Capital Reviews

I REALLY CAN NOT UNDERSTAND OR BELIEVE ANYONE IS SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THIS. THIS IS SOME SORT OF CRAZY MODERN MASTERPEICE. NO ONE IN TELEVISION HISTORY HAS EVER WRITTEN SOMETHING THIS TIGHTLY SCRIPTED, THIS IS INSANE THAT A HUMAN COULD WRITE SOMETHING THIS LAYERED AND COMPLEX. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY FOR THEM TO FART OUT 12 EPISODES OF 'I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE HOLDING THIS CHICKEN DANCE IN THE BANANA STAND!" BUT THEY DIDN'T, THEY MADE THIS. THEY EVEN WORKED AROUND THE WEIRD STUFF LIKE THE FACT THEY CLEARLY HAD NO ONE ON SET AT THE SAME TIME. PS. OKAY, THERE ARE LOW POINTS, IT'S PRETTY GROSS THEY HAS 7 YEARS TO WRITE THIS AND DIDN'T GET BETTER THAN "INDIAN PEOPLE LIKE COWS AND SMELL BAD" AND "ASIANS CAN'T SAY LOOPHOLE AND LIKE RAMEN NOODLES". ALSO IT KINDA FEELS PAINFUL THAT THE SEASON ISN'T A CLOSED STORY, SO THE TIGHTEST PLOT IN HISTORY ISN'T WRAPPED UP AT THE END. BUT I MEAN, THAT SECOND ONE JUST MEANS THE MOVIE WILL FIX IT

I ONLY JUST BARELY KNEW THIS MOVIE EVEN EXISTED BEFORE A FEW DAYS AGO AND HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW BAD THIS MOVIE WAS. OH MAN. IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE TOOK A CLASS ON HOW TO MAKE AN ADAPTION THAT ANGERED FANS AS MUCH AS IS POSSIBLE. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BOTHER TO CHANGE THE TARDIS NOISE? PS: THE RIFTRAX ACTUALLY DIDN'T SEEM THAT INTERESTING OVERALL. IT WASN'T BAD, BUT WASN'T SUPER PACKED WITH REAL MEMORABLE JOKES EITHER. I DO APPRECIATE IT POINT OUT THE LAVA LAMPS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW I WOULD HAVE NOTICED HOW FUNNY THAT WAS OTHERWISE.

I LIKED THIS GAME A LOT, I LIKED IT ENOUGH TO PLAY THROUGH THE WHOLE GAME AND ALL THREE DLCS BUT MAN OH MAN DOES THIS GAME MISTAKENLY THINK I'D CARE ABOUT THE NEAR MUTE NONDESCRIPT NON CHARACTERS FROM THE FIRST GAME. ALMOST LITERALLY EVERY PLOT TWIST OR REVEAL IS THAT SOMEONE TURNS OUT BEING ONE OF THE PLAYABLE GUYS FROM THE FIRST GAME. PS. ON THE OTHER HAND I FEEL CONFLICTED ON JACK, THEY EFFECTIVELY SET HIM UP AS A HORRIBLE ASS BUT YOU REALLY DO KILL HIS DAUGHTER AND I FELT NOT GOOD AT THE PART WHERE HE WAS CHANGING FROM BEING A WEIRD VIDEOGAME JERK GUY TO JUST BEGGING FOR YOU TO NOT KILL HIS GIRL, WHEN HE IS SAYING THE KEY DOESN'T MATTER, JUST DON'T KILL ANGEL.

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOVIES THAT I HAD ALREADY SEEN EVERY SCENE AT SOME POINT BUT NOT TILL NOW ACTUALLY SAT DOWN TO WATCH IT START TO END. PS. 40 YEARS AND GENETIC PERFECTION GOES FROM A HISPANIC GUY PLAYING AN INDIAN TO A WHITE GUY.

THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD. HEY, HAVE YOU GUYS NOTICED MOVIES ARE REALLY GOOD NOW? ON THE OTHER HAND WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THE DEDICATION AT THE END? I SAID "WHAT?" OUT LOUD AT THAT. PS. THE FACT KIRK BLEW UP A SPACE SHIP BY THROWING A GUN AT IT MAKES ME FEEL THIS MOVIE TRULY UNDERSTOOD THE CHARACTER OF CAPTAIN KIRK.

OH MAN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE VIDEOGAMES EVER. ALSO IT'S JUST BARELY A VIDEOGAME AT ALL AND EVEN HEAVY RAIN WAS MORE OF A GAME THAN THIS. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PRESS THE BUTTONS DURING THE QUICK TIME EVENTS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO AND THAT IS GREAT. ALSO AT THE END GOD TRIES TO PUNCH YOU AND YOU HEADBUTT HIS FIST. PS. THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PARTS WHERE THERE WAS SOMEONE GIVING EXPOSITION AND YOU COULD PRESS O TO SKIP THE SCENE BUT YOU'D SKIP IT VIA PUNCHING THE PERSON IN THE FACE AND IT WAS REALLY HARD TO NOT WANT TO SKIP EVERY SCENE.

A++++ MEGMILK YOGURT JUICE PLOT POINT. PS. I'M SO UNHAPPY.

I DON'T KNOW, WHO WAS ASKING FOR THIS MOVIE? WHO REALLY CARES IF THEY FIGHT SOME ALIENS THAT THEY NEVER MENTIONED BEFORE THAT DON'T REALLY TALK OR DO ANYTHING AND THE WHOLE MOVIE IS JUST A SINGLE ACTION SCENE WHERE THEY FIGHT BILLIONS OF IDENTICAL CREATURES THAT ALL DIE IN ONE HIT? PS. YES THE TITLE IS RIGHT, IT'S ACTUALLY CALLED THAT. I DIDN'T ADD THE SPACE.

I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I HAVE AN OPINION ON THIS YET, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I LIKED IT OR HATED IT. I FEEL LIKE I BARELY KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS OR WHY ANYTHING HAPPENED.  A BUNCH OF STUFF FELT STUPID AND OUT OF PLACE AND I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS BECAUSE PARTS OF THE MOVIE WERE BAD OR IF I JUST DIDN'T GET IT. WHY DID THE OPENING SONG CONTAIN MEOWING? I GUESS NOT UNDERSTANDING ANYTHING YOU JUST SAW UNTIL YOU WATCH IT 50 TIMES AND READ AN FAQ IS THE TRUE HEART OF THE EVANGELION EXPERIENCE THOUGH? RIGHT? PS. WAS THIS WHOLE THING A WEIRD ABSTRACT RETELLING OF DANCE IF YOU WANT TO WIN? WAS THAT THE WHOLE ORIGIN OF THE TWIN SYSTEM AS A PART OF THIS STORY?

WHAT IF ALL THE TROPES IN STAR TREK HAD IN UNIVERSE SCIFI REASONS? NO WAIT, WHAT IF THE PREMISE OF THE BOOK SHIFTED HALF WAY AND THEN WAS JUST DIRECTLY THE PLOT FROM THAT TERRIBLE RED DWARF MINISERIES RIGHT DOWN TO THE END TWIST THAT BEING FICTIONAL WAS FICTIONAL. PS. THIS WASN'T BAD BUT HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL, THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CUTE FANFICTION THAT GOT MENTIONED ON TVTROPES NOT A HUGO AWARD WINNING NOVEL!!!

I HAVE NEVER REALLY WATCHED A GUNDAM SERIES BEFORE BUT I MEAN YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS WHY I WATCHED ALL 50 EPISODES OF THIS IN LIKE A WEEK AND A HALF. THE LAST BITS WERE STEREOTYPICAL ANIME BUT THE FIRST THIRD OR SO WAS THOUGHT PROVOKING ENOUGH I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT IRL. PS. OH MAN I WAS READY TO WRITE THIS ALL ABOUT HOW SOMEONE NAMED ALLEUJAH HAPTISM WITH A SECRET IDENTITY OF HALLEUJAH HAPTISM WAS THE BEST ANIME BULLSHIT NAME EVER BUT LATER THEY INTRODUCED SOMEONE NAMED 'BRING STABITY'. BRING STABITY!!!!!!

IGNORING LATER PLOT DEVELOPMENTS I REALLY LIKE HOW TRANSPARENT IT WAS THAT SOMEONE SAID 'WE CAN'T HAVE THE MANDARIN, HE'S JUST OUT DATED STUPID RACISM' AND SO THEY WENT ALL ROUND ABOUT INTO MOSTLY REBRANDING HIM AS ISLAMIC OR AT LEAST NONSPECIFICALLY MIDDLE EASTERN.  SO CLOSE YET SO FAR~! PS. I ACTUALLY DO LIKE THAT A SUPER HERO MOVIE ADDED A STUPID CHILD SIDEKICK AND ACTUALLY MANAGED THAT TO BE SOME OF THE BEST SCENES IN THE MOVIE. 

I WOULD NOT HAVE GUESSED THAT MY FAVORITE FINAL FANTASY GAME IN YEARS WAS GOING TO BE A 9 DOLLAR CELL PHONE GAME. I REALLY GOT INTO THIS GAME! PS. ON THE OTHER HAND THE STORY WAS SO BORING AND WORTHLESS THAT EVEN HAVING OVER 50 HOURS OF PLAY TIME I CAN BARELY NAME THE MAIN CHARACTERS.