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Showing posts from July, 2021

Cosmic Sin [movie]

 Cosmic Sin [movie] THIS MIGHT LEGITIMATELY BE THE MOST BORING MOVIE I'VE EVER WATCHED. JESUS CHRST.  PS. I FEEL LIKE I COULD WRITE MORE BUT GOD THIS WAS DULL

America: The Motion Picture [movie]

 America: The Motion Picture [movie] GEEZ, I GET THAT BEING STUPID ON PURPOSE WAS THE JOKE BUT THIS REALLY IS THE DUMBEST THING ON NETFLIX. THIS FEELS LIKE THOSE EARLY HULU CARTOONS THAT WERE JUST ZERO EFFORT AND ZERO BUDGET EXCEPT THIS CLEARLY HAS A REAL CAST AND SOME AMOUNT OF ANIMATION BUDGET. IT'S JUST NOT GOOD. OOF.  PS. THE ONLY JOKE I LIKED WAS BENEDICT ARNOLD BEING A WEREWOLF. EVERYTHING ELSE STUPID FELT LIKE A REALLY REALLY WEAK REFERENCE TO SOMETHING SOMEONE THOUGHT UP IN TEN SECONDS, BUT THAT WAS JUST ACTUALLY SEEMINGLY RANDOM SO WELP. (ALSO HAVING ELEPHANTS IN THE BATTLE JUST SO EDISON COULD ELECTROCUTE ONE. SOMEONE HAD TO LOOK THAT UP OR SOMETHING I GUESS) 

Creep [movie]

 Creep [movie] THIS IS A PRETTY BAD AND BORING MOVIE. WHICH IS SAD, BECAUSE THE ANTAGONIST IS JUST PERFECTLY THE WORST GUY YOU COULD EVER MEET AND IF THE WHOLE MOVIE WAS JUST HIM BEING AMBIGUOUSLY THREATENING AND THEY NEVER GOT TO THE VIOLENCE STUFF AND JUST HAD THE WHOLE MOVIE BEING HIM BEING OFFPUTTING AND WEIRD THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD "MOTHER!" STYLE ANXIETY HORROR MOVIE. WHICH THERE JUST AREN'T MANY OF.  PS. LIKE THE FARTHEST IT SHOULD HAVE GONE IS HAVING THE SCENE WITH THE HIP THRUSTING WEREWOLF STUFF BE THE LAST SCENE INSTEAD OF THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE. HAVE IT CUT TO CREDITS WHEN THE CAMERA GOES OUT

Black Widow [movie]

 Black Widow [movie] IT'S FINE, IN 10 YEARS WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "NAME EVERY MARVEL MOVIE" THIS WILL BE THE TRICKY ONE. IT'S NOT BAD AT ALL, IT'S JUST NOT VERY MUCH. IT FEELS LIKE IT HAS A LOT OF CHARACTERS THAT SEEM INTERESTING THEN JUST DON'T DO MUCH. MAYBE IT'S A SETUP FOR A TV SHOW, OR MAYBE IT'S ALL COMIC BOOK FAVORITES THAT I'M NOT QUITE ENOUGH OF A NERD TO KNOW ABOUT. IT FEELS A LITTLE BIT LIKE A FILLER MOVIE.  PS. KARL .... MARX

Space Jam: A New Legacy [movie]

 Space Jam: A New Legacy [movie] GOD, THIS MOVIE SUCKS SO MUCH THAT IT RULES. JESUS CHRIST. ALSO WAS THIS MOVIE MEANT TO COME OUT IN 2014? WHY ARE PEOPLE SAYING "U MAD BRO" AND DABBING? WAS THIS MOVIE SUPPOSED TO COME OUT IN 1999? AS THERE ARE EXTENSIVE "THE MATRIX" REFERANCES. THIS MOVIE IS GARBAGE AND IT'S GREAT. IT HAS SPACE GHOST IN IT.  PS. DOES WARNER BROTHERS OWN RED VINES?

A Classic Horror Story [movie]

 A Classic Horror Story [movie] W...WHAT? DID THEY MAKE THIS MOVIE WRONG ON PURPOSE? DID THEY MAKE A REAL MOVIE THEN MIDSOMMER CAME OUT AND THEY THREW IT IN THE GARBAGE? I DON'T GET IT. DID THEY JUST GET BORED WITH THEIR MOVIE? DID SOMEONE MAKE FUN OF THEM? WAS IT FUNNIER OR MORE TELEGRAPHED IN ITALIAN OR SOMETHING? IT'S LIKE TYRE OR CABIN IN THE WOODS BUT WITH NO JOKES.  PS. THE CREDITS SCENE? WHO IS ANY OF THIS DIRECTED AT? SERIOUSLY, DID SOMEONE MAKE FUN OF THE DIRECTOR'S MOVIE AND HE HAD TO MAKE AN INCOMPREHENSIBLE RETORT TO WHOEVER MADE FUN OF HIM? 

Simulacra [game]

 Simulacra [game] THIS SEEMED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO BE A DUMB HOKEY NONSENSE GAME BUT HONESTLY I GOT INTO IT, IT HAD SOME GAMEY ELEMENTS BUT DID SURPRISINGLY WELL AT INTEGRATING THE DETECTIVE STUFF INTO THE PHONE STUFF. IT ALSO WAS GOOD ABOUT MAKING REALISTIC FAKE INTERNET.  EVEN THE STUPID INTERNET GHOST STUFF WAS ENGAGING.  PS. I WAS TOO MEAN TO EVERYONE AND GOT THE BAD ENDING, WELP.

The Tomorrow War [movie]

 The Tomorrow War [movie] THIS MOVIE FEELS LIKE IT HAD A MILLION DIFFERENT PARTS AND EVERY SINGLE PART WAS SETTING UP A COOL SCI-FI PREMISE THEN EVERY SINGLE PART WAS AS LAME AND STRAIGHT FORWARD AS POSSIBLE. LIKE THERE IS TEN DIFFERENT COOL MOVIES THEY COULD HAVE MADE AND NEVER MADE ANY OF THEM.  PS. THE ONLY GOOD PART WAS HIM COMPLAINING ABOUT THE GUY WEARING A CHEF HAT. 

Wonder Egg Priority [anime]

 Wonder Egg Priority [anime] MAN, THIS WAS REALLY GOOD. IT IS SO CLEARLY JUST MAGICAL MADOKA BUT APPLIED TO PERSONA. BUT LIKE, UNLIKE MAGICAL GIRLS PERSONA IS ALREADY JUST LIKE THAT SO THIS IS JUST DOUBLE MAGICAL MODOKA. IT IS PERSONA TO THE POINT IT DOES THE WHOLE WEIRD NAOTO CROSSDRESSING STORY AND HAS THE SAME OUTCOME OF HER BECOMING MORE FEMININE BUT TOTALLY REWRITES IT TO THE POINT IN THEIR FINAL BATTLE THEY ARE LITERALLY WEARING A TRANS RIGHTS FLAG AS AN OUTFIT. I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING WENT WILD WITH THE PRODUCTION OF THIS. LIKE THIS WAS A REALLY HONEST EXPLORATION OF WHY PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES,  THEN IN THE LAST EPISODE SOME TOTAL OTHER THING COMES UP, THEN 8 MONTHS PASS, AND THE REAL FINAL SPECIAL EPISODE COMES OUT AND EVERYONE JUST KINDA LEAVES AND DOESN'T ENGAGE IN THE NEW STUFF AT ALL. I THINK MAYBE THEY WILL ANNOUNCE A SECOND SEASON BUT IT'S SO FUNNY, 11 EPISODES GIVING IN DEPTH REASONS SOMEONE MIGHT KILL THEMSELVES, THEN EPISODE 12 IS "ACTUALLY IT'S THIS GUY