Capital Reviews

 Megalopolis [movie, amazing, garbage] I CAN NOT EXPLAIN HOW SPECIFICALLY THIS MOVIE IS IF YOU GAVE NEIL BREEN 150 MILLION DOLLARS TO MAKE "THE POWER BROKER". LIKE EVERYTHING FROM THE PROTAGONIST BEING A GENIUS SAVIOR TO MANKIND THAT HAS SUPERPOWERS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO THE MOVIE ENDING WITH HIM GIVING A NONSENSICAL SPEECH IN FRONT OF A GREEN SCREEN THEN EVERYONE CLAPPING AND EVERYONE KILLING THE BAD GUY AND THE BANK GIVING HIM ALL THE MONEY.  JUST EVEN SMALL THINGS LIKE NEWS REPORTS SAYING HOW EVIL SOMEONE IS OR LIKE, THE MAYOR'S PARADE THAT IS SHOT SUPER CLOSE SO IT'S ONLY 4 PEOPLE AND THE WHOLE CROWD IS BOOING, THE CRATER BEING LIKE TEN FEET ACROSS,  AND LOCATIONS BEING STILL PHOTOS OF THE OUTSIDE OF BUILDINGS WITH TEXT PHOTOSHOPPED ON TO TELL YOU WHAT THE PLACE IS. I MEAN, A GENIUS WORKING ON ARCHITECTURE BY RUBBING A PRISM ON AN ORB IN FRONT OF A WEIRD CGI POLYGON THAT IS SHOWING PHOTOS OF YOUR DEAD WIFE IS THE MOST NEIL BREEN THING IMAGINABLE. IF A DIRECT

 Robot In The Family [movie] THIS MOVIE IS SO UNWATCHABLE AND IT RULES SO MUCH. IT'S SO CLEAR NO ONE HAS LINES AND EVERYONE IS AD LIBBING AND JUST SAYING STUFF OVER EACH OTHER THEN THE ROBOT IS JUST DUBBED IN TO BE TALKING AT ALL TIMES NO MATTER WHAT. LIKE HOW EVER MUCH YOU IMAGINE THE ROBOT TALKING IT'S TWICE AS MUCH AS THAT. LIKE THERE IS JUST SCENES WHERE PEOPLE ARE HAVING DIALOG AND THE ROBOT IS JUST DUBBED IN JUST SAYING WORDS, JUST LIKE, TALKING GIBBERISH OR SAYING PARTS OF NURSERY RHYMES OR SOMETHING AND IT'S UNBEARABLE TO WATCH AND IT HAD ME LAUGHING TO THE POINT I WAS WHEEZING. OH MY GOD.  PS. I REALLY LIKE THAT HIS THREE FUNCTIONS WERE: TEACH CHILDREN, CALL 911 AND DETECT GOLD. LIKE, JUST NO THEME THERE. 

 Tanis: Season 1 [podcast] YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD MY THEORY THAT THE REASON HP LOVECRAFT WORKS AS HORROR IS THAT HE IS KINDA AWFUL AT WRITING AND IT PUTS THIS AIR OF "WELL HE COULDN'T HAVE JUST MADE THIS UP SO IT MUST BE REAL" WHEN HE DESCRIBES SOMETHING. I FEEL LIKE THIS HAS THAT. IT HAS SUCH ABSURDLY BAD WRITING THEN MIXES IN ACTUAL REAL WORLD STUFF IN WITH FICTIONAL STUFF IN A WAY THAT HONESTLY ENDS UP BEING MORE EFFECTIVE THAN IF IT WAS WRITTEN WELL. GLYPH IN USE FOR TEN YEARS, YOU CAN SEARCH PDFS,  PS. I LEGITIMATELY LOVE THE FRAMING ON THE ELLIOT SMITH/KURT COBAIN EPISODE WHERE THEY WENT THROUGH THE WHOLE THING THEN WERE LIKE "NO, NONE OF THAT IS TRUE, THAT IS ALL REALLY OFFENSIVE AND YOU CAN'T SAY THAT" THEN MENTION IT AGAIN IN LATER EPISODES AS LIKE, A MISGUIDED FAN. 

 Help! I'm Trapped in the My Sisters Body [book] I KNOW THIS IS A SERIES AND THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS A LOT TO THIS KID, BUT I LIKE HOW THIN THE PREMISE IS. LIKE, HE HAS A JAPANESE PENPAL AND HE TOLD HER HE WAS THE BEST AT AMERICAN FOOTBALL. BUT HE'S AWFUL, WHILE HIS POPULAR GIRL SISTER IS APPARENTLY GREAT AT FOOTBALL SO HE USES A BODY SWAPPING MACHINE TO HAVE HER PLAY FOOTBALL AND THEN THE GIRL JUST DATES HER BOYFRIEND INSTEAD (UNTIL THEY BREAK UP BECAUSE OF THE INCORRECT ENGLISH THEY TAUGHT HER).  ALSO TO GET TO THE BODY SWAP MACHINE THEY HAVE TO NAME AUTHORS WHO AREN'T POLITICIANS AND THEY LIST "DONALD TRUMP" AND THIS IS FROM 1997. PS. THERE IS A 'LITTLE LIBRARY' IN A WEIRD OUT OF THE WAY LOCATION THAT ALWAYS HAS THE DULLEST BOOKS IN IT, SO I KEEP LOOKING IN OTHER LITTLE LIBRARIES TO COLLECT WEIRDER BOOKS TO STOCK IT WITH.

 Scavenger's Reign [television] EVERYONE SAID THIS IS AMAZING, AND YEAH, IT'S TRUE. I FEEL LIKE THIS GENRE EXISTED A LOT IN THE 70S THEN WENT AWAY. I LEGITIMATELY LOVE HOW YOU CAN TELL THEY HAD SOME BIG DESIGN DOCUMENT SHOWING THAT GREY BUGS HAD SHELLS AND WERE MORE TRADITIONAL AND WHITE BUGS WERE MADE OF MEMBRANES AND WERE MORE ALIEN AND THEN OTHER CREATURES WERE JUST 'YEAH, THIS ONE JUST WORKS BY MAGIC' LIKE LEGITIMATELY THAT WORKED. PS. KAMEN IN MY MIND IS JUST RUSTY VENTURE. 

 Beetlejuice Beetlejuice [movie] I REALLY EXPECTED TO HATE THIS (IF ONLY BECAUSE IT'S NOT BEETLEJUICE GOES HAWAIIAN) BUT NAH, IT'S GOOD. THIS WILL SOUND SARCASTIC BUT I REALLY LIKE HOW DEDICATED TO MAKING THE EFFECTS LOOK BAD THEY WERE. IT FEELS LIKE THE REAL MEMORAL PART OF THE ORIGINAL LOOK IS HAVING VERY GOOD ART DIRECTION ON NOT GREAT ACTUAL EFFECTS WORK. THIS DID OBVIOUS THINGS LIKE HAVING STOP MOTION RUNNING AT WAY TOO LOW FRAME RATES, BUT THERE IS ALSO SCEENS WHERE SOMETHING IS ON A GREEN SCREEN AND THE TRANSPARENCY IS ALL SCREWED UP OR THERE IS BIG MAT LINES AROUND THE ACTORS AND LIKE, YEAH! THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT BUT THEY CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED THAT IS WHAT A BEETLEJUICE EFFECT LOOKS LIKE.  PS. IS THE BEGINNING PART WITH THE FUSSY FRENCH ARTIST JUST AN ORIGIN STORY FOR JACQUE? IT IS RIGHT? THERE WAS NO OTHER REASON FOR THAT LITTLE SEQUENCE. 

 Lamb [movie] I DON'T KNOW, I REALLY EXPECTED TO LIKE THIS MOVIE AND I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT. IT HAD SOME EXTREMELY STRIKING MOMENTS TO MAKE A GOOD TRAILER BUT THE ACTUAL MOVIE JUST FELT LIKE SOME OTHER MOVIE THAT HAD BIG STEWART LITTLE HANGING OUT MOSTLY SLIGHTLY OFF CAMERA, THEMATICALLY IT BASICALLY NEVER FELT IMPORTANT LAMB WAS THERE. UNTIL THE VERY END, WHICH FELT LIKE SOME OTHER STORY STARTED 96 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE. MEH? PS. I FEEL LIKE THEY DUBBED IN A LOT OF WET MOUTH NOISES ON THINGS. EVERY TIME THEY SHOWED THE CAT IT WAS JUST MAKING GOOPY NOISES WITH IT'S MOUTH 

 Death's Gambit: Afterlife [game] IT'S A GAME THEY RELEASED AND IT WAS SO BAD THEY RERELEASED IT WITH A NEW NAME THEN IT WAS GOOD AND IT IS GOOD, BUT IT'S A SOULSLIKE METROIDVANIA THAT ISN'T CALLED HOLLOWKNIGHT SO MY JUDGEMENT OF IT WAS ALWAYS LOWER THAN IT SHOULD BE.  PS. I PLAYED UP TOWARDS GETTING THE GOOD ENDING, BUT THEN GOT THE BAD ENDING BECAUSE I MADE A GIMMICK LIGHTNING BUILD THAT WAS VERY STRONG BUT VERY MISERABLE TO PLAY AND I JUST COULD NOT FACE FIGHTING ANY MORE BOSSES.