RPGs 1980 to 1994 [List of Games]

Well looks like it's time to review every single console RPG ever! Or the ones I've played and remember and can construct a witty comment about at least. I'm going by this as a list. I might skip some of the real computer style western rpgs like wizardry and ultima and might and magic because damn if I can remember which ones I played, and the only comment about all of them will be 'needs nose pin ring'

[B] means I beat the game

Dragon Quest






I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME
BUT THOU MUST
I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME
BUT THOU MUST
I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME

Final Fantasy [B]






EVERYONE THINKS FF7 MADE UP THE SCIFI SETTING BUT THIS GAME HAD ROBOTS AND TIME TRAVEL AND STUFF AND EVERYONE JUST FORGETS BECAUSE THE GAME WAS TOO HARD TO GET TO THAT PART.

Mother [B]






THIS GAME IS WAY TOO HARD AND THE CROWS ARE GAY CROWS AND THE WHOLE THING IS LIKE A CRAPPY PROTOTYPE FOR EARTHBOUND BUT I STILL LOVE IT.

Crystalis






I REALLY LIKED THIS GAME ALOT BUT WHEN THE GUY SAID HE HEARD ABOUT MY AMAZING FEATS I THOUGHT HE MEANT I HAD AMAZING FEET BECAUSE I JUST GOT SOME ROCKET BOOTS OR SOMETHING. ALSO I WON A CONTEST IN 5TH GRADE BY WRITING ABOUT HOW MANY ORBS I GOT IN THIS GAME AND THATS WHY I HAVE ASHIA IS DEAD STILL.

Final Fantasy Legend II






I ATE A SLIME NOW I'M A DRAGON, I ATE A SKELETON MEAT NOW I'M A SLIME, I ATE A DRAGON NOW I'M A FAIRY. WHAT IS GOING ON!?

Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom [B]







THIS GAME HAD A REALLY GOOD GIMMICK, IT WAS THAT YOU COULD SLEEP WITH WOMEN THEN HAVE BABIES THEN PLAY AS THE BABIES AND THERE WAS LIKE 16 ENDINGS BUT LIKE 75% OF THE ENDINGS WERE TERRIBLE FOR NO APPARENT REASON "OH NO THE WHOLE WORLD GOT SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE AND EVERYONE DIED, ALSO IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG!!!!!!!' ALSO IT WASN'T FUN. ALSO YOU COULD ESCAPE PIPE OUT OF THE FIRST LEVEL AND BREAK THE GAME AND THE KING WOULD YELL AT YOU.

Drakkhen [B]







I LITERALLY THINK I AM THE ONLY PERSON TO EVER BEAT THIS HORRIBLE GAME, ALSO THE MUSIC AND ENEMIES RULED AND YOU COULD KILL EVERY ENEMY IN THE GAME WITH LEVEL 1 FIREBALLS IF YOU WALKED BACKWARDS OR SOMETHING. I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE YOU COULD SAVE EITHER.

Final Fantasy IV [B]







THE BEST PART IS WHEN YOFUSO MELTS
THE BEST PART IS HOW BITCHY YANGS WIFE IS
THE BEST PART IS FIGHTING SO MANY IMPS TO GET THE IMP SUMMON THAT YOU ARE TOO HIGH A LEVEL TO EVER WANNA CAST IMPS.

Lagoon







I HONESTLY DON'T REMEMBER THIS GAME BEYOND THE FACT I PLAYED IT, IT HAD LOTS OF BLOCK PUSHING PUZZLES AND A REALLY COMPLEX MAGIC SYSTEM BUT MAYBE THAT WAS BRAINLORD I'M THINKING OF, THAT GAME SUCKED.

Arcana







THIS GAME WAS THE WORST. IT HAD A CARD THEME FOR NO APPARENT REASON ALSO.

E.V.O.: Search for Eden [B]







THIS GAME IS CLEARLY NOT AN RPG BUT IT'S ON THE LIST SOOOOOOOOOO
IT'S THE BEST GAME EVER BECAUSE YOU KILL A YETI AND THEN IT SHOWS THE YETI'S KIDS AND IT'S LIKE 'WELP GUESS THEY ARE GONNA DIE NOW!' AND THAT IT, IT'S NOT FOR ANY REASON BUT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD! IT'S SUCH A FUN GAME THOUGH, EXCEPT FOR THE BEE.

Final Fantasy V [B]








HIS NAME IS BUTTZ AND WILL ALWAYS BE BUTTZ AND FUCK YOU. CARA TOO (DON'T FUCK CARA, HER NAME IS CARA). ALSO DID ANYONE ACTUALLY THINK WHATS HER FACE WAS A BOY EVER? IT WAS ALL A BIG PLOT TWIST AND THEY WERE LIKE 'OH LETS TAKE OUR CLOTHS OFF' AND SHE WAS LIKE 'NAH I'LL GO IN THE OTHER ROOM' THEN THEY ARE ALL 'YEAH LETS GET NAKED!" AND TRIED TO PULL HER CLOTHS OFF, WHAT THE HELL?

Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest [B]







THIS GAME WAS REALLY INSULTING TO AMERICANS AND I'M SURPRISED THE GOAL WASN'T TO SAVE A HAMBURGER HOTDOG THAT WAS WEARING A COWBOY HAT.

Paladin's Quest







YOU KNOW A FUN WAY TO MAKE A FUN GAME? MAKE IT SO MAGIC IS THE MAIN ATTACK AND USES HP AND THEN MAKE IT REALLY HARD TO HEAL.

Soul Blazer [B]







SO WAIT THE KING SOLD THE SOUL OF EVERY LIVING THING TO SATAN FOR ONE 1 GP EACH? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? DO KINGS EVEN HAVE THAT AUTHORITY? EVEN LIKE TREES AND MERMAIDS AND STUFF?

Villgust







I PLAYED SOME FAN TRANSLATION OF THIS GAME AND THE STORY WAS REALLY DUMB AND FIGHTS MADE NO SENSE AND IT WAS A BAD GAME.

The 7th Saga







7TH SAGA MORE LIKE MODE 7 SAGA AM I RITE? NO SERIOUSLY IS THAT WHY IT'S CALLED THAT?

Breath of Fire [B]







HEY LETS MAKE ALL NOUNS AND NAMES 6 LETTERS LONG, WHATS A B-RANG DAWG.

Illusion of Gaia [B]







THE FISH PART WAS THE SADDEST THING IN A VIDEOGAME EVER AT THE TIME BUT IT WAS BARELY EVEN SAD I GUESS????

IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG!!!!

Lufia & The Fortress of Doom [B]







OH MAN YOU START AT THE END. AND THE ENDING IS WAY TOO SAD OR SOMETHING. BUT MAYBE THAT WAS LUFIA 2 WHERE IT'S LIKE 'WELP YOUR HUSBAND DIED THE END'


Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millennium [B]







THIS WAS THE BEST GAME BECAUSE YOU COULD USE THE MENU TO MUMBLE TO YOURSELF AND SEARCH PEOPLE'S UNDERWARE DRAWERS. ALSO ALL THE SPELLS WERE NAMED LIKE FOI AND RIMPA AND IF YOU STOPPED PLAYING FOR A FEW DAYS YOU'D FORGET HOW TO FIGHT BUT IT WAS THE BEST GENESIS RPG X1000

Secret of Mana [B]







I PLAYED THIS WITH BRENT AND I WAS SPRITE AND IT SAID SPRITE COULD BE A BOY OR A GIRL BUT I KNOW IT WAS A GIRL BUT BRENT WAS STILL MORE GAY BECAUSE HE WAS GAY. ALSO YOU FIGHT SANTA CLAUS.

Secret of the Stars [B]







THIS GAME WAS SO BAD THAT I ASSIGNED DEEPER MEANING TO IT AND FELT LIKE IT WAS DEEP OR MEANINGFUL OR SOMETHING. ALSO YOU COULD DRESS AS A PLAYBOY BUNNY AND THE GRAPHICS WERE WORSE THAN A NES GAME.

Shadowrun [B?]







THIS GAME WAS REALLY FUN AND YOU COULD KILL THE VAMPIRE AND BREAK THE GAME, AND THE SECRET OF THE GAME WAS TO JUST GET THE FOX GIRL AND SUMMON FOXES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND SOMETIMES COMPUTERS WERE IN THE WALL.

Shining Force II







BRENT HAD THIS GAME AND LET ME BORROW IT AND PETER PHOENIX IS THE DUMBEST NAME EVER.


Twisted Tales of Spike McFang







LIKE 6 HOURS IN THERE IS A PRETTY NORMAL LEVEL THEN THE GAME ENDS AND IT'S A BIG JIP OFF. ALSO WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH TOMATOS AND HATS? IT WAS KINDA FUN THOUGH.


Breath of Fire II [B]







I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS THE GAME THAT INVENTED THE 'THE CATHOLIC CHURCH WILL KILL US ALL' PLOT THAT EVERY GAME HAD FOR LIKE 10 YEARS AFTER.

EarthBound [B]







EVERY PART OF THIS GAME IS THE BEST THING EVER, THE SESAME SEEDS AND POKEY'S POOP AND THE LAST BATTLE IS EASILY THE BEST LASS BOSS IN ANY GAME EVER. I HAD TO THROW AWAY ALL MY MAGAZINES THOUGH BECAUSE THE ADS STINK.

Final Fantasy VI







EVERYONE KNOWS I LIKE THIS GAME SO WATCH THE VIDEO, DO YOU SEE WHATS HAPPENING? I'M GOING TO THROW UP.

ALSO LETS GO SKETCH ZONE EATER AND BREAK THE GAME AND THEN THROW 999 DIRKS AT KEFKA.

Live a Live

THIS GAME ISN'T EVEN ON YOUTUBE!

I'M A GRID BASED CAVEMAN.
I'M A GRID BASED PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER

Robotrek







THIS GAME WAS REALLY FUN AND I FORGOT IT EXISTED AND I NEVER BEAT IT BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT THE LAST LEVEL AND GAMEFAQS DIDN'T EXIST.

Shadowrun (SEGA)







THE HACKING IS WAY MORE FUN AND THE GAME IS WAY LESS FUN THAN THE SNES ONE.

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