Capital Reviews

At the Mouth of the River of Bees [book] THIS IS A COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES. IT'S BY THE LADY THAT WROTE THAT NEBULA AWARD STORY ABOUT THE FUCK AMOEBA THAT MADE ME SAY "OH GOD, FINALLY THE NEBULA AWARDS ARE BACK ON TRACK!" IN 2009. ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS WHO THIS WAS WHEN I GOT THIS, I JUST GOT THIS BECAUSE A STORY CALLED 'BITEY CAT' SOUNDED GOOD. ALL THESE STORIES ARE REALLY WEIRD,  AT THE MOUTH OF THE RIVER OF BEES FEELS LIKE A WEIRD DREAM THE AUTHOR HAD, A BUNCH OF STORIES REUSE NAMES EVEN WHEN IT MAKES NO SENSE (A RICHARD LIVING IN THE MONGOLIAN STEPS IN PREHISTORY) AND THE WEIRD LINKAGES LIKE THE CATS HAVING ANCESTRAL STORIES ONE WAY THEN DOGS IN ANOTHER STORIES HAVING MORE RELIGIOUS ANCESTRAL STORIES. I THINK I LIKED MOST OF THESE QUITE A BIT, HONESTLY. I LIKE THE IDEA THAT CATS SPREAD OVER MOST OF THE WORLD IN PRE-HISTORY BUT GOT TO JAPAN IN 600AD WHEN EVERYONE WAS SOMEWHAT MODERN, AND THE IDEA THERE WAS A TIME WHEN CATS WERE SPREADING FRO...

Alter Ego [game] THIS IS LIKE, A JAPANESE CLICKER GAME, BUT LIKE, AN EMOTIONAL GRAPHIC NOVEL ABOUT PHILOSOPHY THAT IS A BUNCH OF PSYCHOLOGICAL QUESTIONNAIRES AND ALSO SEEMS TO BE RIPPING OFF PERSONA 1? AND ALSO I GOT A BAD ENDING BECAUSE I PERSONALLY SUCK? AND ALSO THIS SEEMS ACTUALLY KINDA GOOD? PS. THIS GAME HAS ABSOLUTELY OPPRESSIVE FREE TO PLAY MOBILE ADVERTISING IMPLEMENTATION AND I KNOW I'M OVERTHINKING IT BUT IT ALMOST FELT INTENTIONAL THEY WERE SO BAD.  LIKE YOU COULD GET LIKE 5 POINTS BY CLICKING THE COLLECTED WORKS OF CAMUS, OR LIKE, YOU COULD WATCH THE DUMBEST FRIGGIN AD OVER AND OVER FOR LIKE 50,000 POINTS.

Wonder Woman: Bloodlines [movie] THIS WAS JUST NOTHING. LIKE A LONG UNREMARKABLE JUSTICE LEAGUE EPISODE. I WATCHED IT LAST NIGHT AND WAS GOING TO WRITE THIS REVIEW IN THE MORNING AND IT TOOK ME HOURS TO EVEN REMEMBER I HAD SEEN IT. I GUESS IT HAS THAT PART WHERE THE LADY SAYS SHE HOPES THE AMAZONS LIKE A THICC WOMAN THEN SHE HAS A BUNCH OF GIRLFRIENDS AT THE END. PS. THE ONLY GOOD PART WAS THEN BOTH BEING STUCK SAYING 'PURPLE RAY' AND THE SHOW LAMPSHADING HOW DUMB THAT IS BY EVERYONE BEING REALLY AWKWARD.

Abomination [movie] I HAVE EXACTLY ZERO IDEA WHAT ROLE THE DAD HAD IN THIS. IT WAS THE MOST CONFUSING ELEMENT. PS. WHY WAS HER VIOLIN SPEAK SO MENACING? IT LOOKED LIKE AN ANIME VILLIAN ORIGIN.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker [movie] THIS MOVIE IS FINE, THE SECOND MOVIE WAS ALSO FINE, BUT THEY SURE SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED TO PUT SOME OF THE PLOT IN THE SECOND MOVIE SO THIS MOVIE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE 8 MILLION SCENES WHERE THEY WENT TO A PLANET THAT WAS EXACTLY LIKE SOME OTHER PLANET TO SHOW US SOMETHING THAT IS APPARENTLY VERY IMPORTANT AND ALSO HAD ALWAYS BEEN A THING WITH ZERO FORESHADOWING. ALSO SO THEY COULD SHOW REY HEALING THINGS BEFORE THIS SO THEY WOULDN'T NEED A WEIRD SCENE WHERE IT LOOKS LIKE SHE IS TOUCHING A SNAKE'S VAGINA. PS. IS STAR WARS JUST AVATAR? (IS STAR WARS JUST KINGDOM HEARTS?)

Matilda [play] WITH A 9 YEAR OLD SINGING IN A FAKE ACCENT THIS COULD HAVE BEEN UNBEARABLE, BUT IT WAS GOOD AND WELL DONE. I GO TO SO MANY CHEAP PLAYS I FORGET SOMETIMES THAT PLAYS CAN ACTUALLY OWN MORE THAN ONE PROP. THE DAD PARTICULARLY WAS GREAT. PS. MAN, IT'S A FAULT OF THE BOOK AND NOT THE PLAY BUT I ALWAYS FORGET HOW MESSED UP THE PACING ON MATILDA IS.

A Perfect Christmas List [movie] THIS MOVIE IS HONESTLY JUST LIKE FIVE 90S SITCOM PLOTS ROUGHLY STITCHED TOGETHER. PS. SHE CAN'T HEAR OR TALK, THAT IS WHY HER PARENT'S DIDN'T WANT HER.