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Showing posts from June, 2015

Punch Line [anime]

THEY LET THAT GUY THAT MAKES ALL THOSE VISUAL NOVEL PUZZLE GAMES ON THE DS LIKE 999 AND VIRTUE'S LAST REWARD MAKE AN ANIME. AND LIKE THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THIS WAS LIKE TO START OUT WITH A BUNCH OF REALLY STUPID AND RANDOM PLOT ELEMENTS AND THEN OVER THE COURSE OF THE SERIES TO HAVE IT ACTUALLY BE THAT EVERYTHING MADE PERFECT SENSE ALL ALONG IN A REALLY REALLY COMPLICATED WAY, BUT THEN AT THE SAME TIME THE STUPID ELEMENTS NEVER STOPPED BEING SO STUPID THIS SHOW IS EMBARRASSING TO WATCH TO THE POINT I THOUGHT OF NOT WRITING THIS? AND I'M EMBARRASSED TO SAY IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD? THE WAY STUFF ALL FIT TOGETHER WAS REALLY COMPLICATED IN A SATISFYING WAY. PS. SERIOUSLY THE PREMISE IS THE WORST THING AND I HATE ANIME AND I HATE THAT I LIKED THIS.

Ted 2 [movie]

THIS MOVIE WAS JUST A REALLY BAD VERSION OF BICENTENNIAL MAN. THE ONLY PART I LIKED WAS THAT TED CONTINUED BEING A TERRIBLE PERSON THE WHOLE TIME AND DID NOT PROVE HE WAS HUMAN BY BEING BETTER LIKE HIS RIGHTS WEREN'T CONTINGENT ON HIM BEING LIKEABLE, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL MEANING TO THE MOVIE OR JUST RANDOMLY HOW THEY WROTE IT.   PS. THE BEST PART WAS THE PEOPLE BEHIND US WERE THE PERFECT AUDIENCE FOR THIS CRAP MOVIE AND AT THE END WHEN THE LEAD MAN AND THE LEAD WOMAN WERE KISSING HE SAID "I HOPE THEY DON'T END THIS MOVIE WITH THIS GAY SHIT"

Inside Out [movie]

OKAY SO WHAT THE HECK WAS BINGBONG DOING ORIGINALLY? LIKE IF THE EVENTS OF THE MOVIE HAD NOT HAPPENED WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH HIM? IF LEFT TO ROAM YOUR OLD IMAGINARY FRIEND WILL STEAL ALL YOUR MEMORIES AND PUT THEM IN HIS BOTTOMLESS BAG? WAS HE HEADED TO BEING DROP DEAD FRED?  ALSO LOL AT RIPPED IN HALF DOG. ALSO LOL AT SF BEAR JOKE. PS. DO WE ALL AGREE LAVA SHOULD HAVE ENDED ABOUT 60 SECONDS BEFORE IT DID?

Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Rebellion [movie, anime]

I DON'T KNOW THAT THIS WAS REALLY MUCH OF ANYTHING. THE STORY WAS PRETTY CLEARLY JUST A PRETENSE TO HAVE THE WHOLE MOVIE BE THE GIMMICK ART STYLE THAT ONLY SHORT SEQUENCES OF THE PREVIOUS MOVIES WERE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S A REALLY COOL ART STYLE SO I GUESS THAT WAS OKAY? PS. I LIKE HOW THE LAST MOVIE REALLY TRIED TO SET UP THEY'D BE FIGHTING WRAITHS NOW BUT THIS MOVIE JUST DUMPED THAT AND THEN HAD THEM FIGHTING NIGHTMARES, THEN NIGHTMARES WEREN'T REAL SO THEY WERE BACK TO FIGHTING WITCHES, BUT THAT WASN'T A THING SO I GUESS MAYBE THEY MIGHT FIGHT A DEMON LATER ON AFTER THE MOVIE MAYBE?

Orange is the New Black Season 3 [television]

THIS SHOW HAS SORT OF GIVEN UP ON IT'S ONGOING PLOT AND NOW IS JUST PICKING UP AND DROPPING STORIES OVER AND OVER AND PIPER'S WHOLE THING IS JUST SOME DUMB COMEDY SIDE STORY WHICH IS GOOD SINCE SHE WAS THE WORST. LIKE REALLY THERE WAS LIKE 10 STORIES ONGOING AND NONE OF THEM REALLY WENT ANYWHERE I GUESS? PS. I KEEP WANTING TO THINK I'M SICK OF THIS SHOW BUT THEN STUFF LIKE THE WHOLE TIME HUMPER CHRONICLES PLOTLINE HAPPENS AND I REMEMBER THIS SHOW CAN BE REALLY SUPER GOOD.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Eternal [movie, anime]

I THINK FOR ABOUT THE FIRST THIRD OF THIS I WAS DECIDING MAYBE IT WAS ONLY THE FIRST MOVIE THAT WAS GOOD AND THIS ONE WAS WORSE BUT THEN IT REALLY GOES OFF THE RAILS AND IS GREAT TOO. EVEN THOUGH I SORT OF KNEW THE TWIST IN ADVANCE. PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE MOST JESUS METAPHOR ANYTHING HAS EVER HAD.

The Martian [book]

THIS WAS A REALLY GOOD BOOK. IT CONTAINED LINUX.  I THINK I LIKED IT SLIGHTLY LESS WHEN THE SPACE SHIP GUYS DID THE SAME MAVERICK INVENTOR STUFF HE COULD DO. IT FELT BETTER WHEN JUST HE WAS DOING IT BECAUSE HE WAS WACKY AND THEN GROUND CONTROL WAS DOING IT IN A MORE CONTROLLED WAY AS CONTRAST. THE FACT EVERYONE JUST DOES IT SEEMED MEH. ALSO "IT WAS THE EPISODE MR ROPER MISINTERPRETED SOMETHING" IS PRETTY LOL. PS. WHERE DOES IT FALL ON THE HIPSTER SPECTRUM TO READ THE BOOK BEFORE THE MOVIE COMES OUT BUT AFTER THE TRAILER COMES OUT.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Beginnings [movie, anime]

IT'S BEEN SO MANY YEARS AGO THAT PEOPLE WERE TELLING ME I HAD TO WATCH THIS THAT I DON'T THINK ANYONE CARES IF I WATCH IT OR NOT BY NOW, BUT YOU WIN, IT WAS REALLY GOOD. IT ACTUALLY RUINED MY PLAN, I WAS GOING TO WATCH THIS AS BACKGROUND NOISE TO PLAY A GAME TO, BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTING TO WATCH AND THE VISUALS WERE SO UNIQUE IT WASN'T A MOVIE I COULD WATCH TO IGNORE, AND NOW I'LL WATCH THE OTHER TWO AS WELL INSTEAD OF SOMETHING DUMBER I CAN PLAY GAMES TO. PS. MAMI IS THE MOST ANNOYING NAME AND I HATED IT EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY SAID IT.

Jurassic World [movie]

BECAUSE THE DINOSAUR WAS SO SMART AND BECAUSE THE BIG PLOT POINT OF IT HAVING SUPER TOP SECRET DNA THAT NOT EVEN THE PARK COULD KNOW ABOUT I REALLY WAS STARTING TO GET INTO THE IDEA THAT IT HAD HUMAN DNA AND WAS GOING TO LIKE, TALK AT THE END BECAUSE HOLY CRAP WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN THAT MOVIE? LOL AT THE ACTUAL ENDING THOUGH I GUESS. PS. THIS MOVIE WAS PRETTY FORGETTABLE, BUT THE JURRASIC PARK SERIES IS SUCH A MESS THAT THIS IS CLEARLY THE SECOND BEST MOVIE IN THE SERIES. I THINK THIS MOVIE WAS WICKED META THOUGH, I THINK THIS WAS A MOVIE ABOUT THE JURASSIC PARK SERIES MORE THAN ANYTHING.

Shadow Of Mordor [game]

THERE IS A LOT WRONG WITH THIS GAME BUT BASICALLY NONE OF IT MATTERS BECAUSE THE NEMESIS SYSTEM IS A LEGITIMATELY AMAZING INVENTION AND ADDITION TO A VIDEOGAME. PS. THE DIFFICULTY RAMP WAS REALLY WONKY IN THIS GAME. IT WAS ACTUALLY GREAT GAME DESIGN TO MAKE THE OPENING WAY TOO HARD SO YOU'D HAVE COOL NEMESISES BUT THEN THE GAME GETS SO BROKEN AND EASY THE LATE GAME STUFF STOPS MATTERING AND A BUNCH OF COOL LATE GAME BATTLES WITH COOL MECHANICS JUST ARE WIPED AWAY WITH HITTING WRAITH FLASH OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Exiled from Eden [movie, anime]

THIS WAS LIKE EVERY ANIME CLICHE EVER AND WAS KINDA MEH BUT AT LEAST THE CLICHES THEY PICKED WERE STUFF LIKE 'USE STEVE BLUM TO BE A COWBOY'. PS. NO TIME TO USES THESE GROWN UP NIPPLES, QUICK, USE TEEN NIPPLES.

Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence [movie]

ALL THREE OF THESE MOVIES HAVE BEEN BAD AND BORING AND DUMB. I AM MILDLY IMPRESSED AT HOW DIFFERENTLY EACH WAS BAD AND BORING AND DUMB. LIKE THE FIRST WAS A BAD HORROR MOVIE, THE SECOND ONE WAS A BAD WEIRD ART MOVIE AND THE THIRD IS A BAD PRISON MOVIE. ALSO I LIKE THE LAYERS OF FICTION OF EACH MOVIE HAVING THE PREVIOUS MOVIE EXIST IN THEIR UNIVERSE. EVERYTHING ELSE IS REAL REAL DUMB AND BAD. PS. JAR OF CLITEROUSES

Zombeaver [movie]

I ALWAYS LIKE ANYTHING THAT USES HOME DELIVERY ZOMBIE RULES, EVEN IF IT'S A JOKE THING. IT FELT LIKE YOU COULD TELL EACH GIRL HAD A DIFFERENT NUDITY CONTRACT AND IF ONE THAT HAD NOT GOTTEN NUDE ON CAMERA WAS GOING TO GET NUDE THAT SOMETHING WOULD BURST IN. ALSO THE FIRE BEAVER WAS THE BEST SPECIAL EFFECT. PS. THIS KINDA SEEMED LIKE IT WAS FROM THE WRITERS OF DICK HOLE ANTFARM TO THE POINT I HAD TO LOOK UP IF IT WAS, BUT IT WASN'T. I GUESS?

Deep Web [movie, nonfiction]

KEANU REEVES DID A DOCUMENTARY WHERE HE SAID BITCOIN A LOT AND WAS WEIRDLY PRO DRUG MARKET. AND ALSO IT WAS V. BORING. PS. THEY DIDN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT CARL MARK FORCE IV WHICH WAS THE FUNNY PART.