FILM? I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM DOING ASYLUM FILMS. I HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT THIS SEASON'S FILM CHOICES! (BUT I CAN SEE THE REST OF THE SEASON IS NORMAL) PS. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THESE. I WANT TO REVIEW EVERY MOVIE I WATCH AND THAT INCLUDES MST3K SHOWS BUT IF SOMEONE ELSE IS WATCHING THESE I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY JOKES!

Mac & Me [movie, mst3k]

Mac & Me [movie, mst3k] OOF, THIS WAS GOOD, BUT IT'S ROUGH THAT MST3K IS JUST DOING THIS NOW. IF THIS HAD COME OUT IN THE ORIGINAL RUN THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE ALL TIME GREAT EPISODES BECAUSE HOLY CRAP THIS MOVIE BUT BY WAITING TILL 2018 I HAVE SEEN THIS MULTIPLE TIMES ON IT'S OWN AND SEEN RECAPS FROM EVERY SINGLE PARODY SITE THAT EXISTS OR THAT I FOLLOW. LIKE THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN HAS BEEN MAKING FUN OF THIS FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS. AND I GUESS EVERYONE IS GONNA MAKE SIMILAR JOKES BECAUSE HOW THIS IS BAD IS OBVIOUS BUT LIKE PHALIUS WAS MAKING "PRETTY NICE" A RUNNING JOKE BACK IN 2008. ALTHOUGH IF SOMEONE HAS NEVER SEEN ANYTHING ABOUT THIS THAT MIGHT BE REALLY GOOD TO WATCH??? PS. I AM PRETTY DOWN ON THIS EPISODE BUT I'M STILL A HUGE FAN OF THIS SHOW, I THINK A TON OF PEOPLE WROTE OFF THE NEW SEASONS WAY TOO FAST, AND THEY REALLY ARE GENERALLY GREAT AND THE CURRENT HEAD WRITER IS THE BEST AND MY FAVORITE AND THIS EPISODE DESERVED MST3K BUT OUCH AT

Smile [book, comic]

Smile [book, comic] I LOVE HOW FOCUSED THIS WAS, IT'S A STORY ABOUT A SIX GRADER WHO GOT THEIR TEETH SMASHED IN AND THEM GOING THROUGH A BUNCH OF RECONSTRUCTIVE ORTHODONTICS FOR THE NEXT 5 YEARS. AND LIKE, STUFF KEEPS HAPPENING YOU THINK MIGHT BE THE STORY OF THE THING LIKE THERE BEING AN EARTHQUAKE OR STUFF WITH THEM LIKING A BOY BUT NOPE, EVERYTHING ALWAYS RESOLVES OFF PANEL SO THEY CAN GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT HER GETTING BRACES, THE TEETH FUSING TO THE BONE SO THEY ARE TOO SHORT, HER GETTING THEM REMOVED AND HAVING DENTURES IN GRADE SCHOOL THEN THEM PULLING HER SIDE TEETH INTO FRONT TEETH AND CAPPING THEM TO LOOK LIKE FRONT TEETH. IT'S SO WEIRD, LIKE IT'S A BOOK THAT SHOULD BE AT A DENTIST OFFICE BUT LIKE, AT LEAST IT WAS ABOUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN EVERY OTHER YOUNG ADULT GRAPHIC NOVEL. PS. ALSO IT WAS SET IN THE LATE 80S AND HAD ULTRA AUTHENTIC NES EXPERIENCE. LIKE THE GAME SHE GOT ON THE WAY HOME FROM THE DENTIST THE FIRST TIME WAS WIZARDS AND WARRIORS WITH O

Iconoclasts [game]

Iconoclasts [game] WHAT A LETDOWN, THIS GAME ISN'T EVEN TERRIBLE BUT IT'S THE ULTIMATE LESS THAN THE SUM OF IT'S PARTS GAME. THE SETTING AND STORY HAD AMAZINGLY COOL ELEMENTS BUT FOCUSED ON A BUNCH OF SIDE STUFF THAT FIZZLED OUT, THE GAMEPLAY HAD A BUNCH THAT FELT GREAT BUT TOO MUCH PROGRESSED BY WALKING IN A RANDOM ROOM YOU'D ALREADY VISITED TILL A NEW DOOR OPENED FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON, THE TWEEK SYSTEM SEEMED LIKE SOME COOL CAVE STORY THING BUT BASICALLY NEVER MATTERED BEYOND SPINNING THE WRENCH LONG ENOUGH TO CHARGE IN ONE BUTTON PRESS. I FEEL LIKE I LIKE EVERY INDIVIDUAL PART A TON BUT TOGETHER IT'S ALL MEH. PS. I LOVE THE STORY CONCEPTUALLY, BUT LIKE, THERE WAS LIKE 10 UNNECESSARY ELEMENTS AND I FEEL LIKE AT SOME POINT I REALLY LOST TRACK OF WHAT BLUE EYES DID AS OPPOSED TO EARTH SEEDS AND I HAVE ONLY THE BAREST UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE LAST BOSS WAS BUT REALLY LIKE HIS NONVERBAL ANGER AT THE PLANET'S GAS GAUGE BEING VERY LOW.

Swiss Army Man [movie]

Swiss Army Man [movie] I LITERALLY FOUND THIS MOVIE TRYING TO FIND A WEIRD MOVIE SO I HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS MOVIE BEING WEIRD, BUT BOY THIS MOVIE WAS WEIRD. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT WAS GOOD OR NOT, IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS LIKE 50% STUDENT ART FILM AND 50% MAYBE GOOD? THE SOUND TRACK WAS VERY GOOD AND ANYONE THAT WATCHES IT NEEDS THE SUBTITLES ON TO REALIZE HOW GOOD THE VERY STUPID SOUND TRACK IS. PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS IS LIKE THE 4TH OR 5TH HARRY POTTER'S BUTT AND DICK MOVIE AND I GET WHY HE WANTS TO DO THAT BECAUSE I'M STILL CALLING HIM HARRY POTTER SO IT HASN'T WORKED BUT IT'S GETTING WEIRDER EVERY TIME HE DOES IT AND HE NEEDS TO STOP.

The Tigers Of Scotland [movie, nonfiction]

The Tigers Of Scotland [movie, nonfiction] I KNOW THE POINT IS THAT THERE IS LIKE, 30 OF THESE LEFT AND THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE WHOLE POINT, BUT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY HOW MUCH OF THIS DOCUMENTARY WAS APOLOGIZING FOR NOT FINDING ANY TO FILM AND LIKE "OH, BUT WE SAW AN OWL ONCE" PS. I AM IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA THEY ACTUALLY TEST IF A CAT IS WILD OR NOT BY CRINKLING A THING SINCE A HOUSECAT WILL REACT TO THAT LIKE IT'S FOOD AND A WILD CAT WON'T.

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans [movie]

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans [movie] I HATE THAT THIS MOVIE IS LIKE 20% TOO SLOW, IT HAS SOME EXTREMELY GOOD NICK CAGE BUT EVERYTHING IS SPREAD OUT LIKE SLIGHTLY TOO LONG. LIKE THE SOUL DANCING SCENE IS ONE OF THE WEIRDEST THING EVER PUT ON FILM AND STUFF LIKE THE WEIRD JIMMY STEWART ACCENT HE SOMETIMES HAS AND THE BIZARRE WAY THE DOG PLOT VANISHES AND THE WAY THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO CHARACTER ARC OF ANY SORT AND EVERYTHING JUST RESOLVES IS AMAZING BUT IT'S ALL SPREAD OUT JUST SLIGHTLY TOO MUCH. PS. I WATCHED THIS FOR THE VERY COMPLICATED REASON THAT SARAH WATCHED VAMPIRE KISS AND I WAS JEALOUS OF HER WATCHING VERY GOOD NICK CAGE SO I TOOK THE RECOMMENDATION OF A JOKE LINE FROM AN ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD SONG TO FINALLY WATCH THIS.

14 Cameras [movie]

14 Cameras [movie] I NEED TO LEARN THAT NETFLIX RECOMMENDATIONS ARE ABSOLUTELY TRASH AND ANYTHING IT SUGGESTS TO WATCH IS INEVITABLY THE WORST MOVIES EVER MADE. PS. I LOOKED AT SOME REVIEWS AND SOMEONE SAID IT WAS A SEQUEL TO A MOVIE CALLED 13 CAMERAS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE BEING A WISEASS BUT APPARENTLY THAT IS TRUE.

Mark of the Ninja [game]

Mark of the Ninja [game] THIS GAME IS FINE. IT'S VERY EXTREMELY AVERAGE. I DON'T HATE IT BUT I DON'T REALLY LOVE IT AT ALL. BUT IT GOT HUGELY PERFECT REVIEWS AND EVERYONE LOVED IT. I THINK IT MUST BE THAT IT CAME OUT IN 2012 WHERE DOWNLOADABLE GAMES WERE STILL BAD? AND THIS BEING NOT BAD WAS CONFUSED WITH AMAZING? LIKE DIFFERENCES IN TASTE ARE A THING AND MAYBE I DON'T NEED AN EXPLANATION WHY PEOPLE LIKE A THING I DON'T BUT THIS GAME SEEMS AGGRESSIVELY AVERAGE. NOT BAD, AVERAGE. PS.  THERE IS TWO ENDINGS AND I PICKED THE 'KILL THE GIRL' ENDING AND I REFUSE TO EVER EVEN LOOK WHAT THE OTHER ENDING WAS OR IF IT HAD A BOSS FIGHT OR WAS THE REAL ENDING OR WHAT, THE IDEA THE KILL THE GIRL ENDING IS CANON IS THE ONE PART OF THE GAME I GENUINELY LIKE. 

Wings of Desire [movie]

Wings of Desire [movie] I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE THE LANDMARK STUFF, IT HAD THE STATUE EVERYONE SAID AND THEN IT ALSO OPENS UP ON TOP OF THE 'HOLLOW TOOTH' CHURCH. BEYOND THAT MAN DOES THAT CITY LOOK DIFFERENT. THIS MOVIE IS 30 YEARS OLD AND IT MAKES SENSE WHY IT WOULD CHANGE SO MUCH BUT YOWSER IS IT A DIFFERENT LOOKING PLACE. I GUESS THAT ISN'T REALLY A REVIEW OF THE MOVIE BUT WHEN ARE THESE EVER? PS. OH MAN, CITY OF ANGELS BEING A REMAKE OF THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. THAT IS LIKE THE MOST STRAIGHTFOWARD ROMANTIC COMEDY AND THIS IS AN ART FILM THAT HAS LIKE 3 MINUTES OF THE RELATIONSHIP PLOT BETWEEN TWO HOURS OF PEOPLE SAYING THEIR INNER THOUGHTS.

FLCL: Alternative [anime]

FLCL: Alternative [anime] I LIKE THAT PROGRESSIVE FELT LIKE SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO MAKE FLCL IN 2018 AND THIS FELT LIKE SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO MAKE SOME TOTALLY DIFFERENT SHOW WITH A TOTALLY DIFFERENT TONE BUT TRYING TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE IT CAME OUT IN 2005 LIKE TO THE POINT THE CULTURAL REFERENCES ARE MICHAEL JORDAN AND THE FIRST TRANSFORMERS MOVIE. PS. THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD, IT'S HARD TO SAY WHICH OF THE TWO WERE BETTER. FLCL WAS THE BEST THOUGH AND NEITHER REALLY CAME CLOSE.

Mad Ron's Prevues from Hell [movie]

Mad Ron's Prevues from Hell [movie] THIS ISN'T EXACTLY A MOVIE, IT'S A BUNCH OF MOVIE TRAILERS ATTACHED TO VERY SHORT SKITS BY A TERRIBLE VENTRILOQUIST AND EVEN SHORTER SKITS WHERE RON DROOLS AND STARTS ANOTHER 'PREVUE' (WHAT IS THAT SPELLING???). THE PROBLEM WITH THIS IS A BUNCH OF THE TRAILERS ARE BORING, BUT THE GREAT PARTS OF THIS ARE SUPER SUPER GREAT. PS. HELP ME GET MY DICK OUT / TORSO, TORSO! TORSO!!!

Delta Rune: Chapter 1 [game, amazing]

Delta Rune: Chapter 1 [game, amazing] WOW PS. YIKES

Welcome to Your Authentic Indian Experience™ [short story]

Welcome to Your Authentic Indian Experience™ [short story] HA, OH MAN, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS A NEBULA AWARD BOOK THAT FELT LIKE A REAL NEBULA AWARD STORY. IT MIXED A CURRENT TECHNOLOGY WITH A SOCIAL ISSUE IN A WAY THAT KINDA MADE NO SENSE BUT YOU KINDA GOT WHAT IT WAS GOING FOR, BUT KINDA DIDN'T MAKE SENSE. IT WAS GOOD! I'M GLAD IF THEY GET BACK TO THAT! PS. WAS IT LITERAL OR NOT? "IS IT LITERAL OR NOT" IS LIKE, A COMMON THING IN SCI-FI SHORT STORY TWIST ENDINGS BUT I REALLY DON'T KNOW THIS TIME? THE AUTHENTIC INDIAN EXPERIANCE WAS A WHITE GUY COMING AND STEALING YOUR LAND BUT I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE VR OR JUST THE GUY SAYING LIKE "SORRY BITCHES" WHILE HE DID IT.