Capital Reviews

SERIOUSLY WAS THIS AN AD FOR TVS THAT MUTE WHEN YOU SAY MUTE OR WHAT? PS. THEY HAVE A FIGHT, TRIANGLE WINS.

THEY KEPT GOING WITH THE THREE'S COMPANY LOVE TRIANGLE THING BUT I GUESS IT HAD A PRETTY GOOD PAYOFF AS PART OF THE PRO-TERRORISM PLOT. PS. WHAT THE HECK IS SYNTHETIC FIRE AND WHY IS EVERYONE NAKED SO MUCH?

THIS WAS AN INCREDIBLY GOOD BOOK BUT I REALLY ROLLED MY EYES AT THE PART WHEN WEREWOLVES SHOWED UP AND I WONDER IF THAT WAS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN AS MORE DUMB AND ABSTRACT THAN OTHER PARTS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T FEEL THEY COULD HAVE A CHILD RIPPED TO SHREDS BY WOLVES AND BEGGING TO DIE OVER THE COURSE OF A NIGHT IN A CHILDREN'S BOOK. PS. THE 'PRETENDING TO BE IN LOVE' THING WAS ALSO HILARIOUSLY TRANSPARENT. AND I HOPE THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE THAT TOOK TO THE THIRD TO LAST PAGE TO SEE THAT TWIST COMING.

HONESTY TIME: I DIDN'T BUY THIS ON THE XBOX WHEN IT CAME OUT BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT A GIRL THAT WATCHED MY ACHIEVEMENTS TO SEE ME PLAYING IT. PS. SO I PIRATED IT ON A COMPUTER AND IT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE FUN ANYWAY!

MY TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC THEORY IS THAT BRAINS ARE MADE UP OF VARIOUS DIFFERENT MODULES AND THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NERD AND AN AUTISTIC IS THAT AN AUTISTIC HAS ALL BUT ONE SECTION WEAKENED AND A NERD HAS ONE SECTION OVERLY STRENGTHENED BECAUSE THE LINE BETWEEN BEING A NERD AND BEING AUTISTIC IS TOTALLY ERASED BY GAMES LIKE THIS. PS. I AM PRETTY SURE I PLAYED THIS AT LEAST 20 HOURS TO BEAT IT.

I STARTED READING THIS AGES AGO AND STOPPED BECAUSE IT GOT UP TO 'NORTH' LEVELS OF STUPID NATIONAL STEREOTYPES BUT AT LEAST SOME OF THE CHAPTERS WERE REALLY GOOD SO W/E PS: THEY WENT TO PORTLAND AND READ 'FREE TO BE YOU AND ME' WHICH IS ABOUT MY LEAST FAVORITE THING EVER!

I REALLY LIKE CHUCK PALAHNIUK A LOT BUT AFTER YOU'VE READ A FEW OF HIS BOOKS YOU KIND OF EXPECT FROM THE START OF THE BOOK THAT EVERYONE IS EVERYONE ELSE. PS. MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK IS WHERE IT SAYS "THE BRANDY ALEXANDER NIPPLE RELOCATION PROGRAM" FOR NO REASON IN THE MIDDLE OF A PARAGRAPH JUST BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE ANOTHER PHRASE THEY USED BECAUSE I'D TOTALLY WRITE A BOOK LIKE THAT IF I WROTE BOOKS.

FACE IT, WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID CARTOONS WERE JUST STUPID LOW BUDGET CRAP MADE TO SELL YOU PLASTIC TOYS AND THE FACT YOU LOVE THE CHARACTERS IS ONLY A REFLECTION OF THE TERRIFYING EFFECTS OF CAPITALISM'S MANIPULATION OF CHILDREN. WHILE MODERN CARTOONS RULE AND STAND ALONE AS REAL NARRATIVE. PS. THE INGREDIENT IN THE POTION WAS EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA

THE FIRST BOOK WAS PRETTY GOOD BECAUSE YOU COULD TELL THEY FOUND INTERESTING DATA AND WROTE ABOUT IT BUT THIS ONE IS PRETTY LAME BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE THEY PICKED HOT TOPICS AHEAD OF TIME THEN TRIED TO FIND A BUNCH OF RANDOM FWD FWD FWD FACTS TO FILL THE TOPICS OUT INTO CHAPTERS. PS. I SERIOUSLY READ TWO BOOKS IN A ROW THAT MENTIONED THAT KANGAROO FARTS DON'T CONTAIN METHANE, WHAT THE HELL?

DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THE PART WHERE THE PIGS ATTACKED HIM WAS WRITTEN LIKE A TRILLION TIMES WORSE THAN THE REST OF THE BOOK AND LIKE TWO REASONS FOR WHY HE SURVIVED (ANTIBIOTICS FOR THE BAR, WAS ALONE IN A DOME) AND TWO EVIL PLANS FOR THE BLISS PILL CAME AND WENT LIKE THAT CHAPTER WASN'T EDITED BETWEEN REWRITES OF THE BOOK? PS, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PRONOUNCE ORYX OR WOLVOOG

THE TWO LESSONS OF THIS BOOK ARE: KIDS WILL ADAPT TO ANYTHING, ANYWHERE THEY GROW UP IS JUST WHAT THE NORMAL WORLD AND 'PEOPLE RUIN EVERYTHING'. PS. WHY YES I FINALLY READ THIS BECAUSE I WATCHED 2012

WHAT I WANTED AND WHAT CAUSED ME TO NOT WATCH THIS FOR SO LONG WAS THE HOPE AND FEAR IT'D BE KNOWING PART II AND IT BASICALLY WAS, IT EVEN HAD A BOILED MOOSE. PS. WHY DID EVERYONE HAVE OLD ANALOGS WITH DIALS LIKE EVEN THE PRESIDENT AND STUFF? IT WAS SET IN THE FUTURE AND THIS MOVIE ISN'T THAT OLD? WAS THAT A 'THING'?

DO I HAVE AUTISM? PS. HIDE IN THE SUN AND BLAST VARIOUS NOVA RINGS OUT FOR LIKE 2 HOURS TO BEAT STUFF AFTER YOU WARPED TOO FAR.