Capital Reviews

Child's Play [move] WHAT THE HECK!? HOW IS THIS MOVIE THIS GOOD? THIS FELT LIKE GEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS MOVIE LEVELS OF BAD REBOOT. WHO ON EARTH WANTED A NON-SUPERNATURAL CHILD'S PLAY SCI-FI MOVIE? EVERYTHING ABOUT IT SOUNDS SO AWFUL BUT IT WAS AMAZING. IT WAS GREAT. THE CREEPY PARTS WERE CREEPY, THE FUNNY PARTS WERE FUNNY, THE AWFUL SOUNDING PREMISE ACTUALLY SOMEHOW ACTUALLY WORKED. PS.  IT DID KILL A CAT THOUGH SO -1 POINT.

The Space Between Us [movie] GOOD LORD THIS MOVIE IS STUPID. LIKE THERE IS A COUPLE OF TIMES IT MANAGES TO CALM DOWN AND BE AN OKAY MOVIE BUT MAN IS IT STUPID. WHY WOULD HE EVEN BE LIKE THAT? HE'S NOT AN ACTUAL ALIEN. AND THE ENDING JUST COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE DUMBER THAN IT IS. PS. HE TOLD A STORY ABOUT EDISON AND THEN THE WHOLE CLASS CLAPPED.

I am Mother [movie] I DON'T KNOW, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD AND I LIKED WATCHING IT, BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME IN THREE YEARS IF THIS WAS ON TV OR SOMETHING SOMEHOW I'D WATCH LIKE A THIRD OF IT BEFORE REMEMBERING I SAW IT BEFORE. PS. LIKE, HAS THERE EVER BEEN A MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD WHERE SOMEONE IS LOCKED IN A SHELTER THEIR WHOLE LIFE AND THEIR PARENTS SAY THE AIR OUTSIDE IS POISON WHERE IT HAS EVER ACTUALLY TURNED OUT IT ACTUALLY IS?

Men in Black: International [movie] I DON'T KNOW. THE CASTING FOR THIS IS TOP NOTCH, THE SETUP WAS JUST RIGHT FOR A NEW MEN IN BLACK, AN APPARENT HIVE MIND BEING REPRESENTED BY A PAIR OF BREAK DANCING NEBULA GAS TWINS WAS PERFECT, BUT THIS JUST WASN'T EVERY GOOD. I FEEL LIKE YOU CAN BOIL WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT DOWN TO THE FACT THE BRITISH HEAD AGENT WAS NAMED "HIGH T' AND LIKE, IT WASN'T SOME BAD JOKE THEY SAY THEN WILL SMITH RIFFS OF "OH NO, THAT IS NOT YOUR NAME" OR SOMETHING, IT'S JUST, THAT IS THE JOKE, THATS IT. THAT IS THE JOKE THEY WROTE. PS. THE JOKE ABOUT THE SPACE INVADER TILE GRAFFITI MEANING AN AREA IS UNDER MIB PROTECTION HOWEVER? LASER FOCUSED ON BEING A JOKE I'D THINK IS FUNNY. (LASER FOCUSED ON "TRAVELED OUTSIDE THE US ENOUGH TO FEEL CATERED TO FOR HAVING A BASIC CALL OUT TO A THING" DEMOGRAPHIC)

Pachamama [movie] THIS MOVIE IS WEIRD. IT'S PRETTY STANDARD FOR THIS SORT OF MOVIE. IT'S ABOUT AN INDIGENOUS CULTURE, IT THROWS IN SOME REFERENCES TO SOME MYTHS, USES A COUPLE WORDS FOR THINGS, THE ART STYLE IS INSPIRED BY THE LOCAL ART, IT'S ALL PRETTY BY THE BOOK. WHAT MAKES THIS FUNNY IS HOW WILDLY ANTI-INCA IT IS. LIKE, THE SPANISH ARE (RIGHTFULLY) THE MAIN VILLAINS BUT THIS SEEMS TO GO SO FAR OUT OF IT'S WAY TO BASH THE INCA AND IT'S REALLY WEIRD! LIKE WHO IS REALLY GUNG HO ON TAKING THE INCA DOWN A NOTCH SPECIFICALLY? LIKE IT FEELS VAGUELY MEAN SPIRITED LIKE IT WAS WRITTEN BY A 450 YEAR OLD MAN WITH A PERSONAL GRUDGE. LIKE THEY AREN'T JUST OVER TAXING AND DISRESPECTING THE LOCAL DEITIES, YOU GOTTA KNOW THAT INTI PERSONALLY IS A BIG STUPID WIMP. PS. I AM SURE THAT IS THE CORRECT WAY TO SAY PUMA BUT I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT.

Good Omens [Television] THE BOOK 'GOOD OMENS' IS A BOOK THAT IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME, A FRIEND GAVE ME A COPY IN THE 90S AND I ABSOLUTELY CARED A TON ABOUT THIS BOOK, SO THE MOVIE (MINISERIES) VERSION WAS SOMETHING I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO FOREVER. THIS IS GOOD, THEY TRANSLATED IT WELL. I WILL BE HONEST, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE READ THIS SEVERAL TIMES I NEVER LIKED THE PARTS WITH ADAM (DESPITE BEING THE ACTUAL CENTER POINT OF THE PLOT) OR THE WITCH FINDERS OR A COUPLE OF THE OTHER SIDE CHARACTERS SO I ALWAYS SORT OF READ THOSE PARTS LESS WELL, AND IT'S FUNNY HOW WATCHING THIS HAS MADE ME FINALLY ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY DESCRIBE WHAT THE PLOT IS FOR LIKE, ANYTHING PULCIFER DOES (AND MADE ME REALIZE THERE REALLY IS NO PLOT WITH THE SHIFT FOR ADAM, HE'S EVIL THEN JUST NOT AFTER A POINT) PS. THE FLIP SIDE IS HAVING THIS PRESENTED ON SCREEN INSTEAD OF AS A BOOK MAKES IT WAY MORE CLEAR THAT CROWLY AND AZ ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS BUT ACTUALLY ALMOST NEVER ACTUALLY INFLUENC...

Chernobyl [television, amazing] JESUS THIS WAS WELL DONE. LIKE, RADIATION IS CONCEPTUALLY SUPER SCARY BUT ON FILM IT KINDA SUCKS AS A VILLAIN, SINCE IT'S JUST ACTORS WALKING AROUND WITH NOTHING THERE NOT REALLY REACTING TO IT, BUT THIS CARRIED THE TERROR JUST ON THE STYLE AND SOUND TRACK AND CONSTANT REMINDERS WHAT IT DOES. LIKE THEY REALLY REALLY HIT IT EXACTLY RIGHT ON THE WEIGHT OF THE FACT WALKING AROUND WAS SLOWLY KILLING PEOPLE EVEN WHEN LITERALLY ON SCREEN IT WAS JUST PEOPLE WALKING THROUGH A SUNNY FIELD OR SOMETHING. BUT THEN BEYOND THE BODY HORROR ASPECTS THEY DID REAL REAL WELL WITH THE WRITING, WITH THERE BEING TONS OF MEMORABLE AND QUOTABLE NONSENSE LIKE THE COAL MINERS AND "NOT GREAT, NOT AWFUL". MAN, WATCH THIS ASAP. PS. THERE IS A BIG PART OF ME THAT HATES THIS EXISTING. NUCLEAR POWER IS LIKE, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR THE FUTURE, AND I KNOW THIS IS JUST GONNA STOKE FEAR ABOUT IT, BUT LIKE, MAN, THIS WAS SO EXCELLENT, I'M STILL GLAD IT EXISTS. IT...