Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas [movie, amazing, garbage]

OH GOD, IS THIS A THING? THIS IS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF THE CHARLIE BROWN SPECIAL. THAT WAS A SECULAR TV SPECIAL ABOUT GETTING BEYOND THE TRAPPINGS OF THE HOLIDAY TO EMBRACE THE RELIGIOUS CORE. THIS IS A FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN MOVIE THAT IS ABOUT ATTACKING OTHER CHRISTIANS FOR NOT EMBRACING MATERIALISM ENOUGH? LIKE THAT IS NOT ME BEING WACKY AND MISINTERPRETING, HE ACTUALLY GAVE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW MATERIALISM IS GOOD FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE IT WAS THE HOLIDAY GOD GOT A MATERIAL BODY. ALSO CELEBRATE SANTA SAVED CHRISTIANITY BY BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF ARIAN AND ALSO GET A TREE BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A CITY AND ADAM ATE THE FRUIT OF KNOWLEDGE AND COULD NOT PUT BACK THE THING HE STOLE BECAUSE IT WAS PART OF HIM AND THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT WAS TO HANG HIMSELF ON A TREE THEREFORE JESUS. ALSO NUTCRACKERS.  

PS. THEY PUT FLUORIDE IN YOUR WATER TO GIVE YOU ASPERGERS BUT YOU HAVEN'T HAD A BURGER IN YEARS, JUST PINK SLIME. STRAIGHT PRIDE.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Once & Always [movie]

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Once & Always [movie] I DON'T KNOW. THIS MOVIE RULES. IT'S ONE OF THOSE MOVIES THAT IS DEFINITELY A PARODY BUT THE KIND OF PARODY WHERE THEY LITERALLY EVER MAKE A JOKE OR TRY TO BE FUNNY AND IT'S JUST LIKE THE MOST SPOT ON FULL HEARTED LEGITIMATE VERSION OF HOW STUPID POWER RANGERS ALWAYS WAS. LIKE ALL THE POWER RANGERS ARE 40 AND YOU THINK THEY WOULD MAKE JOKES ABOUT THAT, BUT THEY REALLY DON'T. SO YOU THINK THEY WOULD EXAGGERATE HOW BAD THE WRITING IS, BUT THEY DON'T DO THAT EITHER, OR YOU THINK THEY WOULD GO THE OTHER WAY AND TRY TO MAKE POWER RANGERS ACTUALLY COOL AS IT THOUGHT IT WAS AND THEY DON'T DO THAT THEY JUST WRITE EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE WOULD HAVE SAID EXACTLY IN THE ORIGINAL AND JUST LET HOW STUPID IT IS STAND. IT RULES. LIKE HE JUST BREAK DANCE FIGHTS AND THE MOVIE NEITHER TRIES TO MAKE IT ANY LESS LAME THAN IT WAS NOR PLAYS UP HOW STUPID THAT IS. IT JUST DOES IT.  PS. JESUS CHRIST, YELLOW RANGER DIED IN REAL LIFE.
Read more

The Green Knight [movie]

 The Green Knight [movie] YEAH, THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOVIES THAT I KNEW I WOULD LIKE SO MUCH I COULDN'T GET MYSELF TO WATCH IT BECAUSE OF THE PRESSURE. BUT YEAH, IT'S GOOD. I LOVE HOW CLEAR IT IS THEY JUST OWN ONE BIG SPOT LIGHT AND DECIDED TO MAKE EVERY SINGLE EFFECT IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE TURNING ON AND ON THAT LIGHT AND USING GELS. IT'S LIKE LEGITIMATELY GREAT.  I WOULD SAY LIKE 75% OF SCENES INVOLVE CAMERA LOOKING AT SOMETHING, SPOTLIGHT BEHIND A WALL DEAD CENTER TO THE CAMERA THEN SPOTLIGHT COMING ON AT SOME POINT TO SHOW THE MOOD SHIFTING AND IT LOOKS *SO GOOD* PS. I DO NOT THINK "MY SISTER QUEEFED YOU OUT" IS A REAL PHRASE FROM THAT TIME PERIOD OR THIS TIME PERIOD OR ANYTHING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID EVER. WHY DID HE SAY THAT?
Read more

Hypertrophy Genital Girls [movie]

YOU KNOW, I'VE KNOWN THIS MOVIE EXISTED FOR YEARS AND NEVER GOT AROUND TO WATCHING IT, ON ONE HAND NOBORU IGUCHI IS JUST ABOUT THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THIS ONE IS JUST A FLAT OUT POROGRAPHY THAT JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE HIS INSANITY MAKEUP INCLUDED. I THINK MAYBE I HAD HOPED IT WOULD BE MORE NOBORU AND LESS PORONO BECAUSE REALLY IT WAS JUST 4 RAPE SCENES IN A ROW THEN AN HOUR LONG SCENE WITH THE TWO GIRLS HAVING 'SEX' AND PRETTY MUCH NO STORY. ALSO THERE IS NO TRANSLATION SO MY KNOWLEDGE OF JAPANESE WAS ALL I COULD USE TO FOLLOW THE STORY, LUCKY I KNOW "ALIEN", "CUNT", "WEIRDO", 'WHAT?' AND "STOP!" AND THAT IS REALLY ALL THERE WAS. PS. THE ONLY TWO PARTS THAT HAD THE MAGIC OF HIS REAL MOVIES WAS THE ALIEN PUNCHING THE GIRLS SUDDENLY WITH NO BUILD UP AND ALSO THE FACT THE VERY LAST SCENE IS THE GIRLS KISSING IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD COMING OUT OF THE GIRL'S GIANT PAPER MACHE VAGINA. WHAT?
Read more